Evan's Addiction (30 page)

     I couldn’t believe how on edge I’d been to have her back in my
arms. I devoured her mouth in starvation and a little bit of desperation,
pouring all my frustration, anger, and want onto her lips, but I also wanted to
banish all the pain and doubt I saw in her eyes. 

     What I felt for Shaw was confusing but I knew I wanted her to give
us a chance at whatever this was between us. I couldn’t walk away.

     My one hand stayed in her hair keeping her mouth where I needed it
so I could get my fill of her, but my other hand slid down to her ass, gripping
roughly, squeezing it deliciously. She whimpered into my mouth, arching into
me, and my cock pulsed painfully. Her fingers tunneled forcefully into my hair
pulling me deeper into her panting mouth, and she seemed just as frantic to
convey something to me with her lips and tongue. I was too twisted up with want
to identify it though. 

     My leg bumped against her bed and without thought I took us both
down, partially covering her body with mine. Shit, the feel of her under me; it
was one of the best feelings in the world and I gave a groan of approval. My
hand on her ass moved to her shirt covered breasts and I squeezed her firm flesh,
rolling her rigid nipple with my thumb, while at the same time my hips rocked
on her leg to ease some of the ache in my dick. When I did this my thigh
dragged between her parted thighs stimulating her clit.  

     I gave grunt of bliss.

     Shaw gave a keen cry of pleasure.

     The dam burst and desire pumped through me uncontrollably, making
thinking damn difficult, but instinct was riding me hard and my hand burrowed
under her sweats and into her panties to her hot, drenched center. When my fingers
slid through all that wetness a rumble of primitive satisfaction thundered
inside my chest and I had to clench my jaw at the tight pressure swelling my
balls. Shaw cried out a second time and her fingers dug into my scalp and back
as her body arched and trembled wildly under me.

     Taking a brief pause from eating at her lips I growled against the
corner of her mouth as my finger began to pump inside her tight passage and my
palm massaged over her clit. “Watching you come was the most beautiful sight
I’ve ever seen and I have to see it again, Red. Come hard all over my hand.
Give yourself into the pleasure.”

     Shaw stared at me with dazed, passion glazed eyes, and her grip on
me tightened more as my finger thrusts demanded her capitulation. The tight,
wet feel of her was torture for my cock because it remembered what it felt like
to be inside her and wanted to take the place of my finger, but even though I
was submerged in out of control lust I recognized that this moment wasn’t for
me…it was for Shaw and what I wanted to do for her. All my focus was entirely
focused on her; her every sound, her every breath, her every tremor.

     Her inner walls began to compress and flutter around my finger and
I took her mouth fully again keeping my eyes locked with hers. I needed to see
her release and I wanted her to know that. I’d watched other women come before
but never with this level of emotion zipping between us, and as Shaw gasped and
mewled into my mouth, and then exploded under my ministrations, closing her
eyes in rapture, all those other women became faceless and inconsequential as
something burst open in my chest flooding me with happiness at seeing the
pleasure on her face.

     To say she was beautiful undermined her. It wasn’t enough. She was
so much more.  

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

SHAW

    
What just happened!

    
I lay there panting and quivering, dazed and confused,
feeling emotionally and physically drained. In fact, I was near to crying but I
pushed the tears away with what energy I had left. I didn’t cry in front of anyone
anymore. Crying made people leave me so I’d taught myself not to do it years
ago…Although, the idea of Evan being as far from me as possible right now was
looking really good.

     I’d been doing so good; standing strong, and not caving in to his
allure, but the intensity of desire that overwhelmed me when he was around
weakened me, making me fall apart every damn time. That’s what he is to me…a
weakness. He would only hurt me like everyone else.

     He made me feel more...well, just more. Being around him lit me up
in a way I’d never experienced before, but he could destroy me like no one ever
had before either.

     I wasn’t sure how I felt about Evan’s explanation of our night
together, about any of it. The things he’d said had reached inside me, grabbing
and squeezing at my emotions, but I couldn’t let myself believe him. I was
starting to realize that he wasn’t exactly like Ford and those other assholes,
but he
was
still a player and mostly used women.

     Evan pulled his hand out of my underwear and I gasped and
shuddered as his finger dragged over my sensitive flesh. “What are you
thinking, Shaw?” Evan’s lips brushed over my jaw causing my eyes to sting again
at the tenderness of it.

     My head was turned away from him and I kept it there, my lids
closed as I answered him wearily. “What do you want from me, Evan? I told you I
won’t be one of your calendar girls.” Even though I’d folded like a house of
cards just now I wasn’t going to allow myself to be under his spell for one
whole month just to be dumped at the end of it. “I won’t be used and then
tossed aside. I let myself get used enough throughout my life and for awhile I
felt all used up, but I’m getting in a relatively stable place in my life right
now where I’m starting to feel good about myself.” 

     He was silent for a moment but I could feel the heat of his
piercing stare. “Shaw, I don’t want to use you and toss you aside. My past…” His
fingers stroked softly along my bare arm strumming my already pulsating nerves
and raising goose bumps. “My relationships with other women; yes, they were on
the short side, but I did warn them from the beginning so I wasn’t deceiving
them, and I don’t feel like I was using them. We had a mutually satisfying
association and they all ended amicably. I won’t lie; when I first met you I
thought we could share the same kind of arrangement, but the more time I spent
with you the more you threw me for a loop.”

     I swallowed at his disclosure. Hearing about his other
relationships twisted my stomach, just like it had when I’d gone online to dig
into his life…why it twisted my stomach I ignored for a number of reasons…but I
could feel myself getting sucked back in by his words. Evan had a way of making
me forget why I shouldn’t let him in my life. 

     Fingers moved to caress down my side. “Up wasn’t up any longer
because you are like no one I’ve ever met. There’s something between us that’s
completely new to me; it’s strong, all-consuming…” The fingers slid under my
shirt to the bare flesh of my quaking belly. “You take up all my thoughts,
Shaw.”

     He murmured these last words in my ear sending a full body shudder
through me. My eyes flew open in shock to meet his searing amber ones and my
breath felt like it was being held hostage in the back of my throat. Evan’s
expression was rigid, his skin flushed, and his eyes fiery as he stared down at
me.

     “What do you want from me?” I repeated brokenly.

     His other hand was still in my hair and he smoothed tendrils off
my forehead with a startlingly gentle smile. “I want you, Shaw; all of you. I
want to spend time with you; go out on dates, sit on the couch and watch movies
with you, continue to swap stimulating banter, kiss, make-out, and make up for
the way I roughly took your virginity.”

     My heart tripped in my chest wanting to believe him, but it had
been beat up too many times. “You probably said this to all those other girls?”
I tried to put scorn in my tone but it just wasn’t there.

     Earnestness replaced his smile as he shook his head. “I’ve never
made this speech before in my life. I’ve done a few of those activities with
the other women, minus the stimulating banter and virginity, but I’ve never put
this much effort into having it…wanting it. And I’ll tell you this, Shaw, when
one of them told me no thanks I accepted it and moved on putting them out of my
mind. But when you said no to me I didn’t. The rest of those lunches I had with
you all I wanted to do was drag you off somewhere and convince you to change
your mind, so when I saw you again I told myself I wasn’t going to take no for
an answer because there’s a connection between us that I haven’t been able to
shake since I first met you.” He cupped my cheek and stared down at me
intently. “I think you feel it too?”

     He sounded so sincere that I was actually starting to believe him,
but whether he was or wasn’t telling the truth didn’t really matter. “Evan, if
you’re looking for a real relationship, you’re looking at the wrong girl. I
don’t think I have it in me to have one of those. Life has chewed me up and
spit me out. I’m one big mangled mess.” My head fell to the side away from him.

     He angled my head back to his probing stare. “You’ve have a tough
life and that’s made you strong, but you aren’t a mess. You’re a survivor,
Shaw, and that’s one of the things drawing me to you. I was serious when I said
you’re an amazing person. We have this crazy attraction going on between us;
don’t you want to find out if it could be more?”

     The admiration in his tone swelled and warmed my chest, but asking
me to open myself up had it constricting. It meant that I was giving someone
else the chance to wreck me more than I already was. If he was being truthful I
know he couldn’t promise me anything. Evan had a bad track record and
relationships flared and died all the time. He had already hurt me once; if I
let him into my life further the damage he could inflict on me would be even
more extensive. I don’t know if I could handle it a second time.

     Evan leaned down and nibbled on my ear sending shivers and arousal
zinging everywhere. “Take a chance on me, Shaw…on us.” His lips moved behind my
ear and down my neck.

     I inhaled a shuddery whimper. The way he was looking at me; the
intensity, hunger and sincerity, it was making my resolve crumble. And then
there was his touch; my body absolutely wanted to say ‘
yes’
, it wanted
more of what he’d just done. I was weakening, my past neediness pushing forth.

     Maybe I could hold a part of my heart separate so when he moved on
I would be able to walk away somewhat intact.

     Evan’s lips moved to my collarbone and my head unconsciously tilted
back so he could have more of me.

     “I guess…we could…try.” My mouth voiced all on its own, and my
heart jumped in equal parts fear and anticipation. This was a disaster waiting
to happen.

     A growl vibrated in Evan’s chest and then his mouth was on mine,
demanding my reciprocation. I let his lips and tongue drive all other thoughts and
fears from my head. He was so very good at it. My body instantly ignited with raging
desire, but then he was pulling away and setting his forehead to mine.

     “I’ve got to stop this or I’m going to come in my pants.” He
panted. “Watching you get off and lying on you has me on a hair trigger.”

     I could feel his hard cock pressing insistently against my leg and
it hadn’t gone unnoticed the entire time he’d been lying against me. It was one
of the reasons why I was having such a difficult time concentrating or pushing
him away. My desire for him made me pathetic where he was concerned, and he’d
already overpowered my resolve, so why wasn’t he stripping me naked?

     “Why are you stopping? Aren’t we going to have sex?” I asked in
confusion.

     His head lifted. “I didn’t come here for that, Shaw. Not that I
wouldn’t love to…” His lips twisted with humor and his dick twitched on my leg.
“But I just got done telling you I want more than your body so I’m not going to
start this second chance with sex.”

     His voice was husky and his amber gaze intent as he delivered that
shocking statement. After just capitulating to him minutes ago he had to know I
wouldn’t refuse another round, and I couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to take
advantage of that.

     Evan’s gaze sharpened. “Why do you look so shocked?”

     I shrugged. “You have to know I wouldn’t have said ‘no’ to you and
I’m just surprised.”

     “I’m not like those assholes, Shaw.” He growled.

     “I realize you’re not like them, but you are a guy and all guys
want is sex.” I stared him in the eye daring him to lie and say it wasn’t.

     Evan suddenly rolled off me to lie on his side, not touching me at
all. I instantly missed the feel of him.

     “I admit sex is always on my mind when I look at you, but it’s not
all I want from you. Talking with you is like foreplay, Shaw, and that’s almost
as good as the sex.” He grinned, but his gaze remained serious. “David told me
about all the shit you had to put up with in high school; with that Ford asshole
and his friends.”

     I was going to kill David when I saw him.

     Evan’s finger caressed my cheek. “Don’t be mad at him. All I
learned was that the harassment I saw you enduring today has gone on longer
than I like. One second of harassment is too long, but it explains why you’re
so cynical, and I totally get it.” Bending down he gave me a soft kiss on my
brow. “I’m going to show you that not all guys are like that. What those dicks
did to you was fucked up, that guy is fucked up. I’m sorry I ruined your big
moment today, but it’s been several hours and I think their tiny brains may
have finally exploded with that ‘ah-ha’ light bulb, and I bet they’re feeling
pretty damn stupid right now while at the same time nursing aching balls and
bruises.”