Eternal Fire (11 page)

“
No point in that, Highness. He’s missing too,” one of my soldiers said. “My guess is that Ethano’s supporters killed him.”

I sucked in a trembling breath, devastated. King Taggert was one of the sweetest people I had ever met. He was wise and kind, and I couldn’t imagine how anyone could hurt him.

“
Maybe Charles can—” Liz began but was quickly cut off when the soldier met her gaze and sadly shook his head.

“
I am sorry to tell you this, but he is missing as well. We’ve seen no sign of either of them.”

“
Do you think Ethano was involved with his disappearance too?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“
We don’t know.”

I wrapped a reassuring arm around Liz. “We’ll find him,” I said, trying to sound positive and reassuring, even though my heart was aching as much as hers was.

“
I’ve gotta get back to my castle,” she said.

The soldier shook his head. “It isn’t safe, Highness.”

“
Why not?”

“
I am sorry to say it has been overrun by Ethano’s men. It’s best you stay with us for now, if that is all right with our queen, of course,” he said, arching a questioning eyebrow at me.

“
Of course she can stay,” I said, putting my arm around her.

“
But I need to figure out what happened,” Liz said desperately.

“
We will,” I said. “I’ll put every soldier on it, and I promise that we’ll get to the bottom of it. If he’s out there, we’ll find him.”

“
You can’t expect me to just sit around here and do nothing.” She gripped my hands. “I have to go find my husband. He needs me.”

“
It’s not safe out there,” I said. “Trust me, I understand. I want to go out there and avenge my husband’s death as well, but I know it’d be a suicide mission. We need to plan out our revenge first, and then I’ll crush Ethano.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Let’s figure out where Charles might be before you go running into the hand of the enemy.”

“
Fine. I’ll go back with you and see if we can gather some intelligence.” Liz spun to face one of the soldiers. “Where are Della and William? Is there any news about them?”

“
For the moment, they are also missing, but William, Della, and Charles could’ve all gone into hiding, for all we know.”

I knew there was no reason to be jealous, since she and Victor had broken up hundreds of years ago, but the mere mention of Della’s name had me turning green. I wondered if they’d been killed, needlessly murdered like my Victor. It would be unbearable to lose Charles, and Liz and Della. I couldn’t bear to see my sister go through any more pain.

The soldier broke through my thoughts. “Highness, I do have some bad news to deliver.”

“
Go on.”

“
The Council has officially pardoned Ethano.”

I let out a breath, my heart thundering in anger behind my ribs. “What!? Why would they even consider such a thing?”

“
Ethano has deep connections with the Court. It was only a matter of time before they released him. His arrest was more for public show than anything else.”

The grief and anger were too much to take in at once, and I began to feel dizzy and swayed. Liz caught me, but everything seemed like a blur and began to spin. The next thing I knew, my sister was tucking me into my warm bed—alone.

“
I’m going to stay here at your side,” she said.

“
Charles is missing. I need to be there for
you
.”

“
Don’t be silly. Knowing him, he’s probably on some secret, undercover mission to find King Taggert.”

“
Maybe Victor’s murder was just some kind of illusion,” I said hopefully. “He did trick you and Mia into thinking Frank was really here and hurt.”

“
When you saw the temple all lit up with the priests, that meant he shut off the illusion.” She hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

My heart couldn’t take the horrible news. It had been the darkest day of my life, and even Liz’s words couldn’t comfort me. At that point, no one but Victor himself could have offered any relief to my aching, dying, dead heart. I begged her to leave and when she did, I wept for the rest of the night.

Seconds stretched into minutes, then hours, then days. I didn’t eat, talk, or bathe. I didn’t care. If Victor was dead, I wanted to be dead too. Mia told me that Ethano’s men had tried to storm Tastia numerous times looking for me; there was a high bounty on my head. Since King Taggert was missing in action and Victor was dead, Ethano took charge of the Immortal Court. With his two biggest competitors out of the picture, he was very powerful—not to mention dangerous.

Immortals from all over the country, Victor’s loyal supporters, came to protect me. I was thankful for that, and the castle was the safest place for me to be, but I knew those walls were not impenetrable. Ethano would eventually come for me, and when he did, it would be the end of one of us.

Chapter 7

I was lost in loneliness and grief as I lay in bed and sobbed loudly, mourning my husband. I relived every single memory I could conjure up, from the good to the bad. I could only feel the cruelest darkness and sadness inside my soul. My heart was dead. The thick, heavy curtains were drawn to block out any light, and the world around me was nothing but a silent darkness—a cruel place I no longer wanted any part of since I could not share my moments with Victor. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. I cried from dusk to dawn, day in and day out. I hadn’t eaten or slept in ages.
Am I losing my grip on sanity?
I wondered. I could see Victor’s smiling face and feel his warm embrace.
Why is grief so painful?

The door creaked, and I peeked out from under the covers.

“
It’s just me,” my mother said softly, handing me a silk handkerchief to catch some of my never-ending tears. “It’s okay to cry, darling.”

“
I feel so alone, Mom,” I said, knowing no one could ever feel the depth of pain that was ripping me to shreds.

“
You’re not alone in your pain and grief. I’m here for you, baby.”

“
I’m sorry I threw Dad and Liz out,” I said with a sniffle. “I just—”

“
Your father understands, dear, but Liz is heartbroken that you won’t let her in.”

“
Grief is personal. She can’t begin to comprehend what I’m feeling.”

“
Grief is individual, sweetheart, just like snowflakes and fingerprints. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean you have to go through it entirely alone.”

“
Sure, Liz is upset over Victor’s loss, but she has absolutely no idea what it’s like to be
broken
. She still has her happy, fairytale life.” I wiped my eyes and sobbed. My mom touched my back and didn’t say anything, so I continued. “Liz says I should get up and go to the funeral, since that’s what a respectful queen should do.”

My mom sat on the bed and cupped my cheek. “And you don’t plan on going?”

“
I don’t want to. We don’t even have his body…his ashes.” I tried to maintain my composure, but the emotion just burst through. “My heart hurts so bad. The pain is excruciating. My heart and my soul are screaming, Mother. I want to die. I had everything I’d ever wanted, and then fate walked in and stole it from me. Why didn’t Ethano kill me too?”

“
Sarah! Don’t ever say that,” my mom admonished, her eyes welling with tears.

“
I keep
looking back at the time leading up to his death and searching for clues that might have indicated what was to come, wondering if there was a way I could have stopped him before he—”

“
Don’t do that to yourself, honey.” She pushed a stray strand of hair from my face. “There was no way you could have predicted this. None of us could.”

“
I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. He was snatched away without any warning. I
wish I could have just one more brief moment with him, just long enough to tell him he was my eternal love, my soulmate…and that I will never forget him.”

My mom stroked my back. “He knew that, Sarah. Anyone could see how much you loved him.”

“
I want to hear his voice one more time, Mom—just once more!” I gripped my mom’s hand. “Please, Mom! Please help me!” She squeezed my hand, and I continued, “It feels like I’m living in a dream, a fog, a nightmare.
You have no idea how deep the pain still cuts, like a knife in my soul.
Please explain to me why he had to leave me? Why!?” I sobbed, wondering how I would ever get over it and go on with my life.

“
None of us have the answers. When I thought I’d lost Liz all those years ago, my heart was ripped in two. Then, when I thought I’d lost you too…” Her voice trailed off, and she began to weep. “Even your father couldn’t console me. I understand the pain you’re feeling. I’ve been there, and I’m here for you. I don’t want to sound cliché, honey, but we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”

“
I can’t, Mom! I don’t even want to talk.”

“
But, baby, grieving people
need
to talk. Don’t keep it all bottled up. Just remember, I’ve been where you are. Nobody understands your grief and mourning and loss more than I do. Even though I got you back in the end, at one point, I was the grieving mother who’d lost her two daughters.” She gently touched my back. “I’m here for you. You can talk to me and pour your heart out to me. I will listen for as long as it takes.”

“
Thanks, Mom,” I whispered. “The emptiness is overwhelming. Losing your soulmate is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Time will never heal the pain. Every time I think about what happened, it’s like reliving the worst day of my life over and over again. I know I said this before, but I’m living in a fog, so thick I can’t seem to get out of it.
I try to take a few steps ahead so I can be the strong person everyone expects me to be, but then the grief and loss drags me right back to that open, bleeding wound, the minute my life was forever changed. Victor’s gone, but he’ll never be forgotten in my heart.”

My mom softly squeezed my hand.
“There’s no easy way around grief. I wish I could tell you it’s going to be easy. I wish I could take my little girl’s pain away. Unfortunately, I can’t do either of those things. The first few months are going to be very difficult, but you must go through it and not around it.”

“
What’s that supposed to mean, Mom?”

“
Helen Keller once said, ‘The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door.’”

“
Hmm. I think I get it,” I said. “I have to grieve if I’m ever going to find the courage to move on. I have to find hope and stay strong.” I hugged my mom, pondering her wise words.

“
Nobody gets over death,” my mom said. “Instead of telling yourself everything’s going to be okay, tell yourself that you’re going to survive.”

* * *

I got dressed and went to the mass that was held in Victor
’s honor. I felt like I’d never get over him and would live with that horrific, tragic loss every
day
for the
rest of my life
. I managed to speak a few words at the funeral, but everything was a blur; what I did say felt robotic and ridiculous.

After weeks of mourning, I finally came out to face the world.

The whole place had turned upside down, and entire countries had foolishly made allegiances with Ethano and his Immortal Court. I knew it would only be a matter of time before Ethano and his new cohorts stormed the castle and came for me; besides the fact that he had a personal vendetta to settle, Tastia was one of the last remaining countries that had refused to give in to him. My soldiers gallantly fought him every day, but I knew they couldn’t hold him off forever, as his forces were growing by the hour. He even had the audacity to promise to spare everyone in our kingdom if they would willingly deliver me over to him. I feared people might turn on me when he promised ridiculous, high sums of gold for my capture.