Esra (15 page)

       He hesitated, as if unsure if he should go to her, then finally turned and walked away.  Esra could hear his footsteps retreating and she had a momentary urge to chase after him and tell him that it was alright, that it was all just a big mistake.  But although this day seemed unreal, it was happening, and Esra could barely hold on to who she thought she was. 

       If they all knew her parents were alive, then this meant her grandparents probably did as well.  And that hurt her more than she thought she could bear.  The story about her mother’s illness, her father’s hunting accident, it was all a lie.  All this time her parents were alive.  And waiting to see her.  What were they like?  Did they know she thought they were dead?  Did they leave her with her grandparents because they didn’t want her, didn’t want to be parents?  What were they doing at the Stronghold?  What were they Keepers of? 

       All these questions.  She thought that they had begun to answer some of them earlier, but they had just created more.  Esra lay down on the ground and sprawled out, breathing in the crisp air mixed with new Plants and old Trees, trying to clear her head.  Meshok curled up beside her patiently. 
I am Esra, and I am strong.
  She repeated that phrase in her head, willing herself to believe the words.  She was still Esra and she was still strong.

       Reluctant to move, she lounged under the canopy of Moss covered branches until her breath slowly started to steady.  Unknown Animals scurried about in the brush, gently rustling the dry leaves.  Taking another deep breath, Esra thought about how long it had been since she had been alone like this.  She usually enjoyed spending time in the forest behind her grandparents’ home, sprawled about in the middle of so much life.  It was as if she were watching it grow right before her eyes, could see the leaves of each Tree stretch out to claim its place in the air.  A great deal had happened in the past few days, and she was afraid the forest would never be the same.  That nothing would ever be the same. 

       She tucked a stray piece of her long hair behind her ear and opened her eyes.  Esra thought carefully about all of the things she had been told today, about how everything was starting to fit together with Cane’s long winded teachings.  She would never have imagined such things had happened in the world, were still happening.  But in truth, she was glad to be a part of it.  In many ways she had always felt restless in Sorley, like there was more for her than life in a small town.  She loved her grandparents dearly, but she sensed that they too were out of their element, like Birds in cages that were too small for them to fully stretch their wings.  It had never crossed her mind that they could have lived a different life before, one far more exciting and dangerous than the one they had steadily and purposefully built for their granddaughter.

       Esra turned towards Meshok, who looked at her with concern.  “But I’ve never done anything that would indicate I was skilled in magick.  Then again, I’ve never tried anything resembling a spell.  How does one even cast a spell?  Had my…parents… known when they were my age that they were sorcerers?”

       Meshok groaned in answer to her friend’s inquiries.  “Then there’s Lara.  I thought that her serenity was just a strong character trait, not a force of magick!  And what about Baelin?  He’s been my closest friend besides Lara and ye.  Does he know all that I do, everywhere I go?  And more importantly, is he kind to me simply because I’m his “task”, an assignment that has to be completed?”

Her heart knew that Baelin was a good man, that his words to her had always been honest and true, but her head fought against the notion that he was tainted by his training.  Esra was an important package that needed to be delivered safely, and that was all.  No, she could not believe that.  She
would
not believe that.

       “What terrifies me more than anything is the thought of my parents.  I know ye’d expect that news of them being alive would thrill me.  There’d been so many nights that I’d lain awake imagining what I would do if I awoke to find my mother and father sitting at the kitchen table, how happy it would make me.  But in reality I feel fairly angry.  If the Keepers are so powerful and the Stronghold  so secretive, then why couldn’t they have kept me there?  Are the demands of a Keeper too much to have the time or energy to raise a child?  I’d thought I wanted to know all about my parents, really know what they were like.  But what if I don’t?  What if they’re arrogant or cold or selfish?  Or worse, what if they don’t like me?” 

       She pushed these thoughts away for the time being, Meshok staring up at her with a reverent look.  “Ye’re right, I need to remind myself that above all else, the Keepers seem to be a force of good.  Cane wouldn’t lie to me about that.  If he meant me harm, he’s had plenty of years to do it.  And as much as I’m reluctant to admit it, I sensed it with the Assembly just now, their good intentions.  As they were talking to me I was beginning to respect what they’re trying to do, even though we know little of their ways.  Or at least we can certainly know from personal experience that the Elites are up to no good.  They weren’t the friendliest bunch.  And Cane’s a good person, isn’t he?  My parents can’t be awful.  I don’t think that a Keeper could be someone who is cruel or uncaring.  And until we know more of the story, I’ll try to have an open mind.  That’s what Cane would tell me right now, and my grandparents, too.  Don’t worry about things ye can’t predict or control, it will only consume ye.  Ye can only control yerself.  Besides, I’m tired, and it just takes too much energy to stay angry.”

       After a long while, the light started to fade in the forest and she knew that darkness would soon force its way past every opening in the Trees.  She woke Meshok, who was snoring contentedly at her side and they both rose leisurely to make their way back to the camp.  Birds called out greetings to one another, signaling the end of a long day. 
It was a long day fer me, too,
Esra thought tiredly.

       Reaching the edge of the clearing, she saw that Fynn was cooking supper as Nadia and Arland were in a discussion about what Animal they would like to talk to first if they were Fynn.  Baelin sat quietly across from them on the other side of the Fire.  Esra walked towards him with Meshok trotting expectantly behind.  No doubt the smell of stew had reached her nostrils.

       “I’m sorry,” she took a seat beside her friend as the Wolf went to investigate supper.  Baelin gazed at her with a look of relief and wonder.

       “I wasn’t sure ye would ever come back,” he admitted.  “And I couldn’t say I’d blame ye.  I lied te ye, Esra.  When I told ye that I understood.  Of all the things I had te learn, all the truths that were uncovered fer me, there was never anything as heartbreaking as being told that my parents were dead.  Yer probably wondering who they are, why they left ye, why everyone would lie about it.  I can’t even begin te understand what yer feeling, I’m sorry.”

       “It’s not yer fault.  I just needed some time alone.  I know ye think that news like that should make me want to dance fer joy.” 

       “No, I’d think it’d be confusing and upsetting.  At least at first.”  They sat for a long time in silence before Baelin began to speak again, this time so softly that Esra had to lean towards the Fire to hear. 

       “My mother died when I was a baby and a few years later my father knew he too was dying and sent me away te the Stronghold.  The Jade Gardens are all I’ve ever known as a home.  My hands were holding small tools before I could even walk, and it was soon clear that I would be a Keeper of some type of craft.  There was nothing I loved more than taking my hands and making something.  I remember that even though I was surrounded by people jest like me with special gifts, I still felt alone.  Many people had their families with them or they would leave te visit.  I had a family in my fellow Keepers, but it wasn’t the same.  Fer many years I vowed never te have children of my own.  I wouldn’t risk putting them through the sorrow that I had experienced.  I felt like someone who was on a path but still had no inclination of which direction I was headed, only that everyone else was going this way and that I was supposed te follow.”

       “I didn’t know,” Esra whispered.  Strange that she had never thought to ask him about his family.  He was her closest friend, and yet they had never breached such a topic.  It was as if all this time they had avoided any serious discussions because of the unknown power it held.  Esra had always been one to guard her secrets, her feelings, even when she was just a small child.  Strong emotions confused her.  She was never quite sure if she was feeling the way she ought to, or if she shared a small sadness or heavy thought with someone else, they might find her gloomy or petty.  It was part of the reason why she refused to make many friends her own age, why she preferred to be alone.  But the shadows of loss would still overcome her at indiscriminate moments, making her feel as if she could barely breathe.  It frightened her, for she had not known her parents, and couldn’t possibly miss anything particular about them.  She shuddered to think how she would deal with losing someone she knew well, like her grandparents.  But growing up without her parents had still left a certain feeling in her, an emptiness.  She didn’t know how to fix it, this feeling.  And she was used to being able to solve problems, like a conundrum Cane plucked out of a book.  But if she was experiencing an emotion she didn’t understand, she would rather ignore it than brood over it.  To think that all this time she had someone to really confide in, someone who was going through the same thing.  She looked at Baelin with a newfound sense of closeness.  “I’m so sorry.  I thought yer parents were jest in another town somewhere, perhaps where ye had lived before coming to Sorley.”

       “It’s not something I speak of often.  Not because it is too painful but because it’s in the past.  I respect it fer shaping me into the man I’ve become.  I know my parents would be proud of the things I’ve done and the things I hope te do.  Looking back, I feel foolish that I didn’t speak te ye about this sooner.  Even if ye never said anything about yer parents and how difficult it was, I should ‘ave known.  I went through it too and I could have helped ye, talked te ye about it.”

       Esra was silent as Meshok flopped down heavily beside her. 

“When I was about eight years old I passed my first test and was given an Assembly.  In them I found my first true family.  They would have done anything fer me and I fer them.  Nadia, Arland, and Fynn joined my Assembly much later, but they too are like family te me.”

“What happened to them?  Yer first Assembly?  I thought that once ye received an Assembly it didn’t change.”

“They don’t normally.  The four Keepers in my first Assembly died.”

“Oh,” Esra swallowed, not wanting to ask more.  They both sat and watched the flames jump aggressively around the wood it was slowly consuming.  Somewhere behind them a Bird made a loud shrieking call and took off towards the sky.

       “Esra, do ye remember how ye came te me that one day while I was working and says that ye felt someone was watching ye in the woods?”

       She thought back to that day at his workshop, a lifetime ago, and groaned.  “Don’t tell me that was ye?  The hooded man in the forest?”

       “Aye.  I wanted te make sure that the Elites weren’t following ye.  Cane and I agreed that was how they’d try te capture ye, in the woods when ye was alone.  Could blame it on ye gettin’ lost or killed by a beast.  No one would get too suspicious.  Especially since yer known fer being, err…lost in fancies.”

       Esra thought about all the times she was in the woods with Meshok.  She hadn’t realized that she was in danger, that all of this chaos and plotting was going on without any of her knowledge.  Then she thought about all the conversations she’d had out loud to herself or Meshok, thinking she was alone.  Her cheeks grew redder as she slowly understood he had heard all of it.  Thank goodness she had never said anything regrettable about him. 

       “I wasn’t scoutin’ on ye, Esra,” he reassured her, noticing her embarrassment.  “I only wanted te protect ye.  Keep ye safe.  And trust me, it was a difficult task te hide a big lug like me in the forest.  And try te get Meshok not te give me away!”

       She laughed as she pictured his gigantic form trying to run from Tree to Tree.  “It is a wonder I didn’t see ye.  I must be deaf or blind or both.”

       “Well, I may be large, but I’m quiet.  Nadia has helped me learn some stealth.  And it also helps that yer so oblivious and daydreamy.”

       “No wonder Meshok didn’t seem to worry the day we ran ye down in the forest.  She knew who it was.  I always thought it rather odd that she gave up chase so easily.”

       They sat enjoying the warm crackle of the Fire while Fynn danced about, throwing Herbs into the pot as he sang some song about Rabbit stew.

       “He’s a much better cook than a musician.  Is he always like that?”  Esra asked.

       “I’m afraid so,” Baelin admitted with a smile. “Worse, actually.  I think he’s actually behaving with some restraint since ye arrived.”

       They both laughed heartily as Fynn hit an extraordinarily high note. 

       “Sounds like he’s trying to talk to a squealing pig, eh?” Nadia smiled at Esra as she and Arland joined them.

       “Well, I’d rather hear the pig,” Arland jabbed Esra in the side with a mischievous grin.

       “Me too,” she admitted.  They had been nothing but kind to her, and she felt a hot flash of guilt spread up her cheeks at her earlier behavior.  Being an independent sort, she had not had much dealings with others her age, so she struggled to find the words for an apology. “I’m sorry I ran off before.  It was all just a little too much at one time.”

       “Esra, ye needn’t worry,” Nadia assured her.  “The Elves are much more open about the Keepers from a young age, so it is not quite the same.  Humans don’t speak much about magick, whereas we grew up hearing all about it.  But had I been lied to about any of it, I can assure ye I would have been very, very angry.  The only time my parents lied to me about anything was when they told me that my grandmother was just sick with a stomach ache when they knew she was dying.  They had wanted to protect me, but I didn’t get to say goodbye and she died a week later.  I packed a bag full of dried meat and an extra set of clothes to run away, planning to go to the great Human city of Kiran Brae.  It took them three days and the talent of multiple sorcerers to find me.  That’s actually how we found out that I was skilled in stealth.  Trying to find me when I didn’t want to be found proved to be a much greater challenge than they thought.  But I will never forget how angry I was at being lied to, even though I understood their intentions were good.  We’re just happy ye stayed.”