Escape Me Never (15 page)

She stayed in bed until late the next morning, dozing in a confusion of half dreams, then coming back to the level of consciousness and misery over and over again.

She was fully roused at last by the sound of the front door buzzer, forcefully used. Cass sat bolt upright, pushing the hair out of her eyes, a startled incredulous hope taking life inside her. She pushed back the covers with trembling hands, grabbing for her robe. She looked dreadful, she noticed almost with detachment as she fled past the dressing table mirror, but there was no time for any kind of camouflage.

The buzzer sounded again, as she struggled with the door chain. Then the door swung open, and with a mixture of confusion and disappointment she could not conceal, she found herself confronting Lloyd.

He walked past her into the room, and waited for her to close the door, his whole stance aggressive.

He said without preamble, 'Is he here?'

Her chin went up. 'Precisely whom are you expecting to find?'

'Don't play games with me,' he said belligerently. 'I've heard all about what happened on Friday night after I left—about you going upstairs with Rohan Grant, and coming down ages afterwards, looking as if—as if…'

'Yes?' Cass faced him defiantly. 'I should be most interested to hear how I was looking.'

Lloyd glared at her. 'Like the cat who'd had the cream was one description,' he said sulkily.

Cass raised her eyebrows mockingly. 'Goodness, what a cliché. I do hope it wasn't one of the copywriters.'

'It isn't funny,' he gritted.

'No, it damned well isn't,' Cass returned hotly. 'How dare you come here, making these insinuations.'

He said defensively, 'I rang and rang yesterday evening, but there was no reply. Were you with him?'

'Yes,' she said. 'If it's any business of yours. And—no, we did not spend the night together, and he is not here now. Do you want to search the place?'

He said dejectedly, 'I've made you really angry, haven't I? I didn't intend to…'

Cass's voice gentled slightly. 'Then perhaps you shouldn't say any more. In fact, it might be better if you went.'

'Yes.' Suddenly, he looked totally deflated. He said, 'Was there ever a chance, or have I spoiled everything by bursting in here like this?' He saw her hesitate and hurried on. 'All right, you don't have to answer that. I think I knew all along. My mother warned me you had bigger fish to fry…'

'How kind of her to take such an interest in a total stranger,' Cass said coldly.

'I didn't mean it like that,' he said wretchedly. 'But, Cass—he hasn't got marriage in mind, and you must know it. He could have anyone he wanted, and when he looks for a wife, he'll pick someone in his own income bracket. Someone without a ready made family for him to take on too,' he added.

The words cut at her like knives, but she said calmly, 'Thanks for the good advice, but I'm not in the market for a second husband, and never was.

'But we can still be friends,' he said, almost pleadingly.

For a cynical moment, Cass wondered whether he might be afraid of losing face at the agency in view of the inevitable gossip, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

She said, 'We've always been friends, Lloyd. I see no reason why that should change.

It was a relief to close the door behind him. She went into the little kitchen and made herself a mug of strong coffee, then went back into the living room.

Lloyd's words might have hurt, but they'd contained a truth that she had to face. She'd behaved like a fool, a stupid lovesick idiot. She'd built altogether more on this relationship with Rohan than he wanted, or was prepared to give, But, as his hasty departure from her life had proved, the last thing he wanted was for her to have any kind of dependence on him.

She'd been so pathetically sure when she ran to the door, that it was Rohan waiting there. A sob rose in her throat. She must be mad.

She sat for a long time, thinking, while the coffee cooled in the mug. Then she reached for the 'phone.

The first person she rang was Barney Finiston.

She said, 'I have some leave left over from last year. Would it be possible for me to take it now? I'd like to take Jodie away over Easter.'

'I don't see why not,' Barney boomed back genially. 'I suppose you're thinking of abroad. It's still a bit chilly for the seaside here.'

She said neutrally, 'I haven't decided yet. But, thanks, Barney. I'll see you in two weeks time.'

He said, "You're in a hell of a hurry. What about money? You've got holiday pay due…'

'We can sort it out when I come back,' she said hurriedly. 'Goodbye, Barney. My love to Sal.'

Her next call was to Gray stocks. A woman whom she gathered was the housekeeper, said, in reply to her query, that Mrs Wainwright had taken the children out in the car for a picnic as soon as they'd all returned from church, and was not expected back until that evening.

'Oh,' Cass said blankly, her plans for bringing Jodie back without delay crumbling round her. 'Will you tell her Mrs Linton called, and that I'll 'phone again later.'

'Certainly, madam.'

Cass replaced the receiver, and sat, biting her lip. One day's delay wouldn't make any drastic difference to her plans, she told herself. And she could use the time in practicalities—sorting out the clothes they'd need to take with them, doing any necessary laundry.

She had no wish to go abroad. She wanted some time in peace that was all, to forget this— temporary lapse from the solitary path she'd chosen. Rohan Grant was a weakness, but she could, she would get over him, and go on with her life as if he'd never existed. But she needed to get away for a while, find somewhere private and unfamiliar where she could rebuild the last few weeks in her life, and allow her wounds to heal.

She couldn't run away altogether, as the first cowardly impulse had dictated. To take Jodie— and run, as she'd done once before.

No, she had a life, a career which she wasn't going to jeopardise, just because she'd made an errant fool of herself over a man. A breathing space—that was all she needed. Then life would go on as usual.

Cornwall, she thought. Or Norfolk, perhaps. She fetched the Sunday papers, lying disregarded on the mat, and began to scan the advertisement columns for details of guest houses and cottages to rent.

She kept busy, but all the same the day seemed endless. Towards evening, she went out and had a meal at a local Italian restaurant, doing less than justice to the hearty lasagne she ordered. When she got back to the fiat, the 'phone was ringing.

'Cassie?' Marcia's voice. 'Mrs Jeffries said you'd called. Is something wrong?'

'Not a thing,' Cass was amazed to hear how brightly normal she sounded. 'I just wanted to tell you I shall be collecting Jodie tomorrow. I'm planning a little trip for the pair of us.'

'Oh.' There was a silence while Marcia digested this. 'Well, that sounds very nice, although we shall be sorry to lose her so soon. She rode Cannonball all round the paddock yesterday, by the way. I'd have said she was a natural with horses.' Another brief silence. 'Going anywhere special?'

'I haven't quite decided yet.' Cass decided she sounded almost maniacally cheerful. 'And I'd rather you didn't mention anything to Jodie. I—I want to surprise her.'

'Of course,' Marcia said amiably. 'It shall all remain a deep, dark secret. What train are you catching down here?'

'I thought the eleven-thirty, if that's convenient.'

'That's fine,' Marcia said. 'I'll have you met at the station,' and she rang off before Cass could utter any kind of protest.

Before she left the following morning, Cass popped downstairs to tell Mrs Barrett what she was planning.

'That's really nice, dear.' Mrs Barrett's approval was immediate and unqualified. 'It'll do you the world of good to get some country air. You still look peaky to me, after that dratted 'flu.'

It was good to have that excuse to fall back on, Cass thought, as she sat in the train, watching the scenery fly past with eyes that saw nothing. Her reflection looked back at her from the window, pale and heavy-eyed, the cheekbones strongly emphasised.

There was no-one waiting for her on the platform of the small station which served the environs of Gray stocks. Cass walked through the barrier, and stood looking round her, wondering whether she should hire the station taxi.

But even as she hesitated, Rohan's car swept into the small forecourt, and stopped beside her.

He got out, and stood for a moment, looking at her across the roof of the car, his face expressionless.

Cass swallowed. Her heart was hammering, and she had to repress an instinct to wipe her suddenly clammy palms down her jean-clad thighs.

'We meet again, I'm afraid,' he said coolly. 'Perhaps you could reserve that stricken expression for the privacy of the car. People are beginning to stare. Now, get in.

She obeyed with open reluctance, and sat, staring unseeingly through the windscreen. He slid into the driving seat beside her.

'Much as I regret to interrupt your trance, the law requires you fasten your seatbelt.' There was a softly jeering note in his voice, which was not lost on her.

Flushing, she fumbled with the buckle, flinching as his hands took over the task with deft impatience.

She said huskily, 'I thought we agreed…'

'And I thought it was a private agreement,' he returned flatly, as he started the engine. 'I could hardly refuse Marcia's request that I meet you without long, boring and potentially embarrassing explanations. It seemed easier to do as she asked.'

So there, Cass thought, her flush deepening unhappily.

She said stiltedly, 'Thank you. That was— thoughtful.'

He shrugged. 'I wasn't feeling particularly considerate. I thought I was just being practical.' He shot a look at her. 'You'll be pleased to hear that Jodie is well, very happy, and having a whale of a time. It seems a pity to drag her away when she's so settled.'

'I'm hardly doing that,' Cass said, stung. 'As it happens, I have plans of my own.'

'So I gather,' he said curtly. 'Plans that involve cutting her off from the rest of the world in your exclusive company yet again. Hasn't it ever occurred to you, my dear Cassandra, that Jodie's nightmares could stem from her constant proximity to you, rather than from anything she may or may not remember about her father or the way he died?

'What the hell do you mean?' Cass demanded, her voice shaking.

'She's a very sensitive child. It would be very easy for her to pick up the vibrations from you when you're uptight because a man's looked at you, or dared to lay a hand on you. After all, your reactions aren't that dissimilar,' he added flatly.

'Quite the psychoanalyst.' If she was pale now, it was with temper. 'If you have any other theories on how I should bring up my child, I'd be glad if you'd keep them to yourself.'

'I'm not interested in your bloody gratitude. I simply think it's time you stopped feeding this neurosis of yours before you do yourself, and your beautiful daughter, some permanent damage.'

She controlled herself with an effort. 'And I think it's time you concentrated on your driving. I'm sure we've missed the Gray stocks turning.'

'Yes, we have,' he agreed casually. 'But as we're not going there, it really doesn't matter.'

She said carefully, 'What did you say?'

'I said we weren't going to Graystocks. When Marcia called me last night, and told me you were -planning a holiday, it made my own schemes so much simpler. Everyone's going to have some time away—Jodie at Graystocks with Marcia and the boys. And you with me.'

Cass gasped, her face flaming. 'We're doing nothing of the sort. You let me out of this car right now, you bastard.'

'Stop wrestling with the door,' he advised coolly. 'It's locked, just in case you were planning to risk a broken neck.'

She subsided, biting savagely at her lip. She said, 'This is insane. You can't—abduct me like this.'

'You'd think not,' he agreed. 'Yet, I seem to have managed it. Here you are, and here you'll stay.'

'And precisely what do you hope to gain by this—outrage?'

He flicked an amused glance at her. 'Stop sounding like a Victorian maiden. I intend to teach you not to be afraid of me. It's as simple as that.'

'More amateur psychoanalysis?' Her voice lashed him with bitterness. 'Another problem for Doctor Grant's casebook? Another miracle cure?'

'Your word, not mine,' he said. 'I have no such ambition, Cassie. This isn't some noble rehabilitation scheme. The next time we're in bed together, I want to see something other than fear in your eyes. That's all.'

'Sexual therapy?' she flashed. 'Well, I'm sorry. Your—fees are way beyond my means, so can we stop this ridiculous farce here and now?'

He said grimly, 'It's no farce, Cassie. I'm in deadly earnest, and you'd better believe it. You need to learn that not all men are sadists. And that one tragically unlucky experience doesn't have to sour your entire life.'

'My life is not sour,' Cass's eyes were blazing. 'I was fine—perfectly content, until you started forcing yourself on me.'

'Is that what I did?' She saw the firm lips twist. 'Well, this time there'll be no force, Cassie. You have my word on that.

She said tersely, 'I wouldn't take your word for what day of the week it was. You have no right to treat me like this—to deceive me into going away with you.'

'Perhaps not,' Rohan agreed drily. 'But did I have any real choice? If I'd simply asked you to come away with me, would you have agreed? I don't think so.'

'How right you are. I said I wanted you out of my life, and I meant it. I don't want your damned pity—or your miracle cures either.'

He smiled faintly. 'Don't you? But surely you knew, Cassie, in your heart of hearts, that I wasn't going to be that easy to get rid of? That there's still too much unsaid, and unfinished between us for me to leave you like that.'

She said bitterly, 'Oh, yes. In other words, you want to have sex with me.'

There was a silence, then he said wearily, 'You're really determined to reduce everything to its lowest possible factor, aren't you, Cassie? Yes, I want to make love with you—ultimately. I wouldn't be human if I didn't, but that isn't all of it by any means. I admit I've tried to rush you in the past…'