Eros (2 page)

Coop had chosen to ignore the summons.
If she decided she wanted to send him out on another mission to shoot some poor couple in the heart with bolts of love, then she could damned well send him an email about it like she normally did.
He had better things to do with his time, and right now they involved lying under a parasol in the sun and hoping his bloody hangover would go away.

It was ridiculous, really.
What was the point in being a god if you still had to deal with the after-effects of alcohol?
As soon as he felt better, he was going to seek out Bacchus and demand some answers.
If the God of Wine and Intoxication couldn’t prevent hangovers then Zeus should give the bloody job to someone else.
In fact, he thought, stretching out lazily like a cat, he would be the perfect choice.
Bacchus could spend a couple of millennia forcing unsuspecting people to fall in love while he travelled the world ensuring his merchandise was of the highest – and, indeed, non-hangover inducing – quality.
It would be a dirty job, and no doubt involve a vast amount of sampling and tasting, but he reckoned he could do it.
Coop decided then and there he would bring it up the next time he was at Olympus. Not that he was planning to show his face there again any time soon.
He had far better things to be doing with his time.

‘You know you shouldn’t be here, right?’ stated a voice from somewhere above his head.

Coop didn’t bother to open his eyes.
‘I can’t think why not.
The sun is shining, I’ve been out and done all the jobs I was supposed to do, and my head feels like it’s had Sisyphus’s stone thrown at it several times by an angry Cyclops.
Until I start feeling better, this is where I am going to remain.’

‘You’ve been summoned.’

‘I know.’

‘Coop, she’s already pissed off enough as it is.
If you don’t turn up, the whole of Olympus is going to end up hearing about it.’

‘Herm, you need to chill out a bit.
Take some time off, relax, soak up some rays.’
Coop sat up and eyed his old friend.
‘Do you want a drink?’

‘No.’

‘Let me get you a drink.
Aria!’ he shouted.

‘I don’t want a damn drink,’ said Hermes irritably.

‘Of course you do.
Aria!’

A voice floated over from the other side of the swimming pool.
Hermes looked up, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of the scantily-clad nymph who’d suddenly appeared.

‘My lord?’

‘Aria, this is Herm.
Herm, Aria.’

She curtsied prettily, dipping low enough so that the loose robe which was supposed to be covering her effectively hid nothing.
Hermes swallowed.

‘Aria,’ Coop continued, ‘get my good friend Herm here a drink.
One of those purple things with swirls in and lots of ice will do.
I’ll have the same, but,’ he added with a wink, ‘make mine a double.’

She curtsied again, and left.

‘Isn’t she marvellous?’ he murmured.

Hermes, whose eyes had been following the departure of the sashaying nymph, snapped his half-open jaw shut and refocused his attention onto his friend.

‘You seem to be in a good mood.’

‘It’s true,’ said Coop languidly, ‘I’ve been in a bit of a funk of late.
But I am indeed feeling remarkably chipper now.
Aforementioned hangover aside, of course.’

‘And what’s brought on this sudden volte-face then?’

‘My friend, I’ve decided to take a holiday.
A long, extended holiday.
You might call it a sabbatical even.’

‘I see,’ said Hermes slowly.
‘And have you run this, er, holiday by anyone?’

‘I don’t need to.
I am my own man.’
He shrugged.
‘Or god, rather. In fact, as a love god – as
the
love god – I feel like it’s time to put some of my skills into more ardent practice.
There are plenty more where Aria came from.’

‘I feel faintly nauseous.’

Coop laughed and clapped his friend on the back.
‘Join me.
You must be bored of all that to-ing and fro-ing to run messages for others.’
His eyes gleamed.
‘Let’s have some fun.’

Hermes shook his head sadly, watching his friend with the expression of someone who was seeing the deep, dark chasm of doom.

‘You should probably answer the summons first.
Before you make too many plans, that is.’

‘She can’t stop me.’

A shadow fell across the pair, blocking out the golden sunlight.
‘Oh yes, she can.’

Hermes immediately straightened, colour highlighting his cheekbones.
He began to cough, although whether it was due to shock or embarrassment wasn’t entirely clear.
Coop raised his sunglasses, noted the woman in front of him and lowered them again.
Other than that, he didn’t move.

‘Mother.
How good of you to visit.’

‘Hermes, leave us.’
It wasn’t a request.

‘Certainly!
At once,’ Hermes stuttered, wheeling round and almost stumbling headlong into the turquoise-blue pool in his haste to get away.

Aria, who was just entering with two tall glasses perched on top of an elaborate silver tray, caught sight of the new visitor, paused for a fraction of a second with her mouth dropping into a perfect circle, then abruptly turned and left.

‘You’re frightening everyone away,’ Coop murmured.

Aphrodite stared down at her son, her face a frozen mask of wrath.
‘Apparently I don’t seem to be having the same effect on you.
That’s unfortunate because if you don’t pull yourself together, put on some clothes and present yourself properly at Olympus within the hour then, so help me, I will not be responsible for the consequences.’

Coop raised his sunglasses again.
‘What?’ he asked, with a mocking edge to his voice. ‘You mean you’d do something to hurt your beloved son?’

The answering look in Aphrodite’s eyes would have sent many a lesser being to cower behind the nearest rock.

‘I have other children.
And all of them are a damn sight more responsible and trustworthy than you.’

‘I fail to see what the problem is.
I was working yesterday, doing your bidding.
Today I am taking some time off to relax and recuperate.
Tomorrow I may just take off some more time.’

‘You idiot,’ she hissed. ‘You have absolutely no idea, have you?
Do you remember the assignment in Kos last month?’

Coop frowned, as if deep in thought.
‘Hmm.
Kos, you say?
To be honest, I don’t.’

‘Well, let me jog your memory.
You had to shoot the couple on the beach just after dawn.
You spent most of your time drinking in some dive of a bar.’

He smiled, a dimple appearing in his cheek.
‘Oh, I remember now.
Good whisky.’

‘Maybe if you hadn’t spent so much time concentrating on what was in your glass and worried more about what you were supposed to be doing, we wouldn’t be in this mess.’

‘I really have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘You got it wrong,’ Aphrodite said flatly.
‘The beach was deserted and you still managed to screw it up.
Do you have any idea how complicated it’s going to be to straighten out your mess?’

‘Mother, dearest, my aim was true,’ Coop began.

‘Oh, yes,’ she said sarcastically, ‘you hit your mark alright.
It was just the wrong mark.’

He raised himself onto his elbows, a furrow suddenly creasing his forehead.
‘What do you mean?’

‘You shot the wrong man, you fool.’

Coop began to lie back down on the lounger again as if in dismissal.
‘No, I didn’t.’

In a sudden fit of uncharacteristically physical anger, Aphrodite kicked the foot of the sun lounger, causing it to collapse with a clatter.
Coop, landing with a heavy thud on the ground, scowled up at her. ‘That was completely uncalled for.’

‘Get up.’

For a moment he considered ignoring her completely but there was a tinge of angry disappointment in his mother’s eyes, which he’d never seen before.
And besides, his arse hurt from dropping so unexpectedly onto the hard concrete of the pool’s edge.
With a sigh, he pulled himself up to standing height, towering over Aphrodite’s shorter frame.

‘Shoot the man on the beach,’ he said finally, giving in to the inevitable.
‘That’s what your email said.
I may have been drunk but I remember it quite clearly.’

‘By,’ she replied shortly.

‘Huh?’

‘Shoot the man
by
the beach.
Not
on
the beach.’

‘There was no man by the beach.
It was barely dawn, Mother, the place was deserted.’

She didn’t even blink, just stared up at him, a tiny muscle flickering in her cheek.
Coop looked back at her, his face the picture of innocence.
There had been no-one else at the damned place, just the jogger, the man with the dog and the…

He blinked. ‘Oh.’

‘So you didn’t remember quite as clearly as you thought you did?’

Coop raised his index finger in realisation.
‘The ice-cream guy.
He was the one?’

She sighed.
‘Yes.
He was by the beach.
Not on the beach.
By the beach.’

‘On, by, to be honest it’s a very small difference.’
He shrugged.
‘Easy mistake to make.
Besides, what does it actually matter?
I’ll find some other poor girl for Mr Rocky Road to fall in love with and everyone will be happy.
It’s not a big deal.’

Aphrodite slapped him across the cheek.
‘How dare you?’ she spat.
‘You know very well it doesn’t work like that.’

The answering look of cynicism in her son’s face was clear.
‘If they were meant to be together, then they would be.’
He raised a hand to his stinging cheek for a moment and looked Aphrodite directly in the eyes.
‘My intervention wouldn’t be necessary if it was true love.
Except true love doesn’t exist.
So whether the jogger ends up with an ice-cream seller or a local with a dog, who cares?’
He shrugged.
‘They’ll be happy either way.’

There was the faintest slump in his mother’s body.
‘When did you become like this?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like someone who is so disgusted with the world that they’ll ignore the natural order and throw every sensible thought and caution to the wind.’

‘Natural order?’ he scoffed.
‘How is it natural if I need to shoot them for them to realise how they feel?’

‘You know very well that sometimes a little push is required.
You’ve forced the wrong two people to be together and, unless I sort out your mess, they’ll be unhappy for the rest of their lives.
All because of you.’

‘Thanks to me,’ he pointed out, ‘they’re now in love.’

‘With the wrong person.’

‘There’s no such thing as the right person, Mother.
It’s all smoke and mirrors.’

‘The stars…’

‘Screw the stars.
Screw fate.
And screw love.’

Aphrodite stiffened then pulled back her shoulders in a dignified gesture.
‘You cannot spit on everything I stand for, Coop.
I will not allow it.’
She took a step forward and stared up at her son.
‘Present yourself at Olympus before the sun sets or I will not be responsible for my actions.’

With that, she turned on her heel and left, her back ramrod straight.
Coop watched her go, a scowl marring his handsome features.
She had spent too long as the Goddess of Love, he decided, and her vision was clouded by her ridiculous belief that some people were just destined to be together.
She simply couldn’t grasp the fact that if it was truly their destiny, his services wouldn’t be required.
She probably needed a long holiday too.
He’d suggest as much to her later when he turned up at the seat of the gods. Of course, he was only going to appear at Olympus because, as his mother, she deserved a modicum of respect.
He certainly wasn’t afraid of her.
Bending over, he returned the sun lounger to its original position and lay back down.
There was still time for a little nap.