Equity (Balance Sheet #3) (10 page)

The mirror didn’t reflect me. The sadness that leaked from my eyes did nothing for the grim curve full of fake cheer that was planted on my face. Yet it was my reflection.

I took in the black and wondered if it would ever come out. The hair dye that Kalen had brought for me to the community had come in handy. He’d put it with my things in the hotel before we left Virginia. I found use for it.

If someone was searching for me, they would be looking for a redhead that I was no longer. It was weird how much more I looked like my sisters Violet and Mary once the flame of my hair had been muted out. The fire had been smothered by the black dye leaving behind the sooty embers of smoke very much like my heart.

After one last look, I strolled out of my room, having gotten the bill under the door showing what would be charged for the room on the credit card they’d swiped the night before if I didn’t formally check out. I set out into the day with no destination in mind other than getting as far from this place as possible. With nothing but time, I didn’t bother with a taxi. I walked and walked and walked.

Only after my feet hours later burned for relief did I finally stop at a café down a small one-way street. There had been a larger more crowded one on the corner. However, even with anonymity, I was drawn to the smaller one about halfway down the block.

They served coffee, which was a surprise to me. I sat at a table closer to the front in a corner near but not in front of the picture window. With the warm mug in my hand, I tried to think about what to do next.

Last night, I’d called Lizzy. She had been frantic with worry and wanted me to go back to Kalen if nothing more than for my protection. After I told her the story, her indignant tone only confirmed her words of agreement that I was right
for leaving his ass
.

She’d said, “How could he be so cruel? He has to know how you feel.”

I shrugged and it took a moment to remember she couldn’t see me. “He has a right to be with whoever he wants,” I’d said.

“Whatever, he’s an ass.”

I heard my sister in the background echoing her words. “Who’s an ass?”

Lizzy must have silenced her with the promise of sharing details later because Violet went quiet. A part of me was a little jealous that two of the people I cared about most had each other, while I was alone in a city I’d never been in without a plan.

While I could have asked to talk to Violet, I wasn’t prepared for a lecture about Turner. I would hear a thousand I told you so’s and how I crushed a guy who deserved much more. Yet, I hadn’t crushed anyone yet.

“I left Tuner a note telling him to call you. When he does, tell him I’m in Dublin. I’ll try to get a prepaid phone or a SIM card for my phone so that I can accept calls. I’ll get you the number when I have it.”

“Sure thing, babe. You better stay safe or I’ll hurt you.”

“Tell Violet I’ll talk to her later. I hope she enjoys New York.”

“Of course she will. She’s with me,” Lizzy had said before I’d hung up the hotel phone.

That international call on the hotel line was going to cost me a small fortune, but I had little choice. At least it had been the last transgression I put on my credit card before I lost myself in the city.

When the memory faded, the small café came into focus. It was just big enough for six small tables in a sort of messy C-shaped formation. The barista bar was right up front. Despite the popular competition on the corner, the place was filled, the language lively. I gathered that all of the patrons except myself were locals.

As I sat with nothing else to do, another memory assaulted me with so much force I could almost feel and taste it. If I had risen on my toes and kissed Kalen like I had wanted to while he trapped me in against the outside wall of the bar, what would he have done? And what about Turner? Was it right to stay with a man only because of guilt? I loved him, I did. But was that love enough while my heart burned for another?

I felt as disingenuous as my hair color. What had we been taught growing up? Do unto others as we would have them do to us? And hadn’t I failed that test enough to know karma had come to bite me on the ass? I should have stayed home and lived a simple life with Turner. I would have never known the hurt that I felt now thinking of Kalen with Keely or any other woman.

Pools of my own pity filled my eyes. I took a napkin from the dispenser on the table to blot my eyes before I brought attention to myself.

A regal woman in an apron wearing an approachable smile walked distinctly in my direction. When she sat, I wasn’t completely surprised as she looked like she was missionary kind eyes and a pure soul.

She held out a mug. “You look like you need a fresh cup.”

She’d taken my order earlier. I smelled the coffee and felt the steam on my hand from the cup as I took it.

“Thank you,” I said, understanding instantly why this place wasn’t empty. It wasn’t just the delicious cup of coffee or whatever anyone was drinking. It was the service.

“I don’t mean to pry,” she began.

I held up my mug, letting her know that the hot drink that replaced the now cold cup I’d been holding earned her a question or two. I couldn’t imagine she’d ask anything terribly personal.

“You look like you’re in need.”

I set the cup down to survey myself. Did I look homeless? One glance down at the bag at my feet had to be the dead giveaway that I wasn’t just browsing the streets of Dublin.

“And don’t take it the wrong way. I just wonder…”

She was cut off when someone yelled out a name that must have been hers. She gave me a faint smile. “I have to take that. I’ll be back. I hope you’ll be here.”

I nodded, although I had an uncomfortable feeling like maybe I should flee as soon as she turned her back.

Turner’s anger had simmered to a boil on the ride home.

“What do you mean you don’t know where she is?”

Griff, ever my protector, jumped in. “Hey dude, he told you the name of the hotel she stayed in.” If I wasn’t agitated, I might have laughed at his American accent when using the word
dude
.

“Yeah,” Turner began. “But he also said they rang her room with no answer. Which means, she’s probably not there anymore.”

Griff sighed. I took over. “My security team is on it.”

Tuner gave a humorless laugh. “She was supposed to be safe with you.”

I parked in front of the house. Turner hopped out and stomped towards the door. My mother opened it, no doubt having heard us pulling in. She greeted him as she did everyone. And thank God for Turner’s sake he was gracious in greeting her.

“He’s some peace of work. Who is he?” Griff asked in Gaelic before we exited the car.

“He’s the
he
that Bailey chose.” I didn’t stay in the car because I didn’t want to answer anymore of Griff’s questions.

Inside, after greeting my mother and ensuring her forgiveness for my earlier behavior, I motioned Griff over. I said to him outside of hearing distance of Turner, “Help get him settled. I have to make a run. I’ll be back soon.”

I ignored Griff’s questioning gaze and Turner’s reproachful stare. I headed out with purpose. There was something I needed to do.

On the drive, I went over in my head all the things I needed to say. In the end, Keely was like family. She was like a sister and didn’t deserve how I had used her over the last day. If I could at least set things right with her, some of the burdens would be released from my chest.

My knock on her door was not causal. She didn’t immediately answer either. I waited a moment before rapping again.

When the door opened, Keely stood in a robe that looked just pulled on. Her hair was a cascade of waves over her shoulders.

“JK,” she said dryly.

“All play and no work,” I teased in Gaelic, trying to break the ice of tension.

She smiled before it turned into a scowl. For a minute, she’d forgotten to be mad at me.

“What do you want? Are you here about me not being at work?” She didn’t give me a chance to answer. My whole prepared apology was going to waste. “It’s not like they respect me there. They think the only reason I have a job there is because they assume we’re fucking.” She said the last with so much distaste, I stepped back as if slapped.

“Keely,” I began, going to try to start anew with my prepared speech.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need or want anything from you. I quit.”

I opened and closed my mouth several times before I could speak.

“Puss,” a voice from inside the apartment said.

If a guy in a Darth Vader suit had stepped up and stood next to her I wouldn’t have been more surprised.

“What?” I asked out of confusion because I knew the man who stood there with a proprietary hand around her just shy of the underside of her breast. Her robe began to open as the hastily tied belt loosened. On instinct alone, my eye followed the parting material as it fell open. I shook my head because it was Keely who stood there with nothing under the robe but skin.

“What?” Keely spat. “What do you think? He gave me what you weren’t willing to.” The accusation hit me like a punch to the gut.

“It was just yesterday and you called him over? Why do you even have his number? Have you forgotten…?”

She cut me off. “I’ve forgotten nothing. And he’s apologized.”

With new light I stared at the woman before me. Keely wasn’t stupid. So why was she acting like some lass that didn’t know any better. “He nearly…”

“Raped me,” she finished for me. “That was years ago and all your fault.”

I took one staggering step back. She hit me where she knew it would hurt the most. She was right. If I hadn’t been thinking about my dick then and wanted to be free of the girl who followed me around, it wouldn’t have happened.

“I was in that abandoned building because you told me to wait for you there.”

Irrational anger built like a steam from a kettle. I pointed at Sandy, the monster of all our nightmares as kids. He was the bully that tormented us until I’d gotten a little taller, a little tougher and a lot wiser. “I came for you,” I nearly shouted.

A bad feeling had come over me when Griff and I set out to meet a couple of girls who promised more than a good time. So I’d gone back for her. The sight I confronted made me sick. Sandy and his pals were lined up ready to take turns on Keely who was on her side curled in a ball.

My own shame for the things Sandy had put me through welled up into a fury that put three out of the five guys in the room on the ground. Griff, having my back, had been taking on two others when Sandy and I came face to face. Years and grit ingrained in my skin made it thicker. I was finally ready to end the torment. No longer afraid, I put the fear of God into Sandy. I left him with a black eye, bloody face, bruised ribs and more. He wouldn’t have forgotten me after that day.

My vision blurred back to the present. How could she sleep with the enemy?

“Like I said, he’s more than made up for that.” She smiled at him like he was heaven, then turned to stare at me like I was hell. “You can go now.”

As I watched, she half covered his body with hers. Her hand left his cheek where she’d cupped his to face her. Tongue was involved and my eyes stupidly followed the hand because I hadn’t wanted to see her kiss him as it made me sick. When it headed much lower than I wanted to know about, I searched for something else to look at. She stepped away from him and allowed the robe to drop with her back to me. I’d been to her apartment before and knew she made her way back to her bedroom.

“Make him go, love,” she called out without turning back.

“She has a lovely arse, don’t you think?” Sandy obviously had a death wish.

It wasn’t like I was pissed she was sleeping with someone. She was old enough. What bugged me was that she’d chosen a guy she knew couldn’t be trusted. Had I failed her so much? I started to understand the gravity of how conflicted Bailey was over Turner. Even though I’d never been anything short of honest with Keely about where I stood with us, rather
no
us, besides being mates, I felt like maybe I had owed her more. That was how you felt about the people you cared about. You never wanted them hurt.

Movement caught my eye. Sandy pulled the door shut and crossed his arms over his chest and took on a wide stance. That might have scared me when I was seven, but I was long past those times.

“If you fucking hurt her,” I breathed, because in the end, that’s all that mattered. I wanted Keely happy and safe.

“You’ll do what, pretty boy?” He eyed me up and down. “You’ve been long away from the streets with your pretty boy clothes. Set your mother up in that pretty house.”

“Don’t fucking talk about my mother.” He was crossing a dangerous line. I was willing to let him be with Keely as dumb an idea as it was. Truth be told, I couldn’t bully him to stay away. I wasn’t Keely’s keeper. And once I left town, how would I know what she was up to unless I put a guard on her?

He chuckled low in his throat. “I have nothing against your ma. She’s never done anything against me or mine.”

When he took a step forward, I held my ground. “Keely is mine now. I don’t know what happened between the two of you yesterday, but I’ve been with her a while now,” he admitted.

It set in. This wasn’t somehow a fuck you fuck. She’d been banging him for a while. And that hurt because that meant she’d lied when she begged me to take her virginity. Family didn’t lie to each other. At least, that’s what I thought. If there were two people outside my mother and Ennis I could trust, it had been Griff and Keely.

“Don’t you worry. You can trust I’ll take care of all her needs.” He smirked as if he’d read my mind and that set me off. Like a cobra strike, I had his throat in my grasp. I’d been spoiling for a fight and that was as good of time as any. My thumb and index finger pinched in tight to cut off the airway. I gazed into the eyes of my nemesis and watched his face go from pale to dark pink. The whites in his eyes were threaded through with red veins. I began to wonder if blue was his color.

Beseechingly, his hand grasped at my arm, trying in vain to pull me off. See, I was no longer his punk. I wasn’t the naive boy with no street smarts. He hadn’t learned the first time.

Somewhere in my head, a voice called my name. By this time, Sandy’s color was heading from a bright red to purple on its way to blue. Blue. Again, my conscience called out to me and I let my grasp slip just a little. He sucked in a breath while I decided if I wanted to end him.

A door opened down the hall and a woman in pajamas stepped out with a small child on her hip. I released him with a shove and stepped back.

In a low voice near a growl, I said, “Don’t ever forget who I am or what I can do to you.”

He slid halfway down the wall, holding his neck and gasping for breath. I walked away before I did something I would regret. Plus, I’d promised my mother I wouldn’t ever end up in jail again.

Halfway home, I got the call. “We found her.”