EPIC WIN FOR ANONYMOUS (5 page)

So you’d send a friend a link with, “Hey, check out these new screenshots of the Playstation 4,” but when they clicked on the link, BAM, duckroll’d. In the spring of 2007, duckroll morphed into Rickroll when someone posted a link that was claimed to be the hotly anticipated
Grand Theft Auto IV
trailer, but instead led the victim to a YouTube page hosting Rick Astley’s 1987 smash hit “Never Gonna Give You Up.” It was the Internet equivalent of sending someone on a snipe hunt, with a much more immediate payoff. Beyond the troll, the music video itself was parodied and mashed up thousands of times over.

When moot was voted into the TIME 100 in 2009, Rick Astley wrote a blurb about 4chan.

Before I heard about moot—the mysterious 21-year-old creator of the influential Web message board 4chan.org, who just happened to win Time.com’s online poll to determine the world’s most influential people—I used to think some young kid had stumbled across my video and thought it would be funny to send it to his mates, and it just kind of caught on. I suppose at first I was a little embarrassed by it. I always liken it to when people look through their photo albums or home videos from 20 years ago and think, Gosh, did I really wear that? The difference is, thankfully on the one hand and perhaps a bit scarily on the other, mine are out there for the public to see whenever they want. I find some Rickrolls really funny. Have you seen the one with President Barack Obama? Someone has cut up his speeches and put them together so that he sings “Never Gonna Give You Up.” It’s totally amazing. I find it bonkers, by the way!

I visited New York last fall to do a surprise live Rickroll as part of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I thought it would be a really good and funny thing to be a part of. I called up a few of my friends in the States, and they said, “You’ve got to do it!” So I did! Thanks, moot.

/vp/ Pokémon

This is your spot if you’re into Pokémon. This forum reveals the surprising complexity of the game, as the discussions get pretty lengthy and heated. Pokémon is very social. Here people exchange information so they can battle against each other and trade cards. On /vp/ and a few other boards, using a constant identity is actually encouraged in order to facilitate trades and meet-ups IRL (In Real Life).

/w/ Anime/Wallpapers

Weeaboo wallpapers galore. Lots of sparkles and blue hair.

/wg/ Wallpapers/General

High-resolution images used for desktops. One powerful trend is the “alternative art” movement, in which artists recontextualize pop-culture icons. For example, what would Mickey Mouse look like in the Star Wars universe? What would the Mario Bros. do if they found themselves in a world of gothic horror? The Simpsons recast as anime characters? The Reservoir Dogs, but with boobs?

/y/ Yaoi

A one-stop shop for naked male anime characters. Currently there is a “nipple” thread going strong. This is a thread that features images of cartoon men with extra-good-looking nipples, I guess.

/x/ Paranormal

Creepypasta, which is a variant of copypasta (content that’s been “copy-pasted” from other sources) focused on scary or disturbing stories, can be found here, along with information about UFOs and other paranormal sightings. Right now, there is a heated thread about a spooky “lost” Beatles album:

At a fan event, I managed to follow Ringo after he spoke to the crowd, and eventually had a chance to talk to him alone as he was leaving the building. He didn’t seem upset that I had followed him, probably expected a typical encounter with an obsessive fan. When I mentioned the lost album though, all color drained from his face and he started trembling.

When I asked him if he could tell me any details, he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. He grabbed a piece of paper, wrote something on it, and handed it to me. He begged me never to mention the album again. The piece of paper had a website address on it, I would rather not say what it was, for reasons you’ll see in a second. I entered the address into my browser, and I came to a site that was completely black, except for a line of yellow text, a download link. I clicked on it, and a file started downloading. Once the file was downloaded, my computer went crazy, it was the worst virus I had ever seen. System restore didn’t work, the entire computer had to be rebooted. Before doing this though, I copied the file onto a CD. I tried to open it on my now empty computer, and as I suspected, there was an MP3 file . . .

But it’s more than just campfire ghost stories. Some people spread guides that explain how to summon demons.

Messeth will not perform any requests unless you offer some kind of payment and will not perform major requests (making someone fall in love with you). Feel free to ask for relatively simple things like good luck, a good night’s sleep, confidence to talk to a girl. After making a request, dismith Messeth by saying “Thank you for your services, Messeth. You are free to leave.” Do you really want a lesser demon following you around and causing havoc? Don’t forget to dismiss him!

/x/ reminds me of going to camp and hearing stories about people who’d dare say “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror or something. I think there was a candle involved?

/i/ Oekaki

Oekaki (Japanese for
to draw
) is a place for 4channers to share their own artwork. Right now a post reads, “ITT [In this thread]: Draw your favorite actor eating your favorite fruit.” I see images of Robin Williams munching on an orange. Jack Black eyeing up a pineapple. Simon Pegg requesting an apple, mate.

Oekaki is a fun board because it’s all so immediate. People request drawings and others comply for the sheer communal fun of it. The distinct topic of each thread limits one’s ability to post old drawings, so you know you’re getting fresh artwork.

Further down the page, a post reads, “Draw batman with your eyes closed!” There are 85 hilariously crude responses. In another thread, a man draws fantastically detailed anthropomorphic figures of countries. The thread opens with Albania, a gaunt, winged figure wearing a ceremonial headdress and what appears to be period clothing.

A more interesting game is afoot. It’s a participatory drawing thread. Someone uploads a simple shape or sketch, encouraging the board to add to his drawing. The image explodes in a dozen different directions, some cute, some macabre. Before I know it, the image has been augmented and mashed together with other iterations. It’s an impressive spectacle, as 4channers with wildly varying levels of talent and imagination work together.

/ic/ Artwork/Critique

Another board for sharing art, only this one allows all kinds of art, including tattoos, crafts, photography, and more. One man leads an art class. He posts a portrait of a woman and encourages his “students” to recreate the image using a pencil. Over a hundred people give it a shot. The work on display leans heavily toward sci-fi/fantasy drawings, but there is some impressive abstract art as well.

/f/ Flash

4channers upload Flash files here, including short videos, games, animations, and interactive stuff like soundboards and e-cards. You click on a file and you never know what it’s going to be.

I click a random file. It’s an animation featuring a
Ren & Stimpy
-like character doing appalling things to his genitals to an upbeat J-pop soundtrack. Another is a clip of a cat freaking out at a strobe light. Most of the content on /f/ seems to be aiming for a WTF reaction.

I click on one more for good measure. It’s called “This is a Short Flash About the Man Who Thought He Was Bill Murray.” It’s a stick-figure animation about a man who goes around asking people, “Why hello, how does it feel to be talking to Bill Murray?” They play along, but snicker behind his back. Then one day he overhears their laughter. “So,” he says, “you don’t think I’m Bill Murray?” Then he begins to shake as operatic music swells. Hundreds of disembodied Bill Murray heads explode from within him, then dance around the screen to the epic sounds of a choir. The man turns into a shining ball of light. The heads encircle him and spin, forming two giant columns. They eventually come together to form one giant Bill Murray head, peering off into the horizon as the music reaches its resolution. This is the sort of bizarre humor for which the Internet was made.

/rs/ RapidShares

This board is for posting links to downloads available on RapidShare, a hosting service. There are three reasons why someone would want to download something directly from RapidShare as opposed to using torrent software. First, it’s much faster. The company claims download speeds at 240GB per second. Second, RapidShare is less traceable, so people use it to download illegal content—and I’m not talking about run-of-the-mill pirated content, though 4chan has rules in place to prevent people from uploading anything that could get them in trouble. Last, you don’t have to wait for people to “seed” content, as you do with torrents. This means that even the most rare niche content will download as quickly as the latest summer blockbuster.

/b/

/b/, also called
random
, is 4chan’s most popular board, both in terms of traffic and notoriety. /b/ is significant because it’s the only board on 4chan that has no rules (the only thing prohibited is committing or plotting actual crimes, the same rules that apply to any public forum on or offline). There’s no topical focus, and every day brings new memes, microcelebrities, and drama.

When the mainstream media talks about 4chan, they are almost always talking about /b/ specifically. /b/ is where the trolls tend to gather in search of
lulz
, or laughs. (Lulz is a derivative of LOL, or “laughing out loud.”)

“I did it for the lulz” is a phrase popularized on 4chan, used as a blanket excuse for anything from lighthearted trolling to heinous real-world bullying.

Lulz is certainly the main reason that most people keep coming back to /b/. Its popularity was built by bored, Internet-savvy teenage boys. These kids are generally smart, living in suburban wastelands, and writhing with hormonal energy. What else are they supposed to do? /b/ is the new “railroad tracks down by the river.” The new “out behind the 7-11.” It’s where bored kids craving cheap thrills go to experience something,
anything
that might surprise them or subvert their expectations. Of course, teen boys aren’t the only ones hanging out on /b/. I’ve personally observed soldiers, pilots, cops, zookeepers (at least, people
claiming
to be these things) on /b/. Yes, most people who use /b/ fall into a very narrow demographic, but the site attracts folks from all walks of life.

Rule #34

People also flock to /b/ to find porn. But wait, aren’t there other boards specifically designated for porn? Yes, but they don’t take into account Rule #34.

Rule #34 of the Internet

“If it exists, there is porn of it.”

I just saw a drawing of Bart and Homer Simpson engaged in sexual intercourse. You think that’s bizarre? How about the kid from Shel Silverstein’s
The
Giving Tree
somehow penetrating his deciduous patron? /b/ is a clearinghouse for messed-up porn. The sort of thing that would make any sane person wonder, “Just who exactly is getting off to this stuff?”

Answer: Probably someone. But not necessarily. Rule #34 has become a game on /b/, whereby someone will throw out a few pop-culture icons (The Brave Little Toaster and . . . Simon from
American Idol
!) and a specific sex act. Depending on the complexity of the challenge, everyone else participating in the thread will rush to find an image matching the description. If it doesn’t exist, generally some hero will whip something up in Photoshop, or at least MS Paint.

Of course it’s not all cartoon porn. /b/ has midget porn, bestiality, S&M, all things scatological, people popping intentionally nurtured zits, people picking noses, men injecting saline into their scrotums until they’re the size of softballs, girls crushing fruit while wearing stilettos . . . The more bizarre it is, the more sought after.

Are there really that many deviants out there?

Probably yes, but at some point activity on /b/ becomes less about titillation and more about the thrill of discovering yet another terrifying demonstration of human deviance. Just when you thought you’d seen it all, BAM, here is grainy security camera footage of a man having actual penetrative intercourse with a dolphin in what appears to be a zoo aquarium. You can either retreat in terror or laugh at our shared human depravity.

There’s a common joke on /b/, where someone will find a photo of a crowd of people with faces contorted in horror, except for one guy who bears a condescending smirk. “Spot the 4chan user,” says the caption. The idea is that the average /b/tard has borne witness to so many unspeakable horrors that his general reaction to things most people find repulsive is a smug grin.

This Is Happening!