Envious (22 page)

“I think Bianca’s the lucky one,” Fred said, sparing him a sidelong glance. “There aren’t too many daddies who’d make the kind of sacrifice you’re making.”

“You do what you gotta do, right?”

“What about you and Katie?”

“What about us?” Chris asked.

“You gonna keep seeing each other?”

Chris remained silent while he found the words to explain his torment. “I can’t ask her to be satisfied with a couple of days a month. She deserves more than that.”

“Hmm.”

His father wasn’t openly disagreeing, but Chris could tell he didn’t agree with his assessment of the situation. “She deserves a man who can be there for her when she needs someone. As much as I’d like to, I can’t be that guy.”

“I’ve never known you not to be there when someone needs you, son. Just ‘cause you’re not living right across the street doesn’t mean you wouldn’t hop on the first plane if you knew Katie was in trouble.”

It killed Chris to think about how much he was leaving behind. The future he and Katie could have had would torment him for years, maybe forever. “Sure, but that’s not the same as falling asleep with her every night or being the one she calls when she needs a shoulder to cry on. It’s not the same as standing by her side when she opens the door to her business for the first time or celebrates her daughter’s birthday or the birth of her new niece or nephew.”

“No, but isn’t sharing part of her life better than nothing?”

Chris had asked himself that question a hundred times. In the end, it came down to what was best for Katie. He knew she’d want to remarry and have more kids someday. She couldn’t do that if she was wasting her time in a long distance relationship that couldn’t go anywhere. “She deserves the best. I can’t give her that.”

“Did you ever give her a chance to decide for herself what she wants, or did you just tell her you were leaving town, end of story?”

“That is the end of the story,” he said quietly. “At least for us.”

***

Katie and Lee sat on the cushioned chairs on her back porch. They watched their daughter and the little girl next door take turns on the tire swing.

“You okay?” Lee asked.

Neither one of them had mentioned Chris since Lee came over from his house a little over an hour ago. They’d shared a pot of coffee and talked about everything except the one thing on both of their minds. “I will be. Eventually.” She hoped she would. Crying herself to sleep was getting old.

“Why didn’t you go over there and say good-bye to him?”

“Why didn’t he come over here and say good-bye to me?”

Lee scowled. “You’re both as stubborn as a mule. You know that, don’t you?”

Katie didn’t see it as being stubborn. As far as she was concerned, she and Chris were just dealing with the lousy hand life had dealt them. “You know what they say, timing is everything. The timing just wasn’t right for us.”

“If you ask me, you didn’t even give it a chance.”

“I didn’t ask you.” Katie smiled when Lee got that hangdog expression she used to find so endearing. “You’ve been really supportive of the changes I’m trying to make. I appreciate that.”

“Whatever makes you happy will make our little girl happy. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

“I know.” Katie tipped her head back, basking in the sun warming her face.

“I can’t help but feel you’re pretty miserable. Even with the prospect of a new career—”

“I gave him my heart,” she said, keeping her eyes closed. “You know how hard that is for me. I thought I could trust him. I was wrong.” She knew being angry with Chris wasn’t fair. He was doing what any good father would do, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“That’s not fair, and you know it.”

“None of this is fair. I learned a long time ago life is rarely fair. Especially for people like you and me.”

“You know what losing my parents taught me?” Lee squeezed Katie’s hand.

“What?”

“The world doesn’t promise us tomorrow. That’s why we have to live every day as though it were our last.”

She opened one eye to look at Lee. He rarely talked about his parents and how their plane crash had changed his life. “I guess you’re right.”

“I know I am, Kat. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. If you think Chris might be the guy to make you happy, figure out a way to make it work. Before it’s too late.”

Chris had been in Arizona for two weeks. He was due to return to Nashville for the first time the following day. He was enjoying a little quality time with his daughter before he had to return her to her mother and stepfather.

“Do you like living here, daddy?” she asked, staring at
Franklin and Bear
flashing across the flat screen TV.

He looked around his non-descript penthouse. It had come fully furnished, and since it was close to Bianca’s house and new pre-school, it seemed like a good fit. “Sure, it’s okay.” He hated it. He missed his busy office building and the rush of putting out fires on a daily basis. He missed his old Victorian and the beautiful woman who lived across the street. “How about you, princess? Do you like it?”

She nodded vigorously. “I love my new room, and mommy said I can get a puppy soon.”

“That is exciting, isn’t it?” Chris smiled. In spite of his misery, he was happy to see his daughter settling in so nicely.

“My new teacher, Miss Bethany, is really nice, don’t you think?”

“I do.” Bianca’s pretty young teacher had made no secret of the fact she was available and finding it difficult to find suitable dates. There was a time when he wouldn’t have hesitated to ask her out. After Katie, anyone else seemed like a poor substitute.

“Do you like her?”

“Sure.” Chris had a bad feeling he knew where the conversation was going.

“I think she likes you too.”

“Is that so?” He would have been blind not to notice the teacher’s not-so-subtle clues. Apparently even his daughter had picked up on them.

“But you still miss Katie.”

He had never told his daughter he and Katie were a couple. He thought it would be difficult for her to understand because she’d always thought of Katie as Uncle Lee’s wife. “Sure. You probably miss Hannah too, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” She hugged her pink stuffed princess bear tighter as she twirled her hair.

“Maybe you can come back to visit with me next time,” Chris said. “I know your grandparents would love to see you too.”

“Maybe you should stay there, Daddy.”

Chris’s gut clenched. He’d tried to hide his unhappiness from Bianca, but he obviously hadn’t done a good job. “Why do you say that? Don’t you want me here with you?”

“Not if you’re gonna be sad.”

“I’m not sad, baby.”

“Are too.” She turned her big blue eyes on him. “I can tell.”

“It’ll just take a little getting used to.” He ruffled her silky hair as he faced her. “Nashville’s been my home forever. All my family and friends are there, my business—”

“That’s where you oughta be.”

Chris never ceased to be amazed by his daughter’s intuitiveness. Courtney claimed Bianca was an old soul trapped in a little body, and at moments like that, he couldn’t disagree. “I should be right here with you.”

She looked at him a long time. “We yussa be ‘agether on weekends, right?”

“Yeah,” he said warily, trying to figure out where she was going. “Are you suggesting I fly back here on weekends?”

“Why not?”

Why not, indeed? It’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed Chris’s mind a few dozen times. “Yeah, but—”

“But what?”

“I hate the thought of living so far away from you, honey.”

She climbed into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Daddy.”

He couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat. His little girl was his whole world. Could he really leave her behind?

***

Katie was tweaking her resume. She tried not to feel disillusioned, but it wasn’t easy after thirteen resumes, four interviews, and not a single job offer. Part of the problem was her lack of work experience, but she vowed to make up for it with her enthusiasm. She loved children and was passionate about being a positive influence in their lives. If only she could find someone to believe in her.

The doorbell rang, and she set her laptop on the coffee table. Hannah was spending the weekend with her daddy, and Katie wasn’t expecting company. It must be a salesman. She thought about ignoring it until they rang the bell a second time. She pulled the door open with a scowl, and then her heart battered her chest. “Chris, what are you doing here?”

With a half-smile, he said, “What kind of greeting is that?” When she didn’t respond, his face fell. “Probably exactly what I deserve, huh?”

“I’m sorry.” She stepped back and opened the door wider. “I was just surprised to see you. Come on in.” Not a day, barely an hour, had passed that she hadn’t thought of him. But she was determined to move on with her life. She didn’t want Hannah to think a woman needed a man in her life to be happy or feel complete.

“Thanks.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and wandered into the family room.

“Can I get you something?” she asked, following a safe distance behind him.

“No, thanks.” His eyes landed on the computer screen. “How’s the job hunt going?”

“Not well, I’m afraid.” It hurt her pride to admit it.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He faced her. “But maybe it’s for the best. Maybe there’s something even better out there waiting for you.”

If only she could believe that. Lately, her life was just a series of disappointments. “I guess only time will tell, right? In the meantime, I’m trying to keep my chin up.” She needed to put on a brave face so he wouldn’t feel guilty about walking away from their business. She knew if there had been another way, he would have stayed and helped her with the pre-school.

“I’m not surprised. You’re just about the strongest woman I know.”

Her? Strong? She felt as if a strong wind might sweep her legs from under her. She couldn’t be sure if that was because of his presence, feeling so beaten up by his departure, her difficulty finding a job, or her pending divorce. “That’s sweet of you to say. Are you here for work?”

“Among other things.” He sat on one of the club chairs. Instead of leaning back and putting his feet up on the ottoman, he leaned forward, looking as uncomfortable and uncertain as she felt. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Have you been as miserable as I’ve been since I left?”

Katie had no idea how to answer that. She didn’t want to make him feel guilty, but she couldn’t lie to him either. She had been miserable without him. “I guess you could say that.”

“Come here.” He held out his hand. She didn’t hesitate to take it. He pushed the footstool away from his chair and pulled her down so she was sitting on it, facing him. Holding both of her hands, he took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’ve done a lot stupid things in my life, but leaving you tops the list.”

She couldn’t breathe, much less speak. Was he coming back? If he was, could she trust him to stay? “Things aren’t working out the way you’d hoped in Arizona?”

“I hate it there.”

Seeing him looking so down pained Katie. She loved him. She wanted him to be happy, even if it couldn’t be with her. She squeezed his hands. “I’m really sorry to hear that. I know how much you wanted it to work.” Chris was usually the one to lift her spirits, not the other way around. If she could offer a few words of encouragement to make him feel better, she owed it to him to try.

He chuckled. “Sometimes I think that kid’s already smarter than her old man.”

“Why’s that?”

“She made me realize that it didn’t matter whether I lived just down the street or thousands of miles away. As long as she knows how much I love her, we’ll be okay. She’s not gonna stop loving me just ‘cause she doesn’t see me every day. Hell, even when she was in Nashville, we only saw each other two days a week. Our relationship was stronger because I made more of an effort to make sure she had fun when we were together.”

“Does that mean you’re thinking about moving back?” Katie wasn’t about to get her hopes up.

“I’ve tried it Courtney’s way, and it’s killing me. Even Bianca saw that. I know that’s not what my little girl wants for me, and that’s not what I want for myself.”

“So you are coming home?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether you’ll take me back?”

***

Chris was silently begging for Katie to throw him a lifeline. Trust had always been an issue for her, and he’d let her down once. He had no idea whether she’d be willing to take a chance on him again, but he couldn’t move on with his life until he tried to make things right with her. Coming back to Nashville would ease some of his pain, but the only thing that would truly soothe the ache of missing his daughter was building a life with Katie.

He tipped her chin up with his index finger when she looked down. “I’m not asking you to promise me forever. At least not yet. I know it’s gonna take a while for you to trust me again, and I’m willing to wait as long as I know there’s still a chance for us.”

“How do I know you won’t decide six months from now you can’t stand being away from Bianca? You could pick up and leave again.” She was clearly fighting back tears. “It was hard enough the first time. If we’d invested more time… I just don’t know if I can take that kind of risk.”

He understood, but that didn’t mean he intended to give up without a fight. “Is Hannah asleep?”

“No, she’s with Lee. Why?”

Standing, he reached for her hand. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He linked his hand with hers as he led her to the door.

She slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops before she looked down at her sweats. “Uh, maybe I should change first.”

“No need.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “You look perfect for what I have in mind.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re not taking me jogging, are you? You know I hate sweating.”