Enthralled (Dark Passions) (6 page)

  
I felt my face fall, and another shiver pass through me. “But then he started
getting distant. As things got more serious, he freaked out and said he
couldn’t commit to me. Then the summer after we graduated, he just got up and
left one day. Without an explanation. Just like that. He disappeared. I never
heard from him again.”

  
Bradley’s brow furrowed. He looked like he’d fallen deep in thought. Finally he
spoke and said, “So you went for Mr. Predictable, because you new at least he
wouldn’t disappear. Like David. Like your mom.”

  
I felt sadness swelling up my throat, tightening my gut. I just nodded my head.
He was right. “That’s exactly it. That’s exactly why I stuck with Steven, until
I realized I was amputating a part of myself.”

  
I grabbed Bradley’s hand and squeezed it hard. “You’ve made me come alive
again,” I said, a quiver in my voice. “And it makes me scared. Scared that I’ve
found everything I need, and that I’m going to lose it again.”

  
Bradley held my face between his hands, his expression fierce and earnest. “I’m
not going
anywhere
,” he said.

  
“But how do you know that? We’ve barely been together for a week. Right now
things are exciting. We’re having a great time together. But you’ve told me
you’ve never been able to make yourself vulnerable to someone else. It’s always
been you holding the other person up. And with me, it can’t be like that,
Bradley. I need you to be able to lean on me too. It’s the only way this will
work.”

  
Bradley’s expression became pained, and he pulled away. “I’ll try, Mel,” he
finally said. “But I can’t promise anything.”

  
I rubbed my temples in frustration, and scrunched up my face. “So, I’m supposed
to trust you, but you can’t trust me. It can’t work that way, Brad. Any deep,
committed relationship requires mutual trust and support. It’s the only way
these things ever truly work.”

  
Bradley sighed, and his expression became evasive. “Let’s just enjoy this
picnic, okay?” he said. “Have some fun. This is getting a little too heavy.”

  
“Have some
fun
?” I asked, looking at him incredulously. “If you want
something light and
fun
, go find yourself a bubbly little bimbo.” I was
fuming. I knew I was ruining the mood with my deep insecurity, but I couldn’t
help myself. I felt frantic. Here I was, falling hard for someone who I’d
trusted completely, but who couldn’t trust me back.

  
“Melanie,” he said, grabbing both of my hands, “You’re being unreasonable.”

  
“And you’re being noncommittal,” I said. “After constantly coaxing
me
to
lay myself completely bare for
you
. Well, I’ve done it. And you’re still
hiding behind your guarded face, your controlled demeanor.”

  
I poured myself another glass of wine and chugged it. “I’ve got to go,” I said,
standing up.

  
Bradley grabbed me, and pulled me back down. He looked at me fiercely and said,
“You’re not going
anywhere
.”

  
I yanked myself out of his grasp and said, “
Yes I am
.”

  
His face flooded with hurt. “Melanie. Please stay.”

  
“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head for emphasis. “I need to take a walk to
clear my head.”

  
He nodded. “Okay,” he said tentatively. “I’ll give you space. But we have the
Bowie concert at 8pm.”

  
I nodded. “I’ll meet you back at the hotel,” I said.

  
He took both of my hands in his, stroking them with his long, strong fingers.
“Promise?” he asked, looking at me gravely.

  
“Yes,” I said, giving his fingers a little squeeze. Then I smoothed down my
hair, grabbed my purse, and took off along the Central Park path that curved
around the pond. As the warm breeze blew against my face and rippled through
the grass, I took several deep ragged breaths, and my heart broke into a
million pieces in my chest.

***

  
“You almost ready to go?” Bradley asked me. We were back in our hotel room,
getting ready for the Bowie concert. I was standing in front of an oval mirror
in the washroom, doing my makeup. I’d spent most of the afternoon wandering
aimlessly along the streets of New York, feeling retched and heartbroken. At
some point I realized I needed shoes and makeup for tonight, so I picked up a
pair of black satin ankle-strapped platforms, and then some gold eye shadow,
black eye liner, mascara, and a ruby red lipstick. As I stood in the washroom
getting ready, my heart just wasn’t in it. I still felt terrible.

Bradley
watched me listlessly applying my red lipstick, and caught my eye in the
mirror. “Are you going to be like this all night?” he asked.

  
I sighed, finished touching up my lipstick, and turned to face him. “I can’t
just pretend like everything’s okay,” I said, feeling my features crumple.

  
“Nothing’s changed, Melanie,” he said. “I still want you more than anything.
Don’t you get that?” he asked, searching my eyes.

  
I bit my lip and looked at him intently. “I won’t feel secure until I know you
can trust me. It’s as simple as that.”

  
Bradley eyed me affectionately and said, “You need to stop biting down on your
lip. Your teeth are all red.”

  
I turned to the mirror, and sure enough, my teeth were smeared with red. I
impatiently rubbed off the lipstick and turned back to Bradley. “Thanks, but
you’re avoiding the issue.”

  
“Not now,” he said firmly, putting a finger on my lip. “We’re going to forget
about all of this, go to the concert, and have a great time. I mean, it’s David
Bowie for fuck’s sake.”

  
“Come on. Let’s go,” he said, holding out his hand for me. I sighed and took
it, but as we left the hotel room, I felt a new distance between us, and I
didn’t know if we’d ever be able to bridge it.

***

  
When we entered the lobby of Madison Square Garden, the place was packed. My
eyes dazzled at the sight of guys and girls decked out in seventies glam rock
attire: platform shoes, flared jeans, metallic three piece suits in every
shade, pink satin hot pants. Bradley pulled me tightly to him, and whispered in
my ear. “Stay close,” he said. “Practically every guy in the room has his eye
on you, and I’m not about to let you get kidnapped.” I smiled weakly, and took
his hand. “The bar is over there,” he said, pointing to a counter near the
entrance. The line was ridiculously long, but we had time. The concert didn’t
start for another half an hour.

  
Bradley and I stood in line, holding hands, but neither of us said a word. He
kept stealing glances of my face, and then sighing in frustration. “Could you at
least make an effort to look like you’re enjoying yourself?” he asked.

  
I nodded. “You’re right,” I finally said. “I’m spoiling the mood.” I tucked a
piece of hair behind my ear, and put on my game face. “Do you think he’ll play
‘Ziggy Stardust’? I just love that song.”

  
Bradley’s lips quirked up at the corners. “You really do go for the bad boys,”
he said. “Ziggy Stardust. The ultimate rock star, destroyed by both his
overindulgence and idealism.”

  
“That’s me,” I said, giving him a wry smile. “Like a moth to a flame.
Self-destructive to the core,” I added, my tone flippant.

  
Bradley studied me for a long moment. He opened his mouth to say something just
as two girls in their early-twenties sidled up to him. “Hi,” one of them said
in a breathy voice. Her platinum hair was up in a beehive, and she was wearing
thick, electric blue eye shadow, low rise flared jeans, and a pink sequined
bra. “Care to buy us drinks?”

  
Bradley gave her an indulgent smile, and said, “Sure.” My eyes went wide, and my
mouth dropped open. Beehive girl gave me a triumphant look, and grabbed her
friend by the hand, pulling her into line with us. Her friend had dark flowing
hair, and was wearing a hot pink miniskirt and a gold sequined halter top. She
shrugged her shoulders and smiled at me apologetically.

  
“Where y’all from?” the brunette asked, trying to make conversation.

  
“We’re from the future,” I said, my face deadpan. The blonde let out a loud,
raucous laugh. “Girl’s got a sense of humor,” she said, winking at me.

  
For the next ten minutes, we all stood in line together, with the blonde making
corny jokes, fluttering her eyelashes at Bradley, and practically shoving her
cleavage in his face. But what angered me was that Bradley wasn’t doing
anything to discourage her. They kept up a steady banter all the way to the
bar, and then after buying the two girls their beers, he invited them to join
us on the floor during the concert.

  
David Bowie was phenomenal. He appeared on stage with a lightning bolt on his
face, dressed in a breathtaking silver and black striped space suit. The lower
half of his body looked like a giant vinyl disc split in half. He had on
humongous green platform shoes, and the stage had neon-lit bars that ran across
it, making Bowie look like he was trapped in a psychedelic cage.

  
He even played one of my favorite songs, “Word on a Wing,” but I couldn’t get
into it. As much as I hated myself for it, I couldn’t help it. I was seething
with jealousy, watching Bradley laugh and dance with the two girls from the
bar. By the time the encore performance ended and the lights came on, I was
furious and I felt totally betrayed. I turned on my heel and started storming
out of the concert venue, practically shoving my way through the crowd. Bradley
caught me by the arm and spun me around. “Where do you think you’re going?” he
asked, his tone angry.

  
I could practically feel the venom shooting from my eyes as I glared up at him.
“Why don’t you go have some more fun with your new little bimbo friends. I’m so
done. And so out of here.”

  
“Melanie,” Bradley said sternly, his expression dark. “I was just enjoying the
concert, nothing more.”

  
I glared at him some more, rage pumping through my veins. “Well go and enjoy
the after party as well.”

  
Bradley looked like his temper was about to explode. Quietly, too quietly he
said, “I put all of this effort in for you. You could at least have acted happy
and grateful.” Regaining his composure, he looked at me steadily and added, “I
was just being friendly. Those girls were fun and bubbly. I liked their energy.
It was nothing more.”

  
Just then the blonde ran up to us, grabbed Bradley by the waist, and tried to
reach up to him for a kiss. He grabbed her by the arms, and gently but firmly
pushed her back. “I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea,” he said, looking
bewildered. “I was just being chummy.”

  
She looked a little disheartened for a moment, but then her face became
determined. “I can share, you know,” she said, looking at me. “I’d be up for a
threesome. Or even a foursome,” she said, pointing to her friend.

  
Bradley looked taken aback, then he quickly shook his head and pulled me close.
“Melanie here is all the woman I can handle.”

  
The blonde’s face fell in disappointment, but then a moment later she shrugged
her shoulders. “Suit yourself,” she said, grabbing her friend by the hand and
disappearing into the crowd.

  
“Just friendly, huh?” I said, smirking at Bradley, then pulling out of his
grasp and making a beeline for the exit. My thoughts were racing. I needed to
get into the fresh air to clear my head. Bradley was right behind me when I
made it out of the building.

  
“Melanie,” he said, grabbing my hand. “Don’t let this ruin the night,” he said.
“I had no idea what her intention was.”

  
I let out a harsh laugh. “What? A gorgeous, experienced man like you can’t tell
when a woman is flirting with him outrageously? Who do you think you’re
kidding?”

  
He shrugged and said, “It was innocent fun. There was nothing else to it.” Then
he shook his head and said, “No, I’m not going to lie to you.”