Engaging (Alluring Book 2) (5 page)

Cassie felt tears gather behind her eyes, and she leaned over and engulfed her aunt in a tight hug.  "I love you, Laurie.  I don't know what I would have done without you."

"I love you, too, honey.  And you would have survived.  My girl is a survivor."

Cassie closed the book she'd been reading and looked down at her sleeping son.  It really was uncanny how much he looked like his father.  His black hair was cut short so as not to fall in his face, and his dazzling, blue eyes were almost the same exact shade as Gage's.  He even had some of his father's mannerisms though he'd not spent one second in Gage's presence.  Like the way he slightly tilted his head when he was deep in thought, or the way he bit his upper lip when he concentrated.  He even had Gage's cocky little grin and being only four, he definitely had nothing to be cocky about.

She extracted herself from her son's bed, being careful not to dislodge any of the many stuffed animals, pulled the covers up to his chin, brushed a lock of hair from his forehead, and gave him a gentle kiss.  She stood looking down at him a moment, feeling her love for him well in her chest.  She felt tears fill her eyes, knowing if it weren't for Gage, she wouldn't have her little man, and she was at least thankful to him for that.

"I'm pouring myself a glass of wine.  Do you want one?"  She heard her aunt ask as she exited Logan's bedroom.  She pulled his door closed leaving it open a few inches.

"No, I think I'm going to take a shower then read awhile.  Make it an early night.  I'm tired."

Her aunt gave her an assessing look before giving her a slight nod.  "Okay, honey.  See you in the morning."

Cassie plopped down on the edge of her bed and toed off her sneakers.  She stretched her arms over her head, feeling the pull in her back muscles.  Bathing three very strong, very skittish pit bulls would make anyone's back hurt.  They weren't aggressive like many would think, being fighting dogs.  Mostly they were just scared, craving any kind of human affection.  Show them a little love, and they'll love you a hundred times more in return.

She stripped off her clothes and took a long, hot shower and by the time she was done, she was fully relaxed.  So relaxed, in fact, that when she lay down on her bed, she didn't pick up her book, she drifted off the sleep.

Her ringing phone woke her.  She had fallen asleep with her bedroom light on, and she squinted as she picked up her phone from the nightstand.  She blearily looked at the screen.  Unknown caller.

"Hello," Cassie mumbled, looking at the clock.  It was nine-thirty, she'd been asleep about an hour.

"Did I wake you?"

Cassie was instantly awake, recognizing Gage's gravelly voice.  "How did you get this number?"  She asked, not bothering to pretend she didn't know who was on the line.

"I'm sorry I woke you.  I didn't think you'd be asleep so early."

Yeah, and he didn't know she had a four-year-old son that got up at five every morning.  "It's okay, long day."  She didn't know why she was explaining herself.  Back on track.  "Why are you calling?  Wait!  First, how did you get my number?"

She heard Gage sigh over the line.  "I had Mase get it from Sam for me."

Cassie chewed over this piece of information.  Gage was close with Mase.  Mase was Sam's brother.  Sam knew about Logan.  If Sam discovered she and Gage had dated five years ago it wouldn't be hard for her to put two and two together.  Feeling her stomach clutch, she asked, "Did Sam know Mase asked for my number for you?"

If Gage thought her question was odd, he didn't say anything.  "No, told him to tell her he had a question about Charlie."

Cassie silently exhaled the breath she held.  Everything would be okay.  Sam would never guess the connection.  "Now, tell me why you're calling."

"Told you yesterday, Sunshine.  Waited five years to get another shot at you.  I'm not wasting my chance."

Cassie clutched the phone tightly in her hand.  Anger seeping from her pores, her words came out as a hiss.  "First, stop calling me that.  You lost that right five years ago.  Second, you had your shot, again
five
years ago.  And third, I don't want you calling, coming around, in fact, I don't want to ever see you again.  Is that clear enough for you, Gage?"  She was panting by the time she finished her tirade.

Gage was quiet for a few seconds.  "You know what I think?"

"I don't care what you think."  Cassie interrupted.

Gage interrupted right back.  "I think if you didn't still have feelings for me, you wouldn't be so angry.  Anger I can work with, indifference would have killed me."

Cassie made an incomprehensible sound of anger, hanging up on Gage's chuckling response.

Cassie's day started off normally.  She got Logan ready for school, fed him breakfast, got herself ready, took him to school, and now, she was out with the dogs, enjoying the beautiful day.  The sun shone brightly but there was a touch of wind, keeping it from being too hot. 

Then her day took a turn.

She turned her head and saw Gage walking toward her.  She stopped what she was doing, looked up at the sky, and muttered, "Why me?"

She heard Gage chuckle.  She tipped her head back down and looked at him.  "Did you not participate in the conversation we had last night?  Especially the part where I told you I didn't want to see you,
ever.
"

Gage just smiled, ignoring her rant.  "Good morning, Sunshine."

"Why do you insist on calling me that?"

Gage tipped his head to the side a little.  "You remind me of sunshine.  Long, golden hair, golden skin," he gave her a wicked grin, "sunny personality."

Cassie ducked her head quickly to hide a smile.

Gage didn't let her get away with it.  "I saw that."

Cassie still refused to look at him.  "Yeah well, consider it momentary insanity."

Gage took a few steps closer.  She figured her best recourse was to ignore him, then maybe he would go away!  She walked to one of the outer sheds and opened the doors.  Inside was a wheelbarrow and several large bags of dog food.  She opened one of the bags and started scooping kibble with a large bucket and dumping it in the wheelbarrow.

"Can I give you a hand?"

She looked at all his manly muscle and decided, why the hell not?  He was here, he kept pestering her, might as well take advantage of that.  "We need to feed the dogs," she said, tipping her head down to the wheelbarrow. 

He grabbed the handles after she finished filling it with kibble and wheeled it out.  "Where to first?"

Cassie lead the way to the kennels as she talked.  "We need to fill the bowls with food then give all the pups fresh water."

"Do you have anyone else that helps you?"  Gage looked around, taking in all the work involved in taking care of so many dogs.

Cassie didn't look away from her task as she talked.  "We have several volunteers that come throughout the week to help out."

They worked for several long minutes in silence before Gage spoke.  "Cass?"

Cassie stopped working and looked over at him.

He walked up to her and cradled her face in his hands.  She stared into his incredible blue eyes and forgot how to breathe.  She watched, mesmerized, as his face slowly lowered to hers, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss.  He backed away a fraction so he could speak.  "I just wanted to remind you," he whispered, against her lips before touching his lips to hers once more.

His lips brushed hers with the softest of touches without pressing for more.  Her heart started pounding, so it was all she could hear, that and the NO, NO, NO that screamed through her brain.  She quickly took a step back, breaking their contact. 

Her breathing was heavy at what was barely a kiss, hell, she kissed Logan good-night with more contact.  But it wasn't the weight of the kiss, but the emotion behind it.  She felt what Gage was trying to convey, and she wanted no part of it.

"I think you should leave."  Recalling Logan and how dangerous it was for Gage to be there, even though Logan was at school, had her voice shaking.  Or was it the kiss?  She took another step back.  Max, a Shepard mix, nudged her dangling hand, looking for a head rub that she instinctively gave him.

"Why?  Because I make you remember or because you want to forget?"

"Both.  Remembering is painful, I don't have any choice but to forget."  Little did he know that forgetting wasn't an option either.  She remembered him every time she looked at her son.  But then, forgetting was never on the agenda, for forgetting this pain would lead to making the same mistakes, mistakes she hoped never to repeat.

Gage took a step, closing the distance between them.  "Give me a chance.  Let me take you out Friday night."

Cassie shook her head.  "I'm busy.  I have a date."  God, it felt good to say that and have it be true.  He didn't have to know it would be her first date in five long years.

She watched as Gage halted his progress to her.  She saw his jaw harden and a vein throbbed at his temple.  "I thought you said you weren't seeing anyone."  His voice was low and gravely, the way it sometimes got when singing a ballad.

"Going on a date and seeing someone are two different things."

"I don't like it, Cass."

"It's really none of your business,
Gage."

"It is my business.  You're mine."

What he said was so outlandish, Cassie wasn't even sure how to respond.  And then she did.  "I'm not yours.  I haven't been yours since you threw me away."

* * * * *

If words could hurt, slash, cut and maim, hers did.  But it wasn't just the words.  It was the look of hurt and betrayal he saw in her eyes as she spoke them.  He wondered how he was still standing, with the gaping hole her words left in his chest.

When she'd said she had a date Friday night, he'd seen red.  Was his anger unreasonable?  Maybe.  Probably.  But it didn't change the fact that he felt it.  No.  When he looked at her, he saw
his
Sunshine.  She was his, no one else's.  Was he a monk these last five years?  No.  Did he want to know what she'd been up to these last five years?  Hell, no.  But that was the past.  He wanted to start fresh, now, and that didn't include dates with other people. 

He took a step toward her.  She stepped back.  Damn she was skittish.  He did that to her, he knew, and that cut him up inside, as well.  He held up a hand.  "Stop retreating."

"Then stop advancing."

God, her smart mouth.  He'd forgotten how much he liked it.  He had liked it doing other things as well.  He felt his jeans grow tight and decided he needed to get his mind back on track.  "Cancel your date."

She looked at him as if he had grown two heads.  "Are you seriously trying to tell me what to do?"

Gage looked down at his booted feet and sighed, taking a moment to regroup.  He couldn't push her too hard, too fast.  He looked back up at her.  "Not telling, asking."

He saw the anger leave her features.  "Look, even if I wanted to cancel on Doug, which I don't, I wouldn't.  He's a nice guy and doesn't deserve that."

He gave a slight nod, but he seethed inside.  He schooled his features and asked calmly, "Saturday, then?"

Cassie shook her head.  "I can't." 

"Can't or won't?" 

"Does it really matter?"  She asked on a sigh.

He closed the distance between them and lightly clasped her upper arms.  "It matters to me.  You matter to me."

* * * * *

How many weeks did she stare at her phone, waiting for it to ring, hoping to hear those exact words from him?  How many times did she look over her shoulder, thinking she heard him calling her name, praying he'd come back for her?  And how many nights did she cry herself to sleep because none of that happened?

She felt a tear slide from her eye.  Gage's thumb was there instantly to wipe it away, but another quickly took its place.

"Baby," she heard him whisper.

The feelings that one word evoked were her undoing.  He'd never called her that before.  Not back then.  Why now?  A sob broke from her, and she pushed against his chest, breaking free of his hold.  It took her a moment, but she managed to get herself under control.  She swiped angrily at her cheeks, embarrassed she revealed the depth of her emotions.  Using anger as a shield, she straightened her spine.  "I'm sorry, Gage, but I can't let you matter to me.  I tried that once and it didn't work out so well."  She looked down and saw that Max was still at her side.  She gave him a rub behind the ears, turned her back on Gage, and calmly walked away.

"Cassie."

She stopped when Gage called her name but didn't turn to face him as she waited for him to speak.

"I made a mistake five years ago.  I let a wonderful, beautiful, funny, and sweet girl get away.  She did mean something to me but in my stupidity, I just didn't know it, and I'm willing to work hard for her forgiveness.  She means the world to me, and I hope she can find it somewhere in her heart to forgive me."

That he remembered her words from so long ago was her undoing.  Tears fell freely down her cheeks, and her heart broke anew with the knowledge that even if she did forgive Gage, she could never let him back in because she made a mistake, too.  She kept the knowledge of his son from him.  He's asking for her forgiveness, but he might not forgive her.