Engage (Billionaire Series) (13 page)

I sat
nervously in one of the comfortable armchairs in Mathis’ huge penthouse
apartment, watching Dr. Carson clean up Mathis’ shoulder. I should have known
that Mathis had played down the seriousness of his wound – it had bled
profusely during the drive back to his apartment, soaking the entire right side
of his shirt and causing his face to turn an ashy gray color. I’d had to help
him drape his jacket over the ruined shirt and support him past the bellboy and
to the elevator, practically buckling as he leaned a good deal of his weight on
my shoulders. His muscular form was solid and heavy against me, and I felt tiny
in comparison to him, although I was a respectable five seven.

As we
got into the elevator, the doctor arrived behind us and helped me to support
Mathis through his front door and onto the couch, where he lay, breathing
heavily. It was fortunate that I didn’t turn faint at the sight of blood. I
tried to focus on the well-muscled, perfectly defined chest which was bared as
the doctor peeled off Mathis’ shirt. He was much more strongly built now than
when he was eighteen. His broad form had filled out with pure muscle. His
strong torso and broad shoulders were like those of an Olympic swimmer, and he
glistened with sweat as the doctor cleaned up his wound, disinfecting and
dressing it with clean white bandages.

The few
times I looked up at his face, Mathis gave me an encouraging grin, trying to
mask the pain he was in. I observed that his eyes were fixed on me the whole
time the doctor worked. Far from feeling uncomfortable, I felt as if I were
included in the little scene rather than being the awkward outsider. Perhaps it
was only to distract himself from the pain of his wound, but it was as though
Mathis needed me there. The thought sustained me, blocking out the terror of
the evening and keeping me calm and focused.

After
twenty tense minutes, the doctor finished up and gave Mathis something for the
pain, tidying away the mess he had made.

“It’s
not all that deep,” he told Mathis, “but it’s no paper cut. You should get some
rest for the next few days and make sure to call me if the bleeding starts up
again. It shouldn’t – I’ve stitched you up like a pair of socks – but there’s
always a chance, especially since it’s you. I know you don’t like to sit
still.”

Mathis
gave the doctor a rueful grin, and suddenly I was reminded of the young Mathis,
slightly ashamed at being caught breaking the rules, but not at all sorry.

“Now –
do you need to call someone, or is this charming young lady going to nurse you
for tonight?” he asked, looking at me with a kind smile.

“She’s
staying,” Mathis said firmly, before I could say a word. I felt oddly pleased
that Mathis wanted me to stay – and relieved that I didn’t have to be on my own
just yet.

“Amanda,
wasn’t it?” the doctor turned to me. “You were paying good, strong attention to
what I was doing, weren’t you?”

I
nodded.

“Good
girl. The dressing is going to need to be changed in a few hours – it’s very
easy, you just saw me do it. I’ll walk you through it one more time.”

I
listened attentively as the doctor showed me how to change the dressing.
Although I was no nurse, I knew it wouldn’t pose any problems. However, I was
starting to get a strangely surreal feeling. Here I was, in Mathis Côté’s
apartment, learning how to tend to his wound! It was a far cry from the work I
was used to doing, and even further from any interaction I ever dreamt of
having with Mathis. From an annoyance in the periphery of his life, I was
suddenly in the very thicket of an intimate situation. I felt buzzed at the
sense of importance, but part of me was afraid – what if I screwed up?

***

Once
the doctor had left, I immediately felt a sense of awkwardness dawn over me.
What was I supposed to say in this kind of situation?

“Um…
can I get you anything?” I asked, and then blushed as I realized that this was
Mathis’ apartment, and that it sounded incredibly dumb to offer to get him
something when I didn’t even know where anything was.

“No,
just… come here,” he said beckoning me closer. “I can’t believe I put you
through that,” he continued, repressing a frown as he held out his arm,
inviting me to come and sit next to him.

As I
perched on the couch next to him, he put a comforting arm around me and I sank
into it gratefully, enjoying the feel of his warm, solid body protecting mine.
Although I was more than willing to just sit like this forever, I was curious
to know exactly why this had happened.

“What…”
I said, trying to phrase my question as tactfully as possible, “It wasn’t a
coincidence, was it?”

Mathis
gave a heavy sigh, pulling me closer and planting a kiss on top of my head. “It’s
not important, Amanda. I’m just glad you’re safe,” he said. “To think that
something might have happened to you because of me…”

“What
do you mean?” I asked. “Do you know who tried to shoot at us? Were they trying
to kill us?” It all seemed so foreign, so confusing. Why would anyone be trying
to hurt me or Mathis?

“They
weren’t trying to kill either of us,” Mathis assured us. “It was just a threat
– a threat I should have been expecting.”

“Why
would someone threaten us?” I asked, still utterly lost. It was getting
annoying being in the dark.

“They
were trying to threaten
me
,” Mathis corrected. “I should have taken them
more seriously.”

“Who?”
I asked.

“I can
see you’re not going to let this go,” Mathis said. “Stubborn as always. And it’s
your right to know. If I’d been caught up in something like that I’d want
answers.” Mathis sighed. “Do you remember that phone call I had the other day
right before you came into my office?”

I
nodded. I remembered how strained and preoccupied his face had looked.

“There
are a few people in this world – more than a few, I’m sure – who aren’t
completely happy with the amount of success I’ve had. They want me to share it.
Needless to say they belong to unpleasant criminal elements who have no right
to anything. Everything I have made is completely clean.”

“You
don’t need to tell me that,” I insisted fervently. “Uncle Andy would never have
anything to do with a criminal. Besides, I know you aren’t like that.”

“Well,”
Mathis continued, not meeting my eyes, “despite that, these people want me to
give them money or they’re going to try and ruin my reputation. This was just a
display to let me know how serious they are.”

“But
isn’t there something you can do? Can’t you go to the police?” I asked.

“These
guys are too clever for that,” Mathis said. “Anyway, forget about that for now.
I’ll sort it out. All that worries me is you – I want to make sure you stay
safe.”

“Me?” I
asked. I felt nervous and self-conscious as Mathis looked at me intensely, as
if his eyes could x-ray me and make sure that no damage had been done to me. “I’m
fine – it’s you that I’m concerned about.”

“As
always, you think of everyone else before yourself,” Mathis said, his eyes
softening and his lips turning up into a small smile which had my heart beating
painfully against my ribcage, trying to catch my attention. “Well, if you stay
with me tonight, we can both make sure the other is safe. Does that sound like
a good plan to you?”

“Yeah,”
I breathed. “Sounds good.”

Jennifer didn’t
know why she was so nervous. It was just Brad. She knew him, had known him for
more than a dozen years. She knew what he was like and how he’d behave. Her
nerves had been stretched so thin that Rachel had almost called off work to
stay home with her. Only Jennifer’s insistence that she needed time to herself
to think finally convinced Rachel to leave. The instant the door had shut, she’d
headed for her closet to find something better than pajamas to wear. She needed
to find something that said “I’m over you so I don’t care what you think,” but
was also nice enough to make him feel bad about dumping her. And it couldn’t
look like she’d picked it especially for him.

It took her longer
to find something for this than it had the previous day to pick out clothes for
work. Making it even more difficult was Brad’s voice echoing in her mind from
years past, all of his critical comments and vicious barbs, often disguised as
advice and backhanded compliments. Finally, she decided on a nice pair of jeans
and a cute peasant top Rachel had picked out for her last year. Since Brad hadn’t
given a specific time, Jennifer settled on the couch to wait. By the time the
knock came at the door, her stomach was in knots and she was ready to explode.

“Brad,” to her
surprise, her voice was even. She motioned for him to come in and, as he passed
by, she couldn’t help but catch his familiar scent. He still used the same soap
and, unbidden, she remembered shared showers, lying in bed with her head on his
still-damp chest. She shook her head. She couldn’t let herself get lost in her
memories. He’d embarrassed her in front of her boss. He had to know that he
couldn’t behave that way anymore.

“Before you say
anything,” Brad turned towards her with a strange look on his face. It took
Jennifer a moment to place it because she’d never seen it on him before. He was
apologetic. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I behaved earlier
today.”

“Oh, um, thank
you,” Jennifer was flustered. She’d expected angry Brad, defensive Brad, cruel
Brad. She didn’t know what to do with this previously unseen version of her ex.
“Please, sit.”

Brad sat on the
couch and Jennifer chose the chair across from him.

“So, a promotion?”
Brad’s question was hesitant.

Jennifer nodded,
waiting for the insult. When it didn’t come, she expounded, still wary.
“Because of my degree and years of experience, Mr. Haas decided that I’d be
better suited to assist him and learn all of the ins and outs of running a
hotel.” Brad nodded and Jennifer continued, a sliver of hope growing inside
her. Was he really interested in what she had to say? “Eventually, I could move
from being his personal assistant to managing one of the hotels.”

“That’s amazing,
Jen,” Brad sounded sincere. “You deserve it.”

Jennifer knew that
her jaw had dropped and that she probably looked like an idiot, but she couldn’t
seem to do anything about it.

“Look, I’ve had a
lot of time to think about things. About our relationship and the way I saw
things. The way I treated you. I took some time off, traveled. All of the
places I went, the people I saw, everything showed me what an asshole I’d been
to you. I’ve changed, Jen, and for the better. I’m far from perfect, but I’m
working on it. I wanted to talk to you because I wanted to tell you that I’m
sorry for all of that. I was an awful person and I know I don’t deserve it, but
I’m here to ask for your forgiveness,” Brad leaned forward, his tone imploring.
“And to tell you that I want you back. I want us to try again.”

Jennifer hadn’t
thought that anything would shock her more than the apology. She’d been wrong.
All of the ways she’d played this conversation out in her brain while she’d
been waiting for him to arrive, not a single one of the scenarios had involved
an apology and a request to give their relationship another go.

She should’ve said ‘no,’
she knew. It was the first word to pop into her head, shortly followed by ‘when
hell freezes over.’ The months that had followed their break-up had been horrible
and it had taken her a long time to put herself back together again. Their
years together had done a number on her self-esteem, she knew, but the break-up
had been almost as bad. The fragile self-worth she’d retained by them staying
together had shattered. She’d spent the first week barely leaving her bed.

But, now, he said
he was different. He’d actually admitted that he’d treated her badly and said
that he was sorry. Things wouldn’t be the same if they tried again.

Philip’s face
popped into her head. That complicated things. She was falling for Philip, she
knew, but what she didn’t know was how he felt about her. The sex was amazing,
that much was undeniable, but was that all there was to them? All right, today,
he’d been sweet while they’d been fucking in the stairwell, but she still
thought of it as fucking and not making love. He’d told her that she was
beautiful and how much he loved hearing her, but was it just ‘pillow talk’? He’d
seemed concerned about her being distracted during their meeting, had
deliberately intervened with Jodie, and had even given her the day off, but he
hadn’t called her today to check in. She wasn’t sure what he’d meant by ‘when
he needed her’ either. Had he just meant for work and his lack of communication
just meant that he hadn’t needed assistance after his meeting? Or, had it been
something else? An innuendo that meant he might need her for a more personal
need? No matter what he’d meant, he hadn’t called, so he hadn’t needed her.

Brad, on the other
hand, was looking at her expectantly, a hopeful expression on his handsome
face. At that moment, she could still see a bit of the boy she’d fallen in love
with in the man before her. It hadn’t all been bad. He’d chosen her, a nobody
sophomore, when he could’ve had anyone, including the head cheerleader. He’d
defended her when his buddies had teased him about his choice. He’d even
knocked out Gregor Childes when the football player had made a comment about
Brad ‘slumming it.’ No one had dared pick on her after that. Even the girls who’d
hated her because she had the boy they all wanted didn’t say a bad word against
her. No one wanted to be on Brad’s bad side.

The good times hadn’t
just been in high school either. Three weeks into her freshman year of college,
she’d gotten sick. It had been the first time she’d been sick away from home
and she’d been miserable. Brad had called her mother and asked about all of the
things that she’d do when Jennifer was sick. He’d shown up in her dorm room
with chicken soup, crackers, and a stack of dvds, all of her favorites. Since
she’d left her childhood stuffed bear at home, he’d bought her the only stuffed
animal he’d been able to find – the school’s mascot. It was currently sitting
in the top of her closet. When Rachel had helped her clear out all of Brad’s
pictures and mementos, she’d saved the little brown badger. She just couldn’t
bring herself to throw it away.

“Jen, say
something,” Brad’s voice held an edge of desperation. “Am I too late? Is there
someone else?”

“Brad,” Jennifer
hesitated, suddenly unsure of what she was going to say. She wasn’t even
entirely sure anymore of what she wanted. Finally, she answered him honestly.
“I need some time to think.”

A look of relief
washed over him and he stood. “I understand. Take as much time as you need. I’m
not going anywhere.”

Jennifer nodded and
walked with Brad to door. When it shut, she sank to the floor, resting her head
on the door. What had she done? Why had she given him hope? She’d sworn she’d
never get back together with him, but at the time, she’d never really thought
it would be a possibility. Now it wasn’t just a possibility but an actual
offer. All she had to do was say ‘yes.’ Part of her argued that she’d be stupid
to take him back, that he’d just fall back into old habits, but another part of
her asked what it would be like if he really had changed. It would be a do-over
for them. The relationship would be what it had been meant to be from the
beginning.

Then there was
Philip. Did she really want to risk losing what she had started with him? But,
she didn’t know what that something was. What if she turned Brad down and
Philip got tired of her? What if it wasn’t anything more than physical to him?
And if it was something more to Philip, how did she know that she wanted that? She
didn’t really know him, after all, not like she knew Brad.

It wasn’t a
question of whether or not she was willing to take a risk. The question was,
what risk was she willing to take? The familiar path could take a bad turn, but
it would at least be one she’d know. The unknown that could break her heart or
take her to places she’d never been.

She had a choice to
make and no idea what it would be.