Endless Obsession (36 page)

“The key underneath the potted plant by your front door.” I cringe with my answer, knowing it sounds fucked up. “I took it and made copies.”

I wince when her fingernails dig into my arm, but I’ll take the pain. I’ll endure any pain she dishes out at me. I’m just glad she’s actually talking to me. The silent treatment I was getting before was eating me alive.

She unsticks her nails from my arm and sits up, keeping her back to me as she sits on the side of the bed. I want her nails digging back into my skin. I want her warmth back against me.

“Were you the one that went through my drawer that night?” she asks, her head lowered.

“No,” I respond, my voice hard. Memories of the video feed and what the sick fuck did play havoc on my mind.

I reach my hand out to touch her back, but drop it to the mattress right before I make contact. Her body is rigid as she sits there, and I worry I’ll make her more distant if I touch her again.

It takes her a minute to reply, like she’s weighing my answer to see if she believes me. I don’t know if she concludes that I’m telling the truth, or if she’s choosing to work around my answer.

“Since you had cameras in my place, were you able to see the guy that did?”

“No,” I sigh regretfully. “He must have known about the cameras because he knew just how to avoid them.”

She nods and stays silent. I get up from the bed and walk around it to stand in front of her. I drop to my knees, making sure to keep my distance.

“Hey,” I call, and wait several seconds for her to bring her eyes to mine. When she does, I rock back on my heels at her devastated look. I can’t hold back anymore and scoot forward on my knees until they touch her feet. I reach out with my hand, intent on taking hers that are sitting in her lap, twisting the material of her shirt, but she balls them into fists, preventing me from grabbing them. I drop them back to my thighs.

I look deep into her eyes and say with so much conviction, there’s no way she can’t believe me. “I’m going to get this guy, Beautiful. You don’t need to worry about him. I don’t know what he has planned, but he won’t bother you again.”

Her eyes flicker back and forth between mine, taking in my words. There’s no way I’m letting this guy get to her. From what I saw and the message he sent, I know he has something planned, and it’s not something nice. I may be obsessed with Poppy, but my obsession is totally different than his. Whereas I want to keep her safe, his actions prove he wants to harm her in some way.

She blinks and a single tear leaks out of her eye. All I can do is sit here helplessly and watch it trail down her face. I clench my hands into fists and feel my own eyes gather moisture. I haven’t cried since I was twelve years old and fell out of a tree in my parents’ backyard. This woman literally takes me to my knees and brings tears to my eyes.

“Why?” she whispers, her voice cracking. “Why not just come to me? Why not ask me out on a date like a normal person? Why spy on me? Why lie to me over and over again for a year? Why make me fall for you, knowing that what you were doing would hurt me? Did you even care for me at all?”

“Yes!” I say vehemently. I scoot forward more until my knees straddle her feet, my chest meets her knees, and her legs rub the inside of my thighs. I place my hands on either side of her hips and bring my face close to hers. She sucks in a sharp breath and leans back at my close proximity, but I don’t back down. What I have to say next is too important.

“There’s no way to explain my feelings for you. They’re too strong to put into words and no matter how long I live, it wouldn’t be enough time to show you how I feel. You are everything to me.
Every-fucking-thing!”
I stress the word. “Every breath I take, I take for you. Every beat of my heart is for you. Every smile I see that graces your face, makes my life shine so bright it’s damn near blinding. Your laugh is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. Your beauty outshines even the most gorgeous possessions. My need for you outweighs anything I’ve ever wanted. You are the single most important thing I would give everything up for.”

More tears trickle down her face before she wipes them away. “Then why?”

“Because I couldn’t—”

I’m interrupted when Hayes’ voice sounds over the speaker. I don’t know if what I was about to say would sway Poppy, but I obviously can’t tell her now. I know she’ll have more questions once I tell her why I didn’t come to her in the first place, and I don’t have time. I clench my jaw, pushing back the urge to put my fist through something at the interruption.

There’s a knock at the door before Devin’s muffled voice can be heard. “Sir, we need you both to take your seats.”

I get up from the floor and hold my hand out to Poppy, desperately hoping she’ll take it. It’ll mean I haven’t totally lost her yet. My heart sinks when she just looks at it. Instead, she stands on her own and takes a step away from me.

Letting out a painful breath, I walk to the door and hold it open for her. “Ladies first,” I mutter dejectedly.

She holds her head high as she walks to her seat and buckles herself in. Even knowing I’ve had my fill of whiskey today, I still stop at the small bar, pour myself a shot, and down it before taking my own seat. It doesn’t take us long before we’re touching down. Out my window, I see Benjamin waiting for us by the car. As we make our way off the plane, he walks over and grabs our bags to deposit them into the trunk. It’s a thirty-minute drive to Poppy’s place, so I’m hoping I’ll have the opportunity to talk to her during the car ride. My hopes are dashed when I slide in behind her and see her pulling out a pair of earbuds and slipping them in her ears.

I release a tired sigh. The silence between us is slowly destroying me. I’m trying my hardest to give her time, but being so close to her and not being able to touch or talk to her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

All too soon, we pull up to Poppy’s house. I don’t get out of the car and she doesn’t remove her earbuds. We both just sit in silence, with me looking at her and her looking forward. Tired of her ignoring me, I pull one earbud from her ear. She still doesn’t look at me.

“Poppy,” I say softly, trying to draw her attention to me. “I’d like to explain.”

“It doesn’t matter, Asher,” she says with a hint of attitude. “There’s nothing you can say that will make what you did better. I thought maybe it would… no, I
prayed
it would, but in the end it won’t change anything. You lied to me, tricked me, and spied on me. You took away my privacy, broke into my house, manipulated my life.”

“You’re right.” I turn to face her. “I did those things, but there’s a reason why I didn’t come to you. If you’ll just let me—”

She holds her hand up to stop me from continuing. I hold my tongue and bite back a pathetic groan at the look in her eyes when she finally looks at me. When I wanted her to fall for me, I never realized how hurt she would be when the truth finally came out. That pain is plain to see right now and it triples my own.

“Just stop,” she pleads. “Let me go. You’ve already caused enough damage. I can’t take much more.”

It’s the devastation in her voice that has me holding back from forcing the issue. I’m not giving up by no means—that will never happen—but I will retreat and wait for another day to finish this conversation. I nod and push my door open. Benjamin is already at the trunk, setting Poppy’s luggage on the sidewalk. She follows behind me as I carry her stuff to her front door. I can tell from her rigid body she’d rather carry her own stuff, but that shit’s not happening.

After unlocking the door, she turns to block me from entering. “I’ve got it from here.”

I’ve seen her house during the day before, but it’s weird being here now, especially with her standing in front of me. I’ve waited months to be welcome here as Asher. I wish I was welcome now, but I know that’s not the case, and if it was up to Poppy, I’ll never be welcome.

I set her bags beside the door and turn to face her. “Wyatt will be here tomorrow to pick up the cameras and tracking device. I’ll have him call you when he’s on his way.”

“Okay.” She keeps her eyes pinned over my shoulder.

I shift closer to her and her eyes raise to mine. Something flares in their depths, and I take a chance and step closer. Her back meets the door when she retreats. I ignore the panic I see enter her eyes and focus instead on the small flash of longing she tries to hide. It’s so deeply hidden that it’s hard to see, but I saw it.

I put my hands on either side of her head on the door and lean toward her. Her eyes grow wide with uncertainty and her breath hitches slightly.

“What are you doing?” she asks. Desire, fear, and anger swirl in her eyes. The fear is what hurts the most.

“I’m going to leave. I’ll give you what you need and give you time, but I’m not giving you up. You’re still mine, Poppy, just as Sterling told you over and over again.”

“Sterling isn’t real,” she says, a hard edge to her tone.

I remove my hands from the door and dig my fingers into her hair with my palms resting against her cheeks. She tries to pull away, but I don’t allow it. I hold her in place and lay my forehead against hers.

“Sterling is very real,” I breathe, my lips only centimeters from hers. “He’s more real than you realize.”

Her eyes fall closed when she says forcefully, “You’re wasting your time. I can’t be with someone that lies to me. You scare me. I have no idea what you’re capable of.”

I kiss her forehead and murmur, “I’m capable of a lot of things, Beautiful, but harming you will never be one of them.” It may be a mistake, but I tell her one more thing. Something I’ve felt from the moment I saw her and has grown every single day since then. “I love you.”

I hear her muffled sob, but before she has the chance to respond, I release her and take a step back. The sadness is back in her eyes. The tears she’s trying so hard to hold back almost has me going back to her. Leaving her is the last thing I want to do, but it’s what she needs right now. I spotted Rex’s two men sitting in a car one house down when we pulled up, so I know she won’t be alone.

“Keep your doors locked,” I tell her sternly and take another step back.

She doesn’t answer my demand, but I know she heard it. I stay halfway between her house and the car and wait for her to grab her suitcase and carry it inside. It hurts when she doesn’t look back at me, but I force the pain away.

Soon, I’ll have her back and nothing will become between us again.

I close the door behind me, making sure to lock it. I’m still in a state of shock at what I just witnessed. Asher wasn’t lying when he said he had cameras throughout my house. I followed the tall blond man, Wyatt, as he went to each room and pulled out tiny cameras from small hiding places I would have never thought to look. Wyatt went to each one, like he knew just where they were. I’m hoping that Asher told him where he placed them and didn’t know their location because he’s seen the footage. I wouldn’t think that Asher would allow that, but what do I know? With each camera revealed, the churning in my stomach grew. Every single room had a camera, except for the bathroom. Knowing I kept that small bit of privacy doesn’t help make me feel better.

I turn and watch out the small window in my front door as Wyatt climbs in his big truck. Before driving off, he pulls his phone out and speaks with someone for a couple minutes. I’m sure he’s probably telling Asher that the cameras have all been removed. When he first knocked on my door, I was reluctant to let him in. Anyone to do with Asher makes me nervous, especially with the reason why he was here. But my need to have the cameras gone had me pulling the door open and allowing him entrance. I don’t know for sure if he got them all, but for some unknown, asinine reason, I don’t think Asher would allow him to leave any behind. I may not trust him anymore, but it’s obvious he’s in pain as well. I just don’t know if it’s because he lost something he considers his property or if it’s because he genuinely cares about me.

Last night was hard. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, knowing there were cameras all around me. I didn’t even try to find them, knowing that even if I did manage to find any, I wouldn’t have been able to find them all. I hated being here, in my own home, knowing Asher could have been watching me at any given second. I wonder if he did. I actually hid in my shower to change my clothes, and I sure as hell didn’t sleep naked. It’s been years since I slept with clothes on. I don’t know if it was that that kept me up last night, knowing everything that I do now, or if it was the dreams I had. Either way, I got maybe an hour of sleep, and now I’m exhausted.

My phone rings from the kitchen, pulling me from my thoughts. Even hearing my phone ring frays my nerves. Each time it does, my stupid freaking heart leaps, knowing it could be Asher. I don’t want to talk to him, but I still can’t help but miss him. I miss Sterling too, with his slight accent that I feel a fool falling for.

I grab my phone with sweaty palms and look down at the display. Disappointment and relief both play in my head at seeing Liv’s name. I push ignore instead of answering it. She’s called several times since yesterday, but I’m still not ready to talk to her yet. I hate keeping her in the dark, she’s the closest thing to family I have, but there’s no telling what she’ll do once she finds out what Asher did. Today’s Monday, so I’m sure she went to work. I’m sure Asher did as well. After all, we’re no longer in Texas anymore, so there’s no reason for him to stay home. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize her job, and I know she’ll freak out and feel obligated to say something to him that may cause just that.

I called in first thing this morning. I purposely waited until ten minutes after eight to ensure that someone else was in the office besides Asher. My excuse was that I was sick, but I’m sure once Asher found out I wasn’t coming in he saw through my ruse. Stupid he is not. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to work for him. It would be too hard to see him every day and not touch him.

I try to occupy my time by doing mundane things. Rearranging my living room, cleaning the spare room, going through and discarding old clothes, sitting out on the back porch and reading. Nothing works. The only thing I manage to do is picture Asher in each room I go to. My visions moved from him wandering around, plundering through my things, to us both sitting on my couch, snuggled up, watching a movie. Or me standing at the stove cooking dinner while he sat at the bar, watching me. Us cozied up in bed, murmuring nonsense to each other as we wait for sleep to come for us. Me sitting on his lap in a lounge chair on the back porch, him drinking his nasty beer while I drink my wine.

It was those visions that kept me on the verge of tears. I want those things to come true so much. Both Asher and Sterling were everything I wanted in a man. Protective, sweet, kind, smart, hardworking, tenacious. Although his intense belief that I was his as Sterling could come off as too strong sometimes, I still loved that he felt that strongly about me. Besides my parents, I’ve never had that feeling before. I’ve never been so completely wanted by a man.

I pull myself from my thoughts as I make my way to my room. It’s probably futile to even attempt, but my body is running on empty. I lay down on my white comforter and roll to my side. Gathering my pillow, I hug it to my chest. I try to push thoughts of Asher aside, but they just won’t leave me. Why can’t I get him out of my head? You’d think after what he did I’d despise him, but my stupid heart won’t let me. Yes, I’m angry and hurt by his actions. I hate knowing how vulnerable I was with him, and I still feel a small bout of fear, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m making a mistake by pushing him away. What if what we had was real? What if he truly does love me? What if his actions were born out of desperation, or if the excuse he has for not coming to me is sincere and reasonable? What if my fears and anger are keeping me away from the best thing that could ever happen to me?

But what if he’s dangerous?
my mind taunts me.

That’s what’s holding me back. The unknown. If he’s capable of putting cameras in my house, sending me on dates with jerks, following me around in his car, and breaking into my house at night, what else is he capable of? It’s strange, really. When I knew him as just Sterling, someone I didn’t know at all, my desire to know him more far outweighed my fear of the unknown. But now that I have a face to go with the name and it’s someone I knew all along, my fear is keeping me from moving forward. It’s the pain of betrayal that won’t let me accept him for who he is and what he’s done. That’s what I can’t get over.

My phone at my hip jingles an incoming text. My heart pounds heavily in my chest when I read the message.

Asher:
I miss you.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to force the tears back, but they fall anyway. I miss him so much it takes my breath away until I can’t breathe. I only had him for two days as Asher, but I had him for weeks as Sterling. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but the two
are
the same. Their mannerisms and attitudes are so close; I’m surprised I didn’t see it before.

I don’t answer him, but I tuck my phone close to my head, just in case he texts back. I’m torturing myself with wishing he’ll reach out again. It’s stupid of me and only confuses me more, but my heart won’t let me feel anything else.

I throw a punch at my pillow, pissed he took away my happiness, then stuff my face in the damn thing, using it to muffle the broken sobs I know will take me a long time to overcome.

I don’t know how I managed it, but somehow I fell asleep. When I pull my eyes open, they feel swollen, and a piercing pain shoots through my head. I roll to my back and stare up at the ceiling, trying to get the pressure to go down. This is what I get for crying myself to sleep.

Once I’m reasonably sure that I won’t fall flat on my face when I get up, I slowly get up from the bed and go to the bathroom. I groan when I see my face in the mirror. I look an awful mess with my hair tangled, my face blotched with red, and my eyes bloodshot. After rinsing and drying my face, I walk out of my room, just as a knock sounds at my door. My steps are slow as I walk over to the door and peek out my window. A man in a white dress shirt, black slacks, and a black tie stands on my stoop. It’s what he’s carrying though that has me sucking in a breath. I thought he wouldn’t send them anymore, and it’s certainly not the day he normally does.

Confused, touched, and a little miffed at his audacity, I reluctantly pull open the door and see a big vase filled with pale purple roses. The man greets me with a charming smile. “Miss Lexington?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“I have a delivery for you. Would you like me to carry them in for you?”

As much as I enjoy getting the beautiful flowers, I can’t continue to accept them. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea if I do. This madness needs to stop. He promised to give me time, but him doing this isn’t that. Time really doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t go back to him.

“I don’t want them. Take them back, please,” I tell the guy.

He looks confused, like he’s unsure how to proceed. I’m sure it’s not every day that someone refuses a beautiful vase full of flowers. I certainly never thought I would.

“Umm… I-I’m not sure…” he stutters. Clearing his throat, tries again. “I’m not supposed to take them back. You’re supposed to keep them,” he finishes with a frown.

I blow out a breath and reach for the flowers, just wanting the guy to leave. I accept them, but they are going straight into the trash.

I bump the door closed with my hip after the flustered guy turns on his heel, eyeing me strangely over his shoulder. I try really hard not to look at the flowers I’m now holding as I walk to the kitchen, but my eyes won’t listen to my mind. My damn feet won’t take me to the trash can either. Instead, they lead me over to the bar and my treacherous hands put them down on the counter. I spy the card that’s attached to the plastic clip and before I can stop myself, my hand is reaching for it and sliding the card out. I loathe myself when my heart jumps at seeing the message inside.

I miss seeing your beautiful face.

Forever yours,

Asher

Why does this have to be so hard?
I tip my head back to blink away the tears and silently plead for God to answer me.

I stuff the card back inside the small envelope and set it down on the counter. I run a finger down a petal, missing the softness and scent of the roses. The ones I had before I left are all dead and thrown out in my garbage can outside. That was one of the first things I did when I came home yesterday, not wanting the reminder of what I briefly had. I don’t think I can get rid of these, though.

I turn my back on them and walk aimlessly around my house. I feel lost. I’m used to being at work right now, not sitting around at home with nothing to do. I’ve always worked, from the time I was fifteen up until the bank took the hardware store away and the small amount of time before I started working for Asher. I need something to do, but I don’t know what. I’ve done all the cleaning I can. I’m not in the mood to work on the family tree. Reading and watching TV doesn’t appeal to me at the moment. I didn’t realize how boring my life was until now.

The park.

I can go to the park and feed the ducks. That always cheers me up when I’m down. I just hope it holds my attention today. My stomach grumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten yet, so I make myself a sandwich to go along with me. I slip several extra slices of bread into the clear container for the ducks and walk back to my room for my phone. It rings, just as I pick it up from the bed.

It’s Liv again. Guilt eats at me as I press ignore. I’ll call her this evening. If I don’t, I’m sure her and Tony will be banging down my door. I look at the time on my phone and notice it’s after five, which means she’s off work by now, which also means she could show up any minute.

The phone dings with a new message.

Liv:
Why in the hell are you avoiding me? Can you at least let me know you’re alive. I’m worried about you.

Damn it. I can’t do this to her. She’s always been there for me. I can’t leave her completely in the dark. I hate knowing she’s worried about me and there’s something I can do to relieve that worry.

I type as I walk down the hallway back to the kitchen.

Me:
I’m fine. I’ll call you this evening. I’m sorry.

That should tie her over until tonight, or at least I hope it does. I know I’m being a shitty friend. She would be here for me in a heartbeat. She loves me just as much as I love her, and I’d do anything for her.

I close out of the text app and am just getting ready to slip it back in my pocket when my phone rings again.

What the hell is this, Grand Central Station?

It shows up as a private number, and an eerie sense of foreboding washes over me. Could it be the same guy that sent me the threatening message in the car in Dallas? Asher said he wouldn’t bother me anymore, but how can he be so sure? The ringing stops, but before I can feel relief, a shiver races down my spine. I don’t know how I know, but I
know
there are eyes on me, watching me. I look around the room, zeroing in on each window I can see. My feet carry me backwards until I’m in the mouth of the hallway, just out of sight of all the windows. If I can’t see them, then they can’t see me. I jump and shriek when my phone rings again in my trembling hand.