Enchanted by The Lord (Historical Victorian Romance) (4 page)

Chapter 10

The next day I avoid Lord Guy, confining myself to my room. I need to think through exactly what happened last night, and how it might change things. I cannot face Lady Harriet, and fortunately she hasn’t called for me. I know deep inside that what I had done was wrong, and against everything I have been brought up to believe. It is my love for Lord Guy that is all consuming. It will have to end eventually; after all he is betrothed to another. Yet, in the back of my mind I dare to hope that he may choose to marry me instead.

As much as I yearn to see him once again, I decide to dine early in the hope of avoiding him. To my dismay, he is already in the dining room, and he summons me over to his table. We hardly speak to each other, as we eat our meal, but I do catch him glancing at me when I also sneak a look at him. We give each other the occasional knowing smile, but we both seem somewhat talented actors, and we behave as if nothing has happened.

After dinner, I attend to Lady Harriet, as I always do. Strangely, I feel no guilt, too enraptured in my own happiness. Somehow, I manage to cut the connection out of my own mind, that I have just made love with her fiancé. Whilst I have just made love with a wonderful man, my mind plays tricks on me, disguising my real behaviour. I am pleased to see that she is slightly improved, and I spoon feed her with a light broth. The room is ablaze with the heat of a coal fire, and being from the coast, I find this stifling. All curtains are shut tight, to ensure there are no drafts. This, for me, leaves the air in the room, stale. I have been raised with fresh air as a cure for most illnesses. Automatically, I open a curtain and a window, just a tiny bit, to allow the air outside to bring us some clarity to our stuffy heads.

“Miss Blackwood, I will freeze if you allow that draft into my room,” Lady Harriet complains.

I did not have the patience to explain to this spoiled child, how she would feel much better with fresh air circulating within her sick room. So I simply closed the window and the curtain.

“I thought you may like to feel the outdoors, Lady Harriet. I know you must be longing to join the dances?” I say, more as a statement rather than a question. It is general knowledge that young ladies of Lady Harriet’s age, long to join in social occasions.

Even I was one for social gatherings at her age, and joined in the gossip that invariably happens at such occasions. Though as I grew older, I began to realize that most of the chatter of females is malicious, always targeting some poor soul to undermine them. I’m glad to say that I soon grew out of that.

“Have you seen Lord Guy, today?” she asks, sitting up and leaning on her pillows.

“Indeed,” I answer with ease, for the Lord Guy in her head and the one in mine are two different characters. “I have just been giving him an update on your recovery, over dinner, in the public dining room,” I inform her.

“Does he look terribly lonely?” she asks, with the pining of young lady.

“He looked very well, Lady Harriet. I imagine he is availing himself of the numerous card games that seem to be ongoing, while he awaits your recovery. Once I inform him that you are improved, he will be visiting you, I am sure.”

Though I want Guy for myself, as much as possible, I am well aware that normality cannot be altered. The fact that my lover is about to marry does not yet register in my silly head. Do not ask me how this can be; it is just a state of someone in a romantic dream world, which, at this time, is me.

Later that evening, I leave Lady Harriet’s room and return to my own, only to find a naked Guy in my bed. As soon as I enter my own room, I am no longer a governess, but a woman in love. We make passionate love and he stays in my bed all evening.

The next morning we dare to breakfast together, in the public dining area. Normally, I would simply have a tray sent up, but to been seen with Guy in public, even though it is a facade, is a giddy notion. Of course, we share no personal contact in public, but occasionally our eyes will meet and that is enough to carry me through.

After breakfast, he comes with me to visit his fiancé, and she was overjoyed to see him. As soon as we set foot through her bedroom door, I switch my mind into being a governess, and all is well. I am still in love with a man, but it was not this Lord Guy before me. No, somehow my mind has managed to separate my Guy, who comes to me at every possible chance, from the one who is to marry Lady Harriet.

Chapter 11

I am waking up with a happy heart, but unfortunately, my heart is ruling my head and I am given no intelligent thoughts as to what I am doing. Performing my usual morning duties, with a tune on my lips, I enter the room of my charge, Lady Harriet.

“I would like to dress today, and hopefully take a walk with Guy,” she instructs me as I whip open her curtains to allow the sun to shine through her window. “Is he available today, do you know Miss Blackwood?”

“I’m afraid I have no idea of Lord Guy’s plans today.” I say without giving it much thought. “I do not usually speak with him until the luncheon period. Though I think he will be pleased to see you up and about, Lady Harriet.”

I request the manager of the hotel to arrange for a bath, for Lady Harriet. I am not employed to be her personal maid. Helping her to dress and arrange her hair are not tasks I know how to do for another, anyway. When we first arrived, we simply took on the employ of a young maid within the hotel. Between us, we soon had her looking the part of a rich young lady.

Walking with her to where I would normally see Lord Guy, I was somewhat surprised to find he was not there. When I ask at hotel reception, I am informed that he has gone out for the day, and they were not expecting his return until the evening. This was disappointing news for my charge and for me too. I am most aggrieved at the thought of not seeing him all day. I suppose you could say this is the start of my mind finally seeing some sense to the whole situation, although it does not have an immediate effect. It is to be some days before I come to realize the truth of my precarious situation.

It is my task to see that Lady Harriet is entertained, so I suggest a walk in Sydney Gardens, of which she heartily agrees to. I do like to walk in the open air, but I am not one to stop and chatter. However, we are not on this walk for my benefit, and I will have to grin and bear my task this day. It seems that Lady Harriet is recognized by far too many young men, of the gentry. Considering she has only just got herself out of her sick bed this very morning, she seems abound with energy. She smiles and makes small talk countless times. Luckily, no one mentions the wedding, though many a young man make dough eyes at her, attempting to charm and flatter her with their constant compliments.

For Lady Harriet, I am nonexistent, merely a forced presence required by etiquette. For the first time I observe her with others, and I decide that she is a silly, spoilt girl who really does need to grow up and mature. In my opinion, she is not ready for marriage, but, of course, it is not my place to state the obvious. And, of course, my opinion may be swayed by my own personal involvement with her intended. I do believe that marriage will come as a shock to her, once she realizes that she can no longer behave like the spoilt, attention seeking madam that she is. It will shake her entire perception of life, and I hope she adapts quickly, or she will be totally miserable.

Perhaps I am just allowing my own jealousy to come to the fore. Yes, that must be it. Surely she cannot be all that bad? I think I have come to the conclusion that I do not like being a companion. I neither have the patience or the character to be a person who can provide personal support. I do know my status in life, and it is my ambition to share my education, and not be a nursemaid to anyone.

By the time we return to the hotel, I am almost ready to plead my case for us to return home, to the Duke’s residence. My day has been difficult, watching the young Lady Harriet preen herself in front of her peers. However, I know if I’m patient just a little longer, I will have my reward in the form of Lord Guy’s company. This is all that carries me through my time accompanying Lady Harriet.

In the evening I dine alone. Not for the first time since our arrival in Bath, but this time I feel a loneliness that has not presented before. Lord Guy has been an attentive dining companion, up until this day. Now, my curiosity is maddening and I do wonder at where he could have gone to. Lady Harriet has taken a small meal in her room, as her appetite has not yet fully returned. I feel sure had Lord Guy been here, she would have eaten in the dining room with us.

After dinner I attend to my charge and listen to her chatter as she tells me about her day, who she saw and who said what to whom. Of course, I am fully aware of the whole event as I was there, but that does not seem to make any difference. Lady Harriet’s head is full of nonsense, and the sooner she returns to the classroom, the sooner I can put something intelligent in there.

Though it is doubtful she will ever return to the classroom. I cannot help but feel a certain pity that a woman of such means appears to have the intelligence of a frog. Perhaps that may be an insult to the poor frog, but I do wish I could shake the silliness out of said Lady Harriet.

Finally, she tires and falls asleep as I sit by her bedside, reading the latest Jane Austin novel, which is a sheer delight. At last, I can meander to my own room and perhaps see if Lord Guy has returned yet. Quietly, I leave the maid in the room and make my way to my own quarters.

Chapter 12

I return to my room and wait for Guy’s arrival, changing into my nightdress in anticipation of our lovemaking. Suddenly, the thought hits me, that once Lady Harriet is up and about, we may never get the opportunity to make love together. We will be limited to sneaky rendezvous in the early hours of the morning, to continue our illicit tryst.

Up to now, Guy and I have not discussed how we will manage our relationship in the future. I have been so enraptured at being completely in love with such a handsome young man, that I have thought of nothing and no one but myself. I wonder if he will break off his engagement with Lady Harriet, for me? Does he love me enough to do that, to face the scandal that would ensue? I hope so, for I am willing to go through all the terrible gossip and malicious whispers, if he is. I am resolved to speaking with him on this very matter this evening, to see if he has also been thinking it over. Surely he would want this as much as I, or why else would he have worked so hard to earn my devotions?

I fall asleep whilst waiting for him. When I awake, I see it is the early hours of the morning. Now I begin to worry for him as he has been out all day without letting anyone know where he was going. Concerned for his safety, I decide to surreptitiously creep off to his room. The hallways are left lit all night with oil lamps. Fortunately his room is not far from mine, and thankfully, I see no one on the journey there. Besides, if Guy agrees this evening to take our relationship forward, then I will not have to sneak around for much longer.

I reach his door unobserved, and turn the handle. As usual, his room is unlocked, so I quietly enter.  I cannot understand why he never feels the need to lock his door. This is a public hotel and anyone could walk into a room. Still, Guy is a powerfully built man and he could probably fight off an intruder. Still, it is risky; it is something I will speak to him about.

As I close the door behind me, I can hear a noise from his bedroom, a quiet moaning sound, and wonder if he is asleep and having a nightmare. Unlike my own small room, both Lady Harriet and Lord Guy have a suite of rooms. Slowly, I approach the bedroom door and I can see there is a light on; perhaps he is awake after all.

Opening the door I am confronted with a dreadful sight. Guy is indeed awake, and straddling him is a naked female. I feel violently sick and cannot believe what my eyes are telling me. I have been played for a fool.

Neither of them notices me; they are so occupied in their lovemaking. I watch, totally transfixed as they copulate together, oblivious to my presence. In my shock I let out a small gasp of horror at the vision before me.

“Ah, Miss Blackwood,” I hear Guy’s voice; his female companion gasps in shock and makes some attempt to cover her modesty.

“It’s fine, she is just the governess,” he says, cruelly. “Please, do shut the door on your way out.”

Which, I do. I don’t know how but I manage to return to my own room. I find myself lying on my bed, sobbing out my heart to a pillow. I just don’t understand; I truly believed that Guy loved me. He had told me so many times how beautiful he found me. Why had I allowed him to bed me out of marriage? Why, oh why had I done that? Because I had believed him, that’s why. I believed his lies. I had thought that he genuinely loved me. Now, I feel such a fool, such a stupid fool. My emotions are in a terrible turmoil, jumping from self-pity to extreme sadness. The tears flow and I am completely devastated. Before long a new emotion arises, one of anger and hatred. It is true what they say about a woman scorned, if he was here now, in front of me, I could not be held responsible for my actions.

For the rest of the evening, I lay restlessly in my bed, my head in turmoil as I try to come to terms with his deception. I must have fallen asleep though as the next thing I know, I am roused from my slumber by a knock at my door. I drag myself out of bed to unlock the door and see the maid carrying my breakfast tray. Automatically, I take it out of her hands and thank her.

“Ma’am, are you not well?” she asks me, a worried frown on her face.

“No, no I’m not,” I reply, slowly coming to my senses. “Could you kindly take the tray away, I do not wish to breakfast this morning,” I instruct her.

She gives me a small curtsey and a warm smile, “Yes, of course, ma’am. Shall I get you an apothecary?”

“No, no, that will not be necessary. It is not medicine I need, but a new head,” I reply.

“Do you have a headache, ma’am? I can bring you something for it if you wish?” she kindly offers.

“I will be fine, thank you for your concern. Though could you kindly get a message to Lady Harriet for me?”

I hand her a note that I had written in the early hours. It is merely a message indicating that I am not well, and could the maid arrange for to find her a new companion for a few days. I wrote this as I did not wish to see either Lady Harriet or Lord Guy. I need time to decide what I am to do with myself, now that I know how I have been fooled. She takes the note and I shut my door. I am in no fit state to face the problems of the world, today. In all honesty, I feel the tears begin to fall down my cheeks once again. At first I feel sheer anger at being so easily deceived. Now, I feel mortified and tearful. Climbing back into my bed, I allow myself to sob. Feeling tired, I hope that I may fall asleep again and shut out the world.