Embracing Emma (Companion to Brisé) (4 page)

“We still end up at the dock.”

“Sure, but that’s a dull end to your first date.”

“
Our
first date, William. And it’s perfect. I’d like my first kiss, our first kiss to be where I first realized I had a crush on my best friend.”

I close my eyes and inhale. “Ems, get out of the truck and go home before our first kiss is in the front seat of my truck, in the middle of our neighborhood, with our parents staring out the windows.” I hear her laughter, the melody hitting me straight in the gut, and when I hear her door shut, I gradually exhale, fighting my body to capture her and haul her back to me.

I feel I’ve waited my entire life for this day. Fishing, ballet classes, cookouts, birthdays, Christmases, and every other holiday…it’s all brought me here. My future.

Our future. It’s like it was pre-destined. We are following her parents’ story minus the cancer and Emma being a ballerina. That girl can’t walk and chew gum, let alone twirl on her toes.

I shut the front door. “Is that you William?” I roll my eyes—who else would it be.

“It’s me. Expecting someone?”

“Phoebe may stop by, but I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” Subtlety isn’t a trait my dad carries. Well one has it, James, but right now I’m dealing with Brett. It used to be so easy between us; he knew my every thought because there was never a hesitation in me to share them. He was at every sporting event I participated in, every school activity . . . until I asked them to stop coming. Pretty shitty of me, but you try being a teenage boy with two fathers. I couldn’t choose, and everyone knew the situation, so I just sat them both down and told them it was embarrassing to have my parents there. The looks on their faces made me feel worse because it wasn’t just devastation, but disappointment, too That was three years ago, and I’m still waiting for them to give up on me. I’m embarrassed I took the easy road, but the insults and name-calling were too much. It became me against every one else, and that was a load I didn’t know how to carry.

“What did you need, Dad?” Brett’s always been Dad. James is Pop.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were taking Emma on a date tomorrow?” I just asked her. I’m positive Luke told Phoebe, Phoebe told Brett, and here we are.

I shrug my shoulders and am met with his determined stare. Face stoic, no muscle twitch, he’ll wait all day. “It’s not a big deal.” I cringe internally because it’s the biggest fucking deal of my life.

“No big deal? Is she just another girl to you?” His voice is laced with astonishment. If he knew how I felt about her, he wouldn’t question me. Everything I do is for her. Football is my dream but it’s also a way I can take care of her. Our future will be secure if I make it into the pros. All the training, all the time away from her . . . it all factors into my end game. Playing football I let the noises fade and become part of a game; it’s more than a sport to me. I’ve put in the work, the effort is paying off, I just wish they’d see it.

“You act like I whore around.”

“Mouth, young man.”

“I wouldn’t have asked her out if it didn’t mean something.”

“She’s special, William. I don’t want her hurt.”

“Got it.” I turn on my heels, ignoring the rest of his words.
Don’t hurt Emma. She’s special.
I know all this, but what about me . . . I matter in this equation. How is he so blind to how I feel or how much she means to me? I don’t deny or hide my feelings in regards to her, but when I cut him out of my life, it’s like he lost interest in me. I throw my backpack, letting it bounce off the bed, change as fast as possible to running gear, and hit the street. If I stay, I’m liable to blow up at him and all their preconceived notions. At this moment, it’s just my dad, but as soon as Pops walks in the door, they’ll tag team me. They’ll delve into my feelings, cast the guilt trip, tell me how special Emma is . . . like I don’t know that. Once they harp on what I should and shouldn’t do with Emma, it will turn into a lecture about my attitude, my distance from them, am I doing drugs? How are my grades? I just can’t deal with creating the distance I need from them when they constantly try to connect. I yearn to let go of my feelings, embrace them again, and stop denying us the relationship we once had, but I keep a disconnect in all aspects of life . . . except with Ems. I know I should be thrilled to have two parents who love me . . . but I can’t help to think they took what they could get. Two gay men weren’t at top of the list at adoption agencies. They adopted me, but they aren’t my blood. Poor little boy from Honduras whose mom didn’t want him, who had no father. Along with the most American name in history . . . nothing fits me any more. The only thing that makes sense is the girl next door.

The angel created from love.

The one who survived when all odds were against her.

The embodiment of hope.

My Ems.

Chapter Five

Emma

He asked me on a date.

He just made me the happiest girl in the universe.

He will be mine.

Grinning like a loon, I trip into the table sitting in our foyer. “Emma, is that you?”

“Yes, Mom.” The elation I felt walking in the door begins to fade. Is she going to have tear-filled eyes when she greets me, or a smile? I’ll know in an instant how her appointment went.

“Did you break another piece of my glass?” I can breathe. She wouldn’t be so jovial if she were dying.

“Ha-ha. You wound me.” I stare at her, study her movements to see if I notice a change in them.

She comes to a stop in front of me, “I can see from that smile you have a date? And I’m fine. Just like I told you I would be. ”

“Is nothing sacred?” I push myself into her, needing the comfort of her arms to remind me she’s still here. Cancer isn’t taking her from me.

“The day I birthed you, we lost all modesty in our relationship.” She kisses my forehead and pushes me back, holding my face while tweaking my nose.

“Yes, I have a date.” I watch her eyes gleam, and her dimples show as she beams at me.

“Wanna go shopping?”

“As much as I want a root canal without Novocain.”

“I swear you were switched at birth.”

“Look in the mirror.”

“That’s the
only
thing that saves me from returning you to your rightful owners.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“About as graceful as one.” Our banter could last for days. It’s inherent.

“What’s this about shopping? Who is trying to bankrupt me?” my dad booms as he wraps my mom in his arms.

“Nobody, Dad. Mom was trying to get me to give the plastic a work out, but I declined. I don’t want to spend all my inheritance before I have to drop y’all off at a nursing home so I can gallivant all over the world.”

“Thanks for thinking of us, my child.” He isn’t too shabby in his sarcasm. “Is there something in particular you wanted for your birthday?”

“No, Luke. William is taking her out. Remember I warned you. Our baby has her first date tomorrow.” I watch my dad’s face pale as he swallows . . . hard.

He just nods as he takes exit from the room. “I take it he’s thrilled?”

“Emma, he’ll come around. You’re his princess.”

“I’m not worried, Mom. If it was anyone but William I may consider his feelings . . .”

“I get it.” My mom winks. “He’ll get on board. It’s just hard. He still sees you as the little girl with pigtails and a scraped knee. He used to being the only man in your life.”

“If it makes him feel any better, my knee is scraped right now, I can go show it to him.”

“Emma Nichols, you are a mess.”

“I’ll be in my room.”

“Do your homework.”

I mock salute her like the drill sergeant she is as she smacks my butt. I rush to the sanctuary of my room and text my best girl friend, Holly.

ME: I HAVE A DATE!!!!

Holly: Who did you pay?

ME: Nice. You’re learning.

Holly: Who?

ME: William

Holly: William Jacobs?

ME: YES!!!

Holly: Call me!

So I do. She knows how I feel having witnessed my adoration for six years. Why is the first question people ask me about is what I am going to wear. William has seen me puking from the flu, hair unkempt, covered in mud, and he still chose me. I doubt I need to be dressed in debutante attire.

Dinner is a strained affair, my dad pushing his food across the plate, and my mom doing her best to quiet the storm brewing behind his eyes. Her sympathetic looks don’t quell my apprehension. My dad is going to change his mind in regards to me dating. I don’t see that happening any time soon. I push my chair back and find myself outside sitting in the gazebo. The one my parents got married in. I don’t understand my dad’s anxiety about William. He’s known him all his life, loves him, and above all he should begin to trust my judgment.

“You’re right, Princess. Those are all valid points.” I guess I was griping out loud. “But let me tell you my side before you continue berating me.”

He nods at the seat next to me asking permission, and I scoot over to make room for him. “Dad, did I do something to make you doubt me?”

“No, Emma. Neither did William. This is just a dad thing. I know we’ve told you our history. There were certain parts we omitted. We just weren’t sure you were old enough.”

“Star-crossed lovers, best friends, mom’s cancer. You had a big fight, broke up, Mom ran to New York, danced professionally, and realized she loved you, so she found you again.”

“That’s the CliffsNotes version. You and I have always had a special bond. You’re my princess, my baby girl no matter how old you get. I’ll go to my grave still thinking of you as my baby.”

“I know that, and I love you. Is that what worries you? You think I won’t love you anymore?”

“Not really. It’s just hard watching you grow up, knowing you’ll make mistakes. It’s inevitable. You’ll get hurt . . . not necessarily by William, but at some point you guys will fight. My instinct is to protect you from life’s heartaches, but I know I have to let you experience them even though it goes against everything I am.”

“Tell me the non-condensed version of you and Mom.”

“You know we were neighbors. I can’t remember her not being in my life. In my heart. Well, when your grandparents were killed, she was only seventeen. I was in college but was home that weekend. It was her prom, and out of spite she didn’t take me.”

“Spite?”

“I was a stupid boy when I was younger. Let’s leave it at that.” He chuckles. “So I had to be the one to tell your mom that her parents were gone. I felt every one of her tears, like a dagger to my heart. That’s the same thing your tears do to me.” I laugh at him. It’s true. I can turn the waterworks on, and he will do whatever he can to avoid seeing me cry. “I wouldn’t leave her side. My parents were opposed because they felt we moved too fast. Before that time she wasn’t my girlfriend, just my best friend.”

“Like me and William?”

“There are similarities there. But you are a lot stronger than your mom. We sheltered her. She was sick for so long we didn’t want anything to hurt her, so we tended not to do anything to upset her. I don’t regret it because she eventually found her strength, but she had to leave me to become an individual.”

“I’m my own person, Dad.”

“I know that, Emma. I really do, but sometimes young love can blind you to the world around you. It did for your mom and me. I didn’t see how much she was grieving. How sick she was becoming. I ignored it because she let me, she encouraged it.”

“That’s when you found out her cancer wasn’t in remission?”

“Yes, and there was a baby.”

“What?”

“Mom was pregnant when her cancer came back. It’s not only my story to tell, but I wanted to share that part with you. Things happen, lines get crossed, and I know you have a good head on your shoulders, but I never want you to lose yourself. Your mom and I did; so when she left, I died that day, and she never began living. We had to come back as two different people, and I don’t want that to happen to you. This thing between you and William scares me.”

“Do I have a brother or sister?”

“No, Emma you don’t.”

“Did she . . .?” I can’t say the words.

“No, Emma, she didn’t have an abortion. Let that part go for now. Maybe your mom will tell you. I wanted to tell you some of it so you know where I’m coming from. Your mom bonded with you the second she knew she was pregnant. I didn’t have that with the other pregnancy and vowed to do things differently when we found out about you. I knew you were a girl before you were born. I was wrong on the ballerina part, but I knew you’d be my little girl.”

“Are you scared of losing that?”

“More than anything.” He’s getting choked up. “I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want you growing up too fast, but I don’t want to hold you back. I’m trying to find a balance, but all I can see in my mind is swaddling you, bringing you home from the hospital, feeding you . . . it seems like it was all yesterday so forgive me if your old man is struggling with this.”