Ellie Pride (7 page)

‘Your sisters?’ Robert’s genial expression gave way to one of anger.

‘Robert, listen to me,’ Lydia stopped him. ‘If
anything should…should happen to me, I want your promise that Ellie will not throw herself away over someone like Gideon Walker. She is worthy of so much better. Surely you can see that?’

‘Lyddy, nothing is going to happen to you,’ Robert tried to reassure her, going over to stand behind the chair on which she was seated, placing his hands tenderly on her tense shoulders. ‘Even that old woman your brother-in-law has admitted that he does not know…’

‘That he does not know what?’ Lydia demanded tearfully. ‘That I shall die in childbed? Why didn’t I listen to my own mother? Why didn’t I realise how much wiser she was than I, and that she was only speaking in my own best interests when she tried to dissuade me from marrying you? It is easy enough for you to speak, Robert! You should have taken more care,’ she told him bitterly.

Behind her Robert’s face went white. He already knew that Lydia blamed him totally for her pregnancy and he had been too concerned for her to want to remind her that she had been the one to urge him on.

He ached to hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her, how afraid he was for her, and for himself, but he knew already that she would reject him and pull away from him. From the moment she had known she was pregnant she had erected a barrier between them, turning for consolation and comfort more and more to her sisters, especially her eldest sister in Winckley
Square, and increasingly excluding him from her life.

It hurt him unbearably to know not only that she blamed him for her plight but also that she felt so contemptuous towards him, so angrily resentful, that she now allowed the love she had originally felt for him to be deemed secondary to her mother’s wishes.

‘I cannot bear to think that Ellie might make the same mistake that I did, Robert. You must promise me that you will not allow her to do so! Promise me!’ Lydia insisted, her voice rising with emotion. ‘You owe it to me and to Ellie to do so!’

Robert hesitated. ‘Lydia,’ he began gently, ‘you are overwrought and upset –’

‘Why won’t you listen to me? I intend to forbid Ellie to ever see Gideon Walker again, and you must do the same, Robert. Promise me!’

‘Lyddy…’ Robert tried to soothe her.

‘Promise me!’

Shaking his head, unable either to calm her or accede to what she was demanding, Robert stepped back from the chair.

Immediately Lydia got up and turned to confront him. ‘I want your promise, Robert,’ she began, and then stopped, giving a sharp gasp and clutching her body.

‘Lydia, what is it?’ Robert demanded.

Lydia shook her head. ‘Nothing,’ she denied stubbornly, but the sickly pallor of her face betrayed her.

The truth was that she had been having slow
labour pains for several hours, but she had stubbornly refused to acknowledge them, suffering in an increasingly terrified silence as she fought against them and against what lay ahead.

‘The baby?’ Robert guessed immediately. ‘Lydia, come and lie down. Shall I send for the midwife?’

‘No, not yet,’ she gasped, as a fierce pang of pain gripped her. ‘Send to Winckley Square, though, Robert, for my sister…’

As the pains rose and fell, searing her, savaging her, she was dimly aware of Robert opening the door and calling for Jenny.

‘Sit here with your mistress, and don’t leave her,’ she heard him telling the maid tersely. ‘I am gone to Winckley Square for her sister.’

‘I don’t want today to ever end,’ Connie declared passionately, pouting as Gideon began to steer their hired boat back to Mr John Crook’s premises on Ribbleside.

‘Neither do I,’ Gideon murmured to Ellie, the soft warmth of his breath tickling her ear and sending a rush of sweet pleasure through her.

Whether by accident or design, Gideon had managed things so that both John and Connie were seated facing away from them in the boat, leaving Gideon free to indulge in all manner of lover’s secret looks and whispered words to Ellie without her younger siblings knowing.

Only Rex the dog had threatened to spoil things,
by suddenly jumping into the river to swim after a duck, and then having to be hauled back in to the boat again, whereupon he had shaken himself, covering them all in Ribble water. But even that incident Gideon had managed to turn to his own advantage, solicitously offering Ellie his brand-new handkerchief to dry off her dampened gown and arms.

‘I shall keep this for ever,’ he had whispered passionately to her when she had handed it back to him, causing her eyes to sparkle with the feelings she couldn’t manage to hide.

‘We must not forget to call at Miller’s Arcade for Mother’s sweets,’ she reminded Gideon now as they reached the shore.

‘No indeed, and I must not forget that I have some special news to share with you,’ Gideon responded.

‘You have found a shop?’ Ellie demanded excitedly. ‘Oh, Gideon…’

‘No, not that, I’m afraid, although I hope that I soon shall do so, especially now that I may be about to receive a new commission.’

‘A commission?’

‘Yes. There was a note waiting for me at my lodgings from a Miss Isherwood of Winckley Square. She has requested me to call on her so that she may discuss her requirements regarding some work.’

‘Miss Isherwood?’ Ellie frowned. ‘Oh, but she –’

‘You know her?’ Gideon was frowning himself now as he saw the discomfort on Ellie’s face.

‘Well, I do not exactly know her, no, but I know of her. My mother and my aunt were talking about her some weeks ago. She has recently returned to the town to take up her inheritance.’

‘And that causes you to frown?’ Gideon teased her.

‘No, of course not! It is just that my aunt said that…that Miss Isherwood – well, it seems that she quarrelled with her late father and then left home to go and live in London. Very little is known about what she did when she lived there.’

‘A mystery! I shall have to do my best to unravel it for you,’ Gideon laughed.

‘I wonder how she comes to know of you?’ Ellie mused.

‘I don’t know. Her note simply asked me to call.’ Gideon shrugged. ‘I dare say I shall know more once I have spoken with her. Perhaps someone recommended me to her. If so, I hope it was not the railway magnate who cheated me out of my fee.’ He paused and looked at her before revealing diffidently, ‘Had it been possible I should have liked to have studied to become an architect.’

He waited tensely for Ellie’s reaction. If she were to laugh and deride him for being foolish enough to have cherished such an impossible ambition he knew it would damage for ever that secret vulnerable part of himself he had learned to hide away from others.

‘An architect!’ Ellie’s eyes rounded in awe. ‘Oh Gideon!’

‘It’s not possible, of course. But, oh, Ellie, if it had been I would have built such buildings, and the most wonderful of all of them would have been the house I would have built for you.’

The passion in his voice sent a quiver of fiercely protective emotion shivering through Ellie, the brilliance of her eyes and the tenderness of her expression revealing to him what she was feeling.

‘I am just a foolish man with even more foolish dreams,’ Gideon mocked himself.

‘No, you are anything but foolish,’ Ellie told him sturdily, ‘and as for your dreams –’

‘Ah, but I have another dream now,’ Gideon whispered softly to her, looking deep into her eyes. ‘You are my dream now, Ellie. You and the future I hope we shall share together.’

‘As you are mine,’ Ellie responded shyly.

‘I shall be a good husband to you, Ellie. I shall work hard for you. A cabinet-maker may not be as grand as an architect, but he can still make a good living for himself. There is wealth in Preston,’ he told her enthusiastically, ‘and I aim to make sure that my name gets known in all the right quarters, and that I am the first choice of those wealthy residents looking for the best craftsman. And I shall be the best, Ellie.’

Just listening to him made Ellie’s heart swell with love and excitement, and a sharp sweet longing for the future he was drawing for her.

They had reached land, and Gideon busied himself helping his charges out of the boat, deliberately making sure that he placed the two younger ones, and the wretched Rex, on dry land first.

‘No, Gideon!’ Ellie protested breathlessly when he finally turned to take hold of her carefully, swinging her into his arms. ‘I can manage. You do not need…’

‘Oh, but I do need. Have you any idea just how much I want to kiss you, Ellie Pride?’ he demanded huskily.

His lips were only inches from hers and Ellie couldn’t stop herself from looking betrayingly at his mouth, her own lips parting slightly, her pretty pink tongue unknowingly revealing her feelings as she touched it against them.

She heard Gideon make a strangled sound, and saw his eyes darken, his grip on her tightening as he lowered her slightly.

‘Ellie…Ellie…I want you so much!’

Ellie shuddered excitedly at the passionate words.

‘If only I had you to myself right now…’ Gideon continued.

Silently they looked at one another in mutual longing, their rapt concentration broken only when John, tired of waiting for them, called out to them to hurry up.

With Connie, John and Rex walking ahead of them, Gideon surreptitiously took Ellie’s hand in his own. Flush-cheeked, Ellie looked at him, but made no attempt to pull away.

‘John! Connie!’

Ellie jumped a little as Gideon called her brother and sister. As they turned round and came over, Gideon released Ellie’s hand.

‘Ellie is feeling rather tired, so if I give you a penny each, can you run to Miller’s Arcade and buy some chocolate-covered ginger for your mother, and, of course, a treat each for yourselves? We will meet you back at Friargate.’

‘Gideon, you should not have done that,’ Ellie reproached him, as John and Connie sped off, clutching their money.

‘Perhaps not,’ Gideon agreed, ‘but they will come to no harm, and it was the only way I could think of to get you to myself.’

Very gently he led her towards a secluded part of the shrubbery, and then took her into his arms.

Helplessly Ellie allowed him to do so, blindly raising her face to his, her eyes closing, her body quivering with excitement and longing.

‘Ellie, Ellie…you are the most beautiful girl in the world. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you.’

‘Fell in love with me?’ Ellie managed to challenge him breathlessly. ‘You certainly looked at me very boldly.’

‘Boldly?’ Gideon laughed. ‘Is that what you thought? No, I felt anything but bold when I looked up at your window and saw you standing there, Ellie.’

‘So what did you feel?’ Like any woman newly
and deeply in love she wanted to possess herself of every single small detail of her lover’s reaction to her.

‘I felt…’ Gideon paused, looking away from her, his eyes narrowed against the sun, ‘I felt that I had met my fate. I looked at you, Ellie, and I knew that my life could never be the same again. That I could never be the same again. That that one single look had changed everything. I love you, Ellie.’

In between each passionate word Gideon paused to kiss her, each kiss taking them both a little further away from the calm waters of sedate courtship and into the much deeper and dangerous ones of intense desire.

Protected from prying eyes by the shrubbery, Ellie pressed ever closer to Gideon, shuddering fiercely when she felt the tentative touch of his hand on her breast. She could feel the heat of his hand right through the fine fabric of her summer dress.

‘Ellie…’

A thrill of female satisfaction shocked through her when she heard the taut male agony in Gideon’s voice. The kisses he pressed on the soft skin of her throat, and then along the neckline of her dress, set off a fierce ache deep down inside her body.

‘I want you, Ellie! I want you now!’ Gideon muttered as he started to push the neckline of her dress out of the way.

The feel of his hand against her almost bare breast made Ellie cry out in awed pleasure. But
instead of encouraging him to press her to further intimacy, her helpless sound of arousal made Gideon tense and then gently put her away from him, reminding himself that it was his duty to protect and be responsible for them both, even though that meant denying himself. She was his love, his life, his Ellie.
His!

‘Come on. It’s time I took you home,’ he told her huskily, ‘before I truly forget myself.’

The minute they turned into Friargate and Ellie saw her brother and sister standing huddled together outside the closed shop door, she knew that something was wrong. Anxiously she started to walk faster.

‘Ellie, you’ve been ages…’ Connie’s face started to crumple, and she suddenly looked much more like a young girl than the young woman she was always claiming herself to be.

‘What is it? What?’ Ellie began, and then stopped as the door opened and her aunt stood there eyeing her coldly.

‘So you have finally returned, have you, you wretched creature?’ Aunt Gibson hissed bitterly. ‘Do you know what your disobedience has done to your mother?’

Horrified, Ellie looked past her aunt towards her father.

‘That’s enough, Amelia,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s not fair to blame Ellie. She –’

‘Not fair?’ Amelia gave Ellie an angry look. ‘Is it fair, Robert Pride, that my poor sister should go into labour ahead of her time because her daughter defied her?’

‘No!’ Ellie protested. What her aunt was saying couldn’t be true. It mustn’t be. She started to tremble, cold now where just a few minutes earlier she had been sweetly warm with the intoxicating memory of the illicit pleasure she and Gideon had just shared, delighting in the precious secret world of their love.

‘Yes!’ Amelia insisted sharply. ‘You are a wicked, wicked girl, Ellie Pride, and if your poor mother and this baby die, then it will be on your conscience.’

‘Amelia, that’s enough,’ Ellie’s father said sternly. ‘I know how upset you are, but if anyone’s to blame for this…’

Her mother die? What on earth was her aunt saying? Frantically Ellie looked towards the stairs.

‘Ellie, no!’ Robert Pride blocked her path. Grasping her arms, he told her in a gentler voice, ‘No, you cannot go up there right now. The midwife is with your mother, and…and your Uncle Alfred.’

‘So it is true,’ Ellie whispered, her eyes huge with distress and despair. ‘The baby is coming.’

‘Yes.’

Glancing past her Robert could see through the still-open door that Gideon had quick-wittedly drawn the two younger children out of earshot and was entertaining them with one of his tricks.

Releasing Ellie, Robert strode out to them, closing the door behind him.

‘Gideon, lad, I wonder if you would be kind enough to take our Connie and John over to Winckley Square? They are to stay there until…for the time being.’

‘What? Why have we got to go there?’ John demanded indignantly.

‘Is Mother really having the baby?’ Connie asked excitedly.

‘Aye, lass, she is,’ Robert confirmed. ‘Now be good children and go with Gideon. Your aunt has sent instructions home that beds are to be prepared for you.’

‘Well, I hope Mother doesn’t take too long to have this baby,’ John grumbled. ‘I don’t like it at Winckley Square. You have to be quiet all the time and not touch things.’

Awkwardly Robert patted his shoulder, but his concentration wasn’t really on his two younger children.

As Gideon ushered them away, Robert glanced up at the closed bedroom window above, his face tight with anxiety and despair.

In the hallway, Ellie was pleading tearfully with her aunt to be allowed to see her mother.

‘Certainly not, miss. It would not be at all proper, and besides –’

Amelia broke off as they both heard the long tortured cry of primeval pain that came from the room above them. Then Ellie pulled free of her aunt
and raced up the stairs, pushing open her parents’ bedroom door.

A strong smell of carbolic filled her nostrils, making her catch her breath. The room was hot and lacking in fresh air.

Her mother was lying in bed, her hands gripping the bars of the brass bedstead, her teeth clenched over the twisted piece of cloth in her mouth, her head twisting from side to side as she tried to escape the pain tearing at her.

Ellie froze in shock. Surely this was not her fastidious, elegant mother, this woman who bared her teeth in a feral grimace before uttering a low panting animal grunt of mingled pain and endeavour?

Sweat caked her mother’s hair, which clung stickily to her face. As another wave of pain struck, she began to pant, her fingers gripping the arm of the midwife.

Was this what giving birth was? This primitive agony that filled the air with sights, sounds, scents from which Ellie recoiled, shocked by their visceral rawness.

But beneath her shock there was still her love for her mother; and her guilt. She was responsible for this, for her mother’s agonisingly hard labour; that was what her aunt had told her. She, by arguing and quarrelling with her mother and going against her wishes, had somehow brought on the arrival of the baby before its due date.

Unable to think logically, Ellie was filled with fear and remorse. She took a step towards the bed,
barely aware of her aunt grabbing her arm to pull her back as her mother went rigid, beads of sweat glistening waxenly on her forehead as she began to moan.

‘Get that girl out of here. She has no business being here,’ Uncle Gibson demanded curtly, no longer the familiar, slightly pedantic figure Ellie knew, but a grim-faced stranger, whose presence cast a dark shadow over the bed.

As her aunt pushed her towards the door, Ellie suddenly tensed and turned round to look imploringly towards her mother, mentally begging her for forgiveness.

‘I’m so sorry, Mama,’ she whispered, adopting the baby form of address she had long ago grown out of. ‘I promise I will never ever disobey you again…never.’

As Ellie looked at her it seemed to her that her mother had changed; that her skin had somehow gone grey, her eyes become sunken. Instinctively Ellie wanted to go to her, but then suddenly Lydia’s whole body convulsed and she started to scream.

Ellie only realised that
she
was screaming as well when her aunt slapped her face briskly the moment she had her outside the bedroom door.

‘It is your mother who is in travail, you stupid girl,’ she told Ellie bitingly, ‘not you.’

Ellie couldn’t make any response. She was shivering, her teeth chattering. She desperately wanted to beg her aunt to reassure her that having a child was not always like this – that her mother’s
agonising pain would never be her own. How could her aunt not be as shocked and appalled as she was herself? How could her uncle not do something to alleviate her mother’s agony? How could her father have allowed this to happen?

How could
she
have so cruelly and heedlessly disobeyed her mother?

All through the warm May evening it went on, until Ellie did not know which was the worst to bear – her mother’s screams or the oppressive silences between them when she kept her own body as still as she could in the emptiness of the parlour, listening, waiting…doing her self-imposed penance for her sin of disobeying her mother.

Her father had gone out, unable to endure the sound of his wife’s agonising distress; her aunt was still upstairs, assisting her husband and the midwife.

Ellie tensed as suddenly a thin, high scream split the thick silence, followed by the sharp mewling cry of a newborn child.

Picking up her skirts, she ran up the stairs, but before she could enter the room her aunt came out, firmly closing the door behind her and barring Ellie’s way as she gripped hold of her.

‘I want to see my mother,’ Ellie begged frantically.

Refusing to let go of her, her aunt dug her fingers painfully into Ellie’s arm.

‘No. You cannot. Your mother has given birth to a son. You have a new brother,’ her aunt told her tonelessly. ‘She is resting now and must not be disturbed.’

‘Resting!’ Ellie sagged against the banister in relief, closing her eyes as hot tears of release burned onto her skin, too innocent to recognise just what the grim, flat defeatedness in her aunt’s voice really meant. Her mother was alive!

Below, the front door opened and her father came hurrying up the stairs, bringing with him the smell of strong ale.

Amelia recoiled in distaste and shot him a bitterly contemptuous look.

‘Lyddy?’ he demanded thickly.

‘You have another son,’ Amelia told him curtly.

‘Mam is resting, Father,’ Ellie told him softly. ‘They are both all right.’

As she brushed away her tears, Ellie missed the looks her father and her aunt exchanged, her father’s questioning and anxious, her aunt’s grim and negative. When she looked up Ellie saw the dark tinge of colour burning her father’s face as he turned away from her aunt, and puzzled over it. Surely now that her mother had been safely delivered and both she and the new baby were alive, there was no need for her aunt to continue to be so angry.

Ellie ached to ask if she might see her mother but her uncle and the midwife were still in the bedroom with her, and Ellie gave the closed door
a helpless stare before accompanying her aunt downstairs.

‘It will be better if Connie and John stay at Winckley Square until…for now,’ Ellie’s aunt said as she paused in front of the hall mirror to pin on her hat.

Aunt Amelia looked as though she had been crying, Ellie suddenly recognised, as she inclined her cheek for Ellie to kiss before opening the front door.

It was a soft late spring night, with the sky full of stars. A lovers’ night. Shame and guilt filled Ellie. She longed to be able to see her mother and to beg her forgiveness; to promise her once more that she would never disobey her again! She felt sick and shaky, overwhelmed with love for her mother, and overwhelmed too by her own intense remorse. Her guilt would be branded into her for ever, Ellie told herself.

Robert Pride looked down into the sunken face of his wife. Tears filled his eyes and his shoulders began to shake. Carefully he reached for her hand, hardly daring to touch it. She looked so fragile. So frail!

‘Robert?’

He tensed at the thin, whispery sound of her voice. She had opened her eyes, and even they looked different somehow: opaque, almost devoid of their normal rich colour.

‘Lyddy, don’t try to talk. You have to rest.’ His voice broke as he tried to control his emotion. Curling her cold hand into his own he lifted it to his lips, kissing her icy fingers, as though he was trying to breathe warmth – and life – into them.

‘She cannot survive, Robert,’ Alfred had told him after the midwife had finished her business and left them on their own.

‘But she is alive,’ Robert had protested, ‘and the birth is over.’

‘The child has been born, but Lydia is…’ Alfred had coughed, plainly uncomfortable discussing something so intimate. ‘But there was…she…she is bleeding badly, Robert, and we cannot stem it. I had feared that this would be the outcome of her pregnancy.’

‘Bleeding? But surely you can do something to stop it.’ It was inconceivable to Robert that, having survived the appalling agony of the birth of their child, Lydia should not be safe.

‘We have done all that we can,’ Alfred had told him heavily. ‘The midwife and I have raised the foot of the bed and done everything we can do to stanch the flow, but I’m afraid…’

As he spoke, Robert’s stomach had lurched. He had been vaguely aware of the midwife removing a pile of soiled bed linen, but he had not understood just what it meant.

‘I did warn you that this could happen,’ Alfred had reminded him sternly. ‘There was a similar problem with her previous birth, but then the
child was not full term, and small. I must go now. There is nothing more I can do here. You must keep her quiet and still. The less she moves…’ He had shaken his head. ‘I’m afraid that it is only a matter of time, Robert. I shall return in the morning, but if…if you need me in the meantime…’ Awkwardly, he had patted Robert’s shoulder, sighing as he added, ‘I am afraid that Amelia is taking this very badly. Lyddy was…is her favourite sister and she feels…’

Numbly, Robert had let him go.

‘Robert, I want to see Ellie. Where is she?’ As she spoke Lydia was struggling to sit up.

Panic-stricken, Robert urged her to lie down. Beneath the covers she was swaddled in old sheets, wrapped around her to soak up the life draining from her.

‘Ellie…’ Lydia demanded weakly.

‘I shall bring her to you,’ Robert promised her. ‘Only lie still, my beloved. Please.’

‘Mother wants to see me?’

It hurt Robert unbearably to see the relief and happiness brightening Ellie’s pale face.

‘Oh, then she is getting better!’ Eagerly she followed him upstairs, pushing open the bedroom door and hurrying to her mother’s side.

The strong smell of carbolic still hung on the air but now it was overwhelmed by another smell, one that Robert recognised, but that he prayed both his
wife and his daughter could not. How many times in the slaughterhouse had he breathed in that scent of hot blood? His throat closed and surreptitiously he wiped his hand over his eyes.

Briefly, Ellie glanced at the baby as she sat down beside her mother.

Robert followed the direction of her glance. The child at least was healthy in spite of its early arrival – a six-pound boy with a strong pair of lungs.

As he looked towards Lydia, Robert thought he could already detect signs of death in her still features. Ellie, though, thank goodness, was oblivious to her mother’s real condition as she bent her head to kiss her tenderly.

‘Oh, Mama, Mama, I am so sorry that I made you angry,’ she whispered. ‘Please, please, say that you forgive me!’

Quietly, Robert left the bedroom.

‘Ellie…please listen to me…’

Tiredly, Lydia closed her eyes and fought to summon what was left of her strength. There was none of the familiar ache she had experienced after her previous live births, none of the deep but satisfying exhaustion that told of hard labour well done; none of the cleansing sense of freedom and euphoria; of maternal joy, only a deep numbing coldness that seemed to seep up her body in a slow tide that could not be escaped. She didn’t need to see the tears of her husband, or the anguish of her sister, to know what was happening to her. She had known it from the moment she had felt
that dreadful tearing pain, which had seemed to wrench not only the child from her, but her very womb as well. Time was running out for her, and she doubted that she would see another dawn, which made it all the more imperative that she spoke with Ellie.