Elijah of Buxton (9 page)

I said, “So?”

“Don't you see, Eli? Ain't no growned folks been checking up on Mr. Travis lately so he thinks the coast is clear and it's safe for him to give us some of that stuff what Pa calls ‘up-north, big-city learning mess'!”

It sounded peculiar at first, but if you started thinking like you didn't have no common sense atall it seemed like Cooter'd put it all together real good!

Cooter saw I was starting to believe and said, “And if family breeding contests don't count as some up-north, big-city learning mess, I don't know what do.”

I couldn't help myself from saying, “I'll be blanged!”

I know that's swearing, but compared to what our lesson was gonna be 'bout, swearing didn't seem like much of a sin no more.

Cooter said, “I just wish he hadn't gone and writ the lesson out on the board like that. What if that doggone Emma Collins or one n'em other persnickety girls run off and tell someone what we're 'bout to study? What if they stops this afore he gets to the real interesting, real nasty parts?”

By the time the school bell runged, Cooter had me so worked up that I was looking like
I
was sitting on a hot stove too!

We both knowed something big was 'bout to happen 'cause 'stead of saying his regular “Good morning, scholars, strivers, and questers for a better future! Are you ready to learn, are you ready to grow?” the way he does every other morning, Mr. Travis was sitting at his desk holding on to his pointing stick. His eyes were closed and he was so hopping mad that it was a miracle that smoke waren't pouring from his ears!

I knowed why too! He must've figured out that once he taught us 'bout family breeding contests, the growned folks were gonna hunt him down and give him a good tar-and-feathering!

I'd heard lots of talk 'bout such things, but hadn't never witnessed it myself. But I knowed if I ever ran into Mr. Travis again after this I was gonna have to apologize for spreading talk that he was a boring teacher. I was gonna have to eat my blanged words 'cause couldn't nothing in the world make you want to come to school more than learning 'bout a family breeding contest then watching the teacher that taught it to you get covered in hot tar and run out of the Settlement on a rail!

We all settled down at our desks and waited. Even the children who didn't know what today's lesson was 'bout sensed something waren't right and started looking at one the 'nother all nervous and worrisome.

Mr. Travis stood up and me and Cooter were 'bout to bust with excitedness!

Mr. Travis brung that pointing stick down on top of his desk so hard it was a miracle the desk didn't split clean in two!

All the other children were taking this in a very terrorific way. They were clenching on to the sides of their desks and looking as afeared as a horse that's seen a three-head snake. 'Cepting for Mr. Travis's heavy breathing, and the pointer sound echoing off the walls, the classroom was quiet as a dead squirrel!

Only me and Cooter were smiling 'cause we both knowed this was just the start of the best day of schooling we were ever gonna have!

I looked over at Cooter and he was looking just as happy as me.

Mr. Travis opened his eyes and saw Cooter smiling away, and if I live to be fifty years old, I hope I don't never witness another growned man go berserk like Mr. Travis did! It was a sight and a scar that'll be with me the rest of my life, right 'long with that trouble twixt me and Mr. Frederick Douglass.

The adventure got going so quick-like that I ain't sure of everything that happened, but all the sudden Mr. Travis was howling like a wolf and jumping clean 'cross the classroom and pouncing on Cooter Bixby like a owl on a rat! He moved so fast that Cooter didn't even have a chance to get the smile off his face afore Mr. Travis jerked him out of his chair by the ear and marched him to the front of the room!

I was shocked and couldn't've moved if I wanted to. Some of the other children waren't in as much shock as me and soon's Mr. Travis clamped down on Cooter's ear, they made a dash toward the doors. You caint blame 'em neither, ain't nothing in the world that can get you more frighted up than watching your Sabbath school teacher get took over by Satan and commence twisting the juices outta children's ears. Which is probably the first step the Devil takes when he's 'bout to wrestle your soul away from you!

Afore anyone could reach a door, Mr. Travis called out, “Return to your seats this instant!”

Everyone stopped where they were at and commenced heading back to their desks, all 'cept for Johnny Wells, who screamed like a haint had got ahold of him and jumped right out the window! The last I saw him, Johnny was tearing down the road toward the square, raising up little clouds of dust as he ripped along.

Once everyone got sitting again Mr. Travis kept ahold of Cooter's ear and shouted louder than you'd've figured a proper man like him should, “Our people are still enslaved and treated like animals!”

Cooter couldn't tell that Mr. Travis had lost his mind! He was still smiling and nodding. And I knowed why too. Cooter ain't the sharpest tooth on the saw and he must've figured that if we were gonna get a family breeding contest lesson, then getting your ear pulled on a little bit waren't too much a price to pay!

Like I said, I ain't trying to say I'm smarter than Cooter, but I do study on things a little better and carefuller than he does, and I could see there waren't gonna be no kind of lessons on nothing till Mr. Travis was done dusting off Cooter Bixby and dusting him off good!

It ain't no real sign that I'm a fra-gile boy, but now I was sitting like all the other children. My hands were gripping on tight to the side of my desk, my breathing was coming raggedy, and my eyes were locked on Mr. Travis wondering how long 'twas gonna be afore he got back in his right mind. And if his mind didn't come back to him, I was wondering whose soul he was gonna grab next!

Mr. Travis said, “They are treated like animals! And though a very few fortunate ones of us know the sweetness of freedom, unfortunately, another very, very …”

Each time Mr. Travis said “very” he gave Cooter's ear a good little twist!

“… very …”

Cooter's ear was getting wound up so tight that he started dancing on one leg trying to get some of the pressure off it. But he was still smiling!

“… very …”

I couldn't stand it no more. Why, if Mr. Travis kept on twisting Cooter's ear like that, when he did turn it a-loose it'd be spinning and unwinding itself on the side of Cooter's head for a whole week!

I didn't care if it drawed attention to me or not, Cooter's my best friend and I knowed he'd do the same for me. I took in a deep breath to buck up my courage and finally raised my hand and yelled out, “Mr. Travis, sir, please forgive me for talking out in class, but I just gotta let Cooter know if he don't quit smiling, sir, he's gonna end up getting that ear ripped right off from the side of his head!”

Cooter heard me through his other ear and catched on to what a bad spot he was in. Finally he stopped smiling and started in howling. But Mr. Travis gave him a couple of more
verys
anyway.

“… very, very few of us don't have an appreciation of whence we have come.”

Cooter yelled, “I 'preciate it! I 'preciate it!”

Mr. Travis said, “Oh, you do?”

Cooter screamed, “Oh, sir, you caint know how much I do!”

Mr. Travis said, “And where, may I ask, was your appreciation of that fact this Saturday past at the sawmill?”

You could tell Cooter didn't have no kind of answer, but something 'bout getting your ear twisted must make your mind work real clear. Cooter said, “I'm sorry! I don't know what I done, but I'm powerful sorry, sir!”

Mr. Travis eased back a notch on Cooter's ear and tells him, “Read what's on the blackboard, Mr. Bixby.”

Cooter didn't even look, he called out, “It say, ‘family breeding contest,' sir.”

He couldn't help but notice the surprised look on Mr. Travis's face so he decided he'd best add some more. He said, “And I don't care what happens, sir, I ain't gonna breathe a word to no one if you teaches us 'bout that. But look at them there girls, you know Emma Collins is gonna snitch!”

Mr. Travis commenced twisting on Cooter's ear some more. He told Emma, “Miss Collins, read what I've written on that blackboard!”

Emma jumped up like she sat on a tack and said, “Sir, it says, ‘Familiarity breeds contempt,' sir.” Then Emma started in with her bawling.

Me and Cooter both were surprised at this. Not 'bout Emma bawling, that girl'll cry if you ask her what's two and two. We were surprised that Emma Collins, being as smart and fra-gile as she is, would be brave enough to call them words out right in front of everyone!

“Miss Collins, you may be seated. Mr. Bixby, do you understand what that means?”

Cooter thought on it for a second then said, “Well, sir, I thought I did. But now I'm thinking that maybe Elijah give me some bad information!”

I couldn't believe it! Here I'd helped save Cooter's ear, and the first chance he got to throw me to the wolfs he did it!

Mr. Travis said, “It's quite obvious you have no idea. It means once a person, let's say a person like you …” Mr. Travis went back at the ear twisting. “Once a person feels too comfortable around someone who is his elder, or his superior, or his teacher …”

Cooter went back to howling.

“… that person has a tendency to not treat his better with the respect that's due!”

Cooter got it now. “What did I do, sir? I didn't do nothing!”

Mr. Travis said, “That's exactly it, Mr. Bixby! You did nothing! When you met me at the sawmill, you did not remove your hat when you walked up to me and spoke, you did not wait until I was finished talking to Mr. Polite, you did not address me in the proper manner
.…
”

Cooter said, “But, sir, I was surprised and happy to see you! I didn't say nothing but ‘Hey, Mr. Travis!'”

Mr. Travis's mind left him again and he started winding Cooter's ear back up.

“That's it! Hey? Hey?
Hey!
”

Now
hey
was the word Mr. Travis used every time he gave Cooter's ear a crank.

“
Hey?
Last time I checked, Mr. Bixby, hay was for horses, not for one's instructor! I've grown angrier and angrier. You are so fortunate to be freed from the yoke of slavery, you have this wonderful opportunity to improve who you are, and instead you choose to behave toward me in a manner one would expect of a poor ignorant soul who has lived his entire life in bondage!”

It was 'bout this time that the door flewed open and Mr. Chase came busting in toting a broadaxe and dragging a screaming, kicking Johnny Wells behind him.

Johnny was yelling, “Please, sir, don't make me go back in there! He already killed Cooter Bixby!”

Mr. Chase looked 'round the classroom, saw Mr. Travis, brung his axe down, then said to Johnny Wells, “If you ever drag me out the fields over some nonsense like this again, boy, I'm gunn hide you, then give you to your pa so he can do the same! Do you see any haints in here? Do you see anyone what's dead in here?”

Mr. Chase pulled off his cap and looked back at Mr. Travis twisting and Cooter dancing and said, “I give you my regrets for coming in here like this, sir. You can carry on with your lesson.”

Things got pretty bad after that. We didn't learn nothing 'bout no family breeding contests, and Mr. Travis commenced handing out lines as punishment and licks as reminders. I got three swats and had to write
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
twenty-five times for speaking out in class and for providing Cooter with bad information on what it meant. Johnny Wells got five swats and had to write it fifty times for running off and snitching on the teacher. Cooter got ten licks and had to write it one hundred and twenty-five times for being what Mr. Travis called “riddled with disrespect for his superiors.”

Unfairest of all, since Cooter was my best friend I knowed I was gonna have to help him out, so I'd probably end up writing fifty of his doggone lines myself.

I knowed the reason why Mr. Travis went and made us write all them lines and passed out all them swats, it was 'cause he was trying to make the “familiarity breeds contempt” lesson stick. But classroom learning just don't work the same as when something happens to you personal.

That ain't to say that the lesson ain't gonna be with me for the rest of my life. But it don't have a thing to do with Mr. Travis, 'cause it waren't but a few days later that the lesson got taught to me in a way that caint help but last forever.

The on-again-and-off-again clouds got to be always on and they ended up blacking out the moon two nights later. Since it's dangerous to work with a axe when there ain't no light atall, Mr. Leroy figured he had to lay off his work early. It ain't our usual custom. Most nights he kept on working till long after I was home and sleeping, but this night we started walking together out of Mrs. Holton's field.