Eighty and Out (16 page)

A few years passed and Jim and I still hadn’t had a baby, despite going at it like rabbits. Jim didn’t seem fazed by our predicament. I, on the other hand, had grown more discouraged each year.

“Come here,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the sofa.

I sat, wondering what was left to say.

Jim held my gaze, a loving expression on his face. “If you really want to be a parent, we can adopt,” he said.

We hadn’t discussed the possibility yet, but I had given it a lot of thought lately.

“I appreciate you being open to the idea, I really do, but I had hoped to have a child of my own…our child.”

Jim nodded. “I understand. I’d like that, too. But I want you to know I’m happy, Lou. I don’t need anyone but you.”

His admission melted my heart. “That means a lot,” I said, feeling my spirits lift.

Jim took my face in his hands and gently kissed my lips. When he pulled away, he said, “How about we never stop trying.”

*****

Bernice and I hadn’t seen each other since the wedding but kept in touch every week by phone.

“So what will you do now that you’re done with school?” I asked her. I imagined the opportunities were endless with a business degree from UNM.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I’m tossing around a couple of ideas.”

I stirred cake batter with one hand and held the phone to my ear with the other. “What’s the best one?”

“Well, I’d like to get pregnant, for starters.”

“That’s a given.”

“And I don’t know if I’ve told you, but my aunt has been a little loopy lately. She’s been forgetting things, so she asked me to take over her business affairs. You know, just the book royalties and other investments.” She paused, then added, “I’ll tell you what, she may be outspoken and eccentric, but she’s managed to do all right financially.”

I smiled, remembering how unusual Grace had been when we met.

“And I’d like to start my own business,” Bernice said excitedly. “I was thinking maybe a jewelry store or an art gallery, but then I was thinking of opening a hot dog stand. What do you think?”

Memories of burnt taste buds resurfaced. “I think it’s an excellent idea. You could get a little cart and offer Chicago-style hot dogs in Santa Fe!”

“Juan said we’d have to add green chile to them or they won’t sell.”

“He would say that,” I smirked. “How’s he been lately?”

“You mean since he stopped pining for you and married someone else? Pretty good. He’s been busy running the ranch with Alejandro and his dad.”

“Glad to hear he’s doing well,” I said. “But back to your business. You could offer a Chicago-style dog, and a spicier, local version. That way everyone is happy. Seriously, I think it will be a big hit.”

“I have a gut feeling this will be successful, and now that I hear you saying it, I know it will be.”

“And who better to do it than you?” I added. “I’m excited. I can’t wait to visit.”

“You keep saying you and Jim are going to take a trip. When are you coming?”

“I’m working on it,” I assured her. “He’s just so busy with the apartment buildings and now the Laundromat. It’s hard for him to break away. He’s even got me busy helping.”

“Well, hurry up and come down. I want to be the one to serve you a Chicago dog.”

*****

That summer, everyone in the neighborhood was in a panic as the police searched for serial killer Richard Speck. A lady from Mom’s church knew one of the victims, a young nurse in the prime of her life who had been brutally murdered. Mom was so freaked out, she decided to come over since Dad wasn’t home.

“Screw that,” Jeannie said as we talked on the phone. “I’m coming over, too.”

Chuck dropped Jeannie and Lisa off on his lunch break. After he left, we sat in the living room listening to Mom recount all the grisly details she had read in the newspaper. When she finished, she said, “I wish they’d catch him already. This is so stressful.”

My nerves were on edge, and as I glanced at Lisa, I was thankful she was only three years old and couldn’t understand what was going on. Instead she sat on the floor, happily playing with a stuffed animal, oblivious to the dangers of the real world.

I heard a loud clunk come from the bedroom.

“What was that?” Jeannie gasped.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Let me go check.”

Mom looked concerned as I got up and crept toward the bedroom. I didn’t see anyone but reached in the dresser drawer and pulled out the pistol Jim had taught me how to use just in case. Then, holding it firmly in my hand, I pushed the curtains aside and peered out the window.

A black crow sat on the windowsill. His beady eye met mine, and I sighed, realizing that we were just getting worked up by our discussion.

“It’s just a bird,” I called out, then put the gun away and returned to the sofa.

It wasn’t until the manhunt ended that any of us got quality sleep. Me especially, as stress triggered the nightmare of the Williams family fire. It seemed no matter how much time passed, they were on my mind, at least in my subconscious.

A few weeks later, Jim and I were on the sofa watching TV, when the news came on. A newscaster I had never seen before began speaking, and I did a double take when I saw his face.

“Isn’t that Jeannie’s old boyfriend, Tad?” Jim asked.

“Yeah. I think it is.”

“He’s decent,” Jim said, then tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth. He had been confused why Jeannie dumped Tad and married Chuck so soon afterward. My response had been to shrug and say when it came to matters of the heart there was no logic, an answer he had accepted without question.

Jeannie was over the next week. “Can you believe it? Now I’m stuck seeing Tad every night.”

“You don’t have to watch him. You can change the channel,” I suggested, thinking she was being overly dramatic.

Lisa grabbed a framed photo off the coffee table, and Jeannie snatched it from her before she dropped it on the ground.

“I’ve tried,” she admitted. “But I feel compelled to watch, and the more I watch, the worse I feel.”

“You can’t let this eat you alive,” I warned. “You made a choice, one you have to live with.”

Jeannie stared at her lap.

“You did it so you could live a life with the man you love,” I said.

Her expression remained unchanged.

“You have to stop watching the news on that channel,” I said. “If you don’t, you’re going to drive yourself nuts.”

“You’re right,” she said as she lifted her face. “I see Tad and then look over at Chuck, thinking about what I’ve done, and it’s like they’re both in the room, judging me.”

My heart sank. Her happiness was all I had in mind when we’d discussed which choice to make. Now it seemed that very happiness eluded her because of the decision.

“I love you, Jean. I don’t want to see you torturing yourself. Life is too short.”

On her way out, I said, “Promise me you’ll stop watching Tad on TV.”

“I promise,” she replied.

Bernice called the next day with the latest news about her business. “I just got my license, and the cart is on its way. I’m going to call it Chicago Dogs. What do you think?”

“It’s perfect,” I said. “The locals will love it.”

“Well, the adventurous ones, anyway. I suspect hot dogs are as foreign to the locals as good Mexican food was to you!”

“Having second thoughts?”

“Not really. People love to talk about visiting big cities like Chicago, but they never go. This way, they can have a taste of the big city right in their back yard.”

“That’s brilliant! You are such a smart businesswoman.”

We talked about what kind of chips she’d serve and which sodas she’d stock. Bernice was ecstatic and said if it went well, she’d love to have a second location in Taos. I assured her it would be a big success.

After chatting about the details and me telling her about my week, she said, “Oh my gosh. I almost forgot to tell you the news. Juan’s wife is pregnant!” she squealed. “I’m going to be an aunt.”

I felt a pang of jealousy and chalked it up to being unable to conceive yet.

“That’s wonderful,” I said. “Tell him I said congratulations.”

Jeannie and I had planned a party for Lisa’s fifth birthday but had to cancel at the last minute because she was sick. We both agreed it was terrible timing, and decided to have a small get together as soon as she was feeling better. The TV was blaring when I hung up the phone, and I was about to tell Jim to turn it down when I saw Tad delivering breaking news: “Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has been assassinated,” he said.

Jim and I stayed up late talking about what happened, and when the phone rang the next morning, I was groggy.

“Sorry to call so early,” Jeannie said. “The doctor had a cancellation and can fit Lisa in today, but Chuck already left for work.”

“Jim’s gone, too. He had to pick up a permit across town. How about I meet you at your place, and we’ll take the bus to Lawndale together?” I suggested.

“Thanks so much, Lou. See you soon.”

Lisa looked miserable on the ride over. Her eyelids were heavy, and her lower lip protruded as she rested her head against Jeannie’s chest. Thankfully, the doctor was able to see her right away. I sat in the waiting room reading a magazine. They were gone longer than expected, and when they finally came out, Jeannie paid the bill and we left.

I could have sworn I smelled smoke when we stepped outside and was just about to ask Jeannie if she smelled it too, when I heard a loud crash in the distance. I turned to see what was going on and saw a group of young black men coming down the street, shouting and throwing rocks through windows.

“Oh, shit!” I said.

Jeannie and I made eye contact, and without speaking, she scooped Lisa into her arms and we began running as fast as we could in the opposite direction.

“Where’s the bus?” she asked, frantic.

I squinted down the street but didn’t see one coming.

“Turn here,” I shouted as we approached the corner.

We ran down the next block, scanning from left to right, in search of help as more windows broke, and the voices of the angry mob grew louder. Several cars zoomed past. Jeannie and I tried to flag them down to no avail, so we kept running.

Sirens wailed in the distance as thick smoke filled the air. Buildings were set on fire, one by one, and the next thing I knew, there was another group of angry rioters coming from the other direction.

A bus sped up the street, and Jeannie practically ran out in front of it.

“I have child!” she shouted. “Stop!”

The bus slowed but didn’t stop as the driver opened the door so we could hop on. Jeannie lost her balance on the way up and accidentally bumped Lisa’s head against the railing, causing her to start crying. Once Jeannie righted herself, she rubbed Lisa’s forehead in an attempt to comfort her. A rock shattered the bus window, and the few passengers on board began to scream.

“Get down!” the bus driver yelled.

Jeannie and I dropped to the ground, using our bodies to shield Lisa. The driver made a sharp right, and we slid across the floor, finally coming to a stop when he began driving straight again. The driver was clearly improvising, turning wherever he could find an opening in the chaos to make it to safety.

There was an explosion outside, and people began shouting. I closed my eyes, memories of the Williams fire resurfacing, and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. It took everything I had to keep it together in front of Jeannie and Lisa as the bus careened from left to right.

After what felt like an eternity, we came to an abrupt stop. The remaining passengers were so anxious to get off, they trampled over us. After everyone had gone, I pulled myself up and looked around. Jeannie rose, looking disoriented, and grabbed Lisa, who had gone silent since the explosion, and we got off the bus.

The city’s sky glowed orange through the haze as it burned out of control, making it hard to figure out where we were. Luckily, the driver had taken us to a spot that was less turbulent, and I scanned the area for a pay phone.

“There,” I pointed. “On the corner.” We ran toward it as fast as we could.

I dug through my purse for a coin and grabbed the receiver. With shaky hands, I called home.

“Jim!” I rejoiced when he answered.

“Lou. Where are you?” he asked, panicked.

I had no idea. Thankfully, Jeannie could make out the names of the cross streets and told me.

“I know where that is,” he said. “Stay put. I’ll be right there.”

Adrenalin coursed through my veins as we waited for Jim, my eyes darting to and fro, looking for rioters. The hysteria turned to an eerie calm, and I heard the familiar rumble of Jim’s engine. When I saw his car, I was shocked. It looked like it had been through a war zone.

He stopped and we climbed in, slamming the doors shut before he peeled out.

“You okay?” he asked, stealing a glance at me.

“I think so.”

As Jim negotiated the side streets, I slumped in my seat, exhausted and numb. I watched the neighborhood go by as if in slow motion, and although there was activity, I couldn’t hear a sound.

Chuck was waiting outside when we got home. When he saw Jeannie and Lisa, he rushed to them.

“Thank God you’re safe.” He sobbed as he hugged them tight.

I stared blank-faced, feeling like I was watching a scene in a movie.

Chuck released them, and we wordlessly nodded at each other before they got in their car and left.

Jim looked me up and down after we went inside, his expression pained. “You’re in one piece,” he said in a soft voice. “But you’ve got footprints on your back.”

Hearing that made me burst into tears.

“Come here,” he said, pulling me close. He held me in his arms and let me sob. And instead of asking me a bunch of questions, he just rubbed my back, the way my parents used to when I was a little kid.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he said when I had finally finished crying and led me by the hand to the bathroom.

I scrubbed myself clean, leaning back and putting my feet on the edge of the tub. I stared at my big toe until the water turned cold, then got out, put on pajamas and went to bed. The next morning, I woke to the smell of breakfast, and went to find Jim.

“Morning,” he said.

I shuffled over and gave him a kiss.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore. Like someone walked on top of me.”

“That’s not funny.”

“I know.” I pulled out a chair and took a seat.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked.

I sighed. “I don’t think so. At least not right now.”

We ate and then turned on the TV to hear the latest: “Thousands of police officers were unable to control the violence, so the Illinois National Guard has been deployed to assist them in stopping the arsonists and looters. Proving he’s not taking the situation lightly, Mayor Daley has given police authority to shoot to kill any arsonist or anyone with a Molotov cocktail in their hand, and shoot to maim or cripple any looters.”

Jim lowered the volume. “Let’s go back to bed,” he said.

Newscasters had advised people to stay indoors, so we spent the day at home, trying to catch up on much needed rest. I called Jeannie in the evening to see how she was doing, then asked if I could speak to Lisa.

“Hey, honey. How are you feeling?” I asked when she answered.

“Better,” she said in a sweet but small voice.

“Happy Birthday,” I said. “Sorry we’re not having the party, but your mom says we’re going to dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s soon. She’s going to make your favorite cake, and you’re going to get presents.”

“Okay,” she replied.

Jeannie came on the line, and we talked for a little longer about how the world had gone crazy overnight, and how dangerous life could be, then we hung up, saying we’d see each other soon.

A week later, we all sat around my parent’s dinner table talking about the riots. “Your car looks like hell,” Dad said to Jim. “What a shame.”

“I know. I’ll have to stop by Chuck’s and have it repaired.” Jim shook his head and sighed. “I went to the South Side for a permit, and let’s just say it was a case of wrong place, wrong time.” He hadn’t elaborated, but I assumed his experience was similar to ours.

Jeannie and I eyed each other. “I know the feeling,” I said. “Jeannie and I were running down streets with Lisa in tow as rioters were breaking windows and setting buildings on fire. Luckily, Jeannie saw a bus and ran out in front of it. She made the driver stop, otherwise who knows what would have happened to us?”

“Then things got crazier when our bus was attacked, and our driver took some shortcuts to bring us all to safety,” Jeannie added.

Lisa looked up. “That’s when the people stepped on Aunt Lou.”

Everyone turned to me, shocked, but I just shrugged it off.

“They sure were in a hurry, huh?” I said to Lisa and went to get the cake off the counter and put it on the table. Dad lit the candles, and Jim dimmed the lights, and everyone sang Happy Birthday.