Edie Amelia and the Runcible River Fever (13 page)

The Mayor, who had just come from another Highland Fling session at the Highland Fling Centre, performed double duty as celebrant and master of ceremonies. She brought with her a score of bonny dancers, who kept the crowd entertained with a breathtaking succession of reels and jigs to the ear-splitting strains of a bagpipe band.

Beltane Chompster, thankful that her husband was once again in his right
mind and that the town had rallied behind their family, had donated a balloon-basket full of home-made goodies for the feast. Alongside Cinnamon's buckwheat pancakes and seaweed fairy floss were Beltane's numerous versions of the noble haggis, in bladders, buns, burgers, bhajis and rissoles. And for those who were not partial to any sort of haggis, there were kippers, kedgeree, devilled sausages, silverside with white sauce, bread fried in lard, fondue, chocolate truffles, cream horns, iced buns and pâté on crispbread with cornichons.

As soon as the happy couple had renewed their vows, the guests tucked into the feast with gusto (which means they ate a lot, enthusiastically). Once again Cinnamon stole the show with her wedding cake, a low-sugar no-yolk meringue made from the egg whites of a hundred happy chickens and topped with gleaming piles of gumnut jelly and tofu cream.

Hogmanay Chompster's eyes shone with good health and happiness. When the
dancers paused to catch their breath he came to the front of the crowd.

‘Ahem,' he began, ‘can I borrow a wee moment of your time?' He paused to smooth his kilt. Doctor Dogwatch stuck both index fingers in his mouth and gave a shrill whistle. The crowd fell silent. ‘It seems I've lost m' memory,' said Hogmanay, ‘… er, of some of the regrettable behaviour I displayed when I was taken ill with what I'm told was a severe pleather allergy. I ken that I caused a bit of pain, not only to my nearest and dearest but to Michaelmas and Cinnamon and to the good people who exchanged their vows today. For that I am truly sorry.' He smiled sheepishly at the guests. ‘It's my intention to devote the next six months to a wee bit of fundraising. I'm told that men suffering from midlife crises need assistance and I want to help in any way I can.'

Mister Pants snorted and Cheesy rolled her eyes.

‘What?' said Edie.

‘Here we go again,' said Cheesy.

The girls giggled.

Hogmanay paused to look over at the newlyweds, who were perched on a large upturned crate like a couple of parakeets.

‘Now, by the looks of ye there's no harm done, thanks be to heaven, and so I wish you a long and happy renewal. But,' he said, ‘before we get stuck into some more haggis there's something else. Something very important, so a bit more shush if you please . . . I want to thank very specially three brave wee souls who rescued me from certain death. When the whole town was gripped by fear, only these three kept clear heads. When that balloon came down those clear heads averted disaster.' He gazed out into the crowd. ‘The
heroes
are none other than my own daughter, Charisma, her friend Edie Amelia and that funny little dog of hers, Mister Pants . . . Where are ye? Ah! Over there by the goodies. Well, hey, come up and take a bow!' The guests looked round at Edie, Cheesy and Mister and began a slow clap of appreciation, willing them forward.

Cheesy, who was helping herself to some cauliflower cheese, dropped it in
embarrassment, right into Mister's waiting jaws. Edie grabbed her hand and the three of them walked shyly to the stage to give Mr Chompster a huge hug. Then they turned and waved to the crowd, who burst into thunderous applause. ‘What would I have done without ye?' said Hogmanay. His eyes watered and he took great sniffs into his handkerchief. ‘Congratulations all!' he said. ‘Now, Your Worship, shall we have a spot more dancing?'

When the pipes began droning, Edie whispered to Cheesy, ‘Let's get out of here. I don't know about you but those bagpipes are giving me a headache.'

‘Roger that,' said Cheesy.

‘Snort,' said Mister Pants.

Major Wiggins hissed loudly as the three adventurers headed out of the shed and over to where the Marauder's back fence flanked The Pride of the Green.

‘Cheesy,' Edie said as the sun set slowly over Runcible, ‘come over here, there's something you must see.' She pointed to a sliver of silver gleaming on her rooftop, then
pulled her binoculars out of her detective kit. ‘Take a closer look. What's that, do you think? It must be a clue. Another mystery waiting to be solved . . .'