“It's not insight. It's caution! If I am cautious around you, doctor, I think it warranted, in light of what I've heard of your character. You are a very good teacher, but I am not cozening up to a villain.”
“A wise strategy, Miss Renshaw.” He crossed his arms. “Are you always so direct when speaking to a mastermind of evil? Wouldn't stealth serve you better?”
“I am respectful and compliant to all your instructions. I know that I've forced my way into your life and you'd like nothing better than to see me gone. I do not mistake you for a friend, Dr. West.”
“Enough, Miss Renshaw. Whatever I may be, do you truly believe that I committed some crime in Standish Crossing?”
She shook her head slowly. “Whatever you are, Dr. West, it's not for me to say. Crime? Perhaps it wasn't a crime, what you did, but Aunt Jane was sure that if not for you, her daughter would be alive.”
“And what
exactly
does Mrs. Hamilton believe? What scenario is she describing in her parlor over tea, Miss Renshaw? I ask only because, as a villain, I'm naturally curious, of course.”
“She blames you for Charlotte's death.”
“
How
am I to blame?” he pressed, the unrelenting icy ball in his stomach growing with each breath he took. “
Exactly
how, Miss Renshaw?”
“Sh-she didn't
exactly
say.” The temporary chink in her armor at the confession didn't last. “She didn't have to! No one in Standish Crossing pipes up in your defense, and that in itself says a great deal, Dr. West. Charlotte was your fiancée. My aunt said that when you returned from India, you came to see her gravesite only once, and when Mrs. Hamilton confronted you in grief, she said you admitted your guilt and then left.”
“I will say this only once. I did not have anything to do with Charlotte Hamilton's death.”
“Did you not admit your guilt to Aunt Jane?”
And there's the rub.
Rowan said nothing, loathing the taste of regret in his mouth.
“You're a liar.” Gayle spoke softly, but with calm conviction.
His breath caught in his throat at the raw accusation.
Damn her!
“And how is it, Miss Renshaw, that you have ascertained that I am a liar?”
“Because until this moment when it served your purposes, you never argued directly against it. When I threatened blackmail, not even knowing the details, you never fought it. You never denied anything. And when I first told you my aunt's name, I swear your face became pale. If there is nothing to it and you are innocent, then why in the world did such a ridiculous threat work?” She crossed her arms. “If you were innocent, then why would you have confessed?”
It was the closest he'd ever come to striking a woman. He could explain nothing to her or offer a single defense without unraveling every promise he'd ever made to Charlotte's memory, but the injustice of having his choices thrown in his face was more of a slap than he'd anticipated. Everything in the world crystallized into a moment of pure frozen fury, and it was all he could do to simply turn his back on her and walk out.
Chapter
5
“I've taken on an assistant.”
“Thank God!” Ashe's reaction was not ambivalent. “You need three!”
“One is enough.” He raked a hand through his hair and settled without ceremony onto the nearest sofa. “Your recent insanity is contagious, Ashe. It seems I've decided to forgo convention and destroy my own peace of mind by actually hiring a woman.”
“Really?” Ashe's astonishment was genuine, and he sat down next to his friend, staring at him as if he'd just spontaneously sprouted a unicorn horn. “You? How is that even
remotely
possible?”
“I'm not even sure. One minute I'm nursing a headache and so tired I can't feel my tongue anymore, and the next . . . I'm losing arguments with the devil's own daughter. Miss Gayle Renshaw is a force to be reckoned with.”
“I like her already!”
“No, you don't. You aren't allowed to like her, Ashe.”
“Why can't I like her? I love a good argument, and if she's providing you with a nice debate or two, what's not to enjoy? So, you've hired a nurse to help with patients. Is that what you've done?”
“She wants to be a physician! Can you imagine such a thing? I have a
female
apprentice.” Rowan relaxed his grip on a pillow and tried to sit back. “I'm in real trouble, Ashe.”
“Ha! Where's the trouble? Every man in England would probably happily volunteer to see a doctor if he had the choice of a woman over one of the dour old men you tend to stand about with! Hell, that's probably why you've kept women out of the profession!” Ashe leaned in with a mischievous grin. “Can't stand a bit of pretty competition?”
“Who the hell said she was pretty?” Rowan snapped back.
“You certainly didn't, but there's no denying it now after the face you just made! Damn, Rowan! Did you hire her because she's beautiful? Has my saintly friend fallen prey to his desires?”
“You, sir, are an idiotâand should be extremely grateful to have friends who will tolerate you.” Rowan abandoned his seat to pace in fury. “I happen to loathe Miss Renshaw.”
“You don't have it in you, West. I've seen you spare a kind word to the worst sort of people. Hell, even in that dungeon I don't remember you ever sayâ”
“I
hate
this woman!”
“Careful.” Ashe smiled. “That's a trap any man can lose his heart in.” He poured himself a generous brandy from the small cabinet under his writing desk. “If you were indifferent, I wouldn't worry, but you sound like you're a bit too emotionally involved, Rowan.”
“That's nonsense! You never hated Caroline!”
“Have you forgotten my fantasies of murdering her in her sleep?” Ashe jested, reminding Rowan of his own lost battle to guard his heart from the woman who was now his unconventional American bride. “I was besotted and didn't even know it.”
“This is completely different!” Rowan had to keep his hands clenched behind his back so that Ashe wouldn't see the fists that itched to punch his friend's handsome face for hinting at the impossible. “Trust me. This. She. Never.”
“Well, if she's gotten you so spitting mad that you're making incoherent social calls, I'm not going to complain. Usually we're the ones invading your home and putting up our feet on your deskâand since I am now a devoted husband, my wife has informed me that the practice may have been quite rude. What a revelation!”
“It wasn't an invasion. Carter misses you dreadfully, though he'd hang himself before he said it. And you know the Jaded have never to ask. My home is open to all of you. You're family.”
“You're growing maudlin these days, Rowan. Are you sure your lovely apprentice hasn't tied your tail in a knot?”
“She'll be gone in a week. Medicine can seem a romantic art until she's scorched her hands in the lab a few times and caught a glimpse of the pile of reference books I'm going to insist she memorize before next Sunday. She'll quit or she'll die of exhaustion. Either way, I'll have the harpy out of my hair in a matter of days.”
“Hmm. That doesn't sound very Hippocratic of you. Didn't you swear to never do harm in that oath?”
“Surprisingly, no. Not specifically, although there is a bit about refraining from giving people poison.”
“Well, that's something.” Ashe gave him a wry smile. “I think I like you better surly and a bit menacing like this, Dr. West. Caroline will be astonished when I tell her you stopped by to growl over a woman.”
“I did notâ” Rowan caught himself before he took the bait completely. “Are you in Town for the winter?”
“No, we'll go to Bellewood and see my grandfather again just after Michaelmas. Caroline has insisted on it, and for once, I think I'm going to enjoy spending time in the country. If only to watch the old monster melt and fawn all over my darling girl. To this day, I don't think she realizes what pawns we were in that old man's game, but I have no complaints.”
“He was quite the matchmaker.”
Ashe nodded. “Too bad you don't need his services. I could have asked him to make arrangements for you, but since you're well on your way to bliss, we wouldn't want to interfere.”
“Damn it, Ashe! You're worse than a housebound widow with this nonsense! I'll have Miss Renshaw off my hands in a week, and you, sir, will owe me an apology!” Rowan left the room, grabbing his coat out of Godwin's waiting hands in the foyer, anger making it a bit more energetic of a departure than he would have liked.
He'd wrenched open the front door only to surprise the lady of the house on the other side. Caroline stood on the doorstep with her ladies' maid, Daisy, both of them flushed and happy from their outing to the shops.
“Is everything all right with Ashe?” Caroline asked quickly.
“I was here for purely social reasons, Mrs. Blackwell.”
“Then why do you look like a man with a porcupine in his pocket?” she asked, setting her boxes aside.
Rowan smiled. Ashe's American wife had a refreshing candor that made him glad for his friend. Life would never be boring for Ashe Blackwell with a woman like Caroline to contend with. “Madam, you do have a unique way with words. I just had . . . news to share with your husband.”
“Good news, I hope.”
“I've taken on an assistant.” It came out clipped, and he almost winced at his confessionlike tone, but her cheerful reply made him groan aloud.
“Thank heavens! You need three!”
Misery.
She'd been an absolute harridan to the man, and after he'd stormed out, she'd wasted an hour facedown sobbing on her bed. What was it about him that made her want to spit and claw like a cat? He'd said nothing to counter her horrible accusations, and once again, she was left with the paradox of those sad, beautiful eyes looking back at her, his rugged countenance sober and furious at the sting of the charges she'd thrown in his face. He looked like a man offended and not like a man indifferent to his sins.
He's like that handsome Iago in
Othello
, with all the appearance of a gentleman and trusted man, but if I forget what I know to be true, I'm lost.
I'm tired and already, every time I see him, it's a struggle to remember any of it. Standish Crossing is a million miles away and none of it feels real.
What had Aunt Jane said? It was clearly spoken and I wasn't imagining it! She said that Charlotte would be alive today if she hadn't met Dr. Rowan West and fallen under his spell. She'd said that he was as responsible for the death of her daughter as if he'd been there to strangle her. And that he'd confessed as much and then turned his back on her and never returned to Standish Crossing.
And now I've called him a villain and a liarâin return for everything he's done for me. He opened his home and practice, and taught me, even if I have forced him to it; he's been gracious enough, hasn't he?
Peter James was barely an acquaintance, but she'd felt comfortable with him. He'd smiled and seemed encouraging when she'd hinted at her ambitions where Rowan had called them absurd and done everything he could in their first conversations to dissuade her.
I tell Rowan nothing of myself, not because I'm afraid of him, but because it's all too easy to like him.
Perhaps I already do like him too much. Am I in danger, like Charlotte, of falling under his spell? But what danger could he represent? Haven't I already lost my reputation and perhaps my place in society? There's no going back! I have to amend things and convince him to continue my apprenticeship and take me forward.