Echo-Foxtrot (8 page)

Lou nodded. Perhaps this would get Mum off the food kick. She watched as Mum opened it. “I made it on the boat on the journey here.”

Mum's eyes glistened as she gazed at the cross-stitch picture of the white horses on the beach. “Oh, sweetheart…”

“I wanted you to have it.”

“Thank you.” Mum put the picture on the table and hugged her. “I love it. I shall hang it in my room.”

Lou hugged her back and leaned against the pillows as Mum released her from the hug. “Is Jack back yet?”

“No, how did you know he was gone?”

“Window faces the runway. When's he due back?”

“Tomorrow morning. Why?”

Lou shrugged. “No reason. Just wondered.”

Mum studied her for a moment. Whatever she was working up to saying wasn't going to be good. “Dr. Andrews wants you to talk to one of the counselors they have here.”

“I already told her no.”

“Lou, she's worried about you. So am I. I've read the logbook you and Jim kept.”

“That's more than I have.” Lou looked down at the covers. That meant everyone would have read it. Including her backwards entries, because there wasn't going to be a shortage of mirrors here.

Mum sighed. “You're like a different person now. You willingly risked your life in June for three people you didn't know. Your log entries read fluently. You sound happy, full of life and love and vitality. Then after the shark it all changes.”

“That's because everything
did
change. Life did a huge U-turn. Nothing was the same after that.”

Mum frowned, as if she wasn't sure how to broach the subject. “Lou, love, it sounds like you were really sick. Did you really want to stay behind?”

“Yes. If you read the logs, then you know I'm dying. The others didn't need to see that. And you wouldn't want me back just to lose me again. It was better for everyone if I stayed behind with Deefer.”

“That's why you need to talk to someone. Just like all the others have done already. You've been through a lot.”

“I don't need a shrink. How many times do I have to say it?”

“I'm not saying you do, but you need—”

“What I need are painkillers that actually work. I'm tired of the pain. And I wish my leg would stop itching for just five seconds. I just want it to go away. I want everything to go away. I wanna be left alone.”

Mum smiled faintly. “That's my girl, always cranky when she's hurting. OK, love. I'll come back and see you tomorrow.” She got up and kissed Lou's forehead. “Night, love.”

“Night, Mum.”

Mum picked up the picture. She paused at the doorway. “Lou, love, you're not dying.” She headed out of the room.

“Yes, I am,” Lou whispered. “Mafuso said so and no doctor has said otherwise.” She turned her head to face the wall and closed her eyes. If only her foot would stop itching for a few minutes, it'd help.

11

Jim and Ailsa ate dinner together with Nichola and his parents in the mess. Staci was already asleep in the main infirmary. Jim hoped they could move into Jack's place the following day. It wasn't that he didn't like being here; he just wanted to be alone with his parents and away from the constant supervision of armed guards. Even though he hadn't done anything wrong, other than sneaking out to see Lou when he'd been told not to, their presence made him feel guilty anyway.

As they finished eating, Nichola looked over at Jim. “Could you do me a favor? Go and see Lou and see if you can talk some sense into her? I can't seem to say anything right at the moment.”

“I'll try,” he said.

“Thank you. And tell her you've all spoken to the counselor already. She thinks we're picking on her. Oh, she hasn't said as much, but I know the way she thinks.”

“I'll try. See you in a bit.” He stood and headed down to the infirmary, with Sergeant Peterson following.

Lou lay with her eyes closed.

Jim sat next to her bed. “Hi,” he said. “I know you're awake.”

“I'm asleep,” came the reply. She gave a couple of mock snores. “See, sleeping.”

“When are you going to stop this spoilt-brat act of yours?”

Lou opened her eyes and looked at him. “My
what
?” she asked.

He noticed the hollow, dead look was back. His stomach churned and he swallowed hard. He thought they'd gotten past this. “It's time you grew up and stopped acting like a child. We've put your mum through enough without you carrying on like this.”

Lou pushed up on her elbows and glared at him. “How
dare
you talk to me like that?”

“Well, no one else will. I put up with it on the boat and on Agrihan because I had no choice. Plus which, I had Staci to consider. And I cut you some slack after Deefer died, but no more. You want to cut yourself off and sulk like a baby because you can't have your own way, then feel free. Don't come crying to me, because you won't get any sympathy.”

Lou shook her head at him. “I have every right to feel like this. I'm dying.”

“Codswallop,” Jim snapped. “The doctors here worked jolly hard to stop the infection and succeeded, I may add. The antibiotics you're on are finishing the job.”

Lou scowled. “Fine then. I will never walk again. Oh, they are talking wheelchairs and wooden legs and crutches, but it's not the same. You don't know what it's like, so don't you dare start on me. It's like a nightmare, but you can't tell where the dream stops and reality starts.”

“Which is why you need to talk to someone.”

“Oh, for Pete's sake. Don't you start on that as well.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Actually, they made us all go talk to the counselor. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. She just sat there and listened.”

“I'm not doing it. I put all my thoughts in the logbook; don't need to rehash the whole experience again. Just leave me alone.” She turned away and shut her eyes.

Jim got up. “With pleasure.” He left the infirmary and went back to the others. He sat down and shook his head. “I don't know I did any good. Probably not.”

“Thanks for trying.” Nichola sighed. “The only person who might get through is Jack. He said she opened up a bit on the island. I'll get him to go see her tomorrow once he gets back.”

****

In the infirmary Lou lay looking up at the ceiling. Was Jim right about her not dying now? Mum had said the same thing. She didn't understand why the doctor or any of the nurses hadn't said anything if it were true.

Perhaps Jim was just saying it because he wanted her to stop feeling sorry for herself.

As a medic passed, Lou asked for an envelope and some notepaper. The medic gave her some along with a pen. Lou chewed on the pen lid for a moment, then began to write. It took several attempts until she was sure it was right. She shoved it in the envelope and wrote
Colonel Jack Fitzgerald
on the front. She put it on the bedside table, then destroyed the other attempts. She put the notebook on top of the letter and closed her eyes.

She heard someone come in, but pretended she was asleep. She didn't want another lecture. There had been way too many of them for one day.

****

The following morning, Lou once again refused breakfast. Just the smell of the food on the tray the doctor held turned her stomach. “I'm not hungry.”

Dr. Andrews rolled her eyes. “Then you need to drink something. Otherwise, you can't have more painkillers.”

Lou huffed. “Fine. Tea, white with two sugars.”

The doctor just stood there. “And what's the magic word?”

Lou shook her head. “You sound just like my mother. Please.”

Dr. Andrews smiled. “Sure. And my mother did the same thing to me. It must be a universal parental tactic to make us say please.” She disappeared, taking the tray with her. She soon returned with a cup. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” Lou wrapped her hands around the cup, relishing the warmth.

“On a scale of one to ten, one being no pain and ten being pretty bad, how's your leg this morning?”

“Not there,” she replied flatly.

Dr. Andrews raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Lou sipped the tea. “Yeah, really. Even I can see that my leg is no longer there and I'm just a kid, not a doctor.”

The doctor smiled. “OK, let me rephrase the question. How is your pain level?”

“Nine.” She swallowed. “Can I ask you something?”

The doctor perched on the edge of the bed. “Sure, if I can ask something in return.”

“OK.” She figured she'd probably regret agreeing to that, but oh well. “Am I still dying?”

“Dying? What makes you think that?”

“I heard you talking several times when I was sleeping. About me not making it. And besides, Mafuso said the same thing. That my leg was too bad and the infection would kill me.”

Dr. Andrews nodded. “It would have done if you hadn't been rescued when you were, and yes, you were pretty sick. You crashed about three or four times, and it was touch and go for a few hours when you first got here, but you're doing fine now.”

“Really?” she whispered.

“Yeah, really. There's no sign of infection and the meds I'm giving you will get rid of what bugs are left in your system. There's no reason why you won't live to be ninety or so.”

Lou looked at her. She wasn't sure if she were relieved or not. “OK. You wanted to ask something in return.”

Dr. Andrews pulled out her notebook. “What did you use for pain meds on the island?”

“Ailsa made something with a plant. She called it mytona. It was brilliant stuff. At least to start with, 'cause it numbed the pain for hours. It tasted disgusting though. You'll have to ask her what plant it was. Mafuso did the same.”

“You mentioned him just now. He was the medic in the village?”

Lou took a deep drink of the tea. The only problem now her stomach had something in it, it wanted more. But it couldn't have it. Her stubborn streak kicked in hard. She'd said no to breakfast, so that was the end of it. “Yeah, he was.” She set the cup down. “One of the good guys.”

“You liked him?”

“He's married, so it's irrelevant.”

“I didn't mean like him, like him.” Dr. Andrews grinned. “But it makes it easier to respond to people when you get along with them.”

Lou nodded slightly.

“I had this boss once…not on this base, but another one. He was an ogre.”

“Really?” An image of a green monster in uniform floated through Lou's mind.

“Oh, yeah. Annoy him and he'd have you cleaning things with a toothbrush.”

“I didn't think they could do that.” Lou glanced up. “What kind of things?”

“Floors, sinks, even toilets.”

Lou scrunched up her nose. “Yuck.”

Dr. Andrews nodded. “Definitely. I haven't had to make any of my staff do that yet. A couple of patients got threatened with it, mind you.” She lowered her voice. “Colonel Fitzgerald for one.”

“Really?” Lou tried not to appear too interested, but she was. And part of her was enjoying the conversation now they weren't talking about her.

“He won't turn up for medicals. He'll do all he can to avoid post-mission checks. And as for shots? You can forget it. I'm thinking he's afraid of needles, but won't admit it. Just don't tell him I told you that. You finished with the tea?”

Lou nodded.

“Want some more?”

She shook her head.

“OK.” Dr. Andrews picked up the cup and took it away. She returned with a wheelchair. “Care to go for a ride?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No. This time, we'll lift you out of the bed, but tomorrow you'll learn how to get into and out of the chair yourself. That way, you'll get some independence back.” Dr. Andrews put the brakes on the chair and pulled back the covers. She disconnected the morphine pump.

Lou didn't even get time to open her mouth to object before the medic lifted her and put her in the chair. She bit her lip as pain soared through her thigh and she averted her gaze from the stump where her lower leg used to be.

Dr. Andrews put a blanket round Lou's legs. “Airman Ryder will take you out. He'll also show you how to wheel yourself.” She attached the drip to the chair. “See you later.”

Airman Ryder pushed Lou out of the infirmary. “Where to?” he asked.

“You're driving,” Lou told him.

“You're navigating.”

“I don't know where anything is. I haven't left the infirmary since I got here.” She paused, pointing to the door. “How about we go that way?”

Airman Ryder chuckled. “That's a great help. There must be something on the base you want to see.”

Lou waited a moment, not wanting it to be too obvious she was keen to get outside. “Then go out of the door and turn left. Can we go and find the runway? We could watch the planes come in and take off.”

“I can't do that, because it's a restricted area, but we'll find somewhere nice to sit in the sunshine.”

Airman Ryder pushed her down the corridor and to the lift. They went to the ground floor and outside where the sun shone brightly and the breeze ruffled Lou's hair.

Lou sucked in a deep breath, trying not to show how good it was to be in the fresh air and out of the horrid clinical, antiseptic environment of the infirmary.

Airman Ryder pushed her slowly across to the base shops, explaining how to push herself. He parked the chair under a tree overlooking the car park.

Lou sighed. This guy had a strange definition of “somewhere nice” but she wasn't going to argue with him. Jack waved at her from across the car park. She nodded to him, trying not to smile as he jogged over to her.

“Hi, Lou. How are you doing?”

Lou shrugged. “I'm here. How are you?”