East End Angel (17 page)

‘I hope you’ll be able to get up in the morning.’ Pearl hadn’t been able to sleep as the baby was so restless.

‘Don’t spoil me fun.’

‘I’m not. I only want what’s best for you.’

‘If you did, you would have made Ricky feel at home,’ Ruby said resentfully.

Pearl shrugged. ‘I haven’t felt up to company.’

‘Then you should have said,’ Ruby answered in a high voice. ‘There was me thinking it was to do with us.’

Pearl didn’t want another argument over Ricky. ‘You can bring him up for supper tomorrow night.’

But Ruby tossed her head. ‘As it happens, I’m having the day off from work. Ricky is taking me up West to stay at a hotel.’

Pearl’s jaw dropped.

‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Ruby scowled. ‘It’s only one night.’

‘Does Mr Brewer know?’

‘Not yet. I’ll just say I was sick.’ Ruby waved her hands. ‘Don’t look so shocked, everyone does it once in a while. What difference is one little white lie going to make?’

‘All right, all right.’ Pearl gave up. ‘You’re old enough to know what you’re doing.’ Just then the baby moved.

‘Pearl?’ Ruby hurried beside her.

‘I’m all right.’

‘What shall I do?’ Ruby grabbed her hand anxiously. ‘Shall I go for the doctor?’

‘No, don’t fuss.’

‘Is it a labour pain?’

Pearl felt the sweat trickle in between her breasts. ‘Help me up, will you?’

Ruby took her arm. ‘If you’re trying to put me off babies, you’re doing a good job.’

Pearl grinned. ‘Now I’ve got to go to the lav.’

‘I’ll come with you. It’s dark out there.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ve put a pail in me room. But come here and say good night.’

They hugged, both careful to avoid the bump. A faint whiff of soap from Ruby’s skin took Pearl back to Roper’s Way. As kids they would sit in the tin bath in front of the fire, spreading soap over each other’s backs. It seemed such a long time ago now.

‘You can borrow me blue frock tomorrow,’ Pearl said, happy to see the smile back on Ruby’s face. If only she could share Ruby’s joy, but the man her sister loved was Ricky. And she could never tell Ruby of the heartache he had caused or warn her that it could happen again.

When Ruby came home the day after next, she rushed into the kitchen. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were sparkling. ‘Pearl! Pearl! I’ve got some wonderful news!’

Pearl looked up from the draining board where she was preparing the vegetables for dinner, a smile on her face. But it soon faded as Ruby threw down her bag and extended her hand. ‘What do you think of this? It’s a real sapphire and diamonds. Ricky told me to pick the ring I liked and not worry about the cost.’

Pearl gazed at the sparkling cluster. ‘He bought you a ring?’

‘Yes,’ said Ruby excitedly, ‘and now we’re officially engaged.’

Pearl dropped the half-peeled potato and shook her head slowly. ‘Engaged? You never said anything about being engaged.’

‘That’s because I hadn’t been asked. Do you like it?’

Pearl wanted to pinch herself and wake up from this bad dream. ‘Yes, course, but it’s come as a bit of a shock.’

‘It was to me, an’ all,’ nodded Ruby, turning the ring and pushing it under Pearl’s nose. ‘I nearly fainted when he asked. We was outside this jewellers in Oxford Street. He says, let’s go in and have a look round. Well, I thought he was joking, but went in . . . and, oh, Pearl, all the customers all wore these posh clothes, even the salesgirl did.’ Ruby took a quick breath. ‘And then he asked to see the rings. Me heart nearly burst out of me chest – I couldn’t believe it.’

‘Neither can I,’ Pearl croaked.

Ruby twisted her hand, gazing at the ring. ‘It cost nine guineas, to be precise.’

‘That’s a lot of money.’

‘I won’t wear it at work, of course. I took it off today, but showed it to all the girls. You should have seen their faces.’

Pearl wiped her hands on her apron, trying to still the feeling of panic inside her. She wanted to say to Ruby that she had done a reckless thing. That she should have thought it over and not rushed into such a big step. But she knew it was too late. The sparkle in Ruby’s eyes was as bright as the diamonds. Speaking her mind wouldn’t achieve anything now. They would only argue again and the rift between them grow bigger.

‘Did Mr Brewer say anything about you being off?’ she asked cautiously.

‘No. I said I ate something that upset me.’

Pearl sat down at the table. Her knees had gone weak. ‘What was the hotel like?’

Ruby continued to stare at her ring. ‘I wish you could have seen it. There was a bathroom next to it with hot and cold written on the taps. There was even soap and lovely white towels . . .’

Pearl felt more wretched than ever. She wanted to shake Ruby by the shoulders and tell her that what she had done could only bring unhappiness. But now all she could do was stand on the sidelines and watch as their affair gathered strength.

‘You are happy for me, aren’t you?’ Ruby said, suddenly aware of the silence and Pearl sitting quietly at the table.

‘It’s all happened so quickly.’

‘I know. I can shout that I’m engaged from the rooftops if I like.’ Ruby twirled round and lifted her arms. ‘Oh, Pearl, I’m the happiest girl in the world.’

Just like I was, thought Pearl desperately, when Ricky told me that I was the only girl he had ever loved.

‘Listen, is that the siren?’ Ruby said, suddenly standing still.

Pearl had so many troubled thoughts in her mind, even the siren seemed far away.

Ruby snatched up her bag. ‘Let’s go down to the storeroom. Gwen and Fitz shelter in there now. I can show them me ring. It will take our minds off the raid.’

Pearl put on her coat and followed Ruby down the stairs. When they were all seated on boxes in the storeroom, listening to the drone of the bombers, Ruby showed off her ring.

‘Is it real diamonds?’ Gwen asked, bringing the oil lamp close.

‘Yes, and a sapphire.’

‘You’re very lucky,’ nodded Fitz. ‘These days a lot of girls don’t get more than a trinket from Woolworths.’

‘I know.’ Ruby glanced at Pearl. ‘I’ll have to start me trousseau.’

‘Yes,’ Gwen nodded. ‘You’ll want to save up for your bottom drawer. Have you told your mum and dad?’

‘No, but I will when I see them.’

‘Don’t a bloke ask the dad first?’

Ruby tossed back her head. ‘Like going down on one knee, that’s a thing of the past.’

‘When do you plan to marry?’ Fitz enquired as he chucked a mouldy cabbage in the leftovers’ sack.

‘Don’t know. It’s difficult in wartime.’

A succession of loud thuds stopped them from talking as dust came down from the ceiling. Pearl slipped her hand through Ruby’s arm and Fitz sat close to Gwen until the all clear went.

‘That wasn’t long,’ sighed Gwen as Fitz opened the door and daylight flooded in. ‘Let’s hope the Luftwaffe ain’t coming back this way.’

‘Could be flying up north to the ports,’ said Fitz.

‘You take care of that ting-a-ling, young lady,’ called Gwen as Pearl and Ruby went upstairs. ‘Take it off when you wash up. You don’t want it going down the plughole.’

‘No chance of that,’ Ruby shouted as they let themselves in. ‘It’s going back in its box this minute.’

All the same, she wore it that evening. Pearl listened to Ruby dreaming her plans for the future. Just like Pearl, she wanted a white wedding, but she would rather wear a new dress and not their mother’s. It would be satin, with a long veil, accompanied by matching shoes and gloves. Ricky had suggested they go to Scotland for their honeymoon. When he had joined his ship at Scapa Flow he had travelled through some beautiful countryside. One hotel in particular had caught his eye, on the edge of a loch, surrounded by mountains and forests.

But in all this fairy tale, Pearl noted, Ruby didn’t refer to their stolen night of bliss. Had it been as perfect as she hoped? Pearl couldn’t bring herself to ask about it.

A few days after Ricky had returned to his base, the leaves began to fall from the few trees that had survived the Blitz. September ended on a warm note but Pearl yearned for the cooler weather. Her back ached, no matter what position she sat or laid in. It was better to keep moving, but if she did, her ankles swelled more. The stuffy heat exhausted her.

Walking up and down the stairs was a big effort. Other than a bus ride to the doctor’s she rarely ventured far. The walk to Vale Road from the bus stop was too far and she’d had no word at all from Jim’s mother.

After what Ricky had said about El Alamein, Pearl listened every day to the wireless. Bulletins about the desert campaign were now frequent. It was reported that Monty was achieving a slow but sure advance against Rommel, who was rumoured to be ill and his troops’ morale at an all-time low. This had given the Allies fresh hope.

Then, in early October Pearl heard from Jim. The letter landed on the mat one Saturday morning. He had finally received the news of the baby and was overjoyed at becoming a father. It was all he wrote about, that and his slippers, their code for the desert. It wasn’t a long letter, but it was full of love and hope.

‘At last he got my letter about the baby,’ Pearl said excitedly to Ruby one evening. ‘He thinks it’ll be a boy too.’

‘Why does he think that?’ Ruby asked distractedly.

‘He was the only child and one of his grandmothers had only boys.’

‘Does it run in families, then?’

‘I don’t know. It might do.’

Ruby sat down on a kitchen chair and dragged off her turban. ‘Did you tell him about me and Ricky?’

Pearl thought of Jim’s reaction when he knew. ‘Not yet. Haven’t had time.’

Ruby looked away, heaving a sigh. ‘Don’t say I told you so, but I was relieved to get my monthlies. It was only one night we was together, but even so, I’ve been worried.’

‘Have you changed your mind then?’ Pearl asked hopefully.

‘What about?’

‘Well, being engaged to Ricky whilst there’s a war on.’

Ruby sat round. ‘No, not that.’ The colour rushed to her cheeks. ‘It’s something more personal. Can we go in and sit in the warm?’

With a sinking feeling Pearl accompanied Ruby to the living room. What was she going to say? As they sat down on the couch, Pearl thought how young and innocent her sister looked. Her working trousers and blouse were like a school uniform, and with her legs tucked under her, and wearing no make-up, she looked no more than fifteen. Pearl felt huge in her maternity smock from the secondhand stall. It was shapeless and dull. She wanted to fit into small sizes again, clothes that weren’t utility or cast-offs.

‘Pearl,’ said Ruby slowly, turning to look at her, ‘should making love hurt?’

Pearl could only swallow. This was a conversation she really didn’t want. ‘What do you ask that for?’

‘Did it happen with you?’

Pearl felt guilty. Jim hadn’t been her first lover but she couldn’t tell Ruby that.

‘I had to ask Ricky to stop,’ Ruby said before Pearl could answer. ‘It was painful and not like it is on the films. The girls always wake up in bed with smiles on their faces.’

‘Don’t forget, they’re only acting.’

‘Yes, but ain’t it like that?’

‘Didn’t they tell you at the clinic?’

‘No, they just gave me these things to put inside. But I was so nervous on the night, I couldn’t.’

‘No wonder you were worried about your monthlies.’

‘I didn’t think I would be.’

‘So you kept saying.’

‘It was romantic to start with,’ Ruby went on. ‘We undressed and he kissed me—’

Pearl drew a breath. ‘Ruby, you shouldn’t be telling me all this.’

Ruby looked surprised. ‘Why not? What’s changed between us? We’ve always told each other everything. And anyway, you’re the only one I can ask.’ She looked on the verge of tears. ‘Especially as I don’t know enough about sex.’

‘Then why do it?’ Pearl said before she could stop herself.

Ruby burst into tears. She buried her face in the pillow, her shoulders shaking.

Pearl felt a wave of deep regret and, putting her arms around her, she gently patted her shoulder. ‘Don’t cry, Ruby. What’s done is done. At least the worst didn’t happen.’

‘I’m beginning to see there’s a lot more to romance than having a ring on your finger,’ stammered Ruby, her face wet as she got out her handkerchief and blew her nose. ‘I feel such a dimwit.’

‘You’re not at all. But you’ve just had your first experience. You’ve become a woman.’ Pearl knew from her own experience that Ricky, dressed in his naval uniform and being so handsome, cut a very dashing figure, and it was no wonder that Ruby had fallen for him. The same had happened to her six years ago, and she couldn’t blame Ruby for falling for his charms. There was a glamour about him that most women wouldn’t be able to ignore. But appearances weren’t everything, as she had found to her cost, and she’d tried her hardest to make Ruby aware of this without being able to tell her the real truth.