Each Step Like Knives (11 page)

Howard lifted an eyebrow. "Don't get testy, Helena.
It's fine with me if he stays. Really."

She could have argued further, but refrained. This
was all too stressful as it was. She looked at Johnny, who stared
back, silent. Finally, he nodded and brushed past her and into the
bedroom.

Helena gestured to Howard. "Let me get you something
to drink. I have bottled water."

Howard followed her into the kitchen. "I'm guessing
it's too much to expect Perrier?"

She almost shot back a nasty reply before his grin
told her he'd been teasing. "Nope. Sorry. Local store brand."

He shrugged. "That's fine."

She busied herself with the bottled water, ice and
glasses and gestured toward the battered kitchen table. "Have a
seat."

"Thanks." He drank then set the glass down on one of
the many rings already stained into the wooden table. "I appreciate
it."

Awkward silence fell between them, and Helena found
herself thinking no matter how much difficulty they'd had
communicating, silence between her and Johnny had never been
awkward. Nothing had been awkward between them until she'd freaked
out. She poured herself some more water and looked out the window
over the sink. It looked like another storm was brewing. The sky
had grown dark, and the air had a faint electrical tingle about
it.

"Are you really happy here?"

Surprised, Helena looked over at Howard. His
question sounded sincere. Her answer surprised her even more.
"Happier than I've ever been."

"Because of him?"

She couldn't mistake the jealousy in Howard's voice.
Helena glanced toward the kitchen door and surprised herself again.
"Yes."

Howard's mouth thinned and he rattled the water
glass hard enough to clink the ice cubes together. "I don't get it,
Helena. I can understand you being pissed about me and
Ginger--"

"Was that her name?" For some reason, that little
piece of trivia made Helena want to laugh. So she did. Howard
frowned.

"I can understand why you were mad about that," he
continued. "I know I messed up."

"Yes, you did."

"But holy shit, that guy? You're picking that guy
over me?"

"His name is Johnny," she replied calmly. The boom
of far-off thunder rattled the windows.

"What the hell kind of name is Johnny for a grown
man?" Howard mouthed the name like it tasted bad. "And what's up
with him not talking? Is he retarded?"

She regarded him coldly. "My, aren't we politically
correct?"

Howard slammed back the last of his water and glared
at her. "How'd you meet this guy anyway? How long have you been
fucking him?"

"Who says I have!" she cried, but her cheeks
instantly painted themselves with heat to give her away.

"It's all over the both of you. I can smell it on
you, for God's sake!"

They both heard the sound of Johnny's soft cough at
the same time. Helena turned to the doorway. He'd changed into a
pair of sleep pants and a T-shirt--the only clothes she'd had in
her drawer to fit him. He'd combed his hair, and now it fell back
from his forehead down to his shoulders in thick, perfect waves a
man like Howard would have to spend thousands of dollars to
manage.

Johnny crossed to the sink and ran some water into a
glass he pulled from the cupboard. He didn't look at Howard, but he
gave Helena a sideways glance as he brushed past her. At the casual
touch of his elbow against her belly, her entire body jolted.

At the same time, a crack of lightning flickered in
the window, followed by another thump of thunder. The storm was
getting closer. Helena waited until Johnny moved away from the sink
before she closed the window.

"How cute." Howard's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"He's even wearing your clothes."

She saw Johnny's back stiffen as he drank, then
carefully set the glass down on the counter. He turned, slowly, and
faced Howard. She saw his hands twist in the air, but she couldn't
quite tell what she said. Howard couldn't either by the look on his
face. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, buddy. Whatever." He got to his feet,
blatantly ignored Johnny, and pushed closer to Helena. "Listen,
can't we at least talk without him here? Can't you even give me
that chance?"

"I don't think so."

Helena still was uncertain about what, exactly, was
going to happen with Johnny, but she had no doubts about what would
happen with Howard. Nothing. It was over, and if there had ever
been any chance at reconciliation, he'd ruined it with his cruel
remarks about a stranger.

"Shit." Howard glared at Johnny, who stared back,
implacably. "Tell him to stop staring at me."

Helena grabbed Howard's arm. "Why don't you just go,
Howard, before the storm hits? Just...get in your car and drive
away."

He jerked his arm out of her grasp and dusted it off
like she'd burned him. His handsome face, the one she'd once loved
so much, had turned sour and ugly. He smoothed his polo shirt and
straightened his belt.

"I love you, Helena," he told her.

It sounded like the first honest words she'd heard
from him since she could not remember when.

She felt sorry for him, but the memory of him
pounding into his secretary, their faces contorted with lust, while
Helena had stood in the doorway would not leave her. "What we had
is over, Howard. It's been over for a long time."

He looked over to Johnny, who stood still and
silent. "Walk with me to my car. Give me that, at least."

She sighed. "If I do, will you just...leave? Will
you leave, Howard?"

"I'll leave. I promise."

"Johnny, I'm going to walk Howard down to his car."
Did he even know what a car was? He nodded as though he did. "I'll
be back in a few minutes."

She followed Howard out the door, down the stairs
and to the sandy driveway. The sky overhead had gone nearly black.
Lightning flashed, thunder crashed, and the wind whipped her hair
around her face. The ocean had become a maelstrom of white-crested
waves dashing against the sand.

Howard stopped next to his car. He looked up at the
house, and Helena followed his gaze. Johnny stood silhouetted in
the window. Howard scowled.

"I've been an asshole," he said. The wind tore at
his words. He brushed impatiently at his normally-coiffed hair.
"But that's no reason for you to live in squalor with some
backwoods hillbilly without a tongue."

Helena crossed her arms around herself to combat the
chill in the air. "You obviously know nothing about me, Howard, and
you never have. You don't know anything about Johnny, either, so
just leave him out of this. It has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me!" Howard's words
came out through gritted teeth. "Damn it, Helena! That ring you're
still wearing on your finger says it has everything to do with
me."

She'd almost forgotten about the ring, a subdued
aquamarine in a platinum setting she'd picked out on a whim. That
she hadn't chosen a diamond for their engagement seemed somehow
significant in retrospect. She'd moved it to her right hand since
leaving New York. Now she slipped it off. It rolled in her palm as
she tried to hand it back to him.

Howard refused to take it. "I don't want it
back."

"I don't want to wear it." Helena cupped her fingers
around the ring. "You bought it. It wasn't cheap. You should have
it back."

"I said I don't want it back, Helena!"

She'd never seen him so angry. It was a little
unnerving, watching his face twist with such fury. She actually
took a step back from him.

"Howard." She said his name to try and calm him, but
a thunderclap blocked her voice. She tried again. "Howard, I'm
sorry. But it's over between us."

"No! I won't accept that!"

He clenched his fists and she took another step
back.

The first fat raindrops splattered down, cold on her
arms and face. Howard swiped at his face. The rain pattered down
faster. They were both going to get soaked in another few
minutes.

"You have to accept it," Helena shouted over the
storm. "I'm sorry, Howard, but you had to learn someday you can't
get everything you want, all the time."

With relief, Helena realized she meant what she
said, and that she was no longer sorry to say it. She lifted her
face to the rain and laughed despite the cold. She was really done
with Howard. She looked up to the house, to Johnny's shadow in the
window, and laughed again. She had a whole new future ahead of her,
if she wanted it.

"Good bye, Howard."

"Damn it!" he shouted. "You can't do this to
me!"

Helena rolled her eyes, annoyed. "I'm not doing this
to you. You did this to yourself. When are you going to get
that?"

"I said I was sorry! What more do you want?"

"I want you to leave." She pointed at the car. "And
you said you would. Now get!"

"And if I won't?"

For a minute, she was frightened again. He was very
angry. Every line of his face and body showed her that. Even
mild-mannered men could be pushed to intemperate acts when faced
with not getting their own way. Howard had never been
mild-mannered. He threw down his tennis racket if he lost a match,
he pursued colleagues he'd felt wronged him with a vengeance
categorized by stolen clients and underhanded business dealings,
and he had no compunctions about returning merchandise he'd already
used but suddenly no longer desired.

"My God," Helena said. "What did I ever see in you?
You're awful!"

He growled at her. Actually growled, like a dog.
Helena took another step back. Then she lifted her chin and
straightened her shoulders. Her sense of self-worth and ten years
of martial arts refused to allow him to intimidate her. She held
out her hand. The ring soon swam in the puddle of water in her open
palm.

"Take back your ring and get the hell out of here. I
never want to see you again." She looked him up and down. "If I
could tell which was your head and which was your ass, I'd kick
it."

That stunned him into open-mouthed silence. She had
to stifle a giggle, not wanting to make more mockery of him than
she already had. Howard snarled and showed the teeth on which he'd
spent more money than the ring in her hand.

"You are such a bitch!"

Helena didn't let the insult bother her. "Take the
ring."

"I told you, I don't want it back."

She shrugged and looked toward the storm-swept sea.
It had gone nearly the color of Johnny's eyes. "Fine. I'll toss it
in the ocean."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Last chance," she said, and offered it again. "Take
it now, or it's going to the bottom of the sea."

"You are such a bitch!"

"Careful, Howard," she told him. "You're starting to
repeat yourself."

He made no move to take the ring from her, so she
closed her fingers around it and marched toward the surf. She heard
him calling from behind her, but found he was easy enough to ignore
with the sounds of the storm to block him. The rain plastered her
hair to her cheeks and she swiped at it, but the grin remained on
her face. She laughed aloud and shook her head.

"You can't have everything you want," she said aloud
and laughed again. "Idiot."

She'd reached the edge of the surf before he caught
up to her and yanked her backward by the hair.

Jeenai
watched from the window. His woman--Helena, he reminded himself.
Helena was showing something in her hand to the man called Howard.
Jeenai sneered. Howard was no warrior's name. He should have beaten
the man to a pulp, but had held back for fear of upsetting
Helena.

Carrageenai females had no trouble defending
themselves and rarely called on a mal to help them. Human women
seemed somewhat more defenseless. Helena called to a protective
side of his nature he'd never known before.

They seemed to be arguing about something. The man's
face contorted. Jeenai moved closer to the window, forgetting human
windows contained a clear, hard barrier. He bumped his head and
cursed. The guttural sound that issued from his throat sounded
harsh and strange, not forceful as it would have under the
water.

Now Helena seemed to be offering the man something
from her hand. Something shiny. Her ring? Jeenai moved his head,
but was unable to see more. He itched to go down to them, but she
had told him she'd be back. He paced in front of the small
window.

The pain in his legs and feet intensified with every
step, and he had to pause to catch a breath in lungs that suddenly
seemed too small. He forced himself to breathe deeply, then again.
A red haze swam in front of his vision.

When he was able to clear his eyes and look back
down at the scene below, Helena and Howard had disappeared. Jeenai
strained to see where they'd gone, but could see only slashing rain
and hear the sound of thunder. A flash of light lit the sky. He
caught a glimpse of bright, flowing hair.