DYING TO SURVIVE (Dark Erotica) (15 page)

Meghan turned toward Ryan, focused on his face, and slowly smiled as she ran her fingers through her hair.

“With each option, should you accept it, there will be other potential options associated with the decision you might make,” frustrated with her smiling, Ryan looked at Meghan and paused.

Meghan’s smiling began to trouble Ryan. Slowly, he removed his finger from his eye lid. As he did, it began to flutter. He pressed his finger to his eye with more force, and drew a slow breath through his nose. Ryan began to think of his father and the day that he cut the tip of his finger off. Ryan had not lost the necessary amount of weight in the allotted time.

Ryan looked down at his lap at the tip of his left index finger.

“Have you a reason to smile, Meghan?” Ryan asked softly and sharply as he looked up, still pressing his right finger to his eye.

“I find you extremely attractive,” Meghan responded.

“Enough.
Stop
!” Ryan demanded.

“I will not be coerced into some form of rudimentary psycho-babble trickery on your part, Meghan. This camera,” Ryan paused as he pulled his left hand from his lap and motioned toward the camera.

As Ryan motioned toward the camera, Meghan studied his face. His facial features were strong, and his jaw pronounced. As Ryan’s hand waved toward the camera, Meghan glanced at Ryan’s watch. She felt as if she must lure him into
some
form of conversation. She had, at the last second, volunteered to be the next victim – only because she felt as if she could entice Ryan to listen to her. She felt some odd connection to him, and hoped he felt the same way toward her. Considering the value of the watch, and the probability of Ryan’s pride of it, Meghan opted to bring it up.

“The watch, it’s a Patek Philippe,” Meghan interrupted, rubbing her wrists as she spoke and nodded toward Ryan’s arm.

Surprised at Meghan’s understanding of what his watch was, Ryan beamed with pride regarding her recognition of his time piece. Incapable of hiding his joy, he extended his arm for Meghan to admire the watch further. Discussion of his watch took his mind from his father and to his successes.

“It certainly is. I am surprised you recognized it as such,” Ryan removed his index finger from his eyelid and placed his right hand on the table.

As Meghan admired his watch, she noticed the tip of Ryan’s left index finger was missing. His finger tip appeared square.

Meghan felt if she could make herself seem human to Ryan, maybe she could reason with him. The watch was certainly something he wore with pride, and she believed if she found a common bond with Ryan, he may become compassionate. With the compassion, in Meghan’s opinion, Ryan may become more human.

“It is the type of watch my father sells,” Meghan offered, hoping to lure Ryan into a conversation about his watch.

Immediately, a puzzled look washed over Ryan’s face. He began to feel warm and uncomfortable. He slowly stood from his chair and began to circle the table.

“You father is?” Ryan paused as he gracefully walked toward Meghan.

“My father is Brandon,” Meghan stated as she looked up over her right shoulder toward Ryan.

“Brandon Finer?” Ryan paused, “you’re Brandon Finer’s daughter?”

Ryan knew the owner of the jewelry store quite well. Finer’s Jewelry Store. Most people believed the owner’s name to be Finer, when in fact he had named the store
Finer’s
– which had nothing to do with his last name.

“Well, his name isn’t Finer. That’s a common misconception. He named the jewelry store Finer’s because he didn’t believe our last name would look good on the store front,” Meghan rotated her head and gazed at Ryan’s eyes as she spoke.

Ryan, somewhat puzzled, turned and walked to his chair and sat down. He looked at Meghan for a long moment and opened his mouth to speak. Still at a loss for words, he paused and thought for a moment as he closed his mouth. He had done research on each of his victims, but did not verify maiden names – feeling there was no value in doing so.

As Ryan studied Meghan, she felt that she might have inserted a hint of wonder in Ryan’s mind. Although her father was the only dealer in the city that sold Patek Philippe, she certainly didn’t
know
that Ryan had purchased the watch from her father; and had only hoped that she could find a common bond with him in her knowledge of jewelry.

Ryan turned and looked at the camera, verifying that he had not turned it on. His mind full of many thoughts, he began to calculate his losses if he allowed the game to stop now. There was no clause for breach of contract, and he had never taken it into account. He would, however, be in breach if he stopped the game short of completion. He placed his chin in his right hand, rested his elbow on the table, and thought.

At worst, he suspected, he would not gather the funds for the profit he obtained from Dana’s choice of dismemberment over death. As he rested his hand on his chin he relaxed.

Meghan studied Ryan as he thought. He had been silent for a moment or two, and the silence could be either a gift or a curse, depending on what he may be thinking. After another moment of not a word spoken, she opted to again break the silence.

“Ryan, I am
human
. I am
real
, and I am the daughter of someone you know. Please, have some compassion and release me and the other two women. What you have already done can’t be changed. What you choose to do from here on out can be,” Meghan spoke softly as she pressed her elbows onto the table.

Although Ryan was looking at Meghan, his eyes did not appear to be focused. He seemed to be staring through her, not at her. His mind filled countless thoughts; he began to feel as if he could hear himself think. He shook his head sharply and turned to look at Meghan.

“I need a moment to think,” Ryan said sharply. He paused and focused on Meghan for a moment, and continued.

“The human mind, Meghan. It’s an odd tool. We process information and proceed with life having our own belief of
how
to proceed based on our
understanding
of what we have been exposed to in the past. We are a product of our exposures, experiences, and our mind’s capacity to process it’s understanding of the same,” Ryan paused and rubbed his hands together.

“A game Meghan. This, to me, was a game - a game of tremendous planning, deceit, coercion, and a little cunning nature. The same people, exposed to the same trauma, the same events – they all process it differently,” Ryan explained softly.

“I do not now, nor have I had any intent of killing. I wanted you to
believe
I had the intent of killing. There’s no value of me going into detail regarding the extent of my planning, but let’s just say it was an experiment,” Ryan removed his chin from his hand and focused on Meghan’s eyes.

“Dana. What happened to Dana?” Meghan asked.

Ryan pressed his hands to the table, moved his chair slightly and stood. He paced back and forth on the side of the table opposite of Meghan and took several slow breaths.

Ryan’s fascination with the human mind and its capacity to deal with death had prompted him to consider this experiment over any other. His obsession with money, lack of self-esteem, and self-worth had brought the experiment to fruition – for the financial gain. In Ryan’s eyes, it was a manner to kill two proverbial birds with one cast stone.

“Most people, short of the insane few that occupy space on this earth, are incapable of killing unless they are doing so to survive. The instinct to survive is quite strong. Statistics support that man will kill to protect the one’s that he loves – family for instance. Additionally, some kill as a means of revenge and seem to form an odd justification for having done so. That percentage is, however, small,” Ryan paused and turned to face Meghan.

“I can assure you I am not insane, nor do I have any axe to grind regarding revenge. This experiment, to me, was a means of proving a few things; my understanding of the human mind and its ability to process and deal with death,” Ryan paused and focused on Meghan’s face.

As he studied Meghan’s face, he thought of Ami. He had carefully chosen the women because of their resemblance to Ami – and he now realized that Meghan had the greatest resemblance of all of the women.

“I have always been fascinated with death. The absolute end - we
all
fear it. What does the mind go through in the process of planning to survive? What do we consider? Contemplate? It would be one thing to assume or to guess what might happen. But to have
accurate
data, from people that were on the verge of death? That, Meghan, would be priceless in my opinion. Priceless,” Ryan stood with his hands in his pockets and studied Meghan.

“I released Dana. You and I have not spoken in detail concerning all of what is sitting on this table, or what my intentions were. But I will offer you this; I intend to compensate you for your trouble. I’m considering some things,” Ryan rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as he thought.

“You fascinate me, I find you interesting,” Meghan said softly, trying to lure Ryan into having enough interest in her to consider releasing her.

Sensing Meghan’s interest as genuine, Ryan began to boast.

“I have a Doctorate in Psychology. I do not practice, however. I am rather secure, financially speaking. I find the mind an interesting place to play. It troubles me,” Ryan pulled his hands from his pockets and motioned toward Meghan.

“What you spoke of earlier, it troubles me. I have attempted to shake it, but it continues to bring me to an uncomfortable place,” he admitted.

Meghan looked up at Ryan as he stood before her. She picked up a towel from the table and blotted her cheeks directly below her eyes. She was shocked that she had told Ryan, but at the time, she felt as if she had nothing to lose. Now, she wasn’t quite sure where Ryan was going to go with what he originally had planned. He seemed, to Meghan, to be side tracked. She found some comfort in the fact that he seemed to be thinking about her past and not focused on the matter at hand.

“It troubles me too. You’re the first person I have told,” Meghan admitted.

“The odds…well, the
data
to support my statement, if I remember correctly,” Ryan paused and motioned toward Meghan.

“There’s roughly a ninety-five percent recidivism rate - the rate of recurrence in such acts.  I find it troubling,” Ryan pushed his hands into the pockets of his slacks and began to rock back and forth on the heels of his shoes.

“Statistical data would be supportive of the fact that he has not nor will he ever stop. For curiosities sake, Meghan, is he a local man?” Ryan turned and faced Meghan.

Meghan attempted to swallow and looked down at the table, “Yes.”

Ryan nodded.

Megan began to cry as she thought of her uncle continuing to do to others as he had done to her. He was not married, and his lifestyle certainly would support him doing so at his leisure. She reached for the towel and held it to her eyes.

“One last question and we’ll move on,” Ryan said as he walked back to his seat and sat down.

“His name,” Ryan said in a soft yet demanding tone.

Without looking up, Meghan responded, “Josh. Josh Volvo, like the car.”

“Very well,” Ryan sighed.

“The more I think about that, well…my apologies, I said we were done, let us be done,” Ryan drew a slow breath in his mouth and looked at the camera.

The money, at this point, didn’t matter. Ryan’s focus had changed. Ryan’s sexual interest, although he had never physically been with a woman, had started on a BDSM website - Fetlife. Discussing procedures, kinks, thoughts and feelings associated with them interested Ryan. The on-line thoughts had led to some off-line conversations.  Eventually, discussions of snuff films began. Ryan had no interest in killing for money, but his psychological background caused him to have tremendous interest in what the human mind may consider when facing death.

The financial gains from the game, when presented to the Japanese business men, were so great Ryan felt this was something he
had
to do. It was not a choice that he spent much time considering. In retrospect, Ryan began to feel compassionate toward the women. As he sat and thought, he attributed it to Meghan and their discussions.

Ryan turned from the camera and faced Meghan, “What are your thoughts regarding me?”

Meghan, still looking down at the table with the towel on her face, looked up at Ryan.

“In general?” she asked.

“In general, yes,” Ryan responded.

Meghan thought for a brief moment, intending on answering truthfully. She considered what she
should
say, and contemplated what she
wanted
to say. Her thoughts toward Ryan, she was certain, weren’t
totally
natural or normal. She started to speak, paused and started again.

“May I ask a few questions?” Meghan asked.

Ryan crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, “Certainly,” he responded.

“When you opened the trunk, when we got here - I felt an odd attraction toward you. The majority of the time I was in the room, I thought of you. And to be quite honest, my volunteering to come out of the room? I suspected I could talk you out of harming us. I don’t know, I feel attracted to you. I know that sounds insane, but it’s true,” Meghan leaned forward, resting her forearms on the edge of the table as she spoke.

Meghan though of her daughter for a brief moment, and realized through the majority of her capture, she had not thought of her daughter consciously. She had no doubts that her daughter was the most important thing in her life - but throughout this period of captivity, she rarely thought of her. She watched Ryan as he repositioned himself in his seat, wondering if mentally separating her daughter from these events was natural.

Feeling somewhat uneasy regarding Meghan’s expressed attraction toward him, Ryan began to rearrange his seating position, and crossed his legs. He placed his hands together in his lap and leaned forward.

“That’s an interesting thought. Let me think. Had I kept you for six months, and mistreated the others, it would not be too odd for one to assume you may develop Stockholm syndrome. It is something that would present itself in about one in say,” Ryan paused and thought.