Dust of Snow (19 page)

I shivered. “Do you mind if I take a quick
shower?” I needed the time to collect myself or I was liable to
spaz out and do something incredibly embarrassing. What, I didn’t
know, but maybe the steam would loosen the knot of nervous tension
under my sternum.

“Of course not. I’ll get you a towel.”

I quickly undressed in the bathroom and
hopped under the spray of hot water. Ashley’s water pressure was
amazing and I’d have to ask where he got his shower head. I closed
my eyes and concentrated on breathing.

I can do this. He actually likes me. He
really does. He likes me.

After ten minutes I brushed my teeth with a
spare toothbrush, and then stepped into Ashley’s bedroom, dressed
in nothing but an overlarge fluffy towel. The overhead light was
off, and the room was bathed in orange from the standing lamp.

Ashley was in bed, his chest bare and one arm
hooked behind his head, the covers pooled around his hips. He’d
taken out his contacts and was wearing a pair of black-rimmed
glasses. I swallowed hard. What should I do? Just drop the towel?
Was he naked underneath there too?

With an amused look, he stretched out a hand.
“C’mere.” I crawled onto the bed, awkwardly clutching the towel.
With a hand to my hip, he drew me near and arranged me so I
straddled him over the covers. They felt smooth against my balls,
and my cock gave a happy little lurch. “We’ve talked a lot about my
nightmares, so how about I tell you a fantasy of mine instead?”

Nearly swallowing my tongue, I nodded. Holy
hell, he was going to tell me what he
fantasized
about? I
might just die in his arms tonight.

Ashley eased his hands under my towel,
rubbing the hairs on my legs the wrong way, leaving them standing
on end in the wake of his palms. Slowly, he pushed the towel up
until the V of his hands fit into my groin, his thumbs digging in
on either side of my balls. He must’ve felt my pubes tickling his
fingers, and the thought was excruciatingly arousing for some
reason. My sac tightened and Ashley grinned. Blood rushed from my
head to my dick so fast I grew lightheaded and swayed.

“You like that?” he whispered. I had to close
my eyes. Looking at him was too much. Ashley lifted his thumbs and
gently rubbed the fragile skin of my nuts. My breath left my chest
in harsh puffs. I still had the towel around me and I’d never felt
this exposed in my life.

“Tell me,” I whispered. “Tell me what you
think about.”

“I think about this,” he admitted. He pulled
one of his hands from under the towel and put it on mine, bringing
it back underneath my towel and pressing it to my groin. He curled
my fingers around my stiffening cock. I watched. Only the corner of
the towel still hid it from view. Oh God, he wanted me to jerk off
for him? I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, fighting against the fear
while arousal flooded my veins. His hand guided mine up and down,
and then he let go.

“I don’t know,” I said, voice so low it was
barely audible. This was already pretty uncomfortable, and I was
still hidden from view. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Just pretend I’m not here,” Ashley murmured.
With strong fingers he massaged my thighs, up and down. I peeked at
him from under my eyelashes. Through his glasses, his eyes were
locked on my hand moving underneath the towel. He lifted his gaze
to my nipples, and then my face. “You look so hot. I want to watch.
Please let me.” He squirmed under me, and even through the duvet I
could feel his erection.

“Okay.” My heart began to beat out of sync
when Ashley worked the towel loose, and when the cool air hit the
tip of my cock I squeezed my eyes closed again. I worked myself up
and down. My big brain might not have been on board one hundred
percent, but the small one practically glowed under all the
attention it was getting. I tried to do what I usually did—pay
attention to the base, pay attention to the head, slide my thumb
through the pearl of moisture on the top, rinse and repeat. I’d
normally play with my sac too, but I couldn’t. Not while someone
was watching me.

Despite my mind worrying in overdrive, the
wave of pleasure built. I pushed into my fist, and Ashley’s hands
tightened on my legs. His hips moved under me, like he could feel
what I was doing—like I was doing it to him instead. Heat curled up
from my toes, all the way to my ass, and up to my throat. My own
breathing rasped embarrassingly in the silence, and I snapped my
mouth shut.

Maybe Ashley understood, because he began to
talk.

“You look so hot, Gregory. God. I wish that
was my dick in your hand. I want you to do that to me. But I want
to see you come first. I want to see it. Goddamn, I don’t know
where to look first. Your face is amazing, but look at how you work
yourself. Just,
fuck
, look at it.”

My back bowed and my balls tingled and
hardened. I was so close, so close to that point of no return, if I
could just… stop… thinking. I was on display, and no one had ever
watched me doing this before, and it made me feel… I didn’t know
how I felt. I made an embarrassing noise. I needed to come so badly
it began to hurt. Ashley was still talking.

“Look at yourself, Gregory. Open your
eyes.”

It came out as a command, so I did. I opened
my eyes and looked at him, at the expression of… of
worship
—I had no other word for it—on his face, and then at
my hand jacking myself off, fast and inelegant.

And I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I gave a
hoarse cry, grabbed the towel and rolled away. Ashley was on me so
fast I didn’t even get a chance to get up.

“Shh.” He pulled me back tightly to his
chest, spooning me a bit too tight, and he eased up. “Shh,” he
repeated, stroking my hair, my cheek, my clavicle. “It’s all right.
That was my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m sorry. I’m so
sorry.”

I nodded, because I was still fighting back
embarrassing, hot tears. He held me, and I closed my eyes as he
wriggled us about until we were under the covers. I burrowed my
face into the pillow.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered again. A lot of
time must’ve passed because he sounded hoarse. I blinked and lifted
my head. At some point he’d gotten up and turned off the orange
light and I hadn’t even noticed. It was dark now, although he’d
left the curtains open a bit. “Did I fuck this up? Gregory? Will
you please talk to me?”

I turned over, and Ashley gave me some space.
“Did
you
fuck up?” I asked, astonished. “Surely I’m the
fucked-up one.”

He vehemently shook his head, and Christ,
were his eyes red? I couldn’t tell for sure, even though he’d taken
off his glasses. “No. I knew that you… I thought I could help you
loosen up a bit, but… I’m just sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that
of you after you said you weren’t sure. Please forgive me.”

Goose bumps traveled my arms and warmth
unfurled in my belly. God, he was so worried. “It’s all right.” I
ran a hand up his bare arm and cupped his cheek. “Seriously, I have
some hang-ups but they’re on me, not you. I’ll get over it.” Maybe.
“Don’t feel bad.” His five o’clock shadow rasped against my palm.
“I mean it. You did nothing wrong. In fact…” I rolled closer and
kept an eye on him to make sure he was on board. I slid my hand
between us and found his penis. It was soft, but as soon as I
touched it, Ashley’s eyes fluttered closed and I felt him grow in
my hand. I gently rubbed him to hardness, and Ashley pushed against
me and threw back the covers so he could watch in the pale light
sneaking through a gap in the curtains.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “Fucking hell, that
feels so good, oh my God.” He plumped up even more, and I had to
kiss him, though it was a fight between that and wanting to watch
him some more. Suddenly I understood why he’d asked me to do what
he did.

“Some time,” I murmured against his mouth.
“Some time soon I’ll get over this and I’ll let you watch.” Ashley
moaned wildly and rolled over on his back with his thighs spread. I
sped up, growing brave. “I’ll let you watch me jerk off, and even—”
I couldn’t say what I meant but I tried. “And even use my
fingers.”

Ashley’s eyes flew open and he hooked his
arms around my neck and pulled me down. He kissed me hard, pushing
into my fist, a squirt of precome slicking our way. He shifted me
about until I was lying on top of him, and then it was only a small
adjustment to hold our cocks together and fuck into our joined
hands.

“Keep talking,” Ashley groaned, his head
rolling side to side on the pillow. “Talk to me, Gregory.”

“Don’t know if I can.
Fuck
, that feels
amazing.” The ridges of our cocks caught and I bit my lip as I saw
stars. It felt so good—a bit dry, but that wouldn’t last long at
the speed we were leaking.

“You feel so good. So hot. I was scared to
death I’d pushed you away.” For a second I thought he’d say more,
but then he grabbed onto me hard and hid his face in my neck as he
pumped into our joined hands. Little bursts of breath, moans and
sighs, worked their way to my ear, punched out of him on every
exhalation. He was falling apart and we were just rubbing off on
each other, yet for some reason it felt like the most intimate
thing I’d ever done. I shuddered with pleasure, my balls
contracting, burning so hot and demanding release like they were
afraid they’d be denied a second time.

“Ash,” I groaned desperately. “I can’t hold
on.”

“Yes,
Jesusfuck
.” He bucked against
me, threw one leg over my thigh, and squirmed closer, his back off
the bed as he clung to me. He was completely and utterly without
inhibition, and I loved it.

“Come on,” I urged him. “Come on, with me
now.
Now
.”

He made a high, desperate sound and all his
muscles locked. I worked us both over fast since he’d lost all
coordination, and I managed to hold off until he went lax in my
arms. He fell back and I landed on him, unable to hold up my weight
anymore, and I came all over his still-pulsing cock, his knuckles,
and his belly, with my mouth open against his neck.

“Gregory,” he mumbled. “Oh my God.”

“Merry Christmas?”

We both laughed, and it felt really fucking
good. We were wet and sticky, but I didn’t care as he wrapped his
arms around me and held me closer.

TWELVE

AFTER I’D showered and dressed in clothes Ashley had
left out, I found him in the kitchen again the next morning. His
purple V-neck sweater was too big and his skinny jeans hung off my
hips, and I shuffled from foot to foot as he watched me. He put
down his mug and came over to draw me close with his arms around my
neck.

“I like you in my clothes,” he murmured, and
my brain just about short-circuited. How had I gotten this lucky?
How could someone possibly want me this much? Because he did want
me. I could tell in the way his eyes went half-mast and his gaze
flittered to my mouth. I wanted him back so fiercely it hurt, and
it had gone way past physical want now. My heart stuttered when he
tightened his arms around me and drew me into a hug. He kissed my
temple, and I nestled comfortably against his shoulder.

“This is a habit I’m going to have to break
you of, you know,” I said. “This getting up early thing.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“I like cuddling when I wake up.”

“Mmm, mental note made and filed for later
use. You want some coffee?”

“Sure.” I watched him saunter through the
kitchen, opening and closing cabinets and the fridge, pouring
coffee and puttering around. I loved that he already knew how I
liked it, that he hadn’t bothered to put socks on with his jeans
and sweater, and that he still looked sleepy-soft. “So why’d you
get out of bed?”

“Headache.” Ashley made a face and handed me
my coffee. “It started at around four, and I couldn’t go back to
sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.” He pulled me close after I’d
sipped the coffee, and I set my mug beside his on the table. “You
okay this morning?” he asked, his breath feathering my hair. I
nodded and nuzzled his neck, gently biting the tendon there.
Shuddering lightly, Ashley leaned back against the table again,
spreading his thighs so I fit between them. He brought his palms to
my face and made me look up. “Are you sure? You had me worried last
night. I feel I should apologize again.”

“You shouldn’t. I’m just not used to someone…
caring, I guess. To someone wanting me to feel good, or… I don’t
know. I’m making it sound worse than it was.” I leaned in to kiss
him. He tasted of coffee with an undertone of mint, much like I
imagined I did. His mouth was hot, and desire curled around the
base of my spine, fanning upward toward my ribs, until I’d pressed
myself much closer to him than I’d meant to. “Christ, you drive me
nuts,” I muttered. I broke away and Ash stared at me with dark
eyes.