Authors: John Mortimer
âI suppose there must be contract killers about?'
âPlenty.' Lucy yawned.
âHow much do you think they charge?'
âOh, I believe you can get a pretty decent job done for about two grand. Were you thinking of bumping off Dunster?'
âNot Dunster.' I was squeezing my way past a lorry the size of a building, which was bringing us yoghurt from Dieppe. âI wouldn't pay him the compliment.'
âStop! You're going through a red.'
I braked hard and the man behind me tooted an indignant protest.
âYou are tired, aren't you?'
âExhausted.'
âStill the case?'
âYes.'
âIt'll be over. That's the thing about law cases. They finish and then you get a result. It's always a relief, whatever it is. It's the waiting that does for people.'
It would all be over. By then, perhaps, it wouldn't seem to matter very much. But it wasn't over yet. Not by a long chalk.
Cris had gone into the viewing-theatre early to see an episode of
Social Workers
that had a scene in it in which Sue O'Donnell, a central character, who had just recorded her first single, has it away with Peter, one of her clients who is on probation after a conviction for thieving motor cars. The incident takes place on a deserted Cornish beach during an illicit and unprofessional weekend. As a result of it, Sue O'Donnell's career is put in jeopardy over several episodes â for who should be out birdwatching on the cliff top than old âMeanface' Maguire, JP. But I expect you'd rather I spared you further details. Gary Penrose, scared almost equally of his wife and the Broadcasting Standards Council, had wanted Cris to see the episode. He sat through it patiently and I, who had come in late, sat behind him. When the lights went on he said, âOld Meanface can't have been on the lookout for waxwings. They don't have waxwings on the Cornish coast. You could make it guillemots. It'll mean re-dubbing the line and playing it off his face. You could use another few feet of that rather boring sex scene.'
âYou don't think the fuck scene goes too far?' The director, a sprightly old man who always wore jeans and trainers and had been doing
Social Workers
longer than most people could remember, had received so much advice on the subject that he was now totally confused. âGary thought we might get complaints.'
âWe probably will but we're not in the business of censorship. Anyone who is reduced to getting his pleasure by watching two actors who probably can't stand each other having make-believe sex on a draughty beach in long-shot deserves our sympathetic consideration. All right. Is that all you wanted me to see?' Cris was uncharacteristically abrupt and seemed depressed. I said I had something else to discuss with him so we let Gary and the producer and director of
Social Workers
file out, no doubt pleased to have got away with their scene intact. Then Cris said, âAwful, isn't it?'
âYou mean the case?'
âNo. The stuff we have to churn out. We'd just got our hands on a half-way decent subject and we had to cancel it.'
âBut about the case ...'
âDon't you lose sleep over it, Philip. It's not your case, after all. I'm grateful for all you've done.'
âDunster's been on to me again.' To accuse you of hiring a man to kill him was what I should have said. But I couldn't come out with his latest extraordinary suggestion, not as Cris and I sat close together in the small, stuffy viewing-theatre, having watched a copulation as remote and unreal as the idea of the chairman involved in a plot to murder the boy I had been to school with, the man who had removed from me the wife I continued to love. I had to find a more oblique way of disproving the charge and setting my doubts to rest. I went back to something that Dunster had told me in the garden of the War Museum. âHe's narrowed down the party he says blew up the church. You and three others. That's going to be his case. We ought to be prepared to deal with it.'
âThat Rottweiler of a QC we've hired, that Roger Stuffington, or whatever he calls himself, he'll deal with that.'
âBut I'd just like to get the facts clear in my own mind, in case Dunster gets on to me again. You said you'd gone somewhere to the south of Pomeriggio when it happened.' I had never thought the day would come when I should be cross-examining Cris like a barrister, even though I was avoiding the direct question.
âThat's right. Just north of Monte di Speranza.' Cris looked amused at my new role.
âWhat did you go down there to do? I mean, was it anything to do with explosives?'
âYes. Now you come to mention it.'
âWhat? But if you can't remember ...'
âI can remember exactly. A German supply store. Quite a successful mission.'
âWho did you take with you?'
âThose three chaps.'
I felt a surge of excitement, as though I were getting near some truth, although I didn't know what it was or even if it would be the truth I wanted.
âThat was the sergeant who died and the lance corporal who deserted. Natty Suiting?'
âSuiting was what we called him. He was so untidy. Remember?'
âYes.' I remembered everything that anybody told me about the case, perhaps too much.
âWho was the third?'
âThe fireworks man himself The big bang expert.'
âThe demolition specialist.' It was the man Dunster was trying to find, the one he said he had a lead to. âWhat was he called?'
âLester Maddocks' The name meant nothing. âI'm not sure where any of this gets us.' Cris got up then, out of the soft stall where I had often snoozed during Megapolis productions. He stretched, an old man whose limbs grew stiff if he sat for too long in one position, and took a little confined exercise, like a prisoner pacing his cell I looked up at him as he stood in front of the white screen that had no picture on it, and asked if he could describe the dynamiter
âI watched him carefully enough, laying his charges and setting his fuses. He was young. Of course we all were.'
âBig?'
âYes. The burly sort Big chest and lots of muscles. Light on his feet, though, for such a heavy chap. I believe he'd done a certain amount of boxing, amateur nights round the East End where he came from. He was hoping to get into the profession when we all got back from the war.'
âJustin Glover's going to have to try to find him. He'll be an important witness.'
âI suppose so.' Cris sounded uncertain. Then we fell silent. Cris was right, it wasn't my case. All the same I asked my last question.
âDo you remember if he had a broken nose?'
âNot when I knew him. I don't think so.'
And when you knew him, I don't suppose he had a red Cortina either, I thought in an irreverent moment.
I did something that I thought I'd never do in my whole life. I went back to Dandini's club.
It hadn't changed, or improved, in any way. The pale doorman was still leaning against the wall with his hands sunk deep into his trouser pockets. Once more he asked me to sign the book, which seemed to be the only formality needed to confer immediate membership. There was a girl behind the bar, neither Tracy nor Tina but a pretty and panic-stricken brunette whose label introduced her to the empty room as Nerys. She was only too anxious to pour me a dry white wine, but searched for the bottle, the glass and the corkscrew with trembling hands, knocking things over and whispering âSugar!' to herself, as though the bar were packed with important customers, all waiting to be served. She said she was new there, very new, and had never heard of a member called Lester Maddocks.
That day I had called Justin Glover, not to tell him what Dunster had said to me outside Mrs Oakshott's bathroom but to see how he was doing in his hunt for witnesses. He said he had spoken to Cris, who had given him the names of the men he was with âdoing the other job when the Germans blasted Pomeriggio'. He knew Sergeant Blaker was dead and they were doing their best to find Maddocks, the demolitions expert. The deserter in the Apennines wasn't going to present too much of a problem. They had traced an old man, born in England, running a bar in Maltraverso, who now called himself Andreini. There was only one slightly worrying thing. They were having absolutely no luck in finding a former Austrian refugee who used the name Llewellyn. An inquiry agent had been round numberless garages in and around Cardiff. Llewellyns were extremely thick on the ground but none of them seemed to have any connection with Austria, let alone Pomeriggio. They were checking voters' lists and trying to get something from the immigration authorities. They were also going through the Public Record Office. If that failed they would look up the old intelligence files in the Ministry of Defence. âCris knows someone in the MOD.' I thought how that sentence would enrage Dunster if he ever heard it spoken. Justin Glover said he hoped to have some good news for us soon and rang off.
I could have left it all to him. I could have said, âDunster's got an idea that Cris is trying to kill him.' I could have asked him to find Lester Maddocks because I had a terrible suspicion that he was a hit man employed by Justin Glover's distinguished client. I didn't say any of that. I wanted to find out the truth for myself and decide what to do about it. It was the sort of positive decision which I didn't, up till then, believe it was in my nature to take.
âI remember you, don't I, dear? Didn't you come here with the old Major? We don't see a lot of him nowadays. All right, is he?'
âAs a matter of fact he's been ill.'
âHas he, the naughty old darling? Nothing serious?'
âYes, it is rather.'
âLet's hope he gets better soon.' Marcia, known to Jaunty as Marion, had arrived at work, got into her black fishnet stockings and, after these preliminary greetings, asked me if I'd like to order. In return I asked her if she often saw the group of men who had been drinking together the night I was there with Jaunty, in particular a large man with a bald head and a broken nose â at which description Marcia laughed.
âWhy, dear? You getting married or something?
For some extraordinary reason I thought of Lucy with a pang of guilt. What did this Marcia know about me? âNo. Why ever do you ask?'
âWeddings. Funerals. Taking out some new young bird you want to impress. That old chap's got limos for all occasions. He's always trying to get us to recommend them to our customers. But they're not all the limo type, to be honest. Not those that we get in here.'
âDo you have his address? I suppose I might need a limo some time.' Need one for what? Marriage, death or just to impress a young bird and lead her to believe I was the sort that owned a Roller with a chauffeur in a cap? The kindly Marcia was now hunting behind the bar, clicking her tongue and accusing Nerys of having moved everything around, and then telling her to just keep calm dear when Nerys broke a small, pink glass giraffe. They searched through cards from members and staff on holiday, from a Day and Night Visit-U massage service, afternoon hotels, adult cinemas and suppliers of exotic underwear. Lodged between a bottle of blue Bols and a china donkey wearing a sombrero they found the well-thumbed card of Cupid Cars: LUXURY LIMOS OUR SPRCIALITY. DINE, WINE OR WED IN STYLE. The address was Allenby Mews off Inverness Terrace in Bayswater, and you could no doubt die in style with them also.
So I went in search of Cupid Cars, only a short taxi ride from the Dandini club in Mayfair, on a quest which seemed to be proving almost too easy. The next stage, assuming I was able to meet Mr Maddocks, was likely to be more difficult and, as the taxi drove up between the darkness of the Park and the glitter of lights in the trees in front of the Dorchester, I rehearsed various conversational openings, ranging from âHave you got a small and unostentatious Rolls in which I might get married to a young solicitor with criminal connections?' to âWho paid you to shut up Jaunty and try to knock off Dunster?'
Lucy had told me about the allegedly legal operations which criminals use as a cover. With the small thieves and petty burglars it's window-cleaning; minor East End gangs run mini-cab businesses; and it's only those who earn the attention of the Serious Crimes Squad who go into limos. I thought of all this as the cab turned down Queensway, past the bright lights of Greek restaurants, Asian grocers' shops, newsagents who sold newspapers in all the languages produced by the Tower of Babel â and soft porn which could do without words altogether â and we were in striking distance of Allenby Mews. Looking down it I could see, in the shadows, two or three Rolls-Royces parked close to the wall, but no red Cortina. I paid off my driver and walked down the cobbles towards a light shining from the office window of Cupid Cars.
I knocked and, getting no encouragement, pushed open the door of a room in which three elderly men in dark suits were playing cards under a glaring strip-light. On a side table their chauffeur's caps stood among a mess of used take-away boxes, sandwiches packaged in plastic triangles, paper cups, beer cans and Coke bottles. Their faces bore the sullen expression of men who would tell you that the recession is worse than any bloody politician is going to admit, that the Americans aren't coming this year and most of their regular clients have gone bankrupt, anyway. They would probably say this as they drove you with your bride away from the wedding. Hanging on the wall was a large, pink, naked doll, equipped with a silver cardboard bow and a quiver of arrows. I wondered who, in this melancholy firm, had spent time decorating Cupid.
I said, is Mr Maddocks about?'
âWho's he?' The eldest card-player might just have been old enough to have fought in the war. He was a thin, old man with the long face and tragic eyes of the Middle East, an Arab or an Israeli.
âIsn't he your boss? I've got a complaint to make.'