Dunc Gets Tweaked (4 page)

“Now we wait by the entrance for them to leave.”

“What if they see us?”

“We’ll hide. When they come out, we’ll follow them to wherever the bird is, and wherever the bird is, Maggie will be.”

“I don’t know if I want to find Maggie anymore,” Amos said.

“Why?”

“Did you see how frightened Claude was? Someone or something must be guarding her. If he’s afraid of it, imagine what it could do to us.”

“Total bummer.”

“He’s right, Dunc.” Amos nodded. “He says we have to go for it—we do.”

“He said all that?”

Amos nodded again.

“In two words?”

“Well. You’ve kind of got to know how to say the words the right way.”

Dunc stared at him for a long time, then nodded slowly. “All right.” He paused. Amos
was studying him, running his eyes up and down, then doing the same for Lash.

“What are you doing?”

“You two are meatier than me,” Amos said. “If this guardian is something that eats meat, I want to be eaten last. Maybe he’ll fill up on you guys and leave me alone.”

Dunc shook his head and led them to the entrance. “I’ve got to go get something from home. If they leave before I get back, follow them until they get to wherever they’re going, and then one of you come and get me.”

“What are you going to get?”

“Just something we might need. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He ran across the street to his bike and waved as he rode past them.

Lash and Amos hid in the trees next to the entrance and waited.

They were still hiding when Dunc came back with a duffel bag in his hand.

“What did you get?” Amos asked.

“Nothing much. Haven’t they come out yet?”

“No. We’re still waiting. I hate it when you do that.”

“What?”

“Have secrets. Like the duffel bag. I hate that.”

“It’s all right. You’ll find out later.”

“I just hate it.”

“Thin,” Lash said, interrupting. “Air.”

“What?” Dunc asked.

Amos turned to Lash. “Yeah. They vanished, didn’t they?”

“They’ll be out,” Dunc said. “This is the only exit.” He joined them in the trees.

The sun was beginning to set when Emile and Claude finally left the zoo. The boys waited until they were half a block gone, then followed them. The men led them away from the zoo and down toward the river, the part of town where even bikers didn’t go after dark.

The boys stopped when Emile and Claude went into a shabby apartment building. Amos shuddered—the windows, he thought, look like holes in a corpse.
Why would I think that?

They watched as a light on the third floor came on.

“Bummer.”

“Yeah,” Amos said. “Me, too—but we have to go in.”

“We don’t know if she’s in there.” Dunc rubbed the back of his neck and waited—something he always did when he didn’t want to go into a building where the windows
dows looked like holes in a corpse. “Besides, I can’t see us blasting by those two guys. What we need to do is get a look in the apartment and see if Maggie is there, or at least find out if they have the parrot. One of us is going to have to go in.”

“One of us,” Amos said, his voice flat.

“Right.”

“You mean Lash.”

“No.”

“You mean you.”

“No.”

“Me.”

Dunc nodded.

“Bummer.” Amos sighed. “That’s why you brought the bag, right? You brought a grappling hook, and I’m going to scale the building.”

“I couldn’t throw a grappling hook that high.”

Amos looked up toward the window. “Yeah, it is kind of a long throw. I don’t think I could make it, either.”

“I didn’t bring a grappling hook, Amos.”

“Then what did you bring?”

“I figure the only way we can get in the apartment is to be disguised.”

“Maybe we could pay someone from off the street to go up there.” Amos dug in his pocket. “I’ve got fifty cents. What do you guys have?”

“You’re going up, Amos.”

“Please. No. Why?”

“Because you’re the only one that can fit in the disguise. Besides, you love acting.”

“What do you mean, I love acting?”

“Don’t you remember when we were kids playing cowboys and Indians? You used to always be the Indian and run out of the house in your underwear with a feather in your hair.”

“Rad.” Lash smiled. “Tubular.”

Dunc unzipped the bag and took out the costume. It consisted of a robe and a flesh-colored skullcap.

“What disguise is that?”

“A Hare Krishna.”

“A hairy Krishna? I don’t know a thing about hairy Krishnas.”

“They’re a religious cult. Go up to the apartment, and try to sell them some flowers
or something. Try to find Maggie when they open the door.”

“This will never work.”

“Sure it will,” Dunc said. “You’re a tremendous actor.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re tremendous at everything you do.”

Amos studied Dunc’s face for a long time, then he nodded. “You’d lie to me.”

“Not this time.”

“Right.” But he put the robe and skullcap on. The breeze caught the robe and blew it out away from his body. He look like a badminton birdie standing on end.

“I don’t have any flowers.”

Dunc moved into a nearby vacant lot and came back with a handful of dandelions. “Here.”

Amos took the flowers and started walking up the stairs to the door of the apartment building. “I have a question.”

“What?”

“Why do they call themselves hairy Krishnas if they shave all their hair off?”

“I don’t know.” Dunc pointed at the door. “You’re stalling.”

Amos sighed, straightened his shoulders, and went into the building.

It was dark in the hallway. Amos knocked on the door once and heard Emile and Claude fumbling around inside, but no one opened the door. He knocked again and waited. Something moved in the dark end of the hallway. It could have been a rat. Or a Doberman. Or a Buick. He held his breath.

He heard a latch move, and the door opened. Claude stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips. He was frowning. He still had his raincoat on, and Amos couldn’t see past him.

“What do you want?”

“Hairy Krishna,” Amos said. “I represent the Church of … of …”

“The Church of what?”

“The Church of the Holy Disemboweled.” He shifted his feet. The toes of his cross trainers stuck out from beneath the robe.

“What do you want?”

“I want to know if you’d make a contribution to our church. It would go for a worthy cause.”

“I don’t give my money away. I don’t do anything nice.”

“But you won’t be giving your money away. You’d receive these beautiful flowers along with our appreciation.”

“Those look like dandelions.”

“Sure, they look like dandelions, but they’re not. They’re special flowers from the mountains in India. They’re magical.”

“Magical?” Claude scratched his chin, then looked over his shoulder. “Emile, do you want to buy some magical flowers?”

Emile’s head appeared over Claude’s shoulder. “They look like dandelions.”

“That’s what I said. What do you mean, magical?”

“These flowers are guaranteed to freshen your apartment forever, and you don’t even need to add water. Let me show you.” He ducked between Claude’s legs into the room. It was dank and darker than the hallway, and it took a moment before he could see well enough to look for Maggie or the parrot. They weren’t there, and he turned to leave.

Emile and Claude were blocking the door.

“See?” Amos smiled. A tiny smile. “It smells fresher in here already.”

“It doesn’t smell any different to me.” Claude eyed Amos suspiciously. “Who are you, really, and what do you want?”

“I’m—I’m—”

“What church did you say you were representing?”

“Church? Did I say church?”

Claude took a step toward him. His hands were clenched into fists the size of bowling balls.

“The Church of the Holy Disemboweled,” Emile cut in. “Don’t be a dummy, Claude. Just take a whiff. I think they do make a
difference.” He reached into his pocket. “I’ll give you a dime for them flowers.”

“A whole dime?”

“What, that’s not a good price?”

“Well—”

“You’re right. Do you have change? Two nickels for a dime?”

“No.”

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you a dime now, and you bring up another bunch of those flowers later.”

“All right.” He stepped toward the door. Emile stepped aside, but Claude wouldn’t move.

“Why are you in such a hurry? Don’t you like our company?”

“Sure I do, it’s just that I have to—have to …”

“Have to what?”

“Shave my head. It’s getting a little stubbly.” He rubbed the top of the skullcap.

“Let him by, Claude,” Emile said. He pushed Claude to the side. “If he wants to leave and shave his head, let him leave and shave his head. Don’t interfere with other
people’s religious beliefs.” He let Amos squeeze out the doorway. “ ’Bye.”

“ ’Bye. Hairy Krishna.”

“You too.” He shut the door.

Amos ran down the stairs and out the door. Dunc and Lash were waiting for him.

“They didn’t have the parrot or Maggie,” he said. “Now what do we do?”

“The pet store,” Dunc said. “We’ll try the pet store in the morning.”

The pet store had just opened when they arrived. The parrot wasn’t in the window.

“Can I help you?” The store owner stepped from behind the counter and looked at them.

“We were wondering what happened to the old parrot you used to keep in the window. Did it die?”

“No, it didn’t die. It—wait a minute. I remember you two. You’re the ones who tape-recorded my parrot. You made him talk for hours. The poor thing had laryngitis for a week.”

“That’s us,” Dunc said. “Is he all right?”

“I think his throat was sore—he kept asking for mouthwash and repeating a phrase I learned in the navy. Other than that, he was fine.”

“Where is he?” Dunc asked.

“I sold him to the zoo a month ago. He’s in the new tropical bird and monkey exhibit.” The store owner busied himself straightening the shelf of kitty litter. He was obviously in a hurry for the boys to leave.

“Thanks,” Dunc said.

“Don’t mention it.” He looked down his nose at the boys. “You’re not going to tape any of my other birds, are you?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“So long.” They left the store.

“Pets. Tripper.” Lash waved as they walked out.

“So now we go back to the zoo?” Amos asked.

“Where else?” Dunc nodded. “It figures with all those bird droppings on his coat
that they were from the bird house at the zoo, doesn’t it?”

“Rad.” Lash nodded. “Droppings.”

“The zoo,” Amos repeated. “Where the monster that eats meat is waiting.”

“We don’t know that,” Dunc said, starting off in the direction of the zoo. “Not for sure.”

“I do.”

“Meat,” Lash said. “Total.”

“No,” Amos said, his voice sharp. “When it’s your meat, it isn’t total.”

“Rad.”