Duchess (7 page)

Blue is the sky where birds fly free

Like your spirit that I can’t see.”

Each chord she played hummed deep inside her. Every nerve came alive, and she let out the heartache and pain that had been living inside. Tears pricked her eyes, but she couldn't stop singing now. The song was a part of her. It lived and breathed, and the words overcame her. She could remember her older brother playing soldier as a kid. She also remembered the flag draped over his casket when he'd come home from the war.

“Red, white, and blue

Oh, how I wish I could see you.”

As she played the last note, she looked up at the blurry room. Suddenly, everyone stood up and clapped. She looked for her mother's face and smiled weakly. They had borne the loss of her brother together. She couldn't lose her mother too. She wouldn't!
 

***

Chase sat back down as Katie began the next song. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. He was grateful for the bad lighting. He was reeling from the words of that song.

He leaned over to Shirley. "I didn't know you had a son who served."

Her watery eyes looked back at him with a loss he understood.

"The war?" he asked simply.

"Yes." And with that, they dropped the subject.

He allowed himself to look back at the stage. Katie’s next song was another original she’d written. He watched the curves of her body as she swayed to the music. Her wavy hair bounced and moved with each step she took. She closed her eyes like the music took her to another place and another time, where nothing could ever hurt her. He wanted to be in her world, they could hide together, the world could fade away, and he wouldn’t notice. She was like a mythical siren mesmerizing him with each note.

The audience loved her. She had an eerie control over them, too. They danced when she danced, they laughed when she laughed, and they cried when she cried. Why didn't she have a recording contract?

An idea hit him, and suddenly, he could think of no one else he wanted to sign up for the benefit concert more than her. Hadn't she said benefit concerts often featured new artists who wanted to get their names out there? The thought consumed him, and he turned to Shirley to tell her his brilliant idea. But he noticed her breathing was labored.

“Shirley, are you okay?”

She tried to nod, but she started to cough. Her face turned to the shade of a raspberry, and she slid to the side. He caught her, but didn’t know how he was going to get her to the floor. His leg was still awkward. He scooted back in his chair and slowly lowered her head, then got the rest of her body from the chair to the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Roderick was at his side.

“She’s not breathing very well. Call 911.” Chase didn’t know when the music had stopped, but he noticed when Katie knelt down next to her mother.

“Mom!” Katie looked so helpless. Much like he felt.

“Is she breathing?” Roderick asked with his cell phone up to his ear.

“Not very well.” The terror in Katie’s voice cut him to the heart. It reminded him of the terror of war.

He couldn’t even get down there to help her or hold her hand. He was stuck bending over the scene like a decrepit old man. As he slowly backed away, a painful lump developed in his throat.

“Elevate her head.” Roderick continued to shout out instructions from the 911 operator. Katie did everything he said, though she was having a hard time keeping it together. Chase should have stepped in and taken over for her, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure the last time he felt so useless and incapable. He’d worked very hard the past few years to make sure he never felt that way again, yet here he was. No matter how much he worked out, there were just some things he would never do again. Kneeling was one of them. Time went slowly, and it felt like an eternity before the bar doors flew open and paramedics came through.

“Make way. Move over.”

Chase turned around at the voice of a paramedic who was pulling a gurney behind him. Katie stood up as the paramedics took over. Though she kept trying to get close to the gurney, Chase reached out a hand and pulled her back. The paramedics wheeled her mother out, and Katie turned into his arms and put her head on his shoulder. He felt her body tremble as sobs racked her body.

“Come on.” He put his arm around her and guided her out the door. “Let’s get to that ambulance. Our ride is going to leave without us.”

Katie stood up straight and swiped at her tears. “Do you want to drive my car to the hospital and meet me there?”

She held up the keys, and he couldn’t help but stare at them. Did he want to drive her 1965 cherry red mustang convertible? Um, yeah! But could he? Of course not.

“I’m not sure you should be left alone right now. We’ll take a cab back later.” He turned her toward the ambulance and gave a little push. She didn’t bother to argue. He could thank shock for keeping her from asking any more questions. He helped her into the back of the ambulance and followed her in. He didn’t want Shirley to die. But if there was one thing he knew, it was that you couldn’t cheat death without a price. He was lucky—he’d only had to pay with a leg and a broken heart.

Chapter Eight

The doors of the hospital flew open, and the smells of disinfectant and sickness in the sterile white hallway assaulted Katie’s senses.
This can’t be happening again,
she thought as she watched her mother being wheeled into the emergency room. She followed right behind and vaguely felt Chase’s presence next to her. The paramedics were still squeezing air into her mother’s mouth, and nurses and doctors swarmed around the gurney to take over. Katie tried to get closer, but a friendly nurse stopped in front of her.

“Are you family?”

“Yes, I’m her daughter.” Katie looked over the nurse’s shoulder as the gurney bearing her mother went down the hallway. “Where are they taking her? I want to be with her.”

“We’ll take you back to see her as soon as we get her stable.”

The nurse was very careful not to say “if” they could get her stable, but she didn’t have to say it. Katie knew it was a possibility. She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood.

“Why don’t you take your wife to the family waiting room over there?” The nurse spoke to Chase. He reached around her shoulders and guided her to the room the nurse indicated.

“You didn’t correct her.” Her voice sounded small, even to her. “I’m not your wife.”

“Well, I decided not to take it as an insult.” He gave her a quick smile and lowered her into a chair before sitting next to her.

She looked around at the overstuffed chairs and plastic-looking couches dominating the small room. End tables and coffee tables held worn, months’-old magazines, and a few fake potted plants dotted the area like cacti languishing in the desert. Despite the obvious effort made to decorate the waiting room, she couldn’t feel comfortable. How could anyone feel comfortable in a hospital? How was she supposed to feel peace when her mother was fighting for her life—again? How many times would her mother suffer and be stuck by needles? How many times would Katie curse this godforsaken disease known as cancer? How many times would she wonder what if? What if her mother had gotten regular checkups? What if her brother had never died? What if her father had never left? What would her life be like?

All these questions would go unanswered, just like her hopes and prayers. Clasping her hands together, she fidgeted with her fingers. 

“Katie?”

She turned toward Chase’s rumbling voice. His face was closer than she thought. It was a nice face, actually. His eyes were narrowed with his eyebrows turned down, and he reached over and began to rub her back.

“It’ll be all right.” Hearing the words from him suddenly brought her peace. Being near him made her feel safe.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye.” She looked off toward the hallway outside the waiting room.

“Do you want me to leave?” 

“No.” Katie shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I mean, I didn’t tell my mom goodbye. What if she doesn’t make it, and I didn’t get to say goodbye?”

“Katie, do you know how happy your mother was tonight watching you perform? You were amazing, and she was so proud. When there’s a bond between people like you two have, words like ‘goodbye’ and ‘I love you’ never have to be spoken.”

It was a good speech. It was the speech she needed to hear, but the meaning of the words escaped her comprehension as she continued to stare off at nothing.

“Thanks.”

She wasn’t sure what to say anymore and slowly rested her head on Chase’s shoulder. He moved his hand from her back, put his arm around her shoulder, and squeezed her softly to him. Soon she drifted off to sleep.

“Ms. Murphy?”

Katie woke up slowly and realized she was still leaning on Chase’s shoulder.

“Ms. Murphy?”

She looked up into the face of a nurse. Sitting up, she tried to remember what had happened.

“Yes?” She looked around sleepily at the fake living room. It took her a moment to remember she was at the hospital, and then the horrifying events of the night rushed into her mind. “How is she?”

“She’s stable, and would like to see you.”

Her mother was stable! Her heart leaped for joy. Maybe there was hope still. It didn’t have to be the end. They could still beat this. She fanned the tiny flame of hope inside her as the nurse took them back to see her mother.

She entered the room to hear the sound of steady beeping. An IV tube protruded out of her mother’s arm, and an oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth. The machine connected to her mother’s frail body hummed and beeped quietly. It assured Katie that her mother was still alive, though she looked so small in the hospital bed.

“Mama?” Katie hadn’t called her that in years, but it seemed to fit that night.

“Hi, Katie Bug.” Her mother lifted the oxygen mask off her face. “Carter, come in.”

Katie realized he was lurking by the door.

“I don’t want to intrude.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked behind him toward the exit.

“Nonsense.” Even in the hospital, her mother could sound in control.

Chase came a little closer and gave a tentative smile. “Hey, Shirley. Was this youngish, sort-of handsome man too much for you?”

Her mom smiled back. “What can I say? You took my breath away!”

Katie groaned. “That’s a terrible joke.”

“Well, if I have to choose between laughing or crying, I will always choose laughter.”

Katie understood where her mother stood on this subject. Even after they had gone through the death of her brother and also her father walking out on them, Shirley had always found a reason to smile, no matter what. She wondered where her mother got the strength to smile when life didn’t seem to give her much reason to.

“So … colon cancer, huh?” Chase looked uncomfortable. It wasn’t an easy topic to discuss. Katie had been avoiding the subject altogether except to send her mother to another specialist.

“Yep,” Shirley replied, and paused for an awkward moment before adding, “Hey, you know how every cancer has a different-colored ribbon that represents it?” Chase nodded, probably not sure where this was going, though Katie knew. “What color do you think is for colon cancer?”

Chase looked perplexed for a moment before answering, “Brown?”

“Exactly! That makes sense, right?”

“I was right? I was just joking.”

“No, you weren’t right.” Katie sighed as she cut her mom off from keeping the joke running. “It’s dark blue, not brown.”

Katie’s mom scowled at her before jumping right back in the conversation. “Well, it should be brown because everyone has to admit, colon cancer is pretty crappy!”

Chase laughed, and Katie tried to give him a “Don’t encourage her”
look, but either he didn’t notice it or he didn’t care. “Yeah, like giving each cancer a pretty color is going to make it better. Instead of spending money on marketing campaigns, they should just cure cancer already!”

“They won’t do that,” Shirley jumped in. “Cancer makes too much money. Do you know how much money Duchess has put into cancer research already? Not to mention all the treatments. No way—cancer is its own big money-making industry now.”

Katie shook her head. It was the same old conversation.

“How’s my favorite patient doing?” A nurse came in holding a clipboard.

“Half left,” her mother replied. Katie rolled her eyes. She didn’t know how many times she’d heard that one.

“Half left?” the nurse asked quizzically.

“Yes. I’m not all right, so I must be half left, right?”

The nurse gave a mercy laugh. They always did. Nobody really knew how to take that joke—or many of her mother’s other jokes, for that matter.

“I’m sorry to break up the party,” the nurse said, “but you need to get some rest.”

Katie didn’t want to leave. She was about to argue when Chase walked up next to her.

“Come on—let Shirley get her beauty sleep. We wouldn’t want to delay her recovery. I need my favorite date to get better soon.” Chase picked up the hand that didn’t have all the tubes and wires attached and kissed the back of it.

Katie bent down and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Mom. We’re still going to beat this. I’ll find all the newest research available, and we’ll kick cancer’s butt!”

Her mother just gave a tired smile. “I love you, Katie Bug. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t, Mom. I love you too.”

She turned to the nurse and pulled her aside. “What did the doctors say happened?”

“The cancer spots that attached to your mother’s lungs are getting bigger and making it harder for her to breathe. Unfortunately, as you know, the spots are inoperable, so this could become a more common occurrence.”

“Thanks,” she mumbled as she let Chase pull her into the hallway.

She walked numbly as he called the taxi company on his cell phone. She tried to stop from swaying. It had been a long night—it felt like weeks instead of hours since she’d sung on the stage at Roderick’s bar. Her leaden feet didn’t want to move, and her head started to ache. Maybe she did need to go home for a little while, but would she really be able to sleep, knowing her mother was here? Her mind said it wasn’t possible. Her body had a different theory altogether.