Duchess (24 page)

“You don’t understand.”

“You mean I don’t understand about my own daughter and her alter ego? Yes, I do understand. You see, Duchess is her mask. It’s the one she wears to hide herself from the world, from you, and from herself. If no one ever truly sees her, they can’t hurt her. But you saw her. You saw through her masks and loved her anyway. And I think that’s because you understand all about wearing masks.”

“Me? I didn’t lie about who I was.”

“Really? I don’t remember you being in a hurry to tell her about your leg.”

“That was different. It was nice having one person who didn’t pity me and treat me like a cripple.”

“Did you ever stop to think that Katie felt the same way? That it was nice to have someone who saw her for her? Why was it a betrayal when she did it, but not when you did it?”

“She lied to the whole world! She pretends to be this crazy, attention-seeking diva. And what if she’s not pretending? What if that’s who she really is? What if Katie is the mask, not Duchess?”

He couldn’t believe he’d just voiced the fear that haunted him. Shirley didn’t speak for a long moment, and he suddenly realized he’d raised his voice to a dying woman. He started to apologize, but she held up her hand and stopped him from speaking.

“You’re partially right. She isn’t always pretending. The talent you see is Katie. Enjoying the spotlight is Katie. Getting people to adore her, that’s Katie. The generous donations to charities and visits to adoring fans, that’s Katie. Unfortunately, she thinks she has to hide behind the mask of Duchess to do all this because she thinks no one could like Katie. But she’s wrong.”

Chase was quiet. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Carter. Love isn’t perfect. Love can bring pain and sorrow, but it also brings joy beyond description, and it’s worth every moment of pain. There are no perfect people, but there is someone who’s perfect for you. You just have to open your eyes and see what I see. Please don’t give up on my Katie.” A small sob escaped her, and Chase leaned over and kissed her forehead.

Heaviness settled in his chest, and his shoulders drooped as he bowed his head over Shirley’s hand and brushed his lips across the back of it. He sighed before answering.

“I’ll try.”

“No, Carter, you can’t just try. You have to be there for her.” Her voice grew intense. She sat up, and he could see the fear in her eyes. “She’ll be all alone in the world. I can’t leave her knowing that. I know you care about her—you must be there for her.”

Tears clouded his vision as he nodded. His throat constricted, but he managed to choke out, “I promise.”

The gravity of the words hit him hard, and he wondered if he’d made a promise he couldn’t keep.

She lay back down on her pillows, and he saw the stress leave her face. “Thank you.” She breathed and her eyes shut, and he knew she’d used all her energy. He watched her sleep for a while before kissing her forehead again and squeezing her hand one last time before leaving.

As he left the room, his eyes darted around the silent mansion, hoping to catch a glimpse of Katie. Closing his eyes, he reminded himself for the millionth time that what he felt for Katie was built on a lie. Clenching his hands into fists, he left and didn’t look back. 

Chapter Twenty-Six

Katie watched Chase leave from behind her slightly ajar bedroom door. The cold tone of his voice still sent shivers through her body. He didn’t want to see her. Another piece of her heart broke again, like a crystal vase that had been dropped once—then someone picked up a broken piece, threw it on the ground, and watched it shatter again. How many more times would her heart break before she could forget about Chase?

When she heard the front door shut, she went straight to her mother’s room and curled up next to her mother’s sleeping form. She didn’t know how long she had slept when something woke her. She looked up at the bedroom door and saw her dad walking in. She sat up in the bed, and he stopped when he saw her.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in here.” He stood awkwardly for a moment before speaking again. “I’ll just come back later.”

“Stop!”

Katie turned at her mother’s words.

“Come here, James.” Even though Shirley’s voice was soft, it still commanded instant obedience.

Her father went to the other side of the bed and sat down in the chair. Katie stood up to leave, but her mother grabbed her arm.

“Don’t go, Katie. I have something to say to both of you.” She looked at Katie’s father first. “I should never have let you leave.”

“No, I—” He got cut off as Shirley raised her hand.

“Let me finish. I could have gone after you, but I didn’t. I preferred to wallow in my own self-pity. It was easier to blame you for David’s death than to grieve.”

Next, her mother turned to look at Katie.

“I should never have let my anger and hurt boil over to you. You deserved to have a relationship with your father, but I didn’t allow it. It’s my fault he didn’t contact you. He tried, but I kept you from him, and I stole away your chance to have a father.” Shirley couldn’t speak anymore as sobs racked her body and a coughing fit began.

Katie helped her mother sit up and held the oxygen mask to her face. It was better to keep busy than to think about what her mother had said. Did Shirley really do that? Did her father really try to contact her all those years? Was she angry at the wrong person?

When her mother’s breathing finally slowed down, Katie’s father was the first to speak.

“I never should have left you both. I left at a time when you needed me the most. When you wouldn’t let me contact Katie, I knew you were right—I wasn’t a good-enough father for her. I didn’t deserve to contact her. I gave up that right when I walked out.”

“No, James. I was wrong. You
are
good enough for her—you always were. I let my anger blind me. Please let me fix this. Please promise me you’ll be there for each other. I can’t die knowing I ruined your relationship forever.” Her mother looked up at Katie, but she had no words.

Katie swallowed as her lips pressed together in a slight grimace. What if her father had contacted her years ago? Would she have let him back into her life? What would she be doing now if she had? What if she forgave him and let him become a part of her world again?

“I was going to leave these with Shirley, but maybe I should give them to you now.”

Katie’s father handed her a shoebox she hadn’t noticed he was carrying.

“After the first few cards and letters were returned to sender, I continued to write you, but never sent them.”

Katie lifted the lid, and her eyes watered when she saw her name written in her father’s handwriting on envelope after envelope. How many times had she gone to the mailbox hoping to find an envelope just like these? She shuffled through the box, and at the bottom found newspaper and magazine clippings. She pulled them out and read the headlines. They were all about Duchess.

“Why did you keep these?”

“Katie, do you remember the first princess dress-up chest I bought you for your fourth birthday? Did you really think I wouldn’t know when my own daughter was playing dress-up again?”

Katie’s mind swirled at this information. He’d known all along?

“But why didn’t you go to the tabloids or the media? You could have made a lot of money.”

Katie watched as her father’s face grew dark, and she remembered that stern look from when she was a child.

“Is that what you think of me? Is that the kind of father you think I am? Yes, I made a mistake leaving, but I would never betray you like that!”

Katie nodded, looking down while tucking her hair behind her ears. He kept her big secret—even when she gave him good reason not to. She cocked her head to one side as she looked at the man before her. Finally, she could see him as the man she once loved more than candy and toys. She could see him as a man who had made a mistake and only wanted forgiveness, but didn’t expect to get it. How was she any different?

Her father’s stern look melted away. “I really want you to be a part of my life again, Katie Bug. It’s been a mess without you.”

Tears sprang into her eyes, and she couldn’t stop the sobs that escaped. She stumbled around the bed and threw herself into her father’s arms.

“I’ve been a mess too.” She sobbed into his shoulder and wasn’t sure if he could even understand what she said, but it didn’t matter. As he wrapped his arms around her and patted her back, a part of her world was turned right-side up again.

They stood holding each other, not wanting to let go until a small voice interrupted.

“What about me?”

Katie smiled as her mother’s voice brought them out of their hug.

“Thank you, Mom.” Katie leaned over and placed a quick peck on her mother’s cheek. She stood back while her father kissed her forehead.

“Katie, I think we need some music. How about you bring your guitar and sing your dad some of your songs?”

Katie nodded. “I’m always up for a command performance.”

She retrieved her guitar and came back. Her father was sitting in one of the chairs by the bed. His eyes fixed on the guitar when she came in.

“You still have my guitar?” he asked, surprised.

“Hey, you gave it to me, so it’s
my
guitar now. No returns!” She liked being able to tease him. It was weird how natural it felt to fall back into their old relationship.

“I know, but with all the money you have now, I figured you would have bought something better.”

Katie shrugged. “I just never got around to it, I guess.”

She wasn’t ready to admit how much the guitar meant to her. It reminded her of when he taught her how to play it—how she’d thrilled at the time spent together. She’d thought about buying a new guitar several times over the past couple of years, but could never let herself do it. As much as she hated to admit it, the guitar meant too much to her. It was her link to a happier time.

She played all her mother’s favorite songs. Sometimes, her father would sing along with her, and for the first time in a long time, Katie felt like a family again. Her palms began to sweat as she played her original songs for him. What if he didn’t like them? As the last chord sounded on David’s song, she looked up from the guitar into her father’s glittering gaze. He gave her a tight smile as tears tipped out of his eyes. As he nodded his approval, Katie’s throat grew thick with emotion.

She continued to play until the sun started to go down. She stopped when she noticed her father staring at her mother. Shirley’s eyes were closed and she appeared to be sleeping, but as Katie got closer, there was something different, and she knew. Her mother was gone. Tears came unwillingly. She bent over and kissed her mother’s forehead.

“I love you, Mommy,” she whispered through her tears as she smoothed her mother’s hair out of her face. She took a deep breath and imagined Shirley going to a better place where she could watch over Katie and not be in pain. A place where she could be reunited with David. Katie could almost see her brother wrapping their mom up in a big giant bear hug, and she was suddenly jealous.

Before she could allow her thoughts to go any farther, her father turned her around and wrapped her in his arms, and she laid her head on his shoulder and wept. Life was going to be different without her mother, but she resolved to do her best to make Shirley proud.

After a while, she pulled away from her father’s embrace. It was time to call hospice and make funeral plans, but first, it was time for her to write Shirley’s song. Already, the tune haunted her mind, and the words swirled around, demanding to be written. She would write her mother’s song and sing it loud enough for her to hear it all the way in heaven.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The day of the benefit concert arrived, and Chase couldn’t believe all that had happened in the past week. Peeking through the curtain at the Hollywood Bowl, he could see a full house. His gaze went to the seats in the back where he and Katie had eaten their picnic. He remembered the look of passion in her eyes when she’d talked about what it would be like to sing at the Hollywood Bowl. He remembered how he’d almost kissed her that day. He remembered the first time he did kiss her, and the softness of her lips against his. A hint of a smile crossed his lips until he thought of the last time he’d seen Katie.

His thoughts went to the funeral the day before. The services had been simple, yet beautiful. Just like Shirley. Seeing Katie had been difficult. Her puffy eyes and splotchy skin were nothing compared to her empty stare. He’d wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be all right. Instead, he’d acted like a stranger offering weak condolences. But that was what he wanted it, wasn’t it? He didn’t know anymore. He’d thought a lot about what Shirley had said to him. Was he being hypocritical? Was her deception any worse than his?

“Chase!”

He turned at the sound of his name and smiled as Amber approached.

“Wow! Can you believe how amazing this is? How did you get the Hollywood Bowl?” She looked around in wonder.

“I don’t know. I just got a phone call saying they had an opening. Katie was the one who applied for this venue.”

“Well, I’m sure she won’t be here tonight, but I can’t wait to meet Duchess. You will introduce me, right?”

He gulped as he thought about what needed to be done. He’d told Katie not to come—that included Duchess. But now he had to tell a full house that the main performer wouldn’t be coming. He might as well start by telling Amber.

“Not exactly.”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, with everything that happened with Shirley, well, Duchess was pretty upset too, so I told her not to come. We have plenty of other big names performing. It will be fine.”

“Fine?” Amber suddenly looked ashen and began to sway. Chase put his arm around her shoulder to steady her.

“Hey, maybe you should sit down.” He led her to a metal chair backstage and let her collapse into it.