Driving Me Mad (32 page)

“That’s not a good thing,
Trace.”

“What? Why?”

“That’s what Mrs. Potter told
me.”

He frowns. “Mrs. Potter? Your
new therapist?”

I nod.

“Well, I disagree with her.
So, here’s what we’re doing. You’re going to put your pajamas on.
I’m bringing the pizza to my bed. We’re going to eat, take our
pills, and go to sleep. I’m going to make you feel better than when
you got here. Got it?”

All I can do is nod. But
then, I realize I actually do need a shower. “I’m going to finish
my shower, though.”

“Okay. Do that. I’ll bring
your bag in here, so you’ll have your clothes.” Trace kisses my
forehead, pushes me to stand, and then does the same. I watch him
leave the bathroom, wondering what in the hell just happened.

***

W
hile Brittany
showers, I put the doorknob back on the door. When she didn’t
answer, I went and found a screwdriver to take it off. I was
concerned when she wasn’t answering my texts, which is what led me
to call Rebecca and go to their room with her. All I’ve wanted
since last night was Brittany. This version of her definitely
wasn’t the one I wanted, but any version will work.

I let Lily out, put
Brittany’s bag in the bathroom, and bring the pizza and our drinks
into my bedroom. I feel a little better than I have been, so I’m
hoping it’s the start of an upswing. Now, to get Brittany there
too. I change my clothes and am sitting in bed with Lily at my feet
when Brittany comes out of the bathroom. She walks over, climbs
into bed, and snuggles up to me.

“How have you been doing?”
she asks.

“Not too bad.” I move the
pizza box to my lap and pop it open. “Dig in.”

She’s slow to pick up a
slice, but she does anyway, sitting up so she can eat. I grab a
slice for myself and we eat in silence. Even though I know she has
to be hungry, she still surprises me when she reaches for her
second and then third slice. She’s done after that, though.

I set the box on the
nightstand and pull her closer to me. She seems content with being
quiet, but we can’t be just yet. “I’m sorry,” I say softly, rubbing
her back, the up and down motion soothing us both.

“For what?”

Apologizing is hard enough,
but explaining yourself might be even harder. An apology is what it
is. An explanation must be told in a clear way as to not cause more
confusion or make matters worse. On top of that, it is judged and
might not be as easily accepted as an apology alone can be. I take
a deep breath and get on with it.

“For Sunday when I told you
not to come back. It was going to be a bad day for me and I didn’t
want you to be around me like that. I shouldn’t have pushed you
away.”

She mutters under her breath,
but I can’t make out what she said.

“What?”

She props herself up on one
arm and looks at me. “You’re always pushing me away for whatever
stupid reason you come up with. You shouldn’t get to make that
decision for me, especially when I apparently have no choice when
the situation is reversed. What’s your excuse for yesterday when
you didn’t text me until you wanted me to come over? Apology not
accepted, Trace.”

I cup her face in my hands,
feeling more guilt than I did before. “I told you this was an
adjustment for me,” I start, but she interrupts me.

“It’s been nearly four
months!” Tears well in her eyes again. Her voice is softer as she
says, “I need you too much for you to make dumb decisions that
affect us both.”

“I know it was; that’s why I
texted you yesterday and came to find you today. I won’t do it
again, I promise.”

She nods just as my phone
rings from its place on the nightstand. I pick it up and frown when
I see it’s coming from the university.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Mr. Lexington, it’s Mr.
Hanifin. We’ve had an important, urgent issue arise, and I need you
to come back in.”

My blood runs cold. What the
hell? “Uh, okay. Could you tell me what’s happened?”

“I think it’s best if we wait
to discuss it until you’re here.”

“Okay. I can be there
shortly.”

“Great. Come straight to my
office.”

“Yes, sir.”

He hangs up, and I stare at
my phone for a moment. This can’t be good. What boss calls you
after hours to tell you that you must return to work?

“I gotta go,” I mutter as I
get out of bed.

“Why? Who was that?”

“My boss; he said something
important and urgent has come up and I have to go see him.”

Brittany pales, watching me
change into the clothes I wore to work today. “Do you think,” she
starts, struggling to say what’s on both of our minds. Is it
because I was sneaking into her dorm?

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t
say.”

“Do you want me to stay here
and wait for you?”

“Yeah. Stay. I might need you
when I get back.”

She nods. I walk to where she
is, lean over, and give her a quick kiss. “It’ll be okay,” she
tells me.

“We’ll see.”

With that, I leave for
campus. My stomach is in knots, my leg is bouncing, and I force
myself to grip the steering wheel with two hands to keep from using
one to grip my neck. If this is about sneaking into Britt’s dorm,
what are they going to do to me? Fire me? Suspend me? What? This
could ruin my career.

The door to Mr. Hanifin’s
office is open when I arrive. I knock on the door frame, and he
waves me in, a grim look on his face. I shut the door behind
me.

“Have a seat, Trace.” I do.
“Prior to us hiring you, you informed us of your relationship with
one of our students. We appreciated your up-front honesty, hired
you, and instructed you to keep the relationship off-campus.
Tonight, we had a student report that you were seen in one of the
residence halls, entering the dorm with a student, who isn’t your
girlfriend. Before this goes further, we want to know what
happened.”

Fucking hell. I clear my
throat. “My girlfriend is that student’s roommate. She had been
ignoring me and her roommate informed me that she skipped classes
today. With her mental health issues, I wanted to check on her.
That’s why she took me to their room. That’s it. I’m sorry for
breaking the rules, but I was concerned about her.” Who would have
reported me, though? “Could you tell me who the student was who saw
me?”

“For the student’s sake, we
can not. We need to handle the matter swiftly and carefully because
the student was really upset.”

That’s when it hits me. “I’ve
been careful to avoid hanging out with Brittany when her roommate’s
boyfriend is around because her boyfriend has come in here to see
me before. Brittany and her roommate don’t know that, though. If he
was the one who saw me, then I know he would be furious because of
what he talks about when he sees me. This is all one
misunderstanding. I don’t have a relationship with another
student.”

“Regardless, you still broke
the rules.”

I grip my neck. “So, what’s
going to happen?”

“The reason we hired you was
because you were the most qualified candidate and you seemed really
eager for the position. We set those rules because we didn’t want
situations like this to arise, and they wouldn’t have had you
followed them. We’re giving you a written warning, but consider it
counting for two. If it happens again, we won’t hesitate to fire
you. The university doesn’t want nor need this kind of controversy.
We’ll speak to the student, explain the actual situation, and
reassure the student that you’ve been disciplined.”

“Thank you so much, Mr.
Hanifin. It won’t happen again.”

He curtly nods. “You’re
dismissed.”

I get up and leave. The drive
home is like one big blur. I snap out of it once I park in the
driveway. Lily comes running out and I look up to see that Brittany
is standing in the doorway, her arms wrapped around herself. When I
get close to her, she holds out her arms and I step into them,
letting her hug me.

“I still have a job.” That’s
the most important part.

“What happened?”

“Someone saw Rebecca sneaking
me into your dorm and reported it.” She doesn’t need to know that
it was probably Dustin. I can’t tell her that he sees me, so it
would be pointless to mention him. “I was written up; if it happens
again, I’m fired.”

“God, Trace, I’m sorry. This
is all my fault.”

“Stop, Brittany. It doesn’t
matter.”

“It does. My selfishness
could’ve cost you your job!”

I grab her shoulders firmly
and say, “Stop! I don’t give a damn. I don’t want to think about it
anymore, all right?”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

Lily runs up the steps, past
us, and inside. I take Brittany’s hand and lead her inside. “Let’s
go to bed.”

“Don’t pull away from me,”
she whispers from behind me as I lock the door.

“I’m not.” I turn toward her
and hug her to me. “We just need to do things differently. You need
to make sure you don’t ignore me. I can’t sneak in anymore. We
won’t have to worry about it at all once you graduate.”

“I still feel bad,” she
mutters into my chest.

“And I’m still stressed as
hell over it, but what can we do? Don’t feel bad, Britt. I knew it
was a risk; I took it anyway. It’s done, over with, and I still
have my job. Let’s focus on that, okay?”

“Okay.”

After getting ready for bed
and taking my pills, I climb in next to Brittany. She rolls onto
her side to face me.

“I love you,” she whispers,
idly running her hands over my chest.

Relief hits me and it’s like
a breath of fresh air. It’s been too long since I’ve heard those
words. “I love you too.” My hands intently take a path along her
body as I lean forward and kiss her. I need and want more from her.
Brittany must be feeling the same because she quickly pushes me
onto my back and straddles my lap.

“Tell me again.” She pulls my
shirt off.

“I love you,” I tell her, my
gaze hungrily soaking in her chest as she sheds her shirt. My eyes
widen when she starts moving down my legs, pulling off the
remainder of my clothes.

“And you promise to always be
here and be my comfort?”

Her question is distracting
as her fingers wrap around my length. She absentmindedly licks her
lips. Is she going to...? She’s never done that before. I swallow
hard. My heart accelerates in sweet anticipation. She squeezes me
just a bit too tightly and I realize she asked me a question.

“Promise.” The single word
seems to scrape along my throat as I say it. That’s all she needs
to hear, though, as the tip of her tongue flicks over me. My head
falls back with a heavy sigh and I wonder why in the hell it took
her so long to do this to me.

I should be asleep by now.
Brittany should be asleep by now. Her eyes are closed, but she’s
tossing and turning and has yet to reach that steady, shallow
breathing that marks sleep. I’ve been watching her, trying to sort
out the mess in my head. It seems crazy that I’ve risked my job for
her—the job I love and would be devastated if I lost. Would it have
been worth it if they had fired me?