Dreamrider (15 page)

‘We'd better go, Mrs Atkins,' I said. This time, Leah got up with me. We went to the front door. Mrs Atkins shook our hands. She held onto mine for longer than she needed to. I didn't know what to say.

‘I'm really pleased, Mrs Atkins,' I said eventually. ‘And we won't say a word to your husband.'

‘You are destined for greatness,' she said. Her voice was low and intense. ‘To bring happiness into the world, by driving out the darkness.' She nodded at Leah. ‘She knows it. I know it. You're the miracle, Michael. You.'

We left then. I glanced back once and Mrs Atkins was still at the door. She gave a half wave. Leah and I walked back to school and we didn't say a word. I looked at the sky and the trees and the birds. The world was full of possibilities.

When we got back, the schoolyard was busy with students. Leah and I waited until the teacher on lunch duty had gone around a corner and then we slipped in through the gates. Leah went off to get some food from the canteen while there was still something left. I wasn't hungry. For once. And I didn't feel like going back to my tree.

So I stood in the yard, my mind swirling. The sun was fierce. I could feel it burning the top of my head, but it didn't seem to matter. I stood surrounded by a shimmering sea of bitumen. Kites circled overhead.

When Miss Palmer touched me on the arm, I didn't react. She had to stand in front of me. Maybe I was almost asleep. Standing asleep. It would be useful if I could do that.

‘Michael, are you all right?' said Miss Palmer. Her voice was strange and distant. I almost had to snap myself back into my body.

‘Fine, Miss. Thanks,' I added.

‘Aren't you hot, Michael?'

I was. When she mentioned it, I was very hot. I felt dizzy.

‘You'll dehydrate,' she said. ‘Come on. Come with me.'

She led me to the bubblers. I noticed, in a vague sort of way, that when I got there all the other kids left. Miss Palmer made me drink. Not just a couple of mouthfuls, but huge gulps. The water felt good where it splashed on my face. Miss Palmer offered me a clean handkerchief which I wet and pressed on the back of my neck. When I straightened up, I could see she was worried about me. The eyes don't lie.

‘What were you doing, Michael? Standing in the full sun. You know better than that, don't you? Look at me, Michael.'

I did. Her eyes softened.

‘I saw you from the staff room. It's dangerous, Michael.'

‘I'm fine, Miss. Thank you.'

The bell went. I had Maths next. Miss Palmer wanted me to go to the nurse, but I refused. She made me drink some more water though. I wasn't allowed to go to class until I had. It sloshed around in my stomach and made me uncomfortable. As she walked off, she still looked doubtful. I watched her go.

‘I'm destined for greatness,' I said. But I said it quietly and she didn't hear. Even so, she glanced back at me. When I had time, one night, I'd do something about that worry in her eyes. It couldn't be healthy.

I joined my class outside the Maths room. The door was locked and students were milling around. There was no sign of Mr Williams. A few boys were jostling each other, hot, sweaty and pumped with energy after playing footy on the oval. I didn't know their names. Except Jamie Archer. He hadn't seen me, so I sat on the floor, back against the wall. He didn't worry me. I just wasn't in the mood. Jamie had another kid in a head lock and was rubbing his knuckles into the boy's scalp. They were both laughing. Finally, Jamie pushed him away.

‘You're fuckin' gay, Kyle.'

The other boy rubbed snot from his nose with a sleeve.

‘Oh, yeah?' he said, laughing. ‘Well, it wasn't me grabbin' someone by the head and runnin' my hands over him, was it, Jamie? Ya poof.'

‘You're so fuckin' gay you should be in Atkins's Home Group.'

Some of the other boys, who were leaning against the wall and watching, howled with laughter. A couple of the girls joined in, but most kept their distance.

‘Yeah, Kyle. I reckon he fancies you.'

‘Fuck off!'

‘Give us a kiss, Kyle.'

‘You'd be great together. A double act. Ben Down and Phil Macafferty.'

The screams of laughter intensified. Kyle had bad acne and a stupid face. He cast around for support, but couldn't find any. His dull, heavy features fell. He was trapped. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted a way out.

‘You wouldn't catch me in the same room as that arse bandit,' he said finally. I knew what he wanted. It wasn't a way out, after all. It was a way back in. He hoped his words might buy him a ticket. ‘That poof. He makes me puke. They shouldn't have him here, among kids. Friggin' paedophile.'

‘Mr Atkins isn't gay,' I said. ‘And, anyway, paedophiles are rarely homosexual.'

I hadn't spoken loudly, but my words fell into a brief, noiseless space. Kyle turned towards me, his sleeve rubbing again at his nose. Everyone stared at me. Jamie Archer pushed through a knot of boys.

‘What did you say?'

‘Mr Atkins isn't gay. He has a wife.'

Archer moved a step closer, his lips twisted. I could see his yellow teeth.

‘And what do you know about it, ya fat bastard? You've only been here five fuckin' minutes, Wrenbury. Suddenly you're an expert?'

I stood up.

‘He isn't gay,' I repeated. My voice did not shake. And that was another miracle. I looked directly into Jamie Archer's eyes and felt good. We stared at each other for about ten seconds. Then he punched me in the face. I didn't even see it coming. One moment I was standing my ground, the next I was on my back on the hard floor and a trickle of blood was running from my nose. Numbness spread across my face. Archer aimed a kick at my head, but I grabbed his ankle and twisted so he fell on top of me. He grabbed me by the front of my T-shirt and drew his fist back to hit me again, but I managed to roll over, pinning him. I pushed down with all my weight on his chest, so he couldn't move. Our faces were millimetres apart. A few drops of sweatsoaked blood dripped from the end of my nose onto him.

‘Listen, you bastard,' I whispered. ‘Because I'm telling you something, Archer, and you need to listen. You've just been promoted to number one on my list. I'll be coming for you, Archer. Tonight. When you're asleep. When you think you are safe. I'll be there. And I'll rip your heart out and feed it to you. Do you understand, Archer? Do you?'

Maybe it was in my eyes. They felt hard with hatred. Perhaps it was my voice, quiet and serious. Archer suddenly seemed a little kid, terrified of the dark. His bottom lip quivered and his eyes swam with moisture. In their wetness I could see my own reflection, distorted. Archer didn't get a chance to say anything. Suddenly I was dragged to my feet and pinned to the wall.

Mr Williams had arrived for his Maths class.

4
.

Miss Palmer's room was prickling with tension. I was in the chair by the door, Jamie in the corner, Miss Palmer in the middle. Keeping us at a distance.

Mr Williams took us both down there. Immediately. He didn't even ask for an explanation. The helpline poster was still on the wall, but it didn't command my interest anymore. I kept my eyes on Miss Palmer.

‘What happened, Michael?'

I gave it some thought. I wanted to choose my words carefully. I wanted Miss Palmer to see me as a responsible, composed person. When I took the wad away from my nose, the bleeding had nearly stopped. I folded the tissue neatly and crossed my legs.

‘A disagreement, Miss.'

‘Jamie?'

‘He's off his fuckin' head, Miss . . .'

‘Jamie!'

It was clear who was the mature student in this situation. Miss Palmer could see that. Anyone could see that. I kept a dignified silence as Jamie carried on.

‘Sorry, Miss, but he is. He threatened to kill me and he mutters all the time. He's a weirdo. He don't belong here . . .'

I watched Jamie calmly. I examined him as if he were a bug I could crush beneath my heel. His face was red and blotchy from crying. He tried to hide it, but tears spread over his acne and dripped from his chin. A real mess. Scared. Of me. I tried to find pity for him, but it wasn't there. I had known boys like Jamie for years. He fed on fear, provided it was other people's. I had no pity for him and those like him. Only justice.

He blubbered on, but I didn't pay attention. Finally, Miss Palmer turned to me.

‘Is this true, Michael? Did you threaten to kill him?'

I considered my words.

‘I think what I actually said was that I would rip his heart out and feed it to him. I suppose you could interpret that as a death threat.'

Miss Palmer tried to keep her expression neutral. But she couldn't hide from me. I caught a glimpse of fear in her eyes, quickly replaced by another emotion. A grudging admiration for my calmness of manner and the precise way in which I was answering her questions. I continued, my voice steady and measured.

‘As you can tell from the words I used, I was emotional. But it's also obvious that such a threat is foolish.' I opened my arms wide. ‘I mean, look at me. Is it likely I could follow through with a threat like that?'

Archer rubbed at his eyes and leaned forward anxiously.

‘You didn't see him, Miss.'

Miss Palmer held up a hand for silence. She didn't take her eyes off me.

‘And what was it, precisely, that made you so emotional, Michael. What triggered this threat?'

‘He called Mr Atkins gay.'

‘I never—'

‘Quiet, please, Jamie,' said Miss Palmer. ‘I want to hear what Michael has to say. Michael, why would you get so angry about such a comment?'

I thought again. I folded my hands under my chin.

‘Because it's unjust, Miss. Injustice angers me.'

Miss Palmer leaned back in her chair and I dabbed at my nose with a clean tissue. The flow had stopped. There was silence for a while and then she stood.

‘Right,' she said. ‘I want both of you to put your sides of the story in writing. But first, I think the nurse should check you out. Jamie, you come with me. Michael, there is a notepad and a pen on my desk. Start writing. Write everything down, just as it happened.'

Miss Palmer opened the door and waved for Jamie to follow her. At the last moment Jamie leaned down and whispered, though he didn't stop moving.

‘You're fuckin' dead, Terny.'

It was peaceful in the room after they'd left. Just the faint ticking of the clock on the wall. I reached for the notepad. I didn't start writing immediately though. I thought it all over. I wanted my evidence to be logical and clearly written. It wouldn't matter, of course. Not in the long run. But I knew that when I started to make things happen, as Dreamrider, it would be good if people knew me as someone who was clear thinking. Not just a kid with more power than he could handle. Besides, I wanted Miss Palmer to think well of me. I liked her.

And I think she was beginning to admire me.

5
.

Dad was in a bad mood. He'd had to take time off work and it had annoyed him. I could see it in his eyes. And the way he wore his filthy black singlet and stained grey shorts. The stubble on his chin. He wanted to draw attention to the difference between them. Miss Palmer in her smart dress, Mr Atkins in neat slacks and short-sleeved shirt. Dad was the worker. He wanted to make them feel small.

‘So what are you saying? Exactly.'

I sat next to him in Miss Palmer's office. I had been there the entire afternoon. Mr Atkins sat opposite, next to Miss Palmer. Just the four of us.

‘Michael is having problems, Mr Terny,' said Miss Palmer. ‘Serious problems. What I'd like to do this afternoon is discuss these issues, see if we can find some common ground to address them. In particular, we'd like as much information as possible regarding Michael's previous schools and his experiences there.'

Dad just looked at her. I wondered if she could see the contempt in his eyes. I hoped not.

‘Jeez. You guys don't change, do you?' he said. ‘I ask what you're saying, exactly, and I get “issues”, “common ground” and “experiences”. You might have time to sit around here all day, but I don't. I'm losing money. So answer a simple question. Yes or no. Is Michael being bullied?'

There was a pause.

‘Yes. Michael denies it, but he
is
being bullied,' said Miss Palmer. I could tell she didn't want to talk about this. She had something else on her mind. I could have told her, though, that it's difficult to deflect Dad.

‘And what's the school doing about it?' demanded Dad.

‘All we can, Mr Terny.'

‘Really?' said Dad. He was winding himself up. ‘“All we can”, eh? Well, I tell ya, from where I'm sitting that's fuck all. I'll bet you've got the glossy brochures though. Zero tolerance. It's horseshit. Every school's the same. “We won't tolerate it, Mr Terny.” “Your son is safe with us, Mr Terny.” But he's getting the crap bashed out of him while you lot drink tea in the staffroom.'

Miss Palmer leaned forward. Annoyance flared in her eyes, but when she spoke her voice was strong.

‘Mr Terny. We have staff on yard duty at all times. We take our duty of care very seriously at Millways.'

Dad snorted. ‘And I wouldn't mind a dollar for every time I've heard that “duty of care” stuff either. So what's happened, huh? The ones who bullied my son. Suspended? Expelled?'

‘Michael has refused to tell us who is bullying him, Mr Terny. And we can't punish anyone unless we have evidence. You must understand that.'

Dad laughed, but it was an ugly sound.

‘Course he won't tell you. Whaddya expect? God, you know how this works. Dob someone in and you're dead. And that's right, too. I haven't brought my son up to be a dobber. I taught him to sort things out for himself. No one respects a dobber.'