Dreaming Out Loud (10 page)

He seemed pleased to see me when he came home. Oh, did I tell you that when I called round, Tony and Mr Chalmers hadn’t got back from the office? So his mother invited me in. She’s small and thin, like a little bird. You’d think a puff of wind would blow her away. She asked me if I’d like to have a drink with her while I waited. I thought she meant a cup of tea or coffee, so I said yes. The next thing I knew she’d opened this fancy drinks cabinet – inside was all lights and mirrors – and she was fiddling about with a cocktail shaker, just like in the pictures. I haven’t a clue what the drink was, but she put an olive and a twist of lemon peel into each glass. I must say I liked it.

She seemed pleased to have someone to talk to, although she kept popping into the kitchen where someone called Mrs Slater was getting the meal ready for when the ‘menfolk’ came home. That’s what she called them, the ‘menfolk’. She said she was pleased that I had called, because she hated drinking alone. I said no to a second drink, but it didn’t stop her. Then, when Tony and his father arrived, she got all silly and told Tony not to linger too long with the lovely young lady because the meal was almost ready.

Tony took me to the hall to talk, which I thought was a bit rude because there was nowhere to sit except the telephone table, so we both stayed on our feet. He made up for this oversight by being very charming. He actually said that he was pleased we were going to live nearby, and that Mum might like to call and introduce herself to his mother. Fancy that! It looks as though life is going to change once we’ve moved to the posh part of town.

I’m sorry you won’t be home for Christmas, Kay. It won’t be the same without my big sister. By the way, whichever house we’re in, Mum has told Miss Pearson and Miss Elkin that they must spend Christmas Day with us. That’s kind of her, isn’t it? She’s got a soft heart, really, although most of the time she manages to hide it very well.

If I could afford it I would come to London to visit you sometime over the Christmas holidays. I won’t be going back to college until after the New Year. But, as I say, I can’t afford it. Never mind, I’m sure that one day soon you will be inviting me to come and stay with you and we could see a show or two. What do you think?

Love,

Julie

Kay was pleased to have a letter from Julie, although she couldn’t help thinking her sister might be gloating a little with the references to Tony and his mother. She smiled at the hints Julie was dropping about visiting London and she supposed that she probably would invite her to stay. But not yet. She also supposed that when she did, she would send Julie the train fare, even though her sister should have plenty of money of her own, considering the amount Kay had given her. She found that she was actually looking forward to seeing her sister in the not too distant future. She would certainly take her to a show, a musical perhaps –
Oklahoma
or
Kiss Me Kate
. However, Julie would have to wait until her Easter break from College. The week between Christmas and New Year was too soon.

Kay could hardly believe that Julie had actually called at the Chalmers’ house. And yet why should she be surprised? Julie had been flirting unashamedly with Tony since she’d been sixteen. Going to tell him that Kay was staying in London was just an excuse to see him. And he would know that very well. She hoped that, in her dear friend Miss Bennet’s words, Tony would not salve his hurt pride by ‘playing with Julie’s affections’. And then she smiled. Instinctively she knew that Julie could look after herself.

Folding the letter, Kay put it back in the envelope and sat for a while staring into the fire. She was truly sorry that her mother was upset; so much so that she had not been able to reply to her letter. Kay did not know what she could do. She wasn’t going home. That decision was final. And she wasn’t going to find somewhere else to live. That was a preposterous idea, and she really couldn’t understand why her mother was so against her staying here. Her godmother and her mother must have quarrelled very badly indeed, Kay decided – so badly that her mother could neither forgive nor forget.

And what did she mean by ‘the ties of the past’?

Kay sighed.
We’re back to that quarrel again
, she thought, and then she remembered the photographs in the box which she had stored along with some others in the small bedroom on the top floor. Those snapshots she had seen had shown two attractive young women who looked as though they were good friends.

So if they had quarrelled, when had that been? Kay knew she had been eight when her glamorous godmother had stopped visiting them. She sat forward and, resting her elbows on her knees, put her chin on her clenched fists and gazed into the fire. She kept very still and listened to the rhythmic ticking of the clock. Then a voice, no two voices, came echoing across the years:

‘
Please, don’t be like that
,’ someone said. Someone who sounded as if she were crying. ‘
Don’t you know you’re breaking my heart?
’

Another voice, an angry voice, replied, ‘
You can stop the melodrama. It won’t work with me. Nothing you say will make me change my mind
.’

And then there was silence. Kay willed the voices to come back, but all she could hear was the clock ticking and the crackle of the coals in the fire.

Kay sighed and sat back in the chair. She didn’t believe in ghosts, so she knew that the only explanation was that she had heard those voices when she was a child and was remembering them now.

Suddenly an unexpected ray of sunlight shone through the window and lightened not only the room but also the oppressive atmosphere. Kay stood up and shrugged her shoulders to ease the tension.

What should she do now? Another voice came through loud and clear. ‘Buy yourself some fashionable clothes!’ This was no ghost voice and neither was it a memory from her childhood. It was from Miss Bennet’s letter. Kay could almost hear her dear friend urging her on.

‘All right,’ she said. ‘That’s exactly what I’ll do.’

Chapter Nine

‘So it seems as though it will be just Kay and me here for Christmas,’ Jane Mullen said.

Kay, Shirley and Jane were sitting with mugs of cocoa at the kitchen table. This was the room they inhabited most, for although the sitting room was attractive and had the benefit of a sofa and armchairs, it never got quite as warm as the kitchen when the fire was going full blast.

‘Don’t, you’re making me feel guilty,’ Shirley said.

‘There’s no need to feel guilty,’ Kay told her. ‘We quite understand that your mother will want you to come home.’

‘And that’s another thing I feel guilty about.’ Shirley sighed. ‘I don’t really want to go home. Fancy having to face that long train journey when I’d rather be here with you two. I mean, I love my family, they couldn’t be nicer, it’s just that since coming up to London I’ve felt as though I’m a proper grown-up person, not a kid any more.’

‘Don’t worry, that’s quite normal,’ Jane said. ‘When you get older it will change again and you’ll look forward to going h-home.’ Jane suddenly faltered and grasped her mug with both hands. She stared down at the table, her drawn features expressing pure misery.

Kay and Shirley exchanged dismayed glances. They knew why Jane was upset, but neither of them liked to say anything. Privately Kay thought she would try to make sure that Jane had a wonderful time this Christmas, even if there were only the two of them.

‘And there’s another thing,’ Shirley said. ‘I mean, just wait until my mother sees my hair.’

Jane looked up and smiled wanly. ‘What’s wrong with your hair?’

‘I should never have had this perm, that’s what’s wrong.’ Shirley sighed. ‘My mother doesn’t even like me to wear a little bit of lipstick, never mind going curly.’

‘She’ll be so pleased to see you that she probably won’t even mention it,’ Jane said.

‘You don’t know my mother!’

They all laughed, but Kay could see what an effort it was for Jane, and she admired her for it. She looked at her two new friends and thought how different they were. Shirley was tall and graceful and had a confident demeanour. Jane was small and delicate with red-gold wavy hair and a light dusting of freckles over her pretty face. Shirley could be forthright, whereas Jane was reticent. They were so very different in character and yet, since moving in, they had got on well enough.

And what about me?
Kay thought.
How do the two of them regard me? I know I can be determined, and yet I have never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings; which is why I stayed at home as long as I did, I suppose, even though I was not really happy there
.

‘What about Miss Davies?’ Shirley asked. ‘Won’t she come to see you on Christmas Day?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Kay said. ‘I invited her to come and have lunch with us, but she said a friend might be calling to see her.’

‘Well, at least I can help you put the decorations up before I go,’ Shirley said.

‘Which reminds me,’ Kay said. ‘I haven’t bought any yet. A quick trip to Woolworths is called for.’

‘There’s no need. Unless you want new ones, that is.’

Both girls looked enquiringly at Jane.

‘There’s a whole boxful in that cupboard in my room. Didn’t you know?’

‘No, I didn’t,’ Kay said. ‘Although I ought to have known. I mean, I thought I looked in all the cupboards before you moved in.’

‘I’ll go and get them, shall I?’ Jane looked happier. ‘We can sort through them and see what we’ve got. Clear the table, you two, so we can spread them out.’ She hurried out of the room and Kay and Shirley smiled at each other.

‘Well, that’s cheered her up,’ Shirley said. ‘I felt dreadful just then, complaining about going home when poor Jane would love to be able to go and see her parents but that tyrant of a father has forbidden her ever to darken their doors again!’

‘Don’t worry,’ Kay said. ‘She seems to be very resilient.’

‘It seems to me she’s had to be.’

A short while later they looked down at the contents of the box which they had emptied on to the kitchen table. The garlands were a little disappointing. Stylish rather than festive, they were black and silver, with not a holly berry in sight. However, there were also three boxes of coloured glass baubles and bells, and another of icicles; the kind that glowed in the dark. Best of all there was a beautiful golden-haired angel. The three girls looked at each other and almost simultaneously they said, ‘We’ll have to have a tree!’

Lying in bed that night, Kay was full of plans of how to make her first Christmas away from home special. Of course she would miss her mother and her sister, but, just like Shirley, she would rather be here, with her friends.

A few days ago she had realised that she knew nothing about Moira’s home life. She knew she lived in the flat above the office, but that was all. Moira had never mentioned whether she had a flatmate, but somehow Kay didn’t think so. Kay was in Carter’s, the grocery shop downstairs, at the time, and as soon as she had finished her shopping she went up to the solicitor’s rooms.

The door was ajar and she could see there was no one in Moira’s office, but she could hear voices coming from behind the door that led to Mr Butler’s room. She stood there, hesitating, and almost laughed out loud when the thought crossed her mind that the man did exist after all. A moment later the door opened and Moira came into the office, then closed the door carefully behind her.

‘Come in,’ she called out. Followed by, ‘Why are you smiling?’

Flustered, Kay replied, ‘No reason – just pleased to see you.’

‘Well, that’s nice, but you haven’t come here just to tell me that.’

Kay was taken aback by Moira’s ill-humoured tone and she almost turned and fled. Then her friend said, ‘Sorry, did I sound ratty? It’s all these Christmas cards.’

Thoroughly puzzled, Kay just stared at her.

‘Look at them.’ Moira gestured towards her desk, which was covered with the cards in question and their envelopes. ‘He’s signed them all, but now he wants the envelopes addressed by hand. And, of course, that’s my job. Well, after all, I am the paid help, aren’t I?’

Kay was puzzled. ‘Well, yes, you are.’ Moira shot her a furious look. ‘I mean, you are his secretary.’

Suddenly Moira laughed. ‘Of course I am. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. Perhaps it’s because I can’t stand all this fuss at Christmas. “Bah, humbug!” you know. But come in, do, and if I make us a cup of tea perhaps I could persuade you to help me.’

‘Of course I will.’

When Kay was settled in a chair at the other side of the desk, she asked for a fountain pen and a list of addresses. ‘Oh, no,’ Moira said. ‘The cards are for his clients, so that’s confidential. I’d like you just to put them in their envelopes and I’ll address them.’

About a quarter of an hour had passed before Moira looked up from her task and said, ‘But why did you come here? I’m sorry, I should have asked.’

‘I came to invite you to spend Christmas Day with us. I didn’t know that you thought it all humbug.’

Moira laughed. ‘I don’t really, and I would like to come, but I can’t promise. You see, he – my friend might call.’

‘When will you know for sure?’

‘I won’t.’ She sighed. ‘You’ve probably guessed, so I might as well tell you.’ She lowered her voice, ‘I’m involved with a man who isn’t free. He’ll come if he can get away, but even then it won’t be for long. There, that’s all I can say,’ she ended hurriedly with a nervous glance towards the other door. ‘Now, let’s finish these cards.’

Of course Moira’s ill-humour that day hadn’t been about the Christmas cards, Kay realised now, and she wondered how a woman as attractive and intelligent as Moira could be so devoted to a man who was probably married. When she left the office that day she had made Moira promise that she would come if she could.

With sleep still evading her, she thought of something that was puzzling her.
How could I have missed the decorations? I’m sure I looked in all the cupboards. I mustn’t give way to superstition, but I can’t help thinking Lana wanted me to stay here for Christmas, so she hid them until it was the right time to find them. And now that I have, I shall try to decorate the house as beautifully as she would have done.

Jane had bought some ropes of tinsel, and she and Shirley helped Kay put up the garlands. But it wasn’t until the day before Christmas Eve that Kay went out to buy a tree. Her mother had always waited until after she and Julie were in bed on Christmas Eve before putting up the tree. Then, the next morning, she would go downstairs before they got up to switch the lights on.

The shops were busier than ever, and Kay had to use a certain amount of charm to persuade the butcher to deliver the small turkey the next day. Then she dodged the traffic to cross over to the greengrocer’s. The evocative smell of the Christmas trees met her halfway. Kay stared in dismay at the row of trees propped against the window of the shop. They were all too big for her to be able to carry home. And then she noticed a small, grubby boy with a bogie made from old pram wheels. He saw her looking at him and grinned.

‘Tuppence,’ he said.

This would solve Kay’s problem – she would probably be able to load the buggy with some holly, too – but the boy looked much too small to be able to manage such a task. She stared at him doubtfully.

‘One penny, then,’ he said.

‘Oh, no, it’s not that,’ Kay said. ‘I was just wondering if you could manage.’

‘Of course I can.’ The boy looked indignant.

‘Oh, go on, then,’ Kay said and he shot into action.

He chose the biggest tree and, under Kay’s instructions, a couple of bunches of holly.

‘Yer might as well ’ave some mistletoe,’ he said, and put it on top of everything else before Kay could stop him.

The shopkeeper had been watching through the window, and Kay went inside to pay him. ‘I could deliver that lot for you,’ he said. ‘You should have asked.’

‘Oh, no. He’d be so disappointed.’

‘Good luck then. You’ll need it.’

Luck deserted them before they had gone a hundred yards from the shop. The boy stopped suddenly to avoid a friendly dog and everything slithered off the bogie on to the pavement. Worse was to follow. The dog sniffed around the tree and cocked his leg.

‘Gerroff, yer little tyke!’ the boy yelled, and managed to shoo the dog away just in time.

Kay was helping him load up again when she realised they were being observed by a very tall man. The fact that he was also very handsome wasn’t lost on her, but she almost flinched at his look of disapproval.

‘How old is your son?’ he asked.

‘I’m ten,’ the boy said before Kay could recover herself enough to answer.

‘That’s disgraceful,’ the man said. ‘Making the poor little lad carry that home for you.’

‘He’s not carrying it, he’s pulling it, and he’s not—’

‘And the poor child looks as though he could do with being introduced to a bar of soap, never mind spending your money on frivolities like Christmas trees.’

‘Well, thank you for your advice,’ Kay said, ‘but now my
son
and I are going home.’

‘You’ll not get far, you know,’ the tall man said. ‘That load will fall off again as soon as you meet another obstruction.’

Kay looked at the bogie in despair. ‘I think you’re right.’

‘What you need is a length of rope.’

‘And where would I get that?’

He shook his head. ‘Can’t help you there. I guess this will have to do.’

‘What . . . ?’

Kay watched in astonishment as he took the belt from his gabardine overcoat and used it to tie the tree and the holly to the buggy.

‘Now if you would carry the mistletoe, your lad and I will get this tree home for you. Come on, sonny. Off we go.’

‘Can’t,’ the boy said.

‘Why not?’

‘Don’t know where to go. She’s not my mum.’

‘Oh, I see.’ The man looked grave again.

‘What do you see?’ Kay asked.

‘It’s slave labour.’

Kay stared at him for a moment, and when she saw his smile she burst out laughing. ‘You’ve been teasing,’ she said.

‘Too good an opportunity to miss. Now, let’s go.’

When they reached home he insisted on unloading the bogie and carrying everything in for Kay. ‘Where . . . ?’ he asked.

‘Just leave the tree in the hall – near that clock.’

‘Righto. I’m Tom, by the way, Tom Masters.’

‘Kay. Kay Lockwood.’

‘And I’m Billy Gibson, if you want to know,’ the boy said. ‘And what about me tuppence? Will you still pay me or does he get half?’

Tom Masters laughed. ‘No, you’ll get your full share. In fact, I think you deserve sixpence.’ He took the coin from his own pocket. ‘But if you’re going to do this again, get yourself a length of rope.’

‘I will. Ta.’

‘Wait a minute. Do you live far away?’

‘The next street to the shop.’

‘Off you go then.’ He watched the boy hurry away. ‘He probably wants to see if he’s in time for another customer before the shop closes.’ He turned and smiled. ‘I knew he wasn’t your son, you know.’

Kay laughed. ‘You had me fooled for a moment.’

‘Well, then . . . I suppose I’d better go.’

‘Wait . . . I mean, would you like a cup of tea? My friends are here. I mean, I’m not . . .’

‘Alone in the house?’

‘Now I’m embarrassed.’

‘Don’t be. Let’s go and meet your friends.’

‘You should have let me go to buy the tree,’ Shirley said.

It was later that night. Tom Masters had only just left, and the three of them were discussing him.

Jane laughed. ‘Have you considered that if it had been you struggling home with the tree he might have just let you get on with it?’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Shirley was affronted.

‘No insult to you. It’s just that it’s obvious that he is mighty taken with our Kay.’

‘Oh, no,’ Kay said. ‘He was just being a gentleman.’

‘Yes, that’s probably it,’ Shirley said, and then she and Jane laughed at Kay’s disappointed expression.

‘Well, it’s just as well I’m going home tomorrow,’ Shirley said. ‘Less competition.’

‘Stop it, both of you,’ Kay said. ‘And we’d better get to bed if we’re going to get up at the crack of dawn to see Shirley to the station.’