Dreaming of You (18 page)

I looked over and cracked my fingers to see Logan lying next to me sleeping. I smiled at him before realizing how badly I needed to pee. I got out of bed slowly, trying not to wake him, and as I stood up, I felt every muscle in my body twinge. I was sore in places I never knew I could be. It seemed as if I could feel every inch of my body. A smile spread across my face as I hobbled into the bathroom. I reached back to push the door shut and noticed the redness around my wrists. That dirty fucker, I thought, laughing as I lifted the lid.

After relieving myself, I sneaked out of the bedroom in desperate search of caffeine. Tiptoeing into the living room, I stopped in my tracks, looking around the room. I laughed out loud. He had gotten up at some point during the night and moved everything back to its proper place.

I shook my head and jumped slightly as he sneaked up behind me and put his arms around me.

“Good morning, boyfriend.”

I could
feel
him smiling as he pulled me tightly to him.

“How do you feel?” he asked, kissing my neck and nuzzling his face between my shoulder blades.

Not saying a word, I lifted my arms up, displaying my red, swollen wrists. He looked up and laid his chin on my shoulder.

“Mmmmm,” he said, “that’s the sexiest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

I felt his cock begin to pulse against my ass as he started getting hard. I reached back and slapped him. “You twisted little perv.” I laughed, trying to wiggle out of his arms.

A low laugh rumbled out of him as he held me tight and lightly bit my shoulder. “I’m sorry, babe.”

I could tell by the tone in his voice he was no such thing. “Please tell me you have coffee?” I asked, as I smiled and turned around in his arms and looked over his face.

“I do.” He stared into my eyes. He kissed me softly and lifted his head and looked me in the eyes again. His expression changed from whimsical to serious, and he looked into me so intently, it shook me a little. “Move in with me.”

“Wow,” was all I could mutter. I reached up and ran my fingers into his hair, unable to take my eyes away from his. “Can I think about it?” I asked.

“Aden, I love you. I don’t want another second of my life to tick by without you. I realize that you’re the one who’ll be giving up everything you’ve worked for, and I don’t want you to think that by making this decision, you’ll be losing all of that. I’ve really thought about this, and…I’ll sign over half of my restaurant to you if you say yes. We can build a life here together.”

I told him right then that I would. That Logan was willing to offer me half the life he’d worked so hard to build made me realize how much he really cared for me. He wasn’t the man from my dreams, but I couldn’t imagine that even he could be more wonderful than Logan.

* * * * *

When I got back home and told Nathan, he didn’t seem all that surprised. He confessed that after Logan came to visit, he knew that at some point this might happen. He just didn’t think it would be this soon.

I began taking Nathan around and showing him some of the front-of-the-house operations, preparing him for when he would have to do it without me. We also chose one of our employees and offered her a management position. I began training her to take over for me.

Finn was a whole other story. After I told her, she was speechless. For the first time since I’d known her, she didn’t know what to say. Once the shock wore off, she found her tongue.

“Why the hell can’t he sell his dump of a restaurant and move here if he loves you so much?” she asked, shaking her finger at me. “I’ll tell you why. That would cause him too much inconvenience.”

“Finn,” I said, fixing her a cosmopolitan, “his restaurant isn’t a dump, for starters. Movie stars eat there. He has a hugely successful restaurant in LA, which from what I understand is no easy feat. He’s in a whole other tax bracket. You can’t compare the two. This isn’t just my restaurant,” I added, running my arm through the air like Vanna White. “I can’t very well tell him he can come here and take over a portion of it.”

“Movie stars eat there.” She took the martini out of my hand. “Whoop-de-do. I don’t care if the fucking Dalai Lama frequents the dive. That does not give him the right to swoop down like a chicken hawk and steal my best friend. I hate him, and I hate you too,” she added, downing her cosmo and slamming the glass down on the bar.

“I love him, Finn. You know I wouldn’t up and do this unless I was sure this was right. I’ll never know if I don’t at least try.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh sure, make with the love stuff. This just bites.”

We looked at each other and both burst out laughing.

* * * * *

Over the next two months, I began to make arrangements for my move. Nathan refused to allow me to give up my part of the restaurant. He said we’d just leave things the way they were for a year. That way if something went wrong, I wouldn’t have to worry about where I was going to go, I could just come back home. Finn also refused to buy my house from me. She said she would stay there and rent it for a year, and if by that time I hadn’t come to my senses and moved back to live with her, we’d revisit the topic.

Logan seemed a little disappointed when I asked him to also give it a year before we did anything legal on his end. I was trying to be sensible, but I think he saw it as me not believing in us. I know rationally he understood where I was coming from, but he took it a little to heart.

“Well”—Finn cleared her throat as she got up out of her seat—“as many of you may know, I’ve not been altogether happy at Aden’s decision to run off and leave me. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty goddamn pissed off.” She looked at me and smiled. “But it isn’t every day you find a best friend who loves you unconditionally in spite of all of your”—she paused, took a sip of wine—“idiosyncrasies. Who else is going to enjoy eight-hour shopping binges and won’t make fun of me for eating Oreo cookies with fat-free Cool Whip? Now that I think about it, I should be pissed, but I know I must love you with all my heart, otherwise I’d be too fucking selfish to let you go.”

Her eyes started to well up, and I got up and gave her a hug. “What am I going to do without my very best friend?” I whispered into her ear.

“Suffer, I hope,” she whispered back, with a little-girl laugh. She pulled away from me, and we both sat down.

“Well, I guess that makes it my turn.” Nathan grinned, getting out of his seat. “We’ve accomplished so much together, my mind reels just thinking about it. I should be angry, thinking about all the extra work you’re leaving me with, but instead I find that I just feel lucky and proud… Lucky that you walked into my life with your generosity and drive, and proud to have done all of this with you. We made a damn good team, you and I. Knowing you as I do, I’m sure life holds only further greatness and accomplishments in your future. But I want you to always know that this is your home, and you will always be welcome here regardless of where else life may take you.”

“Thank you both so much. I don’t know—”

“Oh, sorry.” Nathan interrupted me. “There’s one other person who wanted to say a few words.”

One of our waiters pulled out a television and DVD player on a rolling cart and plugged it into the wall. I looked at Finn and Nathan, wondering what the hell was going on. The lights dimmed and Nathan turned on the TV with a remote he took out of his pocket. After a second, the static switched into a black screen, and then Logan’s smiling face popped up.

“Hey, Aden.” He was standing on one of the patios of his restaurant, with the sun shining and the ocean in the background. “I really wanted to be there with you tonight, but I was afraid to set foot in town, for fear I might be snatched off a street corner never to be heard from again.”

Several people laughed, and I just smiled, happy to see his face, those dimples, and his messy blond hair.

Logan continued, “I guess first off I should just go ahead and apologize to everyone for stealing him away from you. If it makes you feel any better, when he’s spoken to me about you, it’s always been with a great deal of fondness, appreciation, and respect. Aden is a truly classy man, which speaks volumes for all of you that care about him. I know he’s sad to be leaving you, and I think I can speak for both of us. We hope and wish you will all come out to California and see us. We’ll keep a table waiting for you.” He paused and looked down. “Aden”—he looked back up into the camera—“I still count my lucky stars every day for bringing you into my life. I love you… Now drink the hell up and get on the damn plane already.” He shot the camera a sexy smile, lifting a champagne glass. The screen went black and once again to static.

* * * * *

The restaurant had cleared out except for our staff, cleaning up, and Finn, Nathan, and I were sitting at a table in the bar finishing off a bottle of wine.

“Thank you, guys, that was so much fun. I can’t believe you two did all of that. It was amazing.”

“Well,” Finn said, “we’re pretty damn amazing… Should’ve thought about that before deciding to run off to California.”

“I know, I know.” I grinned. “When did Logan send that tape?”

“Jesus, him again,” Finn scoffed, taking a puff off a cigarette.

“He called last week and asked if he could send something for you tonight,” Nathan said. “It was really nice of him. It’s obvious how much he cares for you.”

“I just hope I’m worthy of it.”

“Please,” Finn said. “He’s the lucky one, Aden, and he knows it.”

“I think you’re just a smidge prejudiced.” I finished off the last of my wine. “I don’t know. I just have this uneasy feeling that I’m going to fuck it all up somehow.”

“Aden,” Nathan said, “it’s just nerves. Despite your…quirks, you’re the most responsible person I’ve ever known. There is no way in hell you could do anything to mess this up.”

* * * * *

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” He stood in front of me with his arms crossed.

I looked around, finding myself in what appeared to be an expansive white space with nothing such as walls or buildings that could give me any sense of size or scale. I turned back to face him as my dream man looked me over, a slight sting to the expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, love.” I reached out to him.

He took a step back, moving farther away from me.

“After everything we’ve been to one another…all the years we’ve been together. I can’t believe you can just toss me aside.”

“You’re not real.”

“Not real!” He took another step, backing farther away. “What makes our relationship any less than what you think it is you have with him? I’ve stuck by you for fifteen years. You hardly know him. He’s just a blip.”

“That’s not true.” I raised my voice.

“Well, I hope you’re right.” He took a few more steps back. “Don’t expect me to be here for you when it all goes to shit.”

“I’ll always be grateful to you.” I reached for him again. “But I need more. I need something real.”

“Something real,” he said, shaking his head. “Someday you’ll realize what it is you’re giving up for him…maybe sooner than you think.”

He turned and began to walk away, slowly fading to fuzziness, then to a blur, and finally gone altogether, leaving me alone in the white space.

My eyes fluttered open to my sunlit bedroom. I looked over at the clock as the alarm began to go off. I crinkled up my forehead, rolled over, and shut it off. I groaned, feeling the dull pain in my head.

“Too much wine,” I muttered to myself. I smiled through my hangover, realizing that by tonight I’d be back in LA with Logan.

* * * * *

After downing a handful of Advil, Finn and I dragged my bags out to her car and loaded up the trunk. I looked over at my car, worrying about how and when I’d get it to California. Realizing it didn’t matter, I shook my head in an attempt to toss out all the little details that could easily drive me crazy if I let them.

“Ready?” Finn asked.

“Yep.” I was glad she’d agreed to drive me to the airport in St. Louis, although at first she refused. I could’ve flown directly to St. Louis, but I guess I wanted to squeeze in a little more time with her. I laughed thinking how she was completely unable to let me forget for one instant how unhappy she was with my leaving. As we drove along, we made small talk and laughed as if we were going on another one of our shopping jaunts. We made the drive in less than two and a half hours.

After arriving at the airport and parking her car, Finn and I walked along looking for my gate. Neither one of us said a word to the other. I felt excited and like shit at the same time. It was like going home for Christmas. On my way there, I was sad because I was leaving Finn, Nathan, basically my created family. Then leaving my parents to come back, I’d be sad because I was leaving my family to come back to my life. Either way, it sucked. Even though I wasn’t really that close with most of my real family, there was still a history and a lot of childhood memories there. While my parents didn’t relish the fact that I was gay, I knew they loved me.

Coming up on the metal detectors with my ticket in hand, we stopped, surveying the area. Finn and I found an open row of chairs away from the few people who were already there forming a line.

“Goddamn, I’m so going to miss you,” she breathed dramatically, with a look of relief after having said it. “It still feels like you’re just going away for a week. Then I’ll be back to pick you up, we’ll go have dinner, and talk about everything that’s happened while we were apart.”

“I know.” I was trying not to cry. “I haven’t been able to convince myself that this is permanent and I won’t be seeing you on a daily basis.”

“You’re such a fuckhead for doing this to me.”

My mouth fell open in shock, and we both started laughing. “So much for the Hallmark moment.”

“Well, you’re such an ass; I really hate you right now.” She threw her hand in the air. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me for the other woman. You’re the first man that’s left me that I’ve not been happy to see go.”

“Thanks,” I said, knowing that in her way, that was about as good a compliment as I was going to get.

“What sucks even more is that I really like Logan and have no doubt that he’s a real chance for you to get everything you’ve ever wanted. It would be much easier if he were a prick and all wrong for you.” She scowled. “Then I could hate him guilt free.”

I grabbed her hand. “God, speaking of guilt, my dream man made an appearance last night.”

“What…? Honestly, Aden.” Finn shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re still having those stupid dreams.”

“They aren’t stupid,” I said disapprovingly. “But I have a feeling I won’t be having them anymore.”

“Good, you’ve been dreaming about this dude for over a decade…it’s not natural.”

“He was letting me go. I think it’s a sign that moving to California to be with Logan is the right thing to do, but he was very upset. I felt terrible. He was so hurt, and the look of betrayal he had on his face.”

Finn reached up and smacked me on the back of the head. “He’s not real, you freak!”

“Ow.” I rubbed my head. “I know, it’s just…”

We both tensed as they called my flight number to begin boarding. I still had to get through security, I thought, as we got up out of our seats and turned to look at one another. Finn reached up and slapped me hard across the face.

“Ow,” I said, wide-eyed, rubbing my cheek.

“Quit whining and give me a hug.”

I shook my head and put my arms around her. She placed her chin on my shoulder, and I felt her relax into me. “You really are a psychotic bit—” I stopped as my mouth fell open. My stomach began to turn and my head started to swim. Unable to believe what I was seeing walking in our direction, I blinked several times. I tried adjusting my eyes to make sure I wasn’t going insane. I watched him until he passed us, and a ringing in my head began to get louder and louder.
That was really him. That was the man from my dream.

“Oh my hell.” I pulled away from Finn sharply. I picked up my carry-on and threw it over my shoulder. Without thinking, I grabbed Finn tightly by the wrist, turned around, and ran like mad, dragging her behind me as if she were no heavier than a child’s toy.

“What in the name of hell are you doing?” she screamed from behind me. “The fucking plane’s in the other direction.”

“I can’t.” I was desperately searching the backs of the heads in front of us, looking for his. “I can’t believe this, he picks now of all times to walk into my life. What a bastard. This is what I get for not staying true to myself. I should have waited.”

“What are you talking about, you freak?” she asked, breathing heavily and slapping at my hand on her arm. “You’re cutting off the circulation. I am a delicate flower!”

“Stop fighting me and pick up the pace a little,” I yelled back at her, pulling us to the right to keep us from knocking over a woman and her child. “Move it!” I screamed. “Honestly.” I glanced back to see Finn staring at me with her eyes bugging out and her mouth hanging open.

We burst through the glass entryway doors and I ran all the way to the curb, where attendants were ushering people into cabs. Finn was bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing heavily, and I was turning in circles, trying to catch a glimpse of him. I hopped up and down trying to see over the heads of other people and cursed myself for not being taller.

“Aden,” Finn spat out in a husky Kathleen Turner-type voice, “what the hell is going on?”