Dream Smashers (22 page)

“Oh.” It would have been fun to milk the
attention for a bit. But no, everyone knows that I will be fine.
Then I remember about James again. His dead body lying in the
street. Grams already filled me in on the details of how Ace was
arrested and James’ blood was smeared on his knife. Of how Evan
went to Angel and told her the news and how she cried on his
shoulder for an hour. Poor Angel. What I don’t know is how Rainy
has been. “So, uh, you want to talk?” I ask.

Rainy’s eyes immediately melt into streams
down her face. “The funeral’s Tuesday. My parents are having a
stupid celebration of life thing.” She grabs the box of tissues off
the table and blows her nose, hard. “They’re so fucked up, I swear.
It’s like all of sudden they’re interested in my feelings and in my
life now, you know?

“And get this, it’s only been, what, five
days? They’re already putting his clothes in boxes to give to
charity.”

“Oh my God.” I wipe the tears from my face
that haven’t stopped dripping since Rainy hugged me. “That is
messed up.”

She pulls a beaded hemp necklace out from
under her t-shirt. “I managed to steal this out of his room before
they packed it. At least I got something of his.”

“Hey. That totally looks like my bracelet.” I
hold my left hand up for her to see the matching bracelet with blue
and green beads my mom made when she was a kid.

She grabs my wrist. “I thought the necklace
looked familiar. Maybe they bought it at the same place.” She
laughs under her breath.

“You think it’s bought? I thought she made
it.”

“I don’t know, really.” She shrugs.

Evan sticks his head through the crack in the
door. “Hey.”

A goofy grin must have stolen my face because
Rainy rolls her eyes and makes a gagging sound. “Speak of
Jesus-Freak and tadaaaa!” There’s my Rainy.

He walks in and stands next to her. “You’re
calling
me
the freak?” He folds his arms into a pretzel on
his chest and looks serial-killer-serious, frighteningly unnatural
of him, like he’s holding his breath or something. He isn’t a good
breath-holder because he lets it out in just a few seconds with a
toothsome smile, destroying any evil spirits that may have lurked
in the corners of the room. Not that I see spirits or anything, but
I’m pretty sure that they hang out at hospitals, cemeteries and
morgues.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He proclaims
loud and clear. “I am a Jesus-Freak!”

“Hallelujah!” Rainy stands up to boast along
with him, drying the rest of the moisture off her face with the
sleeve of her black hoody.

“Jesus is awesome!” He almost sings it.

On that note, Grams walks in. “You tell her,
Evan. She won’t listen to me.”

“Grams! Really?” I sigh. “He’s
alright…jeesh.”

Rainy almost hyperventilates. “You heard it
first here, folks. Autumn thinks Jesus is alright!” She gives the
room a thumbs-up and a sassy wink before laughing herself back into
the most-uncomfortable-interior-design-faux-pas-chair. “This is too
much. Way too much.”

“Well, I’m glad to be of assistance to you.
Stop by anytime for the Autumn Show.” I stick my tongue out at her
instead of saying how I really feel about that comment.

Grams goes back to her knitting. “Evan, you
should consider taking Rainy to that church of yours. It’ll do her
some good.”

“Oh God,” I mumble.

“Exactly!” Rainy pipes in. “Hey Evan, I’ll go
with you.”

“What? Hold the phone.” My turn. “Breaking
news flash. Rainy agrees to go to church?” Like a song off-key, why
is it that people just stare at me whenever I try to make a joke?
Totally typical. “You wouldn’t go with me last week, but now you’ll
go without me?”

“I’m just kinda curious, that’s all. Maybe I
can go this weekend?” she asks.

Evan snaps into action. “Of course! Yes!
That’s great, Rainy.”

“Wait a minute. I want to go, too.” Everyone
looks at me, again, but I glare to keep their mouths shut. “Don’t
even say it. If Rainy can go without a laugh, so can I.”

“I’m not laughing.” Evan sits down on the
edge of my bed. “I’m happy that you want to go again and that you
weren’t scared off the first time.” He holds my hand and brushes
his thumb against the top of it. “You probably won’t be able to go
this weekend though. I promise you can come as soon as you’re out
of here.”

My heart sinks a little. I can’t believe I’m
sulking over not getting to go to church. Someone better take my
temperature—as Grams would say—I must not be feeling well.

“I’ll wait, too, then,” Rainy says. This
makes me feel better, like I’m not going to miss out on a secret
adventure or something.

“It’s a date then. As soon as Autumn is able,
we will all go to church together,” Evan says.

“Which will be next week because the doctors
said she will be discharged this weekend,” Grams says.

“That’s great news.” Evan stands up. “I’ve
got to go now. I just stopped by to give you this.” He hands me my
backpack. I grab it from him, but he still holds onto it firmly and
says, “You’re a very talented artist, Autumn.” He releases it to
me.

“You looked at my sketches?” I say, all
embarrassed.

“I hope that’s okay. They kind of fell out.”
He blushes. “You left it in the forest and I found it.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” I shrug. “Are you the only
one who saw them?”

He nods his head. “Yeah,” he says
drawn-out.

To clarify, ever-helpful Rainy speaks up.
“Autumn thinks her drawings pretty much suck. But, she doesn’t know
shit. So don’t take offense or nothing. She just doesn’t want
anyone looking at them.”

“Oh, thank you so much for that,” I say with
a half-grin, but only because I don’t want to be mean to her right
now.

“Chill out,” Rainy says. “You rock that
pencil and should be proud of it.”

“Hear, hear,” Grams says.

I sigh. “Whatever. Thanks for bringing it
back to me. When can I see you again? I mean, can you come back to
visit sometime?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll be here later
today.” He bends down and kisses my forehead right in front of
Grams and Rainy. Rainy give Grams a clownish grin. Whatever that
means.

“But don’t you have your volunteer work?” I
ask.

“That can wait.” He shrugs. “Oh, I forgot.
These are for you.” He sets a vending machine sized package of
Oreos on the table and winks. “See ya later, ‘kay?”

I blush.

Grams follows Evan out the door.

“That was awkward,” I say.

“Dude! He gets hotter every day.” Rainy
throws her Converse covered feet up on the end of the bed. “So,
tell me about his kissing skills.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Tuesday, November 22
^nd

I’ve only been to one other funeral before in
my life, and that was Gramps’. It rained that day, as it usually
does here in Washington. Lots of older people I’d never met before,
some in military uniforms, others in black, but most in normal
old-people attire, appeared in the church to cry and tell stories
and listen.

The stories people told made me realize how
much I didn’t know about Gramps. Like, when he was younger and full
of life and adventure. About how he used to race cars at Portland
International Raceway once or twice a month. He’d fix up an old
beater and race it. People told stories that made others laugh, of
how Gramps’ racecar would break down after all the hard work he put
into it, but he never gave up fixing it. They said he liked to
drink a beer or two back in the day and he was a regular bowler on
a league and everything. I never knew these things.

He’d always been the same Gramps for as long
as I could remember—caring, hard-working, loyal, wrinkled, and
balding. And that’s it.

It’s only been two years, but it seems like a
million.

Today’s funeral is nothing like that day. In
fact, they’re not even calling it a funeral. It’s a celebration of
life. Whatever that means.

Rainy’s parents rented the community center
for the celebration. They decorated the interior with crystal vases
filled with flowers on white cloth-covered tables and bunches of
colorful balloons tied to chairs. It almost feels like a school
dance with a DJ playing upbeat music from the 70’s, a punchbowl
filled with red liquid, and snack foods.

The entire school is here. Well, not the
entire school, but almost. Which is rather comical because nobody
from school ever seemed to care much about James when he was alive.
He would have been a senior this year if he hadn’t dropped out at
the end of last year.

Evan, Caleb, and I sit at a round table in
the far corner, waiting for whatever it is that’s going to happen
and watching the spectacle of gyrating bodies in the center of the
community center.

Rainy’s mom had posted flyers at the school,
with the principal’s permission, advertising James’ Celebration of
Life like rock bands announce their concerts. No doubt most of
these kids are taking advantage of the get-out-of-school-free card
extended to all who wanted to honor James today. Not everyone is
having a good time, though.

Rainy, with raccoon eyes and a pink nose,
trips over the crutches I leaned against the wall. “Ouch!” She
plops into an empty chair at the table next to me. “Dude, this is
the stupidest thing my parents could have ever done.” She smears
the mascara from her eyes further down her cheek with her hand,
then leans over me to straighten the stupid stocking cap covering
my half-baldness. “I mean, what the fuck? Who the fuck does this?
They never cared when he was alive and now all of sudden…” Her
hands explode into the air, gesturing to the decorations
surrounding us.

Caleb scoots his chair closer to Rainy. She
rests her head on his shoulder. Evan reaches for my hand.

We sit in silence together in honor of my
best friend’s big brother who I wish I could have known better. Who
saved me from Ace and paid the ultimate price. My hero. James.

About half an hour later another raccoon
appears at our table, a fiery one with swollen, red eyes and hair
to match. She stands at the edge, next to Evan, and watches Rainy.
She doesn’t speak, but Rainy must know what she wants because she
lifts her head from Caleb’s shoulder, pushes her chair away, and
stands.

Without a word, she shuffles toward Angel and
hugs her. They sob in each others’ embrace.

I wipe away the few tears that run down my
cheeks. Evan squeezes my other hand tighter.

I’ve always known that deep down inside Rainy
lives some compassion. She just doesn’t let anyone else see it. But
now, it’s exposed to the world. She never liked Angel, or so I
thought, but instead of having a smart-ass remark when I told her
about Angel’s confession that day on the church steps, Rainy
changed the subject and never brought Angel up again in
conversation.

I’m not sure exactly how many changes to
expect from Rainy, but after her trip to her grandmother’s house
and now with James’ death, I’ll probably be seeing new sides of her
for some time.

It’s funny how sad things, devastating events
in our lives, like Jacinda’s addiction, Gramps’ death, James’
murder, and things like that can cause us to change and maybe even,
like, grow. Life seems to be filled with awful things, but I’m
starting to wonder if that’s the point. How can anyone learn
anything if nothing bad ever happens?

With ever changing hearts, and souls, I hope
we never grow apart. Life without my best friend would suck. That
would truly be a tragedy.

“Dude, what are you all staring at?” Rainy
pulls away from Angel to glare at me, then Caleb and Evan.

“Uh, nothing.” I snap my attention to
Caleb.

Caleb shrugs and jerks his eyes to the
ground. “Nothing. The floor. I mean, nothing.”

Evan shakes his head and laughs.

“Whatever.” Rainy rolls her eyes. “You look
like you just saw two aliens making out. What the fuck?”

Then again, some things never change.

CHAPTER FIFTY

Thursday, December 31
^st

“Wow. I had no clue there were so many insane
people in this town,” Rainy says. We stand on the human-filled
sidewalk, scanning the hordes of people. My arm pits ache from the
crutches being shoved into them. It’s a pain in the ass to get
around with this stupid cast on my leg.

“There they are!” Rainy hollers. She waves
her hands and jumps in the air. “Caleb! Over here!”

Evan and Caleb squeeze their way through the
bodies.

Heavy fog hovers in the dark sky just above
the crowd, around the street lights, creating an eerie feel, as if
we are all fresh meat in a dimly lit ice box.

“Hi beautiful.” Evan wraps his strong arms
around me. He’s a heater, thawing this particular tenderloin. “How
long have you guys been here?”

I rub my hands together, feeling ashamed that
we weren’t here on time. “Oh, we just got here. I sorta fell
asleep.”

He laughs. “No worries. The important thing
is you made it before the countdown.” He looks behind me. “Where’s
Grams?”

“She dropped us off and then went to pick up
Jacinda. They should be back in a sec.”

Caleb and Rainy have wandered several feet
away from us, under the bare maple tree, and are stuck together
like a tongue to a frozen light pole. It’s rather disgusting.

“Get a room you two horny toads,” I
holler.

Evan jumps up and down.

“Are you nervous?” I ask.

“A little. I shouldn’t be though. We’ve been
training for this for a long time. I’m sure we’ll finish. Will you
be waiting at the finish line?”

“You know I’ll try, but just in case I’m not
there, look for Grams’ car. We might crash in there.”

“That’s cool. You want to go get some
breakfast afterward?”

“Sure.”