Dragonoak (19 page)

Her lips
were parted, forming soundless shapes, as though responding
silently to the song of the stars she alone could hear. I wanted so
much to know what it had been like in Myros, how it felt to have
necromancers close and to be exalted as they were, but in that
moment, being by her side was enough. She was as I was, and I was
no longer an anomaly, no longer alone on Bosma.

“Do you
remember?” I asked. “Do you remember Myros?”

Eyes
still fixed on the sky, Kondo-Kana shook her head slowly and said,
“I am old, Aejin. So old that Bosma forgets I walk upon its surface
still. I have forgotten more than any one mind could ever hold, but
it returns to me, in flashes.”

“Did
you... have a phoenix? Someone told me that necromancers used to be
paired with them, a long, long time ago.”

The
stars lost their appeal and Kondo-Kana looked down at me, lips
slowly curving into a smile.

“I... I
did. I have not thought of him in a long time,” she said, and the
comfort rekindling memories gave her resonated through me. “He was
a dear friend of mine. But there is something else you wish to ask,
isn't there, Aejin?”

I
stepped back, freed my arm from hers and held my hands out in front
of me. Of course she could tell. Everything in my mind was seeping
out of my skin, lighting up the palace grounds.

“What
is
this? How do I get it to stop?”

“It is light, Aejin. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is
what we
are,
what
Isjin used to bring her creation out of the void,” Kondo-Kana said,
briefly closing her eyes. “It will not stop, not until you do. I,
too, have burnt as you now do. I am sorry, Aejin. I am sorry for
what has happened to you.”

“But you're not—you're not
glowing
,” I protested. “It's alright
here, it's alright in Canth, but what happens once I get back to
Asar? People are going to be more on edge than ever.”

I spoke
as though I'd already condemned Gavern to death. Taking my hand,
Kondo-Kana led me over to a cracked fountain, and I sat on the
edge, content to let Varn wait if I meant I'd get answers from the
one person able to give them.

“The
light will fade, in time. With practise. But it will rise and fall
with your powers, Rowan, now that you have been cracked open,”
Kondo-Kana said, and my chest ached for the way she knew that only
pain and suffering ever caused this. “I do not remember all that
happened throughout the war. I have heard so many stories that I no
longer know which are my own memories and which aren't. But I can
tell you why it started. I can tell you that the Aejin yu ka Aejin
wished to be free of an ancient King's service; free to help the
people of Bosma, as Isjin would ask of us.

“And I
can tell you that there is no progress through peace; no freedom
without bloodshed. All of us did awful things. We raised those we
ought never to have gone near – the dragons, the pane – because we
did not wish to harm the living. The pane suffer for this now, and
I am truly sorry. There are things I have done that I no longer
remember, but feel as keenly as a branding iron.

“Did you
know that Priests travelled in pairs—an Aejin yu ka Aejin and a
warrior? That is not to say that we cannot fight, but there were
roles to be played. I had no brothers by blood, but I travelled
with a man I loved as dearly as any part of my family. I watched
him die in my arms and did not bring him back, because he had asked
me to let him move onto the Forest Within, that time. I thought we
would be together through the war and beyond all that, but one by
one, I saw people fade who I could not save, or would not let
themselves be brought back.

“I burnt
brighter than you now do. For years I wore what I was on my skin,
until the war ended. Until I fled Asar and fell into the sea,
drowning and drowning for decades, until there wasn't a single
spark left inside of me.

“You
must work on drawing that light into you, Rowan, and pray that
something more forgiving exhausts you.”

Kondo-Kana's words painted images in my mind, landscapes I'd
never seen before, but were suddenly as vivid as anything I'd ever
set eyes on. It was my imagination doing it, the warm pull of
Kondo-Kana's voice, no matter how awful her words were, but I felt,
for a moment, as though I had stepped out of time. As though I had
finally put together the pieces I'd always had.

I leant
against Kondo-Kana's side, arms wrapped around hers.

“As long
as it isn't hopeless,” I murmured, but like so many things that
weren't, it continued to feel impossible.

As we
sat together, I dared to believe that Kondo-Kana appreciated my
presence as much as I did hers. I would've stayed there all night,
if not for Varn stomping over and telling me to get a move
on.

“Even if
you do not do what Nasrin asks of you, please, come back soon,”
Kondo-Kana said, squeezing both of my hands.

“I will,” I promised, not certain whether
soon
to her meant a month or a
decade. “Goodbye, Aejin.”

The
smile that single word drew out of her was impossible to look away
from.

Luckily,
Varn grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged me over to the
carriage.

“No
Atalanta?” I asked, patting Musashi on the side of the
neck.

“We don't do
everything
together,” she grumbled, pulling herself up into
the carriage. “Can't believe I've gotta spend a sodding week down
in Mahon. Thanks a lot, Rowan.”

No doubt
Varn would've taken on the same tone had I offered her fistfuls of
gold. Sat in the carriage, I looked back at Kondo-Kana as we headed
off, neither of us waving at each other, city growing dark around
me. Varn, apparently, had no problem with travelling through the
night. It was nothing compared to the seas she'd sailed on, and to
prove her point, she threw the reins my way, content to let me take
charge while she napped in the back.

On the
second day, Varn scrambled onto the box-seat after I'd been at the
front of carriage for hours, but didn't take the reins from me. She
leant in close, squinting, and with a hum, stared out ahead of
us.

“So,
what's happening in Mahon, other than all this pissing about with
Gavern?” she said. “How long you been there, anyway? You actually
know anyone other than Kouris?”

“It'll have been two years, soon enough. And I know
plenty
of
people.”

“That
ain't long for Mahon. I bet nothing's changed. Tae's still
following Reis around like a lovesick puppy, Tizo's going way too
easy on people, giving away her gold like she ain't gotta retire
one day, Cartha's probably still pissed from sun up to sun
down...”

Varn
rambled on for a few minutes, and barely able to suppress a smile,
I said, “You miss it, don't you?”

"No
,” she scoffed.

“Then
you're worried about going back,” I offered.

“Worried?” I gripped the reins tighter, certain she was going
to push me out of the carriage. “Anyone looks at me wrong and I'll
stick my spear so far down their throat that even you won't be able
to help them.”

I
pretended to cough, poorly disguising a laugh.

“It's alright if you miss it. You grew up there, right? And
everyone seems to know you. If it helps, I don't think anyone's
really
that
annoyed at you. Just a little sore. I think they might miss
you too, for whatever reason.”

“Sod
off, alright?” she said, but her shoulders didn't rise quite so
high, after that.

With so many idle hours to fill, I tried doing as Kondo-Kana
had said. Being this far away from her had left something gaping
inside of me, and it became more and more difficult to believe I'd
met her at all. Still, I tried drawing the light inside of myself –
however that was supposed to work – and though it yielded no
results, knowing it
was
possible calmed me by measures.

The
journey back passed in no time at all, and I was as pleased to see
the sea as Port Mahon itself. The thought of killing Gavern weighed
heavily upon me, but the mere fact that I could be the one to get
Kouris and Atthis and Akela home almost convinced me that I had the
courage required to go through with what all of Mahon were
desperate to do.

I'd
enjoyed Varn's company, despite Varn being Varn, but she didn't
look half as pleased to see the town.

“Gods.
I'm gonna have to find somewhere to stay,” she said, frowning at
every last inn in the distance.

“You
could come stay with us. Reis won't mind. You used to be friends,
right? You can have my room! I'll share with Kouris.”

“Oh,
yeah. We used to be well good friends,” Varn said, curling her lip.
“Don't bloody think so.”

The
stable-hand made a point of giving Varn a hard time, but eventually
took Fiennes and Musashi in, and as we headed into the town, it
became clear that Varn was sticking to my side, rather than the
other way around. In an instant, all of her worst fears were
realised: Tizo was the first person we wandered into.

“Varn!”
she called out, delighted, and threw an arm around Varn's
shoulders. “Alright, Varn. Was sorry to have missed you the other
week. Cheers for that map, by the by. Hope you didn't get in too
much trouble with your Queen over it.”

Without
blinking, Varn dug an elbow deep in Tizo's side. Tizo had expected
it, but hadn't been able to react quickly enough. Winded and
wincing, she stumbled back, grinning no less for it.

“That
ended up with you? Gods. Thought the Joneses were gonna use
it.”

Tizo
shrugged, straightening back up.

“Aye,
funny that. Ended up buying it from Felheim here,” Tizo said, hands
on her hips. “You let me know if you get bored around here,
alright, Varn? Reckon you ain't forgotten how to make yourself
useful. You're welcome to come scrub my decks any day.”

Varn
debated whether it was worth punching Tizo straight into the
ground, but Tizo was smart enough not to hang around for
long.

“Liking
the new look, Felheim,” she said, winking at Varn as she headed
off.

All of Varn's frustration bundled itself up in her clenched
fists, but all she managed to call out was, “Her name's
Rowan
,
moron!”

While
plenty of people were happy to stare or smirk at Varn, no one else
was brave enough to approach her, and the inn I took her to was run
by a woman too old to care about petty squabbles around the port.
She took a room for the week and said, “Let me know once you make
up your mind. If I ain't here, I'll be at the tavern.”

“Come
find me if you need anything, even if it's just company. You know
where I live,” I said, tempted to announce that I was going to kill
Gavern there and then, so that Varn's journey wouldn't have been a
wasted one.

I made
my way through Mahon, glad to be home, but in no rush to get back
to the hut. It'd been too long since I'd soaked in the familiar
ruckus of the town, and though people kept looking my way, word of
what I was had spread far and wide, and the pirates of Port Mahon
seemed proud to count me amongst them. No one bothered me, but a
few people nodded, and I walked a little faster, lest they catch me
trying not to grin.

I cut
through the market, wanting to avoid certain streets, picking up a
handful of pistachios on the way. I shoved them into my pocket,
picking them out one-by-one and snapping their shells open, taking
the long way around to the beach. The streets that didn't boast
taverns or shops were almost empty, and when I spotted Atthis,
trying to unlock what must've been the front door of his new
apartment while holding an armful of shopping, I could've slipped
into a side-road without him ever noticing.

I didn't
so much as consider it. Now or never, I told myself.

“Atthis!” I called, busying myself with taking the bags of
food from his arms.

“Ah.
Rowan...” he started, not sure of what to say.

Rocking
on the balls of my feet, I tilted my head towards the door and he
unlocked it, following me inside.

The
apartment was hardly as spacious as the hut, but few places were.
It served him well enough: books were piled around the living area
and a study had been set up around what ought to have been the
dining table, and rooms for him and Akela led off from either side
of the living area. I began to wonder how many axes Akela actually
owned.

I placed
the bags on the narrow kitchen counter and Atthis unpacked in
silence, taking his time putting things into his meticulously neat
cupboards. Instantly, I became convinced that being there was a
terrible idea; that he was angry at me for what had become of
Katja; and I was on the verge of backing out of the room, as though
I'd only wanted to help him with his things, when he cleared his
throat.

Looking
at me without saying anything, he gestured towards the worn
armchairs, and I took a seat, hands clasped together as I waited
for some sort of lecture.