Down to My Soul (Soul Series Book 2) (8 page)

Those words,
our words
, slip right under the armor I’ve been wearing to keep him out as long as I can. Saying it back will unlock a door between us that I’m not ready to walk through.

“Did you hear me?” He knows it. He understands the power those words carry. He wants me to say it so he feels like we’re on our way back to normal. But our version of normal is what got us here in the first place, so I don’t give him those words. I can’t. Not yet.

“I gotta go,” I say.

And hang up.

“YOU READY FOR THIS?” SAN FLICKS
a quick glance from the road to me in the passenger seat.

“Of course. You know I love weddings.” I stroke the ribbon on the gift in my lap, avoiding San’s eyes. “And I love Grady and Em.”

“You didn’t answer the
real
question.” San gives me a wry look. “Are you ready to see Rhyson?”

There are things we need to get straight. Things we need to fix. Our last conversation wasn’t great. I’ve been angry at him. He’s been frustrated with me. But I know we still love each other. That chain still linking our hearts tells me that. But what do I want to do about it? I’ve spent the last two months sorting through this pile of hurt, seeing if I can get past it and back to him. And even if I can, how am I going to be with him and keep that tape from coming out?

“Kai?” San presses.

“Yeah, I heard you,” I answer. “Even if we can work things out, there’s still the tape.”

My eyes wander to the gorgeous ocean view alongside this narrow, curving road, not really seeing it. Too caught up in what, or rather who, waits for me at Grady’s wedding.

“I still have no idea who’s behind that video. I assume Drex is connected to it, but why the anonymous text?” I clamp the inside of my jaw between my teeth. “Until we get to the bottom of it, find that video, convince them to destroy it if I can, I need everyone to at least believe that Rhyson and I are done.”

San opens his mouth, and I can already tell by the look in his eyes what he’ll say. He wants me to tell Rhyson. We’ve gone back and forth about this, but I won’t budge. God, how can I? Before he gets to make his case again, my phone comes to life in my lap with a text from an unknown number. I swipe to see the full message. A gasp rushes past my lips, and my fingers tremble around the phone. I drop it like it’s on fire and it falls by my feet.

“Oh my God,” I whisper, my hand covering my mouth to catch the words. “He released the tape.”

“What?” San’s eyes swing away from the twisting road to search my face. The truck swings dangerously close to the edge. “Shit.”

He pulls off to the narrow shoulder, kills the engine and unsnaps his seat belt, reaching to the floor to retrieve my phone.

If you can be numb and electrified all at once, I am. Every cell of my body buzzes with shock even as shame numbs me piece by piece, a slow, steady creep until I can’t feel my fingers or toes. But I feel my heart, and it throbs as if it’s suffered a blow. I don’t even think about the millions of people who will now see that tape. I can only think of one. I can only think of Rhyson.

“Kai, I don’t think . . .” San’s forehead furrows as he considers the phone screen. Irritation presses his lips together. “He’s fucking with you. It’s not real.”

“What?” The question dies on my lips when he turns the phone for me to look again.

The picture hasn’t changed. It’s a still of the tape, my face clearly visible, Drex leering over my back and shoulders. There’s a post accompanying it, the headline proclaiming “Rising Star, Rhyson’s Ex, Caught In The Act!”

Seeing it, reading it a second time only turns my stomach more, and I reach for the door handle because I think I need to puke. I’ll dump what little is in my stomach right here in the dirt of this oceanside road.

“Look closer.” San tosses the phone to my lap. “Actually read it.”

I cautiously pick up the phone and scan the graphic and post again. The picture is exactly what I thought it was—me and Drex in the most compromising position imaginable. But the post, when I read it, is just gibberish. Letters thrown together and making no actual words. I’m still processing what this means when a second text comes over.

Unknown: This could so easily be real. Remember that when you see Rhyson at the wedding today. Remember what I said. It’s over between you two, or this goes LIVE.

Before I think better of it, my fingers zoom over the keys.

Me: Drex, is this you? Why are you doing this? I need to talk to you. Please.

I call the number, but it just rings. No voice mail. No answer. Nothing.

I hold the phone, waiting for it to vibrate in my hand with a response, an explanation, anything that will help this make sense and show me how to make it all go away. San and I sit there on the side of the road for minutes, quiet and waiting, but apparently my blackmailer is done tormenting me for now.

“Just tell Rhys.” Concern weights the look San gives me. “That takes all the power away from this son of a bitch.”

“Are you out of your ever-loving mind?” I turn as far as my seat belt will allow me to face him, back pressed to the door. “This isn’t some game, San. This is my life. My relationship, if I can still salvage it. My reputation. Rhyson can’t
ever
see that video. No one can. I only told you because I knew you were the only one I could trust to help me.”

“I know, but I remember the way Rhys was the night of the fight. The night you left. The guy was . . . despondent. He loves you. He wouldn’t let something like that from your past ruin your future together.”

“And you didn’t see his face when I tried to tell him everything about that night with Drex. He couldn’t hear it. He said the only reason he can get past it is because he doesn’t know the details.” I hold up the phone with the trashy still splattered over the screen. “And doesn’t ever want to.”

“Yeah, he cut me off when I tried to explain, too.”

“See! If he can’t even
hear
about me being with Drex, imagine him watching . . .” The image of Drex pounding into me from behind invades my mind, his grunts and gasps stinging my ears. “Oh, God. If Rhyson sees that tape, I don’t know if he can get past it. He and Drex hate each other so much.”

“Speaking of which, there’s still no sign of Drex. It’s like he’s disappeared into thin air. He’s not anywhere. He’s even sublet his apartment.” San gives me a quick apologetic glance before starting the engine again. “I’m trying. I’ve been discreet, but I’m using every resource at my disposal through
Spotted
. It’s hard to quietly investigate something like that when it involves two rock stars.”

“I’m not a rock star yet.” I give a little bark of a laugh. “And I’m not sure I’d classify Drex as one, either.”

“Well, he’s famous enough, and between your relationship with Rhys and the tour, now so are you. If I poke around too much, and the wrong people get a whiff of it, they’ll go digging and maybe figure things out before we do. And that you don’t want.”

No,
that
I can’t have.

“How does he just disappear?” I knot my hands in my lap. “He may not be an A-lister, but he
is
a celebrity. No sightings of him? Nothing? We have to find him, San. I need to talk to him. He has to want something else. Just Rhyson and me not being together? It doesn’t make sense.”

“And why the anonymity of the text message from some burner phone when he’s obviously involved?”

“Did your guys find out anything from the cell number?”

“It’s in the name of some corporation that, as far as we can tell,” San says, sparing me a quick glance, “doesn’t really exist. I mean, on paper it does, but nothing that has lead us to a real person once you sort through the maze of paperwork covering up the identity. No apparent link to Drex that I’ve found.”

I swallow the fear that churns in my belly, rises past my chest, and splashes into my throat when I think of the threats.

“If he wants to blackmail you, he’s not being very stealth about it. He’s the obvious person to have that video, since he made it and would presumably have access that no one else would.” San shakes his head, dark brows squeezed together in a frown. “And then he disappears right after you receive the threat.”

“I have no idea what he’s thinking.” I glance out the window, taking in the ocean bordering the winding road. “I just know he’s making my already complicated situation with Rhyson that much harder.”

“I hear ya about Rhyson not getting past it, but I think you’re wrong.” San takes one hand off the wheel to grab mine even though his eyes don’t leave the road. “You should trust him.”

“Trust?” I blow my anxiety out in a long puff of air. “That’s the one thing we don’t have a lot of right now after what he did.”

“Well, you can’t say he hasn’t been trying to make up for it. You’ve been ignoring him for two months.”

“I couldn’t deal.” Though none of it is funny, a laugh breezes past my lips. “Between the demands of the tour and the huge learning curve, and being threatened with a sex tape, I just couldn’t deal with everything. My time on tour was the best thing for us, I think, though I know he doesn’t agree. I wasn’t ready.”

“And now?” San asks.

“I miss him. You know I do.” I close my eyes tightly. “I love him. It would be a lot to work through under normal circumstances. This tape only makes it harder.”

“And you won’t even consider telling him about it?”

The question reminds me of that loose end I have to tie up before I can be with Rhyson, free and clear and out in the open. The loose end that is on my phone, coiling in my lap like a noose. If I can keep him from ever seeing that sex tape, I will. I have to try. Because what if that tape, not our fight, is the very thing that makes me lose him for good?

“Let’s keep trying this my way for now and see what we find.”

San goes quiet, still not looking convinced that my way is the right way when we pull up to the venue, formerly a private estate that now hosts weddings and other events. The cream-colored limestone house with its circular steps and wide veranda welcome us as warmly as the wedding hostesses.

San hands the keys to his shiny new Tahoe over to the valet. Steady work at
Spotted
is paying off. We’ve both moved up fast in the world. He’s even in a new apartment downtown, where I’m crashing for my one week off tour. I’ll figure out living arrangements when I’m done in another month. Maybe by then, I’ll have the whole video problem solved. Maybe by then I’ll have the whole Rhyson problem solved, too.

My problem is standing in the slab-stoned foyer where guests gather as they wait to be ushered into the backyard. Rhys wears a dark suit and a sky blue tie, eyes dark and intense and set on me, waiting for me. I could never forget the pewter eyes that barrel through my defenses, or the hair, dark but dappled with deep copper streaks, or the beautifully rugged symmetry of his features. I didn’t forget, but everything about him impacts me like it’s the first time, trapping the breath in my throat. Our eyes haven’t even met yet, and I already feel the tug of that chain. I was a fool to underestimate this pull. It’s only now that he’s within touching distance that I realize how foolish I was to think I could resist him.

He steps into my path so there’s no avoiding him, his eyes licking heat over my body in the periwinkle dress molding to my torso, clinging to my arms from shoulder to elbow, and belling out from my waist to stop just above my knees. For a moment, we just stare at one another, drinking in the details until I can’t take it another second and free my eyes from his, looking instead at the simple flats on my feet.

“Kai, hey.” He flicks a dismissive look at San by my side. “San.”

“Rhyson, good to see you.” San smirks, standing there when he knows good and doggone well Rhyson wants to talk to me alone. He just pokes Rhys sometimes to watch him jerk. Rhys levels an annoyed look at San.

“Dude, take a walk.”

San slides his glance to me, brows raised, silently asking me if it’s okay to leave.

“It’s fine.” I assure him with a smile. “I’ll catch up.”

San saunters off, finding someone I don’t know to chat with a few feet away, leaving Rhyson and me alone. The air charges with every breath we draw, both of us waiting for the other to speak. Rhyson finally goes first.