Doublecrossed (9 page)

“What? Why do you seem so calm?”

“I was half out when I found out about Angela. Finding out Marina lied about it almost got me out the door.” She leaned over and kissed Terri’s cheek. “Talking to you convinced me.”

“Me?” Terri pointed to herself. Her face bore every sign of complete amazement. “What did I do? Hell, I told you what she did wasn’t so bad.”

“I know. But when you asked what had been great about our relationship and I couldn’t come up with a list”—she formed her hand into a semblance of a gun and acted like she was firing it against her temple—“that was death.”

“Damn.” Terri shook her head, still looking dumbfounded. “Are you…upset? Sad? Anything? I can’t tell.”

“Yeah, sure I’m sad. But I’ve really been inching out ever since it first happened—so I’ve had time to get used to it.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Damned if I know. I can’t decide if I should go home and pack up while she’s still gone or make up my mind about things and go later.”

Terri took her hand and gave her a pleading look. “Move back here. Please, please, please.”

“I might. But I can’t think about that now. I’ve gotta get out first.” She started to make up another cracker. “Can we go out for tacos or something? I’m still gonna be hungry. This isn’t nearly enough food.”

*

After Terri left for work, Callie took a run around the neighborhood. A day or two at her mother’s house seemed like the right move. Then she could make up her mind about whether to move back to Phoenix or stay in Dallas. The thought of a little mothering was too tempting to resist.

Her phone rang as she was heading for the shower. When she saw the text that showed on the display, her heart started to beat wildly. It was Regan. What to tell her? Damn, there were too many decisions to make and too little time to make them.

“Hi Regan.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“When I called you, I made a contact entry for you. It’s incomplete because I just put down your first name. I didn’t know your last.”

“It’s Manning.”

“M…a…n…n…i…n…g?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ve got it. I like to be organized, if that wasn’t obvious.” She waited for a couple of seconds to see if Regan would say why she’d called, but she was greeted with silence. “What’s up?”

“I…I probably shouldn’t have called, but I haven’t told anybody about what happened with Angela and I’m…”

“Oh, wow. I don’t think I could do that. I just spent seven hundred dollars that I couldn’t afford to come visit my best friend and spend a couple of days feeling sorry for myself.”

Regan’s low, gentle laugh echoed across the miles. “I’ve been doing that since the day I found out. Feeling sorry for myself, that is. But I haven’t talked to anybody.”

“No one at all?”

“No. Nobody. I learned my lesson years ago. My first girlfriend and I had a big fight, and I told anyone who’d listen. We made up almost immediately, but a lot of my friends never liked her again.”

“So you’re keeping this all inside yourself just for Angela’s sake?”

She sighed, and the ragged exhaled breath showed Callie that she was on the verge of tears. “I guess.”

Sensing that Regan was struggling for control, Callie took up the slack. “I think that’s very kind of you. If you told your friends that Angela cheated on you, they’d hate her.” She wasn’t sure what to say next, but Regan didn’t seem anxious to jump in. “Are you and Angela talking about this much?”

“No, not really. Angela’s more of a doer than a talker.”

“Sounds like Marina. Maybe that’s what makes them good salespeople.”

“Maybe.”

Callie was thinking that Regan wasn’t much of a talker either. “I’m usually the one who wants to talk, but not this time. For some reason, I just want to try to forget about it.” Oh, damn. Tell her now or hold off until things are settled.

“Oh, shit. Here I am bringing up something you don’t want to talk—”

Act like nothing’s changed. That’s not a terrible lie. “No, like I said, I’m in Phoenix visiting my friend Terri. We’ve been talking about it nonstop. I just don’t want to talk to Marina about it. This is the first time I can ever remember her trying to get me to open up about something and me not wanting to.”

“How long have you been together?”

“Just over a year. No, wait, a year and a half. How about you?”

“We had our third anniversary in September. I thought it was supposed to take seven years to get the urge to cheat.”

“That must be the average,” Callie said, chuckling at Regan’s dry humor. “Probably takes some people fourteen years, and some jerks cheat on their honeymoons.” Jerks like Marina.

“I guess it could be worse, huh? I’m sure this is Angela’s first time.”

“I wish it hadn’t ever happened. And I’m sorry my girlfriend was involved. That makes me feel responsible somehow.”

“No more than I am. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. Do you know what I mean?”

“I know exactly what you mean. I thought I’d leave immediately, but I hung on like I was waiting for something else to happen. Good or bad. Just something.” Like finding out Marina’s been with your girlfriend since we got together.

“You know, that’s how it feels for me too. Like I need another piece of information.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Marina’s been really nice, but that hasn’t helped. She actually offered to take me to Acapulco this weekend and I refused. This the first time she ever offered to pay for me to go anywhere cool, but I didn’t want to be with her.”

Regan’s voice grew even softer. “Angela’s coming home from Acapulco tonight.”

“You know, I tried not to think about that, but it makes sense she’d be at a national sales conference. I’m surprised that Marina wanted me to go.”

“Angela offered to take me, too. Do you think they both wanted some protection?”

“Maybe.” Even though it was like pulling teeth, she liked talking to this woman. It was nice to have someone who really understood how it felt. The important thing was making Regan aware of Marina’s history so she could protect herself. “Uhm…I’m not sure how to do this elegantly, but you should be using protection.”

“Protection? What kinda protection?”

“Uhm…protection from STDs. Marina claims she’s always practiced safe sex, but I can’t guarantee that’s true.”

“Oh, fuck.” She took in an audible breath. “Have you done that?”

“We haven’t had sex since this happened, but we always have. She’s ready to get back to business, but I guess I’ve been too hurt. I tell her the vibes are off.”

“There aren’t any vibes at all in our house.”

“That makes sense. She has to regain your trust.”

“No, that’s not it. Our troubles go back a long way.”

“But you’ve only been together for three years.”

“Yeah, I know. I think part of the reason Angela cheated was because of our problems. And that sucks,” she said emphatically.

“Wanna talk about it?

She waited a beat. “Aren’t we?”

Even though Callie couldn’t see her, she was sure Regan was smiling. Her voice had changed just a little bit, gotten a little lighter. “Yes, I guess we are. Do you want to add anything? Or should I just guess?”

“You can probably guess and hit it right on the head. It’s the all-too-common, lesbian bed death.”

“I don’t know a lot about that, but three years sounds awfully fast for death.”

“Try less than one year,” Regan said, clearly disgusted. “And the thing that makes me the maddest is that she’s been telling me there’s nothing wrong. It’s always because she’s tired or she has to go on a trip or she just got back from a trip or she has PMS or somebody next door has PMS, or someone down the block just got back from a trip…”

“Uhm, if this isn’t too rude, why are you still with her?”

“Because I made a promise to her. I didn’t want another casual girlfriend. I wanted somebody to build a life with, and I thought Angela was that woman. There are so many things about her I respect and admire, but when it comes to sex, she seems completely incapable of discussing it and working through our problems.”

“You know, Marina’s a bit like that too, but about other things. I guess I’m lucky that we get along really well sexually.”

“You are, but I think every couple has something that doesn’t work. I was very willing to hang in and work this out. But having Angela cheat on me made me doubt everything I believed about her.” She took a big breath and once again it sounded ragged. “She broke my heart, and I don’t know how it’ll ever heal.”

“Oh, Regan, I feel so bad for you. I wish I could help you heal faster.”

“I’m sorry I’m such an emotional mess. I’m not sleeping, and when I do fall asleep, I wake up with nightmares. I don’t normally cry much, but I guess being exhausted makes me more emotional.”

“Anybody would cry from this.”

“Do you?”

“Uhm…to be honest…not a lot. Maybe that’s something to think about, huh?”

“It might be. I don’t know how you normally handle things.”

“I can get pretty emotional. I’ve tried to figure out why this hasn’t impacted me the way it has you, but I’ve struck out.”

“Well, having your agreement probably makes it less of a shock.” Callie didn’t respond immediately and Regan quickly said, “I hope that didn’t sound judgmental. I can’t imagine being in an open relationship, but it’s not fair of me to think that being cheated on isn’t painful no matter how it comes about.”

“Thanks. What you said did hurt a little bit.”

“See? That’s what adults do. They apologize when they say or do something hurtful, and then they get over it. How do I make Angela be like me?” She laughed again, clearly teasing.

“I don’t want Marina to be like me, luckily. Pigs will fly before that would happen.

“Well, I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to hang in, but I don’t think I’m ready to give up yet.”

“I don’t know what your schedule’s usually like, but I work from home, and I can make time to talk to you any time you feel like it. Promise me you’ll call.”

“Thanks, Callie. I will. It’s helped a lot to talk to you.”

“I’m being honest, Regan. Call anytime.”

Callie thought she’d heard her sniffle one last time when she said, “I will.”

Callie took her time getting her bag packed, planning on easing into her mother’s orbit. They got along great for short time periods, but with tensions as high as they were, it might be risky. But emotional comfort won out, and she called a cab to take her across town.

On the way, she thought about her father’s cheating as she almost always did when she was at the family home. Given how young she’d been, it had taken a while—three or four years—to finally understand what her father had done. Gretchen had helped out with that. She’d not only explained what sex was, she’d made it clear that’s what Dad had done with the woman from his office. That accounted for weeks and weeks of nightmares. Thinking of Dad putting his penis into a spot she didn’t know women had was a major freak out. But it had slowly started to make sense why Mom was so upset. That seemed like something you’d have to do with someone you were married to. It also seemed gross beyond belief.

What didn’t make sense over the years was Mom allowing the betrayal to color every part of her life. Being bitter was at least partially a choice. No one liked being with a depressed, angry woman. That would not happen to her. Marina was not going to leave a scar. A bad scrape, maybe. But that would heal.

Pulling up in front of the house, she breathed a sigh of relief noticing her mother’s little gray car was gone. She went up to the door, and paused to look around. She hadn’t been home since she left for Dallas and things had changed. The neighborhood had gotten a little more upscale. Some of the younger homeowners had done the intelligent thing and planted desert friendly plants in their small yards. But Callie’s mom, Patricia, still had a lawn and a pair of orange trees fighting for every drop of water they could get.

Standing there in front of the only home they’d ever had made everything clear—she could never come back. She’d worked hard in the past year and a half to build a graphic design business, and even though much of it wasn’t local, some of it was, and she knew she’d been hired because of her proximity.

Plus, she’d made a nice group of friends in Dallas. Terri was, without question, her closest friend, but with her schedule, she wasn’t available very often. Callie considered that she probably talked to her more from Dallas than she had when she lived locally. Plus, as much she loved her mother, and her sisters, they were best when taken in small doses. Staying home just long enough to get her bearings seemed like the best idea.

Callie used the key that she’d kept, opening the door to the remarkably evocative smells of her youth. It brought back so many memories, both good and bad, that just being in the building made her tired. She went into the guest room, Gretchen’s old room, stripped off her clothes, and crawled into the single bed. The mattress was probably thirty years old, but it felt strangely comforting to let the sheets, worn smooth from use and age, caress her body and, to some extent, her psyche.