Don't Make Me Beautiful (29 page)

“Well, are you going to tell me or what?”

“Yes, I’m just trying to figure out how to say it.”

“Say it simply.
 
Like, I don’t want to have plastic surgery because I’ve already had enough pain in my face.
 
Or … I don’t want to do it because I’m worried I won’t wake up from the anesthesia or … whatever.
 
Tell me.”

“It’s not that.
 
It’s not any of that.”

Helen sighs loudly.
 
“Well?
 
Don’t keep me in suspense.”

“It’s because … if I look like I used to, then another man like John will come after me and I’ll have to live that life all over again.”
 
She looks down at the floor, her heart aching with the idea that she has to be so ugly forever just to stay safe.

Helen goes still, her head cocking slightly.
 
“You honestly believe that having a pretty face was somehow asking for a man to punch you until your bones caved in?”

Nicole feels inspired to explain herself.
 
She’s lived it, so she knows it’s real.
 
“Yes.
 
It was for John, anyway.
 
He was attracted to me by my face and then he’d get jealous of other men for looking at me because of my face and then he’d lose his temper.”
 
She shrugs.
 
It’s all so clear for her.
 
One plus one plus one equals three.

Helen snorts with something like disgust in her tone.
 
“Please.
 
What you had is a psycho who fell for you because he sensed he could control you, and then he proceeded to do just that.
 
It had nothing to do with your face. Domestic violence happens to women of all races, all backgrounds, and all levels of beauty.
 
It wasn’t your face.
 
It was his demented mind.”

Nicole looks up, the pressure in her heart easing just a little, but only because she’s finally gotten that load off her chest.
 
She doesn’t believe she wasn’t to blame for at least some of the violence.
 
“He used to hold up a picture of me in the mirror and make me look at the before and after.” She’s not sure why she revealed that secret, but strangely enough, it’s freeing.
 
To have someone other than her living with that knowledge makes it a lighter burden.

Helen’s nostrils flare and she swallows hard.
 
“That’s just cruel.”

“He is the cruelest person I’ve ever known.”
 
It feels good to say that.
 
To admit how awful he is.
 
It makes her feel stronger for some reason.

“He deserves to be butt raped in jail, Nicole.”

“You didn’t call me Briana.”

“Because that’s not who you are.
 
Stand up and take a look.”

Nicole stares in the mirror, fascinated by what she sees.
 
“You covered my scars.”

“Yes.
 
And I put some shadows on your cheeks and took some away.
 
It’s only temporary, but I can show you how to do it if you want.”

“I’m not pretty.”

“No, not so much on the outside, you’re not.
 
At least not your face.
 
But on the inside, you’re golden.”

Nicole looks at Helen in the mirror.
 
“Thanks for being honest.”

“I don’t know any other way to be.
 
And I meant it earlier.
 
I have friends who know people.
 
I want you to take a stand against this violence and put him away.
 
All you have to do is just say the word and I’ll get that ball rolling.”

“Thanks, Helen.
 
I don’t know if I can ever do that, but I appreciate your support. And your help with my face.”

Helen pulls her into a hug and pats her back.
 
“Anytime.
 
Anything for the girl who shares so much love with my boy and my best friend.”

Nicole’s face turns pink and she looks at the ground as she’s released from the embrace.

“What’s wrong?” asks Helen.
 
“Did I say something bad?”

“No … It’s just awkward, I guess.”

“What’s awkward?”
 
Helen packs her purse up as she listens for an answer.

“That I’m in this house with the man you love.”

“Pfft,
please.
 
He’s not the man I love like that.
 
He’s my best friend, that’s it.
 
There’s nothing else going on there, trust me.”

“But … you guys are so in love.”

“No, we
love
each other, but we are not
in
love.
 
I’m dating someone, Nicole.
 
Didn’t you know that?”

“No, I guess I didn’t.”
 
Nicole’s heart feels lighter, even though it probably shouldn’t.

“Yep.
 
He’s even asked me to marry him, but for now I’m saying no.
 
Don’t tell Brian, though.
 
He’ll nag me into saying yes and I’m not ready.”

“How come I didn’t know any of this?”
 
Nicole feels like dancing over the fact that Helen’s in love with another man and Brian is happy about it.
 
Her fantasy can live on now, with that tiny hope that maybe … maybe … he could someday like a girl like her.
 
Maybe if her face isn’t so ugly anymore.
 
Helen’s offer of help niggles at the back of her mind.

“Maybe because we’ve all been focused on getting you better.”
 
Helen leans in and kisses Nicole on the cheek.
 
“You’re better now, see?’’
 
She points at the mirror.
 
“I’ll visit again when you get back from your trip.
 
Talk to Brian about the police thing and the surgery thing too.”

“I don’t think I’m going to do either,” says Nicole, following her out into the hallway.

“You’re not going to do either what?” asks Brian, standing.
 
“Whoa, look at you.
 
Who is that lady standing in my living room?”
 
He walks over and stares at Nicole’s face.
 
“You look different.”
 
He’s frowning.

“Is that a bad thing?” she asks, her heart tickling her chest the way it’s thumping away in its new crazy rhythm.

“Maybe.
 
I kind of like you the way you really are better.”

She shoves him away playfully.
 
“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” His attention is taken away by Helen walking towards the door.
 
Brian reaches up an arm as she passes by, and Helen steps into the hug.
 
“Thanks, Hel,” he says.
 
“See you soon?”

“Yes.
 
When Liam gets home, tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.
 
I have to get going.”

“Hot date?”

“Hardly.”
 
Helen looks over at Nicole.
 
“Remember … prison, surgeon … conversation…”
 
She points to Brian and then back at her before leaving the room and going out the front door.

Silence reigns for about ten seconds before Brian turns to face Nicole.
 
“Helen strikes again, huh?”

Nicole smiles hugely.
 
“Yes.
 
Helen definitely strikes again.”

Chapter Forty-One

GETTING NICOLE INTO THE CAR and out of town is surprisingly easy.
 
Maybe he shouldn’t have been expecting the worst, but the entire event seems like a non-event now as they make their way to the mountain campsite that he’s used for years.
 
It’s perfect for enjoying the outdoors in privacy.

He glances over at Nicole in the passenger seat next to him.
 
She’s smiling under her short brunette wig and small sunhat.
 
Her eyes might be crinkling at the corners, too, but it’s impossible to tell with the sunglasses she has on.

“It’s so pretty up here,” she says, sighing with what sounds like contentment.

“Yep.
 
I love coming here to decompress.
 
I do it several times a year, but usually not in winter.”

“I like the river,” says Liam, looking up from his coloring.
 
“It’s cold but I still swim in it.
 
Daddy says I have merman jeans.
 
But he’s silly cuz mermans don’t wear pants.
 
They have fish tails so they have scales.”

“Not jeans.
 
Gene.
 
Like in your DNA.”

“I know.
 
That’s what I said.
 
But I don’t wear my jeans in the water, cuz that would make them all wet, and I don’t like to have wet pants or wet underwear.”

Nicole laughs softly, turning to look in the back seat.
 
“Are you going to show me how you swim in the river, Liam?”

“Yep.”

Brian looks in his rearview mirror at his son again.
 
“We need to show this girl how to fish, Li-Li.
 
She’s never fished before.”

Liam keeps coloring.
 
“I’ll show her how.
 
But she has to bait her own hook.
 
That’s the rule.”

Nicole faces Brian.
 
“What do you fish with?”

“Worms.”

She grimaces.
 
“No, thank you.
 
I’ll just watch.”

Brian smiles, knowing he’ll be able to convince her to try.
 
He’ll bait her hook as long as she needs him to, rules be damned.
 
He just has to explain to Liam that it’s okay to bait hooks for girls and that it’s not sexist to want to spare them the ickiness of it.
 
The kid probably won’t understand though; he thinks squirmy worms are fun to play with.
 
Brian’s had to dissuade him from putting worms in his pockets for years.

The pull-off to the campsite appears after the bend, and Brian turns the wheel slowly, careful not to rock the car too much.
 
It has a roof box on top with all their camping things in it.
 
The trunk of the SUV holds all their food and Liam’s toys.

“Are we here?” Nicole asks.

“Not quite.
 
We need to go up now.”

“Up?
 
Haven’t we been going
up
for the last hour?”

“Yeah, but now we’re going to go up-up.”
 
He downshifts as he gives her his most devious smile.

Five minutes later she’s cringing in the seat, leaning over towards him. “Oh my god!
 
It’s a cliff!”

“Yep.”
 
Brian’s grinning like a madman.
 
This is his favorite part of the drive.

“Don’t look so happy about it!
 
If we fall we’ll be pulverized!”

“But only if we fall,” he says.

She looks over at him, desperation in her eyes.
 
“You’re an adrenaline junkie, aren’t you?”

He laughs.
 
“No, not a junkie, but I’m not just a spectator either.”

“Spectator.”
 
She leans back in her seat, staring out the front windshield like she’s suddenly forgotten her fears.

“Yeah, spectator.
 
A person who views life but doesn’t really live it.”

“And driving on the edge of a cliff with no guardrail is what … living life?”

“To the fullest, baby.”
 
He pats her leg.

“Both hands on the wheel!” she screeches, her fear returning full force.

“Here we go,” Brian says, back to focusing on the drive.
 
He turns left off the bigger road and up another steep hill, this one narrow, paved with dirt and rocks, and covered in bumpy tree roots.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to go up here?” she asks, one arm on her door and the other on the console in front of her.

“It’s a national park and it’s open to the public.
 
Don’t worry, we’re allowed.”

At the top of the short hill is a flat area near the summit of the foothill they’ve been negotiating for the last fifteen minutes.
 
Large evergreens shade part of the space while other areas are exposed to full sunlight.
 
Brian pulls the car into a spot under a tree and shuts off the engine.

Getting out, he stands at the side of the truck and inhales deeply.
 
“Mmmm … do you smell that?”

“I do!” says Liam, tumbling out of the backseat.
 
“It’s called fresh air!”

“Yeah, and what’s it called up here?
 
That sound you’re hearing?”

“That’s called peace and quiet!” yells Liam, running off into the trees.

Brian is ready laugh at the irony of his son and the concept of quiet, but the sound of another car reaches his ear and causes him to pause for a second.
 
In all the years he’s been here, he can count on one hand the amount of times he’s heard another person, and it’s never been right after he’s arrived.

Walking back down the road, he stops at the fork, looking up the road and one direction and then the other.
 
A red pickup truck has passed by and is going farther up the mountain than they have.

Paranoid much?
 
He shakes his head at himself.
 
John isn’t going to be up here of all places, and Brian made it a point to check his rearview mirror for the guy’s black pick-up the entire way.
 
John was never behind them, he made sure of it.

Brian walks back to the campsite fully prepared to have an awesome three days of fishing, cooking outdoors, and snuggling up with his roommate in the tent.
 
He’s been looking forward to the forced closeness for days, hoping Nicole won’t tell him to go sleep with Liam.