Don't Look Back (5 page)

It takes a couple of moments for his eyes to adjust to the lighting inside; the dance floor to his left is full of dancers of various ages. He spots Diana in the middle, surrounded by faces he doesn’t recognize, and he is surprised that she hasn’t changed at all. He smiles warmly, remembering the last time he saw her, which was in Australia in July of 1992. She was there on a six-month travel visa during a time when she and Terry had split up. Di
had been in Sydney for a month before she found Matt’s number in the local phone book, and she had continued to badger him until he finally caved in and met her for a drink right before she left to go back home. They met in a bar down by the harbor; it was the only time he’d reconnected in person with someone from his past. They were both in an awful mess, but if he hadn’t met Di that night, Matt didn’t think he would have gone on to meet Julia. Di was the one who encouraged him to move on, to finally put Kate’s memory to rest.

Just then, Terry appears and heads straight for him. Matt’s cheerful friend is looking a little older, but Terry’s smile is genuine, and he extended his hand toward Matt in welcome.

“Matt, so glad you made it. Truly sorry about your dad, mate.” Terry shakes his hand vigorously and pats him affectionately on the back with the other hand. Terry is obviously thrilled to see his old friend. “My God, what’s it been, twenty something years?”

“Something like that,” Matt replies, enthusiastically returning the handshake.

“Come on in, let me get you drink.” Terry nods toward the bar. He suddenly freezes. Katie is now inconveniently sitting at the bar.

Sensing Terry’s hesitation, Matt turns his attention in the same direction, and he is caught off guard. Surely it can’t be. He watches intensely as the woman who has caught his attention converses with the girl behind the bar. Without a doubt, every fiber of Matt’s body is confirming the identity of the brunette sitting at the bar. He can feel it. He can’t explain; it’s a feeling that he has always had around
her, like a spiritual recognition. Terry and Matt both stare, then Matt turns to his friend with a frown, irritated that Terry hadn’t mentioned this.

“Is that who I think it is, Terry?” Matt, displeased, already knows the answer.

Terry, unaware of the severity of the situation, slaps him on the back again and replies with a chuckle. “My friend, if you are referring to Diana's surprise birthday guest, then yes, that is
exactly
who you think is!” After a couple of beers, Terry seems to be finding the situation amusing, and seems pleased with himself about how well the party is turning out.

“Fuck, Terry!” Matt curses, unprepared for this surprise. “Thanks a lot for the warning. I had no idea
she
would be here.” Matt rakes his fingers through his hair nervously, considering his options. He can leave and look like a complete arsehole to his friends, or put on a brave face, say hello to the girl who broke his heart twenty-two years ago, and pretend she meant nothing at all.

“Sorry, mate. It’s a total surprise to all of us. I didn’t know anything about it, and neither did Joe. We showed up tonight, and she was here.” Terry attempts to recover. “Look. If you honestly don’t want to see her, I understand. Diana hasn’t spotted you yet, and after the day you’ve had, I wouldn’t blame you at all.” Terry continues, trying to convince his friend to stay. “But it was a long time ago. You were kids, Matt, everyone has grown up, got married, and had kids of their own since then. Why not let bygones be bygones?”

“It was a long time ago,” Matt repeats, thinking about how empty some of those years felt.

“Go say hello, get a drink. I’ll give you two a moment of privacy to get over the awkward stuff, then I’ll be over in a few with Di.” With that, Terry abandons him.

Matt regains his composure, masquerading his true feelings, allowing his hard exterior to take over. Breathing deeply, he walks toward the bar. Casually sliding up to the dark wood surface a few seats down from where Katherine sits sipping a glass of white wine, Matt watches her from the corner of his eye. She is smiling, saying something to the young barmaid, a hint of laughter in her voice. Unaware of the intrusion, they pay him no attention, allowing him a moment to look her over. Her hair is shoulder length, a gentle brown, no longer the teenage blonde he last saw. She has matured into a beautiful woman; only traces of the girl he once knew remain. Her skin has a soft tan; his eyes trace her outline, following the curves of her body from the silk blouse to her black skirt, down her crossed legs to her black stiletto heels.

Shit! His body reacts to the pleasing sight before him.
I’m still attracted to her
.

“What can I get you, love?” The girl behind the bar catches him off guard, snapping him back to reality. He turns his attention toward the young blonde who is chewing her gum impatiently, waiting for his reply.

“A pint of Guinness, please,” he responds, giving her a dazzling smile. Turning his head to the left, he focuses his attention on the beautiful woman inches from his fingertips. Her head has turned slightly in his direction, and for a second he wonders if she can feel it, too.

As if on cue, she tilts her head toward him, allowing him to study her face, which has only slightly matured with the passing of time. Her blue eyes shimmer in the lights and search his, her expression ambivalent. She is still as stunning as ever.

“Hello, Kate.” He acknowledges her coolly.

CHAPTER 6

Catch Up

Hello Kate. Hello Kate. Hello Kate. I hear his words over and over in my head. Matthew’s composure emits confidence as he casually leans against the bar, his body turned toward me, arms crossed against his chest, a ridiculously gorgeous grin plastered across his face.

He’s wearing black dress pants that match his jacket, but no tie. A little formal for Di’s party, but I can’t complain because he looks strikingly handsome. A few dark chest hairs peek out from his unbuttoned neckline, and I spot the glimmer of a gold chain around his neck. His skin is dark, not only from the sun, but also from his mixed heritage, a combination of English and Persian. His long face looks slightly tired and older, possibly wiser, but his
eyes are the same—deep and rich, framed in beautiful long lashes and perfectly manicured brows that would make any girl envious. His slender nose leads down to his full lips, where I am greeted by his beautiful smile and perfect white teeth. All this beauty is framed by his hair, which is gloriously thick and full, dark brown, not much shorter than mine, brushed away from his face in calm, natural curls. He always kept his hair cut short when we were young, as he hated his curls when we were growing up. It’s great to see he has grown to love them like I always did. What I would give to run my fingers through them, to touch the soft, delicate waves and wrap them around my fingertips … my mind wanders, and I pray to God I haven’t spoken out loud. The nervous energy in me is electrifying, and I need to ground myself and expel some of it. My God, he looks amazing; I could stare at him for a lifetime.

Uncrossing my legs, I bravely stand up to face him. I’m about six inches shorter than him in my heels.

“Hello, Matthew,” I say in barely a whisper. Our eyes seem to exchange a million conversations in a split second, and I feel an intense sensation of relief at the sight of him. He leans in to kiss my cheek, but then his arm reaches around my waist, catching me off guard, pulling me into him. His firm grip holds me against his solid, athletic body, squeezing me tightly against him, forcing all air from my lungs and all thoughts from my brain.

“It's been forever, Kate. It’s good to see you.” His words caress my ear while his arms crush my body into him. I am paralyzed, breathless; the
electricity crawling over my skin is overwhelming. My arms instinctively go to his shoulders; my skin is on fire as his voice ignites something inside of me that I thought had died long ago. This can’t be happening, this is crazy! Logic comes to my rescue. The closeness is too much for someone I haven’t seen in two decades, a man who is practically a stranger to me. I pull back, raising my invisible protective shield as I try to regain my composure.

“It's been a very long time.”

His smile fades at my reply as I attempt to put some distance between us. For a moment, I see his eyes dim, revealing a hint of something, but it's gone as quickly as it came.

I continue nervously, “I had no idea you would be here, Matthew. This is such a huge surprise, but it’s so lovely to see you.” I take a small step backward and casually slide my hands down his forearms, gently pinning them to his sides, safely away from me. Matthew seems oblivious to my crazy reaction; his attitude remains calm and cool. I guess the electrical storm and near heart attack are one-sided.

He turns back to the bar and grabs his pint of beer, taking a drink from the frothy top before turning back to me.

“I told Terry I would stop by on my way out.” Matthew speaks slowly and precisely, his Australian accent only obvious on certain words as he nods toward where Terry is standing. “I haven't seen him in ages. He invited me the other day when he found out I was back visiting. Funny, he didn't mention anything about you being here.” A quizzical look crosses his brow.

I quickly reply, hoping he doesn’t think this is a setup or some type of sabotage. “I flew in today. He didn’t know I was coming because Jenny secretly invited me.” I scramble, trying to explain my appearance. “I’ve never been able to make any of their other events, something always comes up.” I look at Diana tearing it up on the dance floor, unaware of the reunion taking place at the bar.

Reaching for my wine, I hope Matthew doesn’t notice my shaking hands. I try to keep them busy while my mind goes crazy. I can’t believe Terry invited Matthew and didn’t give me any warning. What a jerk! He, of all people, knows what went on between us; Terry and Diana were there during most of our relationship. And now it makes sense why Joe found things so humorous—he obviously was aware of what was going to happen tonight. What a typical guy! Diana must not have known anything, otherwise I am sure it would have been the first thing out of her mouth when she saw me. Coming here tonight, Matthew is the last person I thought I would run into; in truth, I never thought I would see him again.

“Can I get you another wine?” Matthew asks, still staring at me, and I realize I am lost in my thoughts.

"No, thank you, I’m doing okay.” I raise my half-full wine glass.

“So, you said ‘on my way out.’ Are you off home already?” I try to stay unruffled even though I have so much to ask. Matthew takes a deep breath; he stares at his beer, both elbows on the bar, his head slightly bowed, his energy suddenly depleted.

“I had my father's funeral today.” His voice is flat, unemotional; he keeps his head down, looking
into his drink.

I’m speechless. My mind races though memories, trying to piece together what I can remember about his childhood and his dad. I don’t remember much; it was mostly him and his mum. I don’t recall his dad at all, and I feel even worse because my memory is failing me.

“Oh, Matthew, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.” I reach out my hand, touching the silky sleeve of his jacket, gently trying to convey my sincerity. He turns his head toward me and smiles hollowly.

“Thanks, Kate, but it’s okay. I hardly knew the man. Funny how he didn't give a shit about me my whole life, but the arsehole dies, and I have to fly halfway across the world, leaving my wife and kids to come and take care of his business.” He laughs, but I can hear the hurt disguised in his voice. “Life has a weird way of making things happen.” He shakes his head, apparently holding a one-sided conversation with himself.

He takes another drink of his beer, exhaling deeply as he puts down the glass. Looking at me again, he regains control of himself and perks back up. The guard he let down a moment ago slides back into place, masking the real Matthew. I watch in awe.

“Anyway, I should have most things wrapped up and head home to Sydney on Tuesday. What about you?” He’s smiling again, a little sparkle returning to his eyes. “You here long?”

“No, I flew in for this; I fly back to LA on Tuesday. Since I pretty much come home yearly, I didn't tell anyone about this surprise visit. We were here a couple of months ago, my daughter and I, so
I’m sneaking in and out. I'm here at the hotel tonight, and then I’m going to play the tourist up in London, which I’m very excited about.” I laugh, sipping my wine nervously, keeping my fingers on the glass as they long to touch the man who is inches away from me.

“Well, you can certainly play the tourist with that terrible American accent. Bloody hell, Kate, it’s awful!” Matthew is teasing me now, playfully laughing.

I counter, “My accent! What about yours? At least mine has some English left in it. You sound like a complete Aussie.” I swipe him childishly on the arm with my coaster, grossly exaggerating, momentarily forgetting we are adults. He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly, forcing the coaster to fall to the floor.

“Even though you sound different and look a little different, it’s good to see you haven't changed, Kate.” He holds my eyes for a moment, staring deep into me, as if searching for the girl he once knew. I'm unable to look away; my eyes sting, the choke of emotion creeps up my windpipe. I swallow hard to clear my throat, but I know it's too late. He’s already seen my tears. Damn him!

Just then Terry and Diana come bouncing up.

“Oh my God, Sully!” Diana flings herself into Matthew's arms. “I can't believe you’re here, too.”

Matthew looks over at me, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, Diana, no one calls me that anymore.” He teases her about his old nickname, wrapping her up in a giant hug. “Happy birthday! It’s great to see you again, and you don't look a day over twenty-five, sunshine!” Matthew gives her a big kiss on the
cheek, and she blushes with delight.

“Can you believe my best friend made it all the way here from Los Angeles for my birthday?” Diana is standing between Matthew and me, the three of us leaning against the bar. She drapes her arm around my shoulders, although I'm a few inches taller than her. I steady her, putting my arm around her waist.