He gave me a disgusted one back. “Not even I’m that low. You need rest, Melina. You’ve been through an ordeal, physically and emotionally. You need to sleep.”
“I’m going to take a shower.” I still had blood streaked all over my arms. It was probably in my hair and on my face, too. I didn’t even know whose blood it was anymore. Mine? Mae’s? Henry Zhang’s men’s? Did the
kiang shi
bleed?
“Probably a good idea.” Alex nodded his head and only then did I realize how difficult it must have been for him to stand there talking to me, to have me in his car, to hold me while I was covered with blood and not even take the tiniest little lick.
I couldn’t come up with words to say what I wanted to tell him about that, so I nodded, too, and headed into the bathroom. I heard Norah’s bedroom door open as I turned on the shower. I left the door to the bathroom open a crack. Alex was keeping his distance from me, but his willpower had to have taken a beating tonight. I didn’t want him to slip up with my best friend and not because I would be jealous if he did. I didn’t want her exposed to any of that ugliness ever, if I could help it.
“Hey, Alex,” she said. “What’s going on? Where’s Melina?”
I peeked through the cracked door. Alex took Norah’s hands and I saw surprise register on her face as she looked down on his hands on hers. His cold flesh must have shocked her a little. She looked back up at his face, a quizzical expression on her own.
“Melina’s had a bad night. Mae was attacked at the dojo. Melina got there at the end of the attack.”
Norah’s eyes widened. “Is Mae okay? Will she be all right?”
“Mae is dead, Norah.”
Norah pulled her hands away from Alex and clutched them in front of her chest, her face blank for a moment. “Dead? Mae is dead? Is Melina okay?”
“Physically, yes. She took a beating, but she’ll be okay. Emotionally? I don’t know. She’s going to need our help.”
“What can I do?”
Tears filled my eyes as my friend asked that question without a second’s hesitation.
Alex grabbed the stack of prescriptions I’d left on the kitchen counter. “There’s an all-night pharmacy over at Arden Way and Howe. Can you fill these for her? Have them call me if they give you any grief, okay?”
“You bet. Let me pull on a pair of jeans and I’ll be out of here.” She turned and headed back to her bedroom.
“Hurry, Norah,” Alex said. “I can’t stay here any later than five A.M. and I don’t want her to be left alone for the next day or two.”
Norah turned and nodded once. Three minutes later, she was out the door with her purse over her shoulder and I stepped into the shower.
The hot water stung. I was more scraped up then I’d realized. I didn’t flinch away. There was a comfort in the pain. Alex was right. At least I was feeling something. I bowed my head and watched until the rust-swirled water turned clear.
I got out of the shower, put on a pair of sweats and walked out into the living room. Everything felt strange. The scratch of the hardwood floor against my feet, the glide of material against my skin. I felt like an alien that had been dropped onto a new planet, one without Mae. I shuffled into the kitchen, pulled a bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet and started to pour.
“Whoa, there.” Alex took the bottle out of my hands.
I turned and glared at him. “I think I’ve earned a drink. I’m not carrying messages for anyone tonight.”
“And I think you’ll be better off with the heavy-duty pharmaceuticals that will be arriving in a few minutes. I definitely think that those won’t mix well with booze, and I’m the one with a medical degree.” He put the top back on the bottle and put it back on the shelf.
“A medical degree that’s like a couple hundred years old,” I muttered.
“It still counts.” He took me by the shoulders and pulled me to his chest. “You’ll get through this, Melina, but it’s going to take some time. Alcohol is not going to be the answer.”
My face felt flushed and the chill of his hand was oddly comforting. Maybe this was right. I’d resisted Alex’s flirtations for so long, I never really thought anymore about why. It was just the dance that the two of us did together, him pursuing and me twisting away. Maybe I could feel something besides pain tonight. Maybe it would remind me that I was still alive.
I lifted my head and looked up into his eyes, really looked, straight on. No sidelong glance. No skittering away. He looked back. His eyes were deep dark pools, filled with shadows and longing. His hand slid along my jawline to the nape of my neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps behind it. Then he lowered his head toward mine and kissed me.
It wasn’t like any kiss I’d ever had before, not that I was such an expert at kissing, but I wasn’t totally new at it either. I’d expected the temperature difference. I’d known this wouldn’t be the hot, moist rush of the fevered kisses I’d shared with Ted a few nights before. I simply hadn’t expected what that would mean. It was like kissing someone who’d just drank a glass of ice water, except that the ice water was somehow electric. It was crazy. It was strange. It was totally different and I kind of liked it. What good had all that heat done for me? It was just a reminder of what I couldn’t have. It wasn’t safe to be near me, at least not for humans. We were too fragile. We broke too easily. Humans, I feared, were overrated.
Alex’s cool swirled through my heat as his tongue swept between my lips. His chill spiraled down along my nerve endings, leaving them humming and throbbing and burning for more. His cold made the tips of my breasts ignite in flame. I slid my hands up his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself against him, wanting to feel like that everywhere.
He groaned and pushed me away. “Melina, no, not now. Not like this.” His voice was a deep rasp that made me shudder against him.
“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how it’s done.” I was breathing hard and my whole body was trembling.
He shoved his hair off his forehead, his jaw clenched hard enough for me to see the muscles bunch. “Sex is no more the answer for you right now than booze is.”
I leaned back against the cabinets. “Then what is, Alex? Since you’re such an expert on what I need and don’t need right now, what is it?”
For a second, I thought he might reach for me again, but instead he clenched his fists at his sides. “Time. You’re going to need time.”
We were still staring at each other across the three-foot expanse of my galley kitchen when Norah returned from the pharmacy. Alex apparently wanted me literally at arm’s length.
“Did they give you everything?” he asked Norah as she handed him the bag.
“They were short on a couple of things, but they had at least some of everything.” She came over and put her arms around me. Her heat felt so strange, so fragile in its humanity. She brushed my wet hair behind my ear. “Do you want me to braid your hair for you?”
I almost started to cry. It was such a Norah offer. It meant nothing. It would change nothing. It was offering to take care of such a superficial thing, and yet I knew her touch and the stroke of the brush was going to give me all the comfort I could stand for now. I nodded.
She was back in a moment with a brush and an elastic band. Alex shook out a couple of pills and handed them to me with a glass of water. “She can have two more of these and one more of those in four to six hours,” he told Norah.
“I’m right here,” I said. No one answered me. Instead, Norah led me to the living room, settled me on a cushion on the floor and began brushing out my hair.
Nobody spoke. Norah hummed a little bit while she brushed. Suddenly, exhaustion overwhelmed me. I wasn’t sure how many hours I’d been up, when the last time I’d slept was or for how long. As she wound the plaits of my hair, my eyes began to close and I began to sway.
I must have finally dozed off. I woke up as I was swept in the air. My response was immediate, instinctive. I threw an elbow and swung with my fist. It didn’t do any good. It was like trying to spar with an iceberg. “No, little one, it’s okay this time.” Alex’s words swept over me like a cool breeze. “Let me do this for you.”
I let him carry me into my bedroom and put me in the bed that Norah was turning down. They settled me in like parents of a toddler who’d fallen asleep in the car on the way home, and I let them. There was no more fight left in me. Maybe when I woke I’d have some again, but not now.
“I have to go,” I heard Alex tell Norah.
“I know,” she said, her voice steady. I wondered what she’d do if she really did know how urgent it was for Alex to get home before sunrise. Maybe I was fooling myself, though; maybe her ignorance wouldn’t keep her safe.
“Stay with her,” he said
“I will.”
I heard Alex leave. “You don’t have to stay,” I told her.
“I want to.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes open. They weighed a thousand pounds apiece. The blackness was just on the other side and I wanted to be there, but I had to warn Norah first. “You don’t understand. It might not be safe.”
I felt the bed shift as she sat down next to me. Her warm hand stroked my back. “I understand way more than you give me credit for, and I always have.”
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PILLS THAT ALEX GAVE ME WERE, BUT I’d never slept that deep, dark and dreamless of a sleep before. I glanced at the clock when I finally opened my eyes. It was nearly noon. I considered getting out of bed but then decided against it. It took me a moment to register what had woken me.
Someone was knocking at the door. Whatever they were selling, I wasn’t buying.
I heard it open anyway. Norah must be here. She must have stayed home from work. I let my head fall back onto the pillow. She should have gone to work. She should have gotten as far away from me as she possibly could. She should probably move out.
“Oh,” Norah said. “It’s you. I’ll see if she’s in.”
A few seconds later, the door to my room cracked open. “It’s the cop,” she said flatly, disapproval clear in her voice and the expression on her face. “Do you want to see him?”
I lifted my head far enough to shake it.
“Good girl,” she said.
Then I heard her say, “She’s not here.” And the door slammed.
THE NEXT TIME I WOKE UP, ALEX WAS SITTING IN THE CHAIR IN the corner of my bedroom. I gave myself a discreet pinch to see if I was dreaming. No such luck.
“Hungry?” he asked, rising from the chair.
I shrugged. My stomach felt empty, but the thought of food didn’t particularly appeal. “Maybe a little. You?”
“On some level or another, always.” He sat down on the bed.
“Where’s Norah?”
He shrugged. “I sent her to bed. She was exhausted, but she didn’t want to leave you. I gave her a little nudge.”
My eyes narrowed. “What kind of nudge?”
He rolled his eyes. “Nothing like that, Miss Priss. I used my voice. It didn’t take much. She wanted to go to bed. She just didn’t want to leave you. You’re lucky. She’s a good friend.”
I nodded. It was true. Too bad it wasn’t lucky for Norah.
“You need to eat,” he said. “What do you want?”
I didn’t want anything, but I knew he was right. I would eat. I would sleep. I would keep putting one foot in front of the other. It would dishonor Mae if I didn’t. She hadn’t trained me to be a quitter. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup.”
“Coming up.”
While he went into the kitchen, I headed to the bathroom to scrape the fuzz off my teeth and wash my face. By the time I was done, I could smell the butter melting in the pan. Alex didn’t mess around.
I sat down at the counter and watched as he deftly flipped my sandwich and heated up the soup without burning it. I tend to burn both when I make this meal. It is what my mother used to make for my lunch on cold rainy days, and it always speaks to me of comfort and love. It had been a long time since I’d sat and watched someone prepare it for me, though. My mother probably still would, if I gave her the chance. I just hadn’t wanted to open myself up to that in quite a while. Grilled cheese sandwiches could have strings attached.
I assiduously avoided strings as best I could at all times. Nothing that had happened in the last twenty-four hours would change that either. If anything, I would need to stay farther away than ever from my family. Strings were connections, and connections to me were not good for people’s health.
Alex set a plate down in front of me. I looked at the toasted bread and gooey cheese and wondered if there were strings attached to this sandwich as well. I wasn’t entirely certain who had started last night’s kiss. My stomach growled, though, so I took a bite, expecting it to taste like cardboard, to stick to the roof of my mouth. It didn’t. It was delicious. I couldn’t help it. I moaned a little. “That’s really good,” I said.
He crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Glad to be of service.” Then he leaned down on the counter across from me and looked very steadily into my eyes. “You’re going to be okay, Melina.”
I set my sandwich down and took a spoonful of soup. “So you keep saying.”
“I’ve watched a lot of people go through a lot of terrible things. You get to know which ones are going to make it after a while. You will.”
I looked up into the deep, dark pools of his eyes and got lost there once again. I used to avoid looking into Alex’s eyes. Looking into a vampire’s eyes isn’t as unsafe as staring directly into a werewolf’s eyes, but it still was an unnecessary chance to take. I had been pretty good at not taking unnecessary chances until recently. I hadn’t really thought I was taking chances now. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
