Donners of the Dead (13 page)

I sighed and rubbed my hands against the apron of my dress. We all knew the money was Uncle Pat’s, and even with Avery taking my side, he would never believe what we saw. Once Avery and Rose left for the big city, I’d be all alone. I figured I’d never get another night’s sleep for the rest of my life as long as I knew what lived in the Sierra Nevadas, never be able to wash the image of Meek’s torn heart out of my head.

D
inner was a
quick meal of roasted hawk, a tough and wiry meat that I couldn’t get down. It reminded me too much of what went on today. I just picked at the food and barely managed to drink a cup of weak tea before I excused myself to go out to the outhouse, taking a lantern and my heavy shawl with me.

“I’ll go with ya,” Jake said, easing his massive frame from the wooden bench.

I stopped by the door and narrowed my eyes at him. “You will not.” I didn’t want him anywhere near me.

“It’s for your own protection,” he said gruffly, putting his hand on the butt of his revolver.

“No, it’s not. It’s so I don’t take off with the gold.”

He jerked his head in Avery’s direction. “Wrong you are. I know you wouldn’t go anywhere without him.”

I exhaled sharply through my nose and then stormed off into the night. I hadn’t been to the latrine yet, so I didn’t even know where it was, but I was too proud to stop walking.

“If you take another step,” Jake warned, his voice drifting up from behind me, “you’ll walk right into the lake. And that ice ain’t gonna hold you no matter how trim your figure.”

I paused and looked down at my boots. The snow in front of me was colored differently, lit up by my lantern. He was right. The smell of frozen lake water, of ice and marsh, permeated my nostrils. I should have noticed, but I was so wrapped up in my head that I didn’t. I could scarcely think.

“The outhouse is out by the other cabin,” Jake said. “I’ll have to escort you there.”

“I don’t need your help,” I said, turning around and rushing past him.

All of a sudden he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me close. I nearly dropped the lantern, the light swinging around us, casting shadows across his face.

“Eve,” he grunted, loosening his grip on my arm. “I’m sorry I lied.”

“I don’t care,” I said, my chin held high.

“But you do. You’re mad.”

“You make me mad.”

“Then you care.”

I wrestled my arm out of his grasp but stayed in place, not wanting to back down, just because he was a foot taller than me and twice as wide, just because there were still bloodstains on his face from earlier, just because he held a gun to Avery’s head.

And that was the tricky thing. He saved Donna and Avery’s life today. He wasn’t a bad man, despite how rude he sometimes was. And yet his lie spurred me deep inside. Maybe because I took his word as truth.

“I don’t know why I care,” I slowly admitted. “I think I’m just about losing my mind out here.”

“I ain’t going to hurt you, you know that,” he said. He licked his lips and looked back at the cabin. “I ain’t going to hurt Avery either. And I don’t think Tim will do anything, he’s just scared to lose everything since we’ve come so far.”

“But you have lost everything!” I cried out. “You’ve lost Meeks. You’ve lost the other two. You’ve lost your secrecy.”

He shook his head, his expression turning grim. “No. This is nothing. I’ve lost everything before.”

“Oh, is that so? What could you have possibly lost? A bet? A hand at poker?”

He dipped his chin and looked me square in the eye. The intensity of his gaze reached deep into me. “I lost my wife and I lost my child. They were killed while I was away fighting in Monterrey with the Rangers.”

I was not expecting that. I must have stared at him like a right idiot, trying to figure out what to say. The best I could do was a weak, “Sorry.” I sure felt foolish now, trying to trivialize it all. “What happened?”

A wash of fire came across his gaze. “Injuns. They came to steal our horses. My father-in-law and my wife and my little boy, they killed and scalped them. Left the bodies behind for me to find.”

I felt like my heart had been smashed with a hammer. I put my hand to my chest and looked away from his eyes; the small glimpses of hatred and sorrow in them were too much to bear. But pity was the last thing he wanted from me.

“That explains why you hate Indians so much,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “Though I really don’t need to remind you that we—my people—we aren’t all the same. The ones who did this to you are savage people, not just savage Indians.”

He pursed his lips. “Let’s just say I have some trust issues then.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re a jackass.”

Jake broke into a wide grin. “A jackass, is that right? Well I reckon you’re correct. I suppose I was just born a jackass.”

The severity of the situation came back to me like the gust of chilled wind that made his hair dance. The monsters. The gold. And we were just out here talking like none of that was going on. I looked to my feet, suddenly conscious of how close we’d been standing. The snow glowed yellow in the light of the lantern.

“I guess lying goes with the territory of being a jackass,” I added.

I heard him scratch at his sideburns. He let out a long breath that froze into a cloud. “I guess that’s true as well. But I only lied because it was easier.”

I raised my brow. “At least that’s honest. You’re a jackass and a liar. What else do I need to know about you?”

“I’m a great kisser.”

I almost laughed, but before I could, his warm, rough hands were on my cheeks, cupping them gently, his lips pressed against mine. It was wrong and hard and wet, and though his mouth was only on mine for a second, just long enough to feel the softness of his lips underneath all that pressure, it succeeded in taking my breath away.

He pulled back and gave me a lopsided grin. I was flabbergasted, the feeling of his stubble against my cheek still tingling my skin.

“Well, how did I do?” he asked, his eyes dancing playfully. “I was right, wasn’t I?”

I couldn’t find the words. Jake McGraw just kissed me. Not Avery as I’d always imagined, but Jake. A man. A Texan. A liar and a jackass.

“Speechless for once? Heck, I should have kissed you much earlier if I knew that would be the aftermath!”

I shook my head, too many feelings swarming through me. “That was a horrible thing to do!” I told him, smacking him against his arm. I nearly hurt my hand in the process; he was built like a rock.

He rubbed his chin and peered down at me with his head held high. “You don’t say? Maybe I should try again someday, see if I can change your mind.”

“Don’t you dare!” I yelped, pushing my finger into his chest. “That is no way to treat a woman.”

“Actually, that’s exactly how you should treat a woman. Give her what she wants.”

My head jerked back. This man was unbelievable.

“That is not what I want,” I scoffed. “I don’t know what signals you think you’re picking up on…”

“Smoke signals.”

I shot daggers at him. “But you’re a lying, swine-kissing bastard who just earlier held a gun to my friend’s head.”

“Maybe I don’t like your friend.”

I threw my hands up. “Why wouldn’t you like Avery?”

“Maybe I don’t like the way you look at him.”

My mouth flapped open for a moment. “How do I look at him?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, I didn’t like the way you were looking at him.
Before
.”

“Before what?”

“Before all of this,” he said, his voice becoming low. “Before you started looking at me that same way.”

He stared at me like he could find his truth somewhere in my eyes.

“You’re out of your darn mind,” I told him, hoping my cheeks weren’t turning pink. I didn’t look at Jake in any way other than with disgust. I brushed past him toward the outhouse. “I have other business to do, more important business than to stand around in the cold and argue with you.”

“You’re the only one arguing, Pine Nut,” he called after me. I could hear his boots crunch in the snow. I guess he really wasn’t going to let me use the latrine alone.

By the time I found the outhouse though, I was glad for it. Though it didn’t have a tunnel in the snow like last night, it was still black and isolated and I went back to being very afraid of the things that lurked in the dark.

“I’ll be waiting right here,” Jake said, standing between the hut and the horses with his rifle out.

Though I held my breath in the latrine, I was grateful for the privacy, and the fact that he couldn’t see my face as I tried to digest what had happened.

The son of a bitch had kissed me. It was quick and fast and nothing like I thought it would be, but he’d kissed me all the same.

I was glad he couldn’t see the odd smile that found itself on my face.

*

Hours later, when
I was settled in my bed of straw and hides on the floor, sleep wouldn’t come for me. I kept getting up to check on Donna and having her sip more of the poppy-laced water and change her dressing. I don’t know how I kept it all together while I did so—the wound was getting worse, judging by the smell, and though it had stopped bleeding, there was a sickly black color building up on the stump that was hard to wash away.

Donna herself was either out cold or delirious and muttering the Lord’s Prayer over and over. Her skin had taken on this sickly ashen tone, and she was burning up, no matter what I did. Staring down at her, I felt nothing but remorse and guilt. It was my fault she was here, and I knew that even if we left tomorrow—which I somehow doubted since Jake’s word wasn’t reliable—she wouldn’t make the journey home.

And sometimes I doubted if we would too. When I put a cool compress on her forehead and turned around to eye the rest of the cabin, I couldn’t understand how Jake, Tim, and Avery could sleep so soundly. They were out like a cow kick to the face and I envied them. Were they such men that they weren’t afraid of the monsters that could be lurking outside the cabin at any notice? Or were they so hung up on money and greed that the flesh-eating monstrosities were just a mere obstacle in their way? Did hope make them feel invincible, and if I had some faith in our outcome, would I be invincible too?

I made a move to head back to my bed when I noticed Avery’s eyes were open and staring at the ceiling. For one horrible moment I thought he was dead, and the ground felt as if it were falling out from under me. But he slowly turned his head and gazed right at me. Then he put his finger to his mouth and looked over at Tim and Jake, passed out in their beds.

He rose with caution and came over to me. He was fully dressed, and only then did I notice he had picked up his satchel from beside his bed.

He coaxed me with his eyes to stay quiet then led me to the far corner of the cabin. “We’re making a run for it,” he whispered in my ear.

“What now?” I asked harshly.

“We have to go. There’s no way they’ll bring us back home alive.”

“They won’t hurt us,” I said feebly.

His eyes turned caustic. “And you’re taking someone’s word on that. We can’t trust them. We have to leave now, it’s our only shot.”

“But the monsters…”

“There are monsters in here too, you know.”

I wasn’t sure why I was stalling. “What about Donna?”

He glanced at her sadly. “We could try to take her, put her on Ali. But honestly, Eve, I don’t think she’s going to make it. She’s dying, you know that, don’t you?”

It was painful to swallow. I nodded. “What if they catch us?” I looked over at Jake and Tim sleeping. “They could wake up at any second.”

Avery smiled smugly. “I gave them a bit of opium in their tea. Just enough to make them sleep better.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, Avery. I just can’t leave her here. Don’t you understand? It’s my fault this happened to her. If I hadn’t gone on this cursed trip, none of this would have happened.”

“That’s not how it works, so get that guilt out of your little heart.” He put his hand on my arm and squeezed it, trying to give me comfort. “If we don’t leave, she will die here. Even if they let us go back to River Bend tomorrow, she’d still die. We can take her with us if you want, but I think it’s a big mistake.”

“Then that settles it,” I said with determination. “We’re taking her. And while we’re at it, we’re each getting a bar of gold. Payment that was owed.”

He stuck out his lower lip, impressed. “All right. That’s what we’ll do. Come on, let’s get her out of here before they wake up.”

While Avery quietly ran out into the night to saddle up our horses, I quickly slipped on my dress, shawl, and boots, and grabbed my own satchel and the first aid pack while darting nervous looks at Jake and Tim, certain they’d wake up and catch us. I really wanted to believe Jake when he said they wouldn’t hurt us, but that was back when we were “behaving.” Now there was no telling what kind of men they’d become.

I’d be lying to myself though if there wasn’t a small part of me that hated leaving Jake this way, without saying goodbye. All I could do was shake it out of my head and blame it on female foolishness. One damn kiss had turned my insides all askew.