Does This Taste Funny? A Half-Baked Look at Food and Foodies (15 page)

Music and food have
been intertwined for centuries. In fact, one of the greatest operatic
composers, Gioachino Rossini, was such a gourmand that not only did he compose
some of his most famous arias
while
dining, but several dishes are
named in his honor.

In fact, the term ‘Alla
Rossini’ usually refers to any dish incorporating truffles, foie gras, and a
demi-glace sauce. So thankfully, I now know what to call all those truffle and
fois gras dishes I cook.

Rossini even wrote
several piano pieces
about
food, including his
Four Hors D’oeuvres
.
If you get a chance to hear it, listen to the touching second movement,
Les
Anchois
, undoubtedly the finest piece of music ever composed about
anchovies.

For
some reason, early in the twentieth century, it was popular to name foods after
opera singers. The next time you dig into some Turkey Tetrazzini, you can thank
Luisa Tetrazzini, the Italian soprano.

And a rival of
Tetrazzini, Australian diva Nellie Melba, inspired Escoffier to create Peach
Melba
and
Melba Toast.

"G
reat
. N
ow when people hear my name
,

they'll think of inedible dry
bread"

In today’s music scene,
I suppose great chefs are naming dishes after hip-hop stars, but I’m not sure
the food world is ready for Eggs
Kanye
,
Wu-Tang
Chicken, or Lake
Trout
a la Snoop

“Place butter and
chronic in a medium sizzlepizzle

Since I like to listen
to music while I’m cooking, I went searching for some songs
about
food.
I tried to be strict about my criteria. The song has to be
about
the
food.

For instance,
Mayonnaise
by Smashing Pumpkins isn’t included, because it has nothing whatsoever to do
with mayonnaise. And because Billy Corgan has always annoyed me.

Also, I had to leave
out Warrant’s
Cherry Pie
, because apparently it is not about an
actual
cherry pie.

I thought I’d struck
gold with the Talking Heads album
More Songs About Buildings and Food
,
but it turns out the album includes NO songs about buildings OR food.

Lastly, I tried not to
use any songs that suck. For example, the 1947 Mel Tormé abomination
Tacos,
Enchiladas, and Beans
, made popular by Doris Day, which features lyrical
gems like

           
You’re
the only one my heart adores

            You’ve
only got three competitors

            Tacos,
enchiladas, and beans”

and this

           
Love
‘em, dozens of ‘em

            I consume
them by the score

The farthest back I
went for my playlist was the 1930s; the most recent track is from 1983. This
list may not work for everyone – you might prefer to julienne to the Jayhawks,
or need a little Morrissey in your
mise en place.

But I’ve put together a
pretty eclectic mix. It’s best to start safe, with songs
explicitly
about food, if you’re not used to mixing music with cooking.

The fact that you like
Sarah McLachlan doesn’t mean her music is the right background for your dinner
‘pre-show.’ You might just become too depressed to finish, and end up slumped
over the counter thinking of sad puppies.

So grab these tunes off
the interwebs, or from the clouds, or however the hell kids get their music
these days. Then take whatever iGadget you have, use the playlist on the next
two pages, and start cooking.

Note: The first three
tracks are instrumentals, and while I suppose that means they’re not
technically ‘about’ food, I think they each capture the spirit of the foods after
which they’re named.

Herb
Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

Whipped
Cream (1965)

Just
try to forget that this was also the theme to the ‘The Dating Game.’

Booker T. and the MGs

Green
Onions (1962)

I don’t think this song
would be nearly as cool if it were called ‘Scallions.’ I don’t know why.

Dizzy Gillespie All Stars

Salt Peanuts
(1942)
      

The
be-bop rhythms should make tedious prep work a snap.

Fats
Waller

All
That Meat and No Potatoes (1936)

A
cautionary tale of the dangers of poor meal planning…

Slim
Gaillard

Matzoh
Balls (1939)

Historic,
as it may have been the first recorded use of the word ‘matzoh’ by anyone named
‘Slim.’

Nat
‘King’ Cole

Frim
Fram Sauce (1945)

There
is no such thing as ‘frim fram sauce,’ but there certainly should be.

Louis
Jordan

Beans
and Cornbread (1949)

Just
your basic jump-blues chat between a pot of beans…and some cornbread. They work
it out in the end.

Hank
Williams

Jambalaya  (1952)

In
probably the
least
definitive cover version ever, the Carpenters did their
version of this on their album
‘Now and Then.
’ I should not know that.

Tom
Waits

Eggs
and Sausage (1976)

Sometimes,
you need to go to the local greasy spoon with the other nighthawks if you want
a decent meal.

ZZ
Top

TV
Dinners (1983)

In
case you decide, “Screw it, I don’t feel like cooking
or
going out.” It’s
not especially deep, but it’s redeemed by the line “twenty-year old turkey in a
thirty-year old tin.”

British author and
philosopher G.K. Chesterton once said, “Music with dinner is an insult both to
the cook and the violinist.” Coincidentally, an anonymous violinist in London
once said, “Screw Chesterton. I wouldn’t invite him over for dinner anyway.”

Me, I love music with
dinner. I just don’t want it to
overshadow
the food, like I’m at a Hard
Rock Cafe. Did you know that there are a hundred and fifty Hard Rock Cafes
around the world?

I wonder if at some
point, they’re gonna expand
too
much, open a new location, and realize
too late that they’re out of the really cool rock memorabilia. They’ll have to
display things like Mick Jagger’s dry cleaning ticket, or a guitar used by the
guy who sang harmony for Air Supply.

Back to music and food.
I’m always looking for ways to combine my two passions, and as I was listening
to a random playlist the other day, I decided to create a menu using only foods
that are
also
the names of chart-topping recording artists.

I was strict about
it–the name of the group or artist, by itself, had to be something you could
actually eat or drink—no ‘
Smashing
Pumpkins,’ or ‘Strawberry
Alarm
Clock
.’

I was a little sad to
find out there’s no such thing as ‘April Wine,’ because that meant I had to
exclude one of the hardest rocking bands ever to come from Nova Scotia.

I threw together a
three-course meal based on only these acts—twelve recording artists who,
between them, sold millions of singles and albums, and together, would make a
damned fine dinner.

Note: ‘Singles’ were
individual songs you could buy in a physical store, and ‘albums’ were entire
collections of songs by the same artist, all pressed into slabs of vinyl you
could hold in your hand.

You
had to use a special device to access the songs called a ‘record player,’ and
you had to listen to the songs in the order the artist intended. It’s hard to
believe how primitive music was then.

A
PPETIZER

Hot
Tuna on Bread with Hot Butter