Do You Remember? (13 page)

August 2005

‘Is everything OK, love?’

She needed to leave to meet Guy but her dad was taking ages to eat breakfast and it was her turn to wash up. She looked at her watch again. She had ten minutes. It wasn’t going to be enough time. She would have to make an excuse and go.

‘Emma, is something wrong?’ Mike asked again.

‘No. I just…I promised to meet Sally in ten minutes. But I know it’s my turn to wash up and…’

‘Where you off to this time? I don’t know! You girls,’ Mike said. He shook his head and laughed.

‘We were just going to hang out at the arcade and then maybe go for a walk. I’d be back for lunch,’ Emma stated. After seeing Guy she thought she might take a walk. She could find somewhere peaceful to read her books and make notes. If she stayed around the campsite her dad would have her entering bingo or boules.

‘I can wash up! You go and enjoy yourself. That’s what this holiday’s for,’ Mike insisted.

‘You don’t mind? You’ll be OK?’ Emma checked.

‘’Course I will. Go on. Off you go,’ he urged.

Guilt. That’s why he wasn’t asking many questions and was giving in to her without a discussion. He knew seeing Marilyn was wrong and this was how he was trying to get out of it. If he knew dating another woman was wrong then he must still feel something for her mother. Maybe the situation wasn’t completely hopeless. She had to take advantage of it though, if it meant slipping away to see Guy.

She grabbed her books, a notepad and pen and smiled at her dad.

‘Thanks, Dad,’ she said, backing out of the tent.

As she emerged the heat hit her. The sun was already high in a cloudless blue sky. Looking up at it a feeling of serenity flooded through her, appreciation for this beautiful place and the man who had held her here last night. Despite everything that happened at home she had so much to be thankful for. And so much to look forward to. She hadn’t wanted this holiday but now the thought of going home was making her ache.

She checked her watch again and raced off towards the campsite gate.

He was holding an old-fashioned pram, rocking it backwards and forwards. Emma heard a baby crying. He looked up, meeting her gaze as she approached him.

‘
Salut
,’ he greeted her.

‘Hi. What’s going on? Don’t you have your trial?’ Emma asked him.

‘
Oui
. Yes. Emma…this is my brother. I cannot leave him,’ Guy started.

There was deep concern written all over his face and the sadness in his eyes made her heart buckle. Something had happened at home. Instinctively she knew it.

‘What’s happened?’ she asked again.

‘
Ma mère est ivre
.’

Est ivre
. She had no idea what that meant. Why didn’t she bring the phrase book? She shook her head at Guy.

‘I don’t know what that means.’

‘Wine…beer…she drink…very a lot,’ he explained.

‘She’s drunk!’ Emma exclaimed. ‘In the morning!’

‘Sshh, please,’ he begged.

He was ashamed and embarrassed. He looked into the pram at the baby and she touched his shoulder. He flinched and moved away.

He was going to end things with her. That was what was going on. He’d got what he wanted from her and now he was going to dump her. Ally had told her all about this and she never believed it would happen to her. She wasn’t naïve. Last night there had been a special connection between them. She had felt it.

‘Are you going to finish with me?’ Emma blurted out. She wouldn’t cry. She would hold her head up high and make him say the words.

‘What? Finish?’ He looked confused now.

‘After last night…are you going to find someone else?’

‘No!
Non
. Why you think this?’ He kissed her then. He leant forward and pressed his lips to hers, bringing her head close and breathing into her hair.

‘I need you,’ he whispered.

The baby let out a wail of discontent as the pram stopped moving and both of them were shocked back into taking action.

‘I have to go to OGC Nice for the…trial,’ he reminded her.

‘I know.’

‘I have no one…no person to be with Luc,’ he told her.

Emma looked at the baby. He couldn’t be more than a couple of weeks old. His tiny hands were screwed up into fists and his red face was contorted, ready to squawk again. Poor little thing.

‘You need to get to the football club. Have you got someone taking you?’ Emma asked.

‘
Oui
. Jean.’

‘Then get going,’ she ordered.

‘Luc?’

‘I’ll look after him. Do you have his milk? That’s all they have, isn’t it? And I’ll need some nappies, won’t I?’ She wasn’t really sure what she needed but milk and nappies seemed the two most obvious things to ask for. Something to input and something to catch the output. Anything else she could improvise.

‘There are…
couches dans le sac et le lait dans la kitchen principale. J’ai fait des bouteilles. Demandez Monique
,’ he explained quickly.

‘Nappies in the bag and milk in the main kitchen. Monique knows where,’ Emma translated.

‘Thank you,’ he said.

She put her arms around him and held him close.

‘Don’t worry about Luc. I’ll look after him. We’ll go for a walk. I’ll keep him out of the sun and I won’t read him too much Chaucer,’ Emma promised.

‘I have to go,’ Guy told her.

‘Go! Go and get a place on the team! Good luck!
Bonne chance
!’ Emma said.

He picked up his rucksack and waving, hurried past the gate and out of the campsite.

‘So then, Luc. I hope you’re going to be good because I know less than nothing about babies. And I don’t have one in my life plan until at least 2013,’ she said, looking in at the wriggling infant.

She pushed the pram back and forth and looked at the little boy. Thick dark hair and innocent eyes gazed up at her. How could a mother of such a beautiful baby not make herself capable to look after him? How could she expect her teenage son to do it for her?

‘I don’t think Bram Stoker’s going to be your thing, Luc. How about a bit of Jane Austen?’ she said, smiling down at him.

A bubble of sound from his bottom gave her the answer.

Present Day

‘Good morning,’ Madeleine greeted as Guy entered the kitchen.

He’d hoped she wouldn’t be there when he came down. He was certain she had an appointment at the beauty salon. He’d actually paid attention to something she said. Had he really not listened properly?

‘Good morning,’ he responded. He opened the fridge and took out the orange juice.

‘You didn’t come to bed last night,’ she remarked. She didn’t lift her head from the magazine she was reading.

‘No. I was late. I didn’t want to disturb you,’ he lied.

He couldn’t bear to be in bed beside her when all he could think of was his kiss with Emma. He had slept in one of the guest rooms and let all the memories wave over him as he drifted off to sleep. He wouldn’t let this end like before. Even if he was not Dominic’s father, even if she had lied to him in the past, the connection they had together was undeniable.

‘You are going to training?’ she asked.

‘Yes.’

‘I will be out all day.’

‘OK,’ he responded.

‘Please be back before four. The dry-cleaning is arriving.’

The very worst thing about the note was he hadn’t said a time. This would impact on her whole day. She would be on edge, waiting for him to arrive from the moment the school day started until it came to an end. She almost combusted in front of her class when the receptionist came into the room and informed her someone was waiting for her. The bell for morning break had gone and her stomach had sunk to the floor. Even the iced bun Ally had brought with her didn’t make up for the unneeded shock.

‘You should know you can’t call me and ask for an alibi without giving me the full story. Are we still fighting by the way? Because I’d rather not.’

Emma ushered her into an empty class room and closed the door.

‘Coffee? Machine’s all fixed and it only took me six minutes to drive here so it’s still hot,’ Ally said, holding the cup out to her.

‘Thanks. Listen, I’m sorry about what I said on the phone before. My head’s all over the place,’ she said.

‘Tell me what’s going on? Why did I have to split up with Jonty? I haven’t yet by the way. He’s taking me to Amsterdam for the weekend.’

‘I went for the dinner with Guy. I couldn’t tell anyone that, could I?’

‘You could tell people that if it was just two ex-lovers meeting up to catch up. You couldn’t say that if it was two ex-lovers meeting up to reengage in the loving bit,’ Ally replied.

‘I had no intention of anything happening…’ she started.

‘But something did?!’

‘I’m so ashamed. I’ve left everyone down. I’ve let myself down. And Chris…’

‘What happened?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it really. I just want to forget it. It was one moment. A stupid moment when my brain wasn’t switched on properly. We kissed,’ she admitted.

‘Wow! I mean…wow on skis,’ Ally stated, slurping at her drink.

‘And he gave me his jacket and it had his phone in and now he’s coming here to collect it. It could be any time.’

‘And you’re in a state because…?’

‘Because I don’t want to see him again.’

‘Or rather you
do
want to see him again.’

‘I’m not myself when he’s around,’ Emma tried to explain.

‘You mean you’re the you you were when you were with him, not the you you are with Chris.’

‘Ally, please, don’t start this again.’

‘Well, it’s the excitement and the adventure, isn’t it? This Gallic hunk’s come back out of the woodwork to woo you and boy, does he have all the moves. He’s gorgeous, he’s rich and successful. I can see your dilemma I really can.’

‘No. I don’t think you can. I don’t think you can at all,’ Emma spoke, drinking the coffee.

‘Tell me then. Tell me what’s going on,’ Ally suggested.

‘It’s nothing to do with his fame or his money. It’s to do with me. I did something stupid all those years ago, something I’ve had to live with ever since. He cheated on me and I hated him for it but I was seventeen. He was eighteen. We were too young to make proper decisions. Maybe I made two mistakes that day. I never stopped to listen,’ Emma told her.

‘You’re thinking if you’d hung around to let him explain, you’d be living a loved-up life with him in France? What exactly happened back then? What did he do?’ Ally asked.

Emma let out a sigh. She didn’t want to explain. It still hurt. Yes, she’d been seventeen but she’d been in love…for the first time. She’d had plans. They both had. And he’d ruined everything.

‘He cheated on me. I found him in bed with another girl.’

She hurried the words out. It didn’t make it sound any better and it still made her wince with the recollection.

‘Scumbag,’ Ally stated.

‘But was he? There could have been an explanation. And if there was I didn’t let him explain it. There were lots of things going on back then, with him, his family. I was missing my mum, my dad was starting a relationship with Marilyn and…’

‘You’re making excuses for him.’

‘I’m not. Not really. I’m just saying perhaps he isn’t the person I ended up thinking he was. Maybe I broke my own heart by not giving him a chance to tell me what happened,’ Emma concluded.

‘And why does it matter what happened? You said it yourself. You were seventeen, he was a holiday romance. You’ve grown up and moved on, so has he. This shouldn’t be about what happened then. This should be about now. Take the past out of the equation. Forget the French Riviera. If you hadn’t known him before he walked into the fitness centre would we be having this conversation?’ Ally asked. She raised an eyebrow.

‘No, but…’

‘Because you’re happy with Chris. Because you’re making a life with Chris. As gorgeous as Guy is, you might have checked out his arse like any normal red-blooded woman, but that’s where it would’ve stopped.’

‘But you can’t look at things like that. I know him. I
knew
him. What am I supposed to do? Wipe everything from my memory?’ Emma questioned.

‘You need to decide what you want
now
, not based on anything from 2005,’ Ally told her.

‘How do I do that?’

‘Don’t ask me! I can’t manage my own love life, let alone anyone else’s!’

Emma put her hands to her head and tried to soothe the ache that was beginning to tighten.

‘But I will listen, Em. Whatever you decide, whatever you want to do, I’m there, here, whatever,’ Ally assured her.

‘Thank you,’ she mouthed.

He’d called the school earlier to check what time lunch was. He didn’t want to disturb Emma’s day by barging into a class or causing her any inconvenience. He could see the children coming out of the main building. Some were walking towards a smaller building across the yard, others were sat down on benches eating from lunchboxes and a dozen or so boys had started a football game.

He ran his hands through his hair and looked in the rear view mirror of the Range Rover. He was nervous. This wasn’t just about picking up his jacket and phone. He
wanted
it to be so much more. But what happened next was really up to Emma. She needed to decide if they still had a chance. And he would respect her decision no matter what it was. Even if it killed him.

She was heading through reception towards the staff room when she saw him. He was immaculately dressed in dark jeans and a fitted navy t-shirt that skimmed his chest. She stopped, watched and realised this was what she’d been waiting for all day. He pushed open the glass door to enter and smiled.

‘Hi,’ he greeted.

‘Hello. I left your jacket and phone in the car. I’m so sorry I kept it. I didn’t realise until later and…’ she started.

‘It’s fine. Apparently I have five text messages and four missed calls from Madeleine about a couple’s massage.’ He smiled again but this time his heart didn’t seem to be committed.

‘I hope you didn’t miss it.’

‘I’m hoping I did.’

There was an awkward pause.

‘The car’s this way. Do you want to…’ she began, stepping towards the door.

‘Sure.’

She led the way across the tarmac at a ferocious pace, trying to ignore the fact her body had turned into a pulsating ball of need. Why did he have the ability to move her like that? All sense seemed to disappear, she couldn’t concentrate and all the memories, including their kiss of the previous night, flooded her mind. It wasn’t fair.

‘How is your day?’ he asked, breaking into her thoughts.

‘Fine. Yes, today’s been fine. How about you?’

‘Fine, also. I had training. It was hard. It is still hot,’ he said, indicating the scorching sun above them.

‘We’re expecting another storm tonight. They said on the weather.’

The weather! Now she was scraping the barrel for polite conversation. She stopped in the middle of the car park, frustrated with herself. She grabbed him by the hand and began marching him to her car. Whatever she was going to say she didn’t want to say it in front of any of the school children. Kids loved gossip, especially gossip involving teachers.

‘Get in,’ she said, pulling open the door.

He did as instructed and by the time she’d navigated the back of the vehicle he was already sitting in the passenger seat. She got in beside him, shutting the door. As it clunked closed the silence enveloped them. A moment passed and she turned in her seat to look at him.

‘I don’t know what to do, Guy,’ she admitted.

He didn’t respond but reached for her hand. She let him take it.

‘No,’ he said. The words fell so quietly from his lips.

He was stroking her fingers lazily, seductively and the movements were giving her delicious chills over her entire body. She ought to pull away. She shouldn’t be this close, but she knew she was fighting a losing battle. What was the best thing to do? Keep fighting? Or give in and see where it took them? A rush flew through her, an excited feeling, a glimpse of something different. Was this what she wanted? Was
he
what she wanted?

‘The past is the past…’ she started. She wet her lips to continue.

‘Emma…’ he broke in.

‘Wait. You don’t know what I’m going to say.’

‘I do know. You will say I am too late. You will say there is no chance for us.’ He shifted in his seat, let go of one of her hands and swept back his hair. She could see his eyes moisten. He looked like his world was about to end.

‘We have to forget what happened before. We have to put those times behind us. Whatever happened, whatever you did, whatever I did…we have to put it aside,’ she told him.

All at once his eyes brightened and he held on to both her hands again.

‘I don’t know what I’m doing but…I can’t ignore it.’

A thrilling feeling, something like adrenalin was coursing through her. Looking at him, having him close
was
what she wanted. It was what she’d always wanted. What he’d done back in La Baume didn’t matter. He was here. He wanted her. And she knew, deep down, her reluctance to accept any type of commitment from Chris was because her heart had been lost a long time ago.

‘We have to do this right, Guy. By everyone in our lives. And we start from the beginning. We start slowly. I have Dominic and…’ she began.

Dominic. She had to think about Dominic. Could she really do this? Was it right for Dominic? What was she talking about? Leaving Chris? Guy splitting with Madeleine? Was it too much? Was she pinning her hopes on something that might not work? Even if they tried to put the past behind them could it really be done? She needed to be sure for Dominic.

Before she’d met with Ally she was convinced she couldn’t see him again but now, with him in front of her, every ion of her just wanted to try. The connection was there, the heart-bursting passion built up inside her whenever they connected. If she felt that for Guy she couldn’t possibly stay with Chris. She needed to see if this was where her future was. And if it wasn’t, at least she would know, not spend a lifetime wondering ‘what if’.

‘I can’t believe it. Are you sure?’ he asked her.

‘No. I’m not sure. I’m not sure at all… But I don’t know what else to do,’ she admitted.

He continued to stroke her hands and she let out an uneasy sigh. Just having him hold her hands reminded her of the depth of feeling they’d had for each other. Their few weeks in the late summer of 2005 had felt like a lifetime. It still did.

‘This is not something to be sad about. This is something to celebrate,’ Guy told her.

‘No. It isn’t. I need to speak to Chris. God, what am I going to say to him?’

Chris was so nice. He’d done everything right for her and Dominic for the last eighteen months and now she had to tell him it was over. It was going to shatter him. Or did he know already? Deep down did he know she was never going to accept his proposal?

‘Everything will be OK,’ he assured. He reached across and pushed her hair behind her ears.

‘I don’t know,’ she said, shaking her head.

‘
I
know,’ he said, squeezing her hands.

His reassurance was just what she needed to hear.

‘I never stopped loving you,’ Guy told her.

The words hit her hard as she absorbed every one, ingesting exactly what they meant. She reached for him, cupping his face with her hand and drawing it closer to her.

‘I missed you so much,’ she whispered.

‘Emma…’

She inched forward until they were eye to eye, both breathing hard, waiting for the perfect moment. She couldn’t hold off any longer. She tentatively touched his lips with hers. The response was instant. He drew her towards him, his lips luxurious against hers, deepening the kiss with every second that passed. This wasn’t going slow; this was quickening her feelings with every touch. She knew they should stop but it had been so long since she had felt this way. She tried to still in the moment, memorise the way his fingers felt entwined with hers, the velvet smoothness of his lips…

From outside the bell rang, jolting her back to reality. When she broke away she was breathing hard and flushed.

‘I…I have to go,’ she told him.

‘I know,’ he responded, taking her hand.

‘I don’t know what happens next,’ she admitted.

He nodded, straightened the collar of her blouse.

‘We make things right, like you said.’

‘It isn’t going to be easy.’

The thought of ending her relationship with Chris and his reaction to it terrified her. He wouldn’t know why and she wouldn’t know what to tell him. Apart from the truth. This wasn’t just about Guy. This was about everything that had happened to her. Chris was a good, straight, honest person and she just…wasn’t.

‘I know,’ Guy responded.

He had no idea what he was going to say to Madeleine or even how to start that conversation. He had to concentrate on the fact Emma was going to give him a second chance and they were going to put the past behind them. A second chance was all he wanted, all he’d thought about since he saw her again. The past wasn’t important; it was the future that mattered. And his was with Emma, he was positive of that.

But he couldn’t deny the voice inside his head telling him that when he broke the news to Madeleine she wasn’t going to accept it. She never gave up anything without a fight.