Do or Di (37 page)

Diana went to the front door. The door eventually opened a tiny sliver and a discussion took place. It looked like a drug deal. That would really frost this cake, a nice long stint in jail. The door shut and Diana walked around to the side of the house where I could just make out a fence gate.

I opened the car and stood. Diana came around the corner with Rooster, who was jumping up and down as if he were dancing or trying to climb up her slim frame. Both of them stood in front of me. Rooster, recognizing me as a giver of cookies, gave my hand a hopeful lick. Diana didn’t even look up.

“Hey, buddy, good to see you.” I gave his ears a good rub and his tail beat out a tempo on the ground.

“He needs a stable home. It’s not really fair of me to keep moving him around from friend to friend. My mom won’t let him stay at our house.”

“You sure you want to do this?”

“I’m not, like, giving him to you. It is more of a loan. A chance for you to try out the dog ownership thing. They’re a lot of work, you know.”

“I was getting that picture.”

“So? What do you say?” She shifted back and forth. “He might not be the kind of dog you were looking for. He’s a mutt and what makes it worse is that he doesn’t
know
he’s a mutt. He thinks he’s something pretty special.”

“I’m starting to come around to the idea that thinking you’re special isn’t such a bad thing,” I confessed.

“Is it true you got fired?” She looked at me. “I mean, did you lose your job?”

“I didn’t lose it. I know where it is. I just don’t have it anymore.”

“Ha ha. Aren’t you mad?”

“No, not mad. More disappointed. It’s my own fault. I’ve done some dumb things.”

“I think if you want to be a better person, you should just start acting like the kind of person you want to be and then somewhere along the way, you become that person.” Diana shrugged.

“How did you get so smart?”

“I started acting like I wanted to be, and then before you knew it people started thinking I was smart. If you don’t feel like you can do it on your own you just channel someone who strikes you as having it all together.”

“Like Princess Di?”

Diana shrugged again and gave me a half-smile. “You have to get your own ghost mentor, she’s mine.”

“Fair enough.”

“So what about your job?”

“What about it? I was fired. There isn’t much I can do about it now.”

“It seems like you’re giving up.”

“Giving up implies I have some control to give up. The decision has been made. I’m in the learning to move on phase. Want to join me and my loaner dog for a walk?” I asked.

“Deal.”

Rooster jumped into the open door of the car and sat in the passenger seat. His tongue lolled out the side and he looked ready to roll.

“Guess you get the back,” I said and she laughed. It looked like I might get a royal pardon.

There are a lot of downsides of being unemployed. The lack of money of course, and there is the whole potential for eviction thing. There are, however, a few upsides; one of them being that you can sleep in. Unemployed people have the benefit of having all day to do the various daily living tasks that working people fit into the corners of their day. That’s why I was so annoyed when the phone started ringing at 6:30 in the morning.

Rooster was adjusting to his new role as king of the manor. He was spread out in the bed next to me. His head and muzzle rested on the other pillow, his body tucked in under the covers. It appeared that he was taking up more bed real estate than I was. The phone rang again. It seemed like a lot of work to pick it up. It didn’t look as if Rooster considered phone answering duties were under his domain. The answering machine in the living room picked up the call, the voice message ringing through the condo, and then came the beep.

“Erin? Are you there? It’s Jonathon.”

I sat straight up, shoved Rooster off the bed, and reached across to pick up the extension on the nightstand. The answering machine squealed with feedback in the other room.

“Are you kidding me?” I sputtered into the receiver.

“I know you might be mad.”

“Might be? I think you could take the risk and go out on the limb to assume that I will be mad. In fact, pissed might be a fair term too. Blackmail? You knew that would get me fired and you didn’t even care.”

“You quit, actually.”

“Fuck you.”

“Look, you’re right. I was out of line, but so were you. You just dropped me. Not a word of explanation, you just stopped taking my calls. I was hurt. When Brenda started asking all sorts of questions, the story just came out.”

“You want an explanation for why I’d break up with you? How about you’re married? Or we could go with your lies. There was the time when you didn’t mention you were married, or we could stick with the lies about how you were going to leave your wife at any moment. Then there’s our all time favorite lie—how you really loved me.”

“That was never a lie,” Jonathon said in his sad, bruised little-boy voice. I knew this voice. This was the voice that would be used to break plans or to explain again why we couldn’t do something.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter now. At the end of the day what happened was my choice. I made you into what I wanted you to be, but I’m done lying to myself. What do you want?”

“I wanted to know if we could get together. I miss you. I want to see you.”

I felt my mouth fall open in shock. “Are you kidding me? I don’t know how to make this more clear. This relationship was a mistake and I can’t change the fact I made mistakes, but I can stop making them. You should do the same.”

Rooster looked put out with the raised voices. I couldn’t blame him really. It was pretty early to be having soap opera drama. I could just picture Jonathon sitting in his Jaguar parked outside his house whispering his plans into his cell phone.

“I didn’t know how much the job meant to you. I can try and fix it or maybe talk to another station.”

“You never knew that my job was important to me because you never listened. Besides, that excuse is bullshit. You knew it was important and that’s why you were happy to throw me under the bus. You wanted your revenge and now you got it. Sorry if you don’t like the outcome. That makes two of us.”

“But that’s what I’m saying. We can start over. I’m sorry. I’ll admit it. I was way out of line. But we can turn this around. If you want the job back, then I’m sure I could do something, maybe pull some strings. Just go out with me.”

“Are you saying if I sleep with you I can have my job?”

“No,” Jonathon said drawing out the word so that the real meaning was stretched out. “Come on, Erin. Let me make it up to you.”

“So, you’ll take me out someplace nice.”

“I was thinking we could have dinner at your place. That way we could talk.”

“Talk, huh?”

Jonathon chuckled. He was so in love with his own charm he couldn’t believe the feeling wasn’t mutual. I couldn’t believe I’d dated him. The back of my mouth felt oily and foul.

“So I make you a good dinner, we talk, and then in the morning you’ll talk to Wayne about my job,” I said softly.

“I would have to, wouldn’t I? I couldn’t have my best girl unhappy. So can I come over tonight?”

“No. Not tonight, not ever. The job isn’t worth it. No job would be worth it. I deserve better than you and I always did. Why I settled is a mystery, but I don’t plan to waste another minute on it or you.” I hung up the phone and heard the sound echo in the other room as the answering machine clicked off. I flopped back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

I couldn’t decide if Jonathon was either the most arrogant man alive or simply to be pitied for being completely delusional.

“Can you believe that?” I yelled out to Rooster who didn’t feel the question required an answer. He jumped back into bed and paced in a circle until he found the sweet spot and lay back down. Jonathon could sugarcoat it any way he wanted, but he basically offered my job for sex. You would think for a lawyer he would be familiar with the term
sexual harassment
. Anyone else who heard that conversation would know it for the slimy underhanded deal that it was.

I sat back up. My fingers drummed on the duvet cover keeping pace with my racing thoughts. I threw the covers off and hobbled out to the other room. I approached slowly, but there it was, a blinking red light on the answering machine. People used to make fun of me for hanging on to my ancient answering machine instead of getting digital voice mail. I was starting to think hanging onto my machine was going to be the best thing I’d ever done. One new message.

Blink

Blink

Blink

The whole conversation was recorded. I clutched the answering machine close to my chest and slid slowly down to the floor. Maybe the conversation wasn’t the way I remembered. Maybe, I hadn’t heard it right. I pressed the button with a shaking finger.

I listened to the conversation all the way through three times. Then I got up. I needed a shower, some coffee, and a pen. It was time do something instead of waiting to see what would happen. I yanked the phone cord out of the wall. I didn’t want any more calls this morning. I needed silence. It felt like the room was filled with static electricity. The hair on my arms was standing on end and my fingers were tingling as if they had fallen asleep and were slowly waking back up. It felt like all of me was waking up.

I stood outside the station and took a few deep breaths. I had spent hours transcribing the tape and doing some research on Google. I took my time picking out what to wear. When I was sure I was ready, I thought of one more thing. I went back on line and did a quick image search. I found it eventually, a picture of the real Princess Diana. She was looking out at the camera. She looked soft and beautiful, but you could also see just a hint of her steel core, her chin tilted forward just a touch and glint in her eyes. I printed out the picture and put it in my pocket.

The receptionist stood up when I entered. I was certain the story of my firing was all over the station by now. I wasn’t sure if she would even allow me into the building. I wasn’t an employee anymore, but part of my plan relied on the added benefit of surprise. If I had to sign in, wear a giant blue VISITOR badge, and have my presence announced upstairs it was going to take things down a notch. The receptionist opened her mouth to say something, but I crutched right past her without a word. The elevator pinged and opened just as I walked up. Destiny. I stepped in and pushed the button for the ninth floor.

I strode past the first few rows of cubicles. My heart picked up the pace in response to the buzz of whispers that trailed in my wake. I held onto my folder. I could make out the shape of the jewel CD case inside. I had made a copy of the answering machine tape. Two copies. One can never be too prepared.

“Erin?”

I turned to see Kevin, Colin’s old partner facing me. He looked pale and thin. Rehab hadn’t been good to him. He looked like he should go back on the bottle. The station must have called him in after I got fired to do the show with Colin again. I raised my chin and stood up straighter.