Distorted Hope (20 page)

“Your face is so expressive, Kitten,” he said, running his hands down my temple and smiling. His eyes crinkled at the corners. “What were you thinking?”

“Nothing important.”
Did I really want to know?
Did it matter?
I was the mother of his child and nothing more. He didn’t have feelings for me.

“Tell me,” he urged gently. “Please.”

His ‘please’ surprised me. He was a man who said ‘jump’ and the people around him asked ‘how high?’ and yet he was using ‘please’ to find out what I was thinking about?

“I was wondering if you would be with other women. The other girls, I mean… or others, I guess.” I didn’t know if Nathan went out and picked up women. He hadn’t left the hacienda since I’d arrived. At least as far as I knew.

His expression closed down at my words, impossible to read.

“It’s okay if you do,” I continued quickly. “I mean, you can do as you like. I was just wondering. But since you have… the other girls… just so I know…” My voice trailed off.
How stupid did I sound? Why did it matter?
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have asked if you hadn’t… asked. It’s none of my business. I know. I’m sorry.”

Nathan leaned down and kissed me, delving his tongue gently between my parted lips. His hand cupped the back of my head, tangling his hand in my hair. His mouth was demanding—demanding I open myself to him. I had no choice but to submit.

“No, Kyra,” he said in a husky voice, inches from my mouth. “I have no desire for any woman but you.” He kissed me again and then sat up. “I haven’t since you arrived.”

My eyes widened in shock. “You… what?” He couldn’t be serious.

“You’re a different sort of woman, Kyra. Something I haven’t seen in a very long time.” He took my hand and kissed the palm. “I kept you away from me because I didn’t want to interfere in Jason’s work. But I can’t let him have you if you’re having my baby.” He pressed his lips together for a moment. “I don’t want to be cruel, Kyra. I don’t want to make you unhappy, but a baby deserves to be raised by two parents who love him or her. Your relationship with Jason would only confuse things.”

That hit a sore spot in my heart. Of course I would want my child being raised by loving parents. My grandparents had done their best with me, but they were older and my grandfather was a hard man.

I glanced up at Nathan. He was a hard man. Would he be as distant as my grandfather had been with me? He looked at me with soft, gray eyes. He seemed different. Really different. “So what happens now?”

The corners of his eyes crinkled. “We get to know each other. I give you time to get over Jason.” He leaned down to kiss me again. “And then we’ll get married.”

Not for the first time today, my senses were blown away at someone’s words. “Married?”

Nathan nodded. “Call me old fashioned, but I prefer my child to have married parents.”

Marry an arms dealer? I didn’t know what to say. I rubbed my eyes and temples. This was getting to be too much. My head was starting to hurt. I just wanted to go to sleep.

“Have you eaten today?”

I shook my head, grateful for the change in subject.

He looked at his watch. “Let’s go have some lunch. You need to eat.”

“Yes, Pa— er, Nathan.” It felt weird, calling him that out loud, even though I called him that in my head. I’d only called him by his name once before and it was the night he’d pushed me out of bed.

He smiled and helped me to my feet. “Everything will be okay, Kyra. I promise.”

At lunch, Nathan seemed more relaxed than he had since I’d arrived. He laughed easily at comments made by the men at the table. The men, Mark especially, seemed very surprised at his demeanor.

Jason ate quickly. He refused to speak to anyone and wouldn’t look at me. As soon as he was done, he left.

I blinked away tears as Jason exited the room. My heart ached for him. Not only did I want him back, my heart ached for his hurt. He’d been working so hard, being so careful so the two of us could be together. We’d grown so close the last few weeks. He was even prepared to stay on with Nathan once the project was done in case Nathan didn’t release me.

But that was all over. Nathan would definitely not let me go now, not with me pregnant. And he was talking about marriage, too. How would that work? Oh, this was all too much to think about.

“Luís needs to pull the IUD out as soon as possible,” Mark was saying to Nathan.

“When?”

“He said he’d come back today if you wanted. I wanted to tell you before he did it. I… wasn’t sure how you’d react to the news.”

I felt Nathan looking at me. “I think I’m looking forward to having a child.”

I looked up at him and was startled by the tender look in his eyes. Was he looking at me that way because I was pregnant? Or because of me?

“Call Luís,” Nathan said. “Tell him whenever he wants to do it is fine with me.”

I spent the afternoon reading in Nathan’s office while he worked. Dr. Perez would come the next day to remove the IUD. I curled up in the corner of the couch after he told me I didn’t have to sit on the floor anymore. When I started yawning, Nathan urged me to lie down on the couch and take a nap. I was asleep within minutes.

Nathan woke me by stroking my hair and whispering my name. I opened my eyes to see him giving me a tender look. “Dinner time,” he said in a gentle voice. “You feeling okay?”

I nodded as I sat up. “Thank you for letting me nap.”

He was sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. “I want you to take care of yourself. Nap when you need to. Eat when you need to. Tell me if you need or want anything. Pregnancy can make you crave strange things.” He chuckled. “I will have to have Juanita and Beatriz ready for anything in the kitchen. It will likely change often.”

“You know about pregnancy?”

His eyes took on a pained look. “A little. At least the first half of it.”

I desperately wanted to ask about Danielle but kept my mouth shut. He gave me a sad smile and then helped me to my feet. “We will get to know each other better, Kitten.”

Jason disappeared upstairs after dinner and Nathan let him. Nathan watched with understanding on his face as Jason jogged up the stairs as quickly as he could, and then gave me a sympathetic look as I blinked back tears. “It will get easier, Kitten,” he said, cupping my cheek. “Time heals wounds.”

He took me by the hand and led me over to the large sitting area in the middle of the room. The girls started wandering in and gave him adoring looks. He greeted each of them by name as they passed by. More than one pair of eyes widened at the sight of my hand in Nathan’s.

Amé started to ask me something, but hurried away at the warning look from Nathan. I wondered if I wouldn’t be able to be friends with the other girls anymore. I hoped not; I liked them.

Nathan motioned to the chair next to him. “You can sit there, Kitten.”

I blinked in surprise. He raised his brows in amusement and just a hint of a warning and I sat down quickly, gathering my legs beneath me and trying to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. That, however, was impossible, as now everyone in the room was staring at me. Women sat on the floor—it was the rule. My face turned pink and I stared down at the hem of my blue dress.

Nathan stood next to his chair and looked around, seeming to appraise the room with an amused look on his face. The girls were all staring at him with avid curiosity. The men looked curious, as well, except Mark, who knew what was going on. Mark watched Nathan with an impassive expression on his face, but the hint of satisfaction I had seen in his eyes the first night I arrived was there again.

“You are all looking at me as if I’ve grown a second head,” Nathan said with amusement. The girls giggled and whispered to one another. “Alright,” he said with a broad grin and glanced down at me with affection. “I’m not sure if the news has been spread around…” Nathan looked at Mark, who shook his head. “Kyra is pregnant with my child.”

The room erupted with gasps and frenzied whispers on the girls’ part.

A grin appeared on Nathan’s face. “I’m pleased with what happened.” He looked down at me again. “Very pleased, although it wasn’t expected or planned.” He reached out and stroked my hair. “I’m very happy.”

I smiled, that he was happy about the situation but still brokenhearted over Jason.

“Yes, girls, you can go talk to Kyra. For a few minutes.”

I was immediately surrounded by the girls and hugged. Questions came at me from all sides and congratulations, too. I struggled to understand it all and wanted to run away, but my friends were happy for me.
My friends.
I had friends. I liked that I had friends, but at the moment, I just wanted peace and quiet.

“Alright, girls,” Nathan said after a few minutes, “you can talk to her tomorrow.” The girls dispersed and I gave Nathan a grateful look.

The men started talking around me and I was forgotten. Well, not really. Nathan put his hand on mine every once in a while, but I really had nothing to add to the conversation. They talked about sports and things happening around the hacienda. Once again, Nathan seemed more relaxed than he’d been since I had arrived. How could my being pregnant be related to that?

I stared at the steps leading up to the second floor—the steps Jason had taken a little while ago. I wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling. Was he okay? Did he miss me like I missed him? Oh, how my heart hurt!

“Julia.” Nathan called Mark’s sister over to him and she immediately came over. I wondered if Nathan would have Julia give him a blowjob.

Julia was a year older than I and had dark eyes like her brother and short, almost-black hair. She was of average height and weight, but had a nice figure and a very pretty smile, which was rarely hidden.

I really didn’t care if Nathan wanted to use Julia in front of me. Maybe I could sneak upstairs and see Jason.

“Yes, Patrón?” Julia said, kneeling at his feet.

“Why don’t you go upstairs and see how Jason is doing. He might need some cheering up, since he’s not to be with Kyra anymore.”

My head snapped up at Nathan’s suggestion. My wide eyes filled with tears as Julia nodded and stood to go upstairs. As she passed me, Julia gave me an apologetic look. I looked back down at my dress-covered knees and tried not to think about Jason being with another woman.

I tried to subtly wipe away the tears escaping my eyes but wasn’t very successful. When Julia didn’t return right away, it became harder to hold back the drops of misery in my eyes.

“Kyra,” Nathan said in a quiet voice. I looked up to see sympathy in his eyes. He reached for my hand and pulled me into his lap, holding my head against his chest and stroking my hair.

Of all the girls, I could see Jason liking Julia. She was sweet and cheery, and I liked her a lot. My heart hurt as images of him kissing her, touching her…

I burst into tears.

Nathan held me tightly and kept stroking my hair, trying to calm me, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop. A few minutes later, I felt myself being lifted and looked through wet eyes to see myself high in the air in Nathan’s arms. He carried me upstairs and down the patio into his room—far away from Jason’s room.