Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (4 page)

It feels surreal walking across the grass towards the red headed female who is sitting on the bench overlooking the pond.

I remember her sitting in that very spot the night of Crystal’s funeral. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I touched her neck and played with her hair.

I’d never come closer to kissing her than I had in that moment. It seems such a long time ago.

She doesn’t look up as I make my way over, nor does she look at me when I sit on the opposite end of the bench. I give her the space she wants. If I had it my way, I’d…

“Thank you for coming,” she says softly, interrupting my thoughts.

I hold out a hot paper cup full of coffee. “A peace offering,” I tell her as she eyes the coffee warily. “I assume you drink it the same way.”

“I don’t have sugar anymore,” she states but takes the cup anyway. “I assume you like it the same way as before?”

“I’m a man of habit,” I admit and then cringe, recalling the very habit that contributed to the breakdown of our marriage in the first place. The coffee is good; I focus on that. “I’m sorry…”

“I think that…”

We both speak at the same time and fall into an uncomfortable silence.

The wind blows across us and I get a hit of her scent. She still smells like rhubarb. I wish above all else that I hadn’t picked this location to meet her. The nostalgia is killing me.

Killing me.

I inhale deeply and cross my legs at the ankles. She watches my movements out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m sorry for how I greeted you and for how things ended today,” she tells me and I’m shocked at the apology. “I’d really just like to put things behind us so we can move forward. I’m sure you…”

I raise my hand, silencing her. “Don’t apologise. I acted like an idiot. It was just… Elle, I haven’t seen you in so long.” I turn towards her. “I was awful to you. I think I’ve always been awful to you.”

Her lips part. “Things happen. I’m over it.”

We keep a hold of each other’s eyes. I watch as the wind whips her hair to the left, some of it catching the gloss on her lips before freeing itself. She’s changed so much, yet at the same time she hasn’t.

“Are you hungry?” I ask, wanting to keep her in my company for as long as possible. “I skipped lunch.”

She whips her head round to stare at my profile. “No, I’m perfectly fine.” Perfectly fine? Who is this robot? “Can we just…”

“Let’s go to lunch.”

“You agreed to meet me here.”

“I’ve changed my mind.”

“I’d rather just…”

I stand and face her, offering her my hand. “Let’s go and eat.”

“I’m not hungry.” She’s lying. Her poker face hasn’t gotten any better in the past four years.

“You’re hungry.”

“Whatever…” A flash of teen Elle just shone through. I feel victorious. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Your fiancé waiting for you?”

She rolls her eyes. “What are we doing here, Isaac?”

Good question. “Is it wrong that I want to catch up? It’s been four bloody years. Surely we can discuss our divorce like adults over dinner?”

I know I’ve hit my mark when I see her shoulders sag. “Fine. Where do you want to eat?”

Smiling to myself, I offer her my hand again and this time she takes it. “I’ll drive.”

She doesn’t argue thankfully; she looks defeated. I think I’ve finally won a round.

Climbing into his car is a strange experience. It’s surprisingly clean and it smells of him. His scent hasn’t changed at all and I’m ashamed to admit that it still makes my mouth water.

I contemplate sitting in the back but decide against it as that would be childish.

“So, tell me about university.” He says softly and puts the car in gear. I’m glad he’s chosen an easy subject.

“I’m graduating in June.”

“That’s great news. Did you switch courses in the end?”

I nod. “I did and I’m glad of it. I’ve learned so much.” Crossing my legs at the knees, I relax a little and turn slightly towards him. “What about you? You’re teaching again?”

“In Boston. I come to see Mum and Dad every weekend.”

This stings a little. If things hadn’t deteriorated so rapidly, we’d probably have been living together in Cambridge by the end of our first year together. I push that thought away as it’s useless dwelling on it.

“How are they?”

He takes a moment. “Mum is… she’s frail. My dad is hanging in there.”

“And you?”

He glances at me out of the corner of his eye. “I’m fine. Things are steady. I like that.”

I can’t help but feel that that was a dig at me, or maybe I’m just sore at my prior revelation regarding what could have been instead of what is. “Good.” I don’t call him out on it; there’s no point.

“So, what else have I missed out on?”

“Well Jordan moved out when he graduated two years ago and Kira moved in.”

“You’re still close?”

“Jordan and I drifted as people do, but Kira and I are solid.”

“And Hayley?”

“She’s engaged to that guy she fell onto when we all went out for the day in Cambridge. Do you remember?”

He blinks, looking surprised. “No kidding?”

“No kidding.” I confirm, giggling a little. “They’re happy as can be. He’s a really nice guy.” I can’t resist getting my own dig in. “They’re such a
stable
couple.”

“Good for them.” His tone is sincere and wistful. “Makes you wonder if that would be us now if we’d waited.”

My mouth falls open just as he cringes. I can’t believe he just said that out loud. I know I thought it, but he said it. “What’s done is done.”

“Sure,” he mutters and finally we arrive at our destination.

We pull up outside a new Italian restaurant just at the edge of the town centre. I haven’t been here since it opened last year but I’ve heard good things.

Isaac rushes around the car to help me out, even though it’s not needed. I can’t lie; the feel of his warm, large hand encompassing mine is comforting. It’s been so long since I touched him and my body remembers it as if it were yesterday.

It takes no time for us to be seated, which is a relief, and takes even less time for us to order our drinks and food.

This is so strange.

I haven’t seen this man in so long and here he is, sitting before me. I take note of the weight he’s lost and the muscle tone he’s gained. There are a few white hairs peppering above his ears, but you can hardly tell as his hair, which he’s cut short, is a light blonde naturally. I used to love tugging on his long hair. I wonder why he’s had it cut short.

Maybe a new girlfriend prefers it?

I wonder how many lovers he’s had since we parted. Did our parting tear him up as much as it did me?

“I see your love of good food has changed.” Isaac comments after we order. “Salad, Elle, really?”

“I’m not eighteen anymore, Isaac. I need to look after my body.”

His eyes give my body a sweep and I note the way his pupils dilate instantly. “You look good.”

“Thank you.” I respond because I don’t know how else to. “Is your dad still Head Teacher?”

“Of course, retirement is still a way off for him.”

Grin. “Good.”

We fall into silence, both of us unsure of what to say. This has suddenly become awkward.

“Are you still seeing that guy?”

I tense. “What guy?”

“The guy I met in the restaurant four years ago.”

I think back and bite on my lips as the memory replays through my mind. I’d gone with Damon for dinner in a restaurant in Cambridge and Isaac happened to be there.

“It’s only been six months, Elle.” The pain and anguish in his voice broke me. Still, to this day, the look in his eyes when Damon told him that we were dating makes my chest tingle in the worst way. “It’s only been six months.” He sounded so sad, so defeated and weak.

What’s worse is that I didn’t stop there. I stuck the knife in deeper. I remember exactly what I said and exactly how powerful and cruel I felt while I spoke. “You were right when you said that teenagers fall out of love easily.” I used his own fear against him, fear that I’d grow up and lose my love for him. His fear was that my love was childish and not real. It wasn’t the case, but I twisted that knife anyway. “I did. I grew up and realised that the man I was married to wasn’t the same man that I fell in love with. When I came to that conclusion, the love fell away to mourning. I got over that and moved on.”

I watched his face harden and set and, to be honest, I felt a deep satisfaction in hurting him. It killed me at the same time that it made me feel really good.

“I should have listened to my dad. I should never have gone after you.” And that’s when he pulled that metaphorical knife from his chest and plunged it into mine.

“I was never seeing him. That was Damon. He’s my best friend.” His answering look is one of confusion, so I clear things up for him. “He just said that to piss you off and because, well, you deserved it.”

Isaac leans back in his seat. His eyes linger on me; they give away nothing. “So who are you seeing?”

“Why are you so interested?”

“We’re catching up, remember?”

Eye roll. “Fine… who are you seeing?”

“Nobody.” He tells me without pause and sips his drink as soon as the waiter places it on the table along with mine.

“Nobody?” I find that hard to believe, though he looks to be telling the truth. Not that I can claim to be an excellent judge as to when he’s lying.

“Who are you seeing?”

I open my mouth, Silas’ name on the tip of my tongue, but, before I can stop myself, I lie. “Nobody.”

Why? Why would I say that?

I try to tell myself that it’s because I know Isaac will give me a rough time and make this divorce even harder if he finds out, but I’m pretty sure that my own excuses are lies also.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

I shrug. “I don’t have time to date, Isaac. I work hard; I study hard; I never miss classes.”

Stop! Stop! Stop!

He smiles softly at me. “You should be proud of yourself.”

“I am.” I find myself smiling back.

“What are your plans after you graduate?”

“I’m not sure. I’d like to buy a few places and fix them up, get myself on the property ladder. My main goal is to get an apprenticeship with one of the greatest architects in the world.”

“That’s amazing, Elle. I’m so happy you haven’t lost your drive.” He rests back and eyes me warmly. “But if that’s the case, then why don’t you want the house in the divorce?”

I open my mouth to respond but I can’t think of a reason to give him that makes sense. “I’m… I’m not totally sure. I haven’t contributed anything to the mortgage in the past five years. It’d feel wrong taking something that I haven’t worked for.” I sip my wine and run my finger along the rim of the glass. “I just want to get this over and done with.”

Pain mixed with guilt flashes through his eyes and I instantly feel bad. Before I can apologise, the waiter is back with our food but I’m not so hungry anymore.

We eat in near silence, making little more than small talk. This is bad. I need to bring up the papers but I’m scared that if I push him he’ll make it harder for me.

“How long are you in town for?” He asks just as I finish my plate.

“I was hoping to be back in Cambridge tonight.”

“But you can stay another day?”

I pinch my lips together. “I’ve got a lot to get on with.” I pull out the spare papers from my bag. “So I’d really appreciate it if you’d just sign these.”

“I will.” He says and I want to cheer. “After breakfast tomorrow.” I almost choke on my drink. “I want you to visit with my dad before you leave, and my mum, and then I’ll sign.”

“You’re a little shit,” I tell him and he lets out a bark of startled laughter. “I won’t be blackmailed.”

“Whoa,” he holds his hands up defensively. “It’s a trade, not a blackmail. You have my word that I’ll sign tomorrow.”

My glare bores into him. Though his look is soft, it doesn’t soothe me.

“Please,” he asks kindly. “It would mean a lot.” 

“Fine.” I stuff the papers back into my bag. “I’ll play your game, but you have to promise me you’ll sign these.”

New Elle wouldn’t normally acquiesce so easily, but seeing Judith and John again will help me sleep better at night. I wanted to visit before now but after what John said to me, I’ve always been too nervous to just show up and I felt it wouldn’t be fair to Isaac if I didn’t distance myself.

He grins wickedly and takes my hand over the table. “I promise.”

She pulls her hand away as if I’ve burned her but I could not care less at this point. I feel high and happy. Maybe I shouldn’t be playing this dangerous game, but she just admitted she was never seeing Damon, which means she was never over me so suddenly after we parted. I’m not sure why this makes me happy; I just know it does and I want more of this sensation.

My phone vibrates with a message. It’s my dad asking when or if I’m going to be home.

Part of me hopes I’m not home tonight, but the more rational part of me knows that it’s unlikely to happen.

“You seem lost,” Elle says, her voice a soft rasp. “Everything okay?”

I put my phone away. “Just my dad.”

“Does he know I’m here?”

“Yes.”

“Does he want to see me?”

“You are family, Elle. He’ll always want to see you.”

She gives me a look of disbelief. “After everything your dad said to me, I highly doubt that.”

“It was a long time ago. He regretted it the same day he said it.” Although I’m not entirely sure what was said as my dad never went too much into detail. I do know that he wanted to apologise badly and probably still does to this day.

Her arms fold over her chest, pushing her breasts up and together. They’re bigger than they were four years ago. She notices me looking and frowns but says nothing. “Why didn’t he call then?”

“Why didn’t you?”

She shuts her mouth and sits back in her seat.

I add after a moment, “I told him not to call you.” Hurt flashes through her eyes, hurt that she doesn’t deserve to feel. “I didn’t want anyone holding you back. Despite what you probably believe, I did love and care about you.”

She swallows and bites onto her lower lip. Her eyes cast a mournful stare at the table and I want to reach over and take it away.

“I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.” I’m about to reach over to touch her hand again, but I’m interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing from her pocket. 

She ignores it.

It rings again.

I quirk a brow. “Aren’t you going to get that?”

Sighing, she pulls it from her pocket and cringes. “Hi, Dad.” I immediately tense. Bad memories revolving around him flood my mind - getting stabbed, being verbally berated and abused for months in a job I hated and then I sold my relationship with Eloise to him. I fucking hate myself right now. Looking back, I realise how lucky I was. Eloise, though young and naïve at times, was good to me and my family. I treated her like shit. She deserved so much better. “I’m just out to dinner… yes… with Isaac.” She turns away as if to gain a little bit of privacy. “We’re discussing the divorce.”

I hear her father yell, “Hallelujah!” And instantly want to hit him.

“Don’t be an idiot. I have to go.” She smiles when he says something I can’t hear. “I love you too. I’ll be home soon.” She hangs up the phone and looks back at me. “I’m sorry about that.”

I wave her off. If only she knew, she wouldn’t be saying she was sorry at all. She wouldn’t even be here with me.

Her head tilts to the side as her warm eyes scan my face, “Are you okay? You suddenly look really pale.”

I nod and wink at her, loving the way her cheeks pink. “I’m good.” She doesn’t seem to take my word for it but she doesn’t push either.

She checks the clock on the wall behind me. “Would you mind dropping me off at my parents’?”

“You have plans?”

“Well seeing as I’ve been persuaded to stay the night, I’m going to join a few friends for drinks after watching a movie with my mum.”

I nod, wishing we didn’t have to end our meeting here. “Do you have to go now?”

It’s selfish of me to prolong this but I’m enjoying her company. It’s completely innocent; I just forgot until now how comfortable I’ve always felt around her.

“I really should head back now.” She drains the last of her drink and places it on the table. “Thank you for lunch, though, and for making this amicable.”

“No problem.”

Eloise stays quiet for a lot of the journey back to her parents’ house. I don’t blame her. This is slightly awkward; it has been so long.

I always wondered what it would be like when we saw each other again.

Would we fall straight back into our easy comfort like before?

Clearly that isn’t the case, despite the fact we seemed so at ease over lunch.

It stings a little that she’s so eager and quick to leave me. Of course I don’t blame her for it, it’s just not the nicest feeling in the world. I’m not even sure why it is that I’m making her stay. I just feel as though I’ll regret it if I don’t get to spend a bit more time with her, especially since we both so easily vanished from each other’s lives for four years.

Why didn’t I call? I should have called.

I know that our marriage fell apart but she deserved more from me than total silence. Or maybe that was the best thing I could have done for her. It certainly felt that way at the time.

The more I look back, the less I see any of her faults. She stood by me at my worst. She should have left me but instead I left her.

I was a horrible person to her. Horrible.

“What’s wrong?” Eloise asks, concern swimming in those beautiful green eyes.

I plaster on a smile and shake my head. “Nothing. Just lost in thought.”

Her returning smile is warm. We take a right onto her parents’ street and I hate the way my heart deflates. I left her and I’ve barely spared her a thought in four years.

And now here she is, grown up and even more beautiful than I can remember, and I don’t have anything to say.

There’s literally nothing I can say. She deserves better than me. She always did.

“I’ll call you in the morning,” she says as I slow to a stop at the end of the long driveway leading up to one of the largest houses in town.

I grab her hand before she can leave and her eyes fly to where we’re connected. Her hand is soft and warm under my own and so dainty. She doesn’t move but I notice a flush break out over her cheeks and wonder if she’s still as affected by me as she used to be.