Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (13 page)

“Good morning, John.” I recognise the voice as belonging to Sharon, Elle’s mother. “I hope I’m not intruding but I felt like walking down with Eloise.”

“Not at all. Morning, Elle. You look… rough.” My dad tells her honestly. He’s an idiot. You never tell a woman they look rough.

“She’s a bit on the ill side.”

“I’m fine. I was up all night studying.” I hear Eloise respond as I step onto the landing. “I have an exam tomorrow. It’s an informal one but it’s still important if we want a chance at working alongside Professor Matterson.”

“Who?” I ask as I descend the stairs.

“He’s the founder of the architecture department. He’s amazing.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” My dad beckons them into the living room and I follow shortly after.

“We won’t stay long. I’m actually heading back to Cambridge today,” Elle tells us, though her eyes avoid my own. “I wanted to say goodbye and pick up my car.”

“How are you feeling now? We haven’t had much time to call lately… considering…” Dad trails off, clearly referring to Silas and everything else. His wary eyes flicker to me. I shrug, trying to tell him that it’s okay to talk about it. I need to get used to it. I don’t want to… but I need to. “How is your partner, Silas was it?”

I’m actually surprised he hasn’t asked her about him sooner.

“He’s great. He’s actually in Bristol at the moment. He has family there.”

“He’s also overseeing Elle’s new venture so that she can enjoy time with her friends,” Sharon states almost proudly and her accusatory eyes come to me. I understand her vehemence. I held Eloise back whereas this guy is a fucking saint. I get it. I don’t need to be chastised for it though.

“New venture?” I ask as Elle snaps at her mother for divulging things she shouldn’t. “What new venture?” I push, hating that I’m missing something about new Elle.

“I’m…” her tongue skims over her lower lip as she looks around the room nervously. “I’ve bought an Inn. It’s about twenty minutes from Bristol and so close to the River Boyd. It’s beautiful. We’re in the process of fixing it up.”

Wow. “That’s… that’s amazing, Elle. I’m so happy for you.” I want and need to hear more. I want her face to light up as she talks about ceiling designs and skirting boards and other such things that are usually boring. She makes them interesting… or she used to. “I’d love to see it sometime.”

“Sure. When it’s finished it’ll be open to the public.”

That was a subtle rejection. Ouch.

“And this is something you and your young man are doing together?” My dad presses.

Eloise nods.

“I’m happy for you and I wish you all the best. I will certainly be one of the first to visit.”

Sharon checks her watch and nudges Eloise, who winces when she too sees the time. “We should go.”

“I’ll see you out.” I stand and wait for them all to say their goodbyes before leading them to the door.

“Mum.” Eloise passes the car keys to her and gives her a look that has Sharon moving to the car without objection. Then she turns to me and my palms get clammy. “I want to apologise.”

She does? “For what?”

“For the way I behaved yesterday.”

I’m confused. “Huh?”

She steps closer and smooths her hands over her hair. Her fingertips press the studs further into the bun, keeping it in place. My nose immediately locks onto that rhubarb scent that always made my cock twitch. “I won’t lie to you. I got jealous.”

She said that out loud. She admitted it.

“I had no right to get jealous.” Her hands fall to her sides and her eyes, sparkling with sincerity, scan my face. “Although I don’t think anyone would blame me… look at you. You were mine once upon a time.”

The flirtatious Eloise I once knew is shining brightly from the depths of her green eyes. “I only ever wanted you, Elle.”

That flame in her eyes is doused. “Right. Of course you did.”

“It’s true! I know I… things ended badly but there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t regretted it. Which you know all ready.”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t want to rehash any of it ever again. I just want to call a truce. Starting from this point forward, can we just pretend like none of it ever happened?”

“Elaborate?”

“The marriage, the gambling, the affair, all of it…”

My heart clenches, “You had an affair?”

“What?” Pause. “NO! You did!”

“I bloody well didn’t.”

“Umm… yes you did. With that Petal bitch from the casino.”

She’s joking… right? “You told me you believed me!”

“And stupidly I did until I caught you both together.”

I’m so fucking confused. “Elle, what are you talking about?”

“The day I left, Hayley and I followed you. You went straight to the casino. I saw you holding that… that home wrecking little slut’s hand with my own eyes!”

“Elle… I swear to you I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

How can he lie to my face? “It’s been years, Isaac. Fucking years. You don’t need to pretend anymore.”

“I’m not pretending!” His hands come to my shoulders and squeeze them tight enough to keep me in place but not to hurt me. “I didn’t cheat on you! I haven’t seen her since we broke up.”

Language escapes me. I don’t know what to say. He seems so genuine. “But… I saw you.”

“I don’t remember what you saw but I swear to you, I never, ever touched Petal in more than a platonic way. Ever. She wasn’t my type.”

“But then…” My mouth closes and my lips pinch together. I feel my eyes burn as I realise that if he’s right, I left sooner than I wanted. It was that thing that made me choose to leave. “Why did you break up with me? I thought you left me for somebody else.”

He scratches at the back of his neck before linking his fingers together there. “I was in a shit place. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of.”

“You went to rehab?”

His laugh is a grim one. “I’ve been to rehab a few times…”

The horn honks, startling us both. I turn and hold my hand up to my mum, who is glaring at me through the windscreen of the car and tapping the watch on her wrist.

“I… I have to go.” I sigh and frown. “Can I call you? I’d like to talk more about this.”

“Why?” His tone is panicked.

“Because…” Mum honks again. “I’ll call you.” I feel like I’ve made a breakthrough. I know that it’s a late one but… HONK. “Stop!” I yell at her. “I’m coming.”  My hand seeks Isaac’s and when I find it, I grip it tight. “I’ll call you.”

He says nothing as I release him and rush to the car. The second my foot is on the accelerator I begin to tell my mother off, not that she listens. She’s bloody mental.

My mum isn’t well and it has us all concerned. This morning when I visited her with my dad she looked gaunt and almost yellow. Though her attitude and mood hadn’t changed since the last visit, she was still visibly sick.

Nobody really knows what to do. They’ve got her on a round of antibiotics after doing a series of blood tests. There’s no telling if she’ll get better or worse. She’s not in control of her mind enough to let us know the specific reason that she’s ill.

It’s breaking my heart to think of it and that’s all I seem to be doing these days…thinking. I have too much time on my hands, so when I get a random call from Jocelyn, I don’t hesitate to answer.

Nor do I hesitate to agree to meet her at the pub in town on the high street.

It’s time I started to live my life again, although I do feel guilty that it’s with somebody Elle knows through Hayley. I’m sure this is probably going against some kind of code. I still don’t talk myself out of it. I need the distraction. I need to stop living my life around a girl that no longer exists.

“You look amazing,” Jocelyn tells me as we take our seats in a side booth. She slips along the bench, being careful not to shift her tight skirt any further up her thighs. “Thank you for meeting me tonight.”

“Thank you for inviting me.” I continue assessing her, rolling my eyes over her curves and her face numerous times when I think she isn’t looking, though she probably is. She’s attractive. I can’t deny it. She’s just not… “Speaking of which, I forgot to ask…”

“How did I get your number?” And she’s psychic. “Eloise.”

That catches me off guard. “Eloise gave you my number?”

“She gave Hayley your number to give to me. I knew you wouldn’t call.”

“I might’ve.”

“I know men… you were never going to call. I took the initiative. It’s fine; it suits me. I like control.” She sips more of her drink and I glug a huge mouthful of my beer.

“I’ve been single for a while. I don’t know how to not be single anymore.”

“She has you that hung up, huh?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Whatever… I’m not really interested in that anyway.” I should be annoyed at how indifferent she is and how forward, but I oddly find it quite alluring. She’s fiery, feisty. A wild card. Definitely not what I’d call wife material but I don’t think that’s her aim anyway. Maybe this is why I find her so attractive. “I won’t know many people at Hayley’s wedding. I need a wingman. You’re my wing man.”

“Your wingman?”

“My date. You’ll be there looking all awkward like the jealous ex. I’ll be there looking all awkward because I can’t be bothered to try and loosen up a bunch of stiffs.” She grins, no doubt inwardly finding her plan genius. “Besides, I think we match well.”

“I…” I genuinely don’t know what to say. “Fine. I’ll be your date.”

“Good.” A flicker of anxiousness takes over her features before relief abolishes it. Was she nervous I’d say no? She’s not as tough as she seems. Suddenly I find her even more attractive. “Let’s drink and get to know each other better before our date.”

I click my glass against hers. “Hear hear.”

“Now…” She begins to grin again, this time mischievously. “I have to know…”

“Go on.” I take another mouthful of my beer.

“What’s it like fucking in a classroom?”

I almost spray my beer across the table but manage to choke it back in time.

“Actually don’t tell me! If our date goes well at the wedding… I want you show me.”

I’ve forgotten how to think about anything.

“That’s if you even want to.”

I open my mouth, close it, open it, close it and open it one last time, but nothing comes out.

“We’ll see how we feel.” She waves me off before tapping her empty glass. “We should eat. Are you hungry?”

“Definitely,” I respond, unable to speak about anything that she just said. What the hell is wrong with me? Did Elle take my cock with her when she left me?

Fuck.

I need to get a grip.

“You seem very confident.” I point out.

“I just like things to go my way. I expect little but what I do expect, I’m not afraid to ask for.” She grins wickedly.

“I love that. More people should be like that.” Resting back, I stretch my arm across the back of the booth.

“Men usually find it sexy.”

“It is.”

“For real?” She raises a sceptical brow. “I feel like I’m clutching at straws to keep you interested.”

“I am interested.”

Her sceptical brow vanishes as a smile appears on her face. “Good. So am I. But not… I’m not trying to marry you or anything.”

“I’m not a total idiot.”

Her laughter draws the eyes of those close by. Men are as mesmerised by her heavy cleavage as I should be. “I don’t think you are; don’t worry. I like fun but I travel too much for anything serious. I like flavour.”

“I used to be the same way.”

“And then you fell in love?”

I blow out a long breath and recall the memories that led me to where I am now. “And then I fell in love.”

“Here’s to fucking, not loving.” She clinks the glass against mine as I take my turn to laugh so loudly I draw the eyes of others onto us.

“Hear hear.” I down the last dregs of beer and pick up the menu. When our next round comes after we place our order at the bar, I raise my glass to myself. “Here’s to moving on.”

And that’s when lips meet mine and a finger hooks around the belt loop of my trousers, pulling me closer.

“She didn’t come back to mine, so I can only guess…” Hayley’s voice fades only to be replaced by a high pitched ringing noise in my ears.

“I’m losing you,” I lie and then hang up the phone so I can gather myself.

I basically handed my husband over to somebody else.

My ex-husband. I meant ex.

She doesn’t call back. I don’t call her back. This is the conversation I’ve been avoiding for a while. When Hayley called me to get Isaac’s number for Jocelyn, I couldn’t say no. She wasn’t being malicious, she just wanted to know whether she should run interference or hand it over.

I wanted to tell her to run interference. I wanted to tell her to punch Jocelyn in the nose. How could I though?

He clearly liked her. Even I could see they had chemistry. It’s none of my business.

So I gave Hayley his number to give to Jocelyn and now I fucking hate myself for it.

Even as I sit across from Silas, watching him type away on his laptop, knowing that last night he made love to me from behind so sweetly, his chest against my back, his lips against my ear, I can’t help myself but feel jealous, angry, pissed off, upset… all of the fucking above.

I need to get a grip.

“You’ve been staring at me for almost five minutes.” Silas says, not looking up from his laptop. “I’m not that pretty.”

“We’ve never had rough sex.” I blurt and his eyes, now wide with surprise, come to me.

“Sorry?”

“You should be,” I state and stand. “We always take out time and do it slowly.”

“You don’t enjoy it?”

“You know I do…” Sometimes. I won’t lie that there are times I’ve faked it, but I guess that’s normal in any relationship. “But variety is the spice of life, or so they say.”

His hands close the laptop and move it to the side. “You want me to be rough with you?”

Do I? Is that my point? “Yes.”

“That’s not really my thing.” He stands and pads over to me. His bare feet sink into the thick, soft rug that covers the floor between the two couches. “But I’ll try it…”

“Now?”

“Yes, now. No time like the present.” His grin is infectious as he comes to a stop before me and places his hands on my hips. “So… where do I throw you?”

A laugh escapes me. “I can’t direct you. Just feel it and do it.”

“Should I rip your top or something?”

“No! I like this top. I’ve had it for years.” It’s one of my favourites; the deep green really brings out the red in my hair and the green in my eyes.

“Well… I don’t know what to do. I feel a bit silly.”

“Fine.” I begin pushing him backwards until he falls back onto the couch he just vacated. His breath leaves him with a whoosh but he doesn’t protest. In fact his eyes darken when I climb onto him, effectively straddling him. My skirt is now up around my hips. I grip the collar of his shirt in a tight fist and slam my lips onto his.

His excitement presses against my sex and a moan leaves me.

This reminds me of the time I straddled Isaac on his couch… my hand instantly seeks out the longer hair I once grabbed but I find nothing but stubble on scalp and quickly remember where I am and who I’m with.

As if somebody threw me in a cold shower, my mood for this has gone and I’m climbing off him.

“Where are you going?” He asks, grabbing my naked thigh before I can stand. “I was enjoying myself. You’ve never been like that with me before.”

“I’m not in the mood and I have that paper to write.” I lie. I finished it an hour ago. “Besides… that kind of sex is supposed to be spontaneous and passionate.”

“That
was
spontaneous. One minute I was sat reassessing an entire paragraph in my dissertation and the next my gorgeous girlfriend is asking me to violate her body in the most delicious way.” He rolls me onto my back on the couch and hikes my leg over his hip. Fingers bite into my thigh but it does nothing to stimulate me.

I feel terrible for it, too. The reason I’m in such a shit mood is because my ex-husband is fucking a goddess.

I just need a few moments alone. I thought Silas could cure my mind of this poisonous thought, but instead it only fuelled it and now the only hands I want on me at this point belong to somebody else.

I can’t cope.

“Come on, Elle, I’m all worked up,” he whispers and his teeth nip my ear as his heated groin pushes against me.

“Not now.”

His teeth move from my ear, down my jaw and to my neck as my hands push between us, attempting to get the space I need. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

I feel my wrists come together above my head in a swift movement from him. He has them pinned so tightly my arms stretch and ache. I feel like one wrong move could dislocate my shoulders.

He brings my other thigh up before I can close my legs and suddenly my body locks instinctively as it senses danger.

“Sil…” I’m smothered with lips on mine. They pinch and hurt as I thrash my head from side to side to shake him off. I can’t breathe. His lips bruise my mouth so tightly my nose is crushed between our faces. Anguished screams leave my throat. I try to throw him off. I push at his chest with mine and attempt to roll sideways but the way my hands are pinned above me is too painful.

“Fucking beautiful,” he says.

“Stop!” I yell. “You’re hurting me!”

His weight is gone in a second and I’m being lifted. “Elle… are you okay?”

I flex my shoulders after wobbling on my feet for a moment.

“Answer me,” he demands, his eyes furious. “You said rough!”

“That’s not what I meant!” I shout back, taking a step away from him.

“How the hell was I supposed to know? You asked me to do something out of my comfort zone.”

“You’re supposed to read my body and know when to keep going and when to pull back. You don’t just go psycho!”

Throwing his arms in the air, he drops them back to his sides before running them over his head and pacing the area in front of me. “You wanted rough, you got rough. And now you’re mad?”

“You scared me,” I admit while my hands tug my clothing back into place.

Finally stopping his pacing and tense movements, he stares at me for a long pause. His voice is a low whisper when he finally speaks. “I’m just going to go.”

“That’s probably best,” I agree, holding my arms over my chest.

He doesn’t speak as he gathers up his things and brushes past me. I feel him hesitate when he opens the door to leave but he doesn’t turn back.

Part of me is sad he’s gone but the bigger part of me just wants to be alone anyway.

I shouldn’t have played him like that… I turned him on and then put on the brakes. That was unfair of me, though how was I supposed to know that I’d suddenly no longer want to do it? That doesn’t give him the right to treat me that way.

But he was giving me what I asked for. He probably thought I was just putting on an act so he’d get rough. He did stop as soon as I said for him to stop.

This isn’t his fault. He’s right. I asked him for something he doesn’t know how to give. He tried.

Now I feel bad, but I don’t send him an apology. I don’t call. I don’t even acknowledge him at all.

I call Damon instead and we curl up on the couch with ice cream, bad foreign films and a large bag of spicy tortilla chips.

Then we study for a while before driving to his parents’ house where I help his mum make dinner while his dad plies us all with alcohol.