Distant Heart (17 page)

“I don't know anything of the kind, and neither do you.”

That much was true. Still, Toni had to believe that since the Indians hadn't returned after all this time, that had to be a good sign of something. At any rate, she fervently prayed so.

“You stay here and wait for me,” Ginger said again. “I'll go find Amanda.”

But Toni was firm. “If she felt the need to lie to me in order to go off alone, there must be something wrong with her.”

“You just figuring that out?”

Toni hated the coldness in Ginger's tone. “No. But I'd hoped she'd start to pull out of it instead of going deeper.”

“Well, let's go, if you're determined to come along.”

They found her at the creek.

“Toni, are you seein' what I'm seein'?”

Bewilderment washed over Toni and she couldn't seem to move. Amanda's clothes were on the ground. She stood naked in the moonlight, her arms in the air as she spun around and around.

“What in tarnation does she think she's doing?”

“Obviously she doesn't know what she's doing.” Heartsick, Toni shook her head and fought back tears. “Oh, Ginger, she must be going mad.”

“Maybe we oughtta go get her before she hurts herself,” Ginger said. “I knew a man once lost his mind grievin' over his dead wife and son when cholera got 'em. He ran off into the river and drowned hisself just like that.”

“Let's go.” Toni moved with caution. “Be careful not to startle her. We don't know what she might do if we come up on her too quickly.”

Moving with care, they reached the woman. “Amanda,” Toni called softly. “It's Ginger and Toni. We're here to help you.”

Amanda burst into tears at the sight of them. She fell into Toni's arms. “Help me.”

Toni's heart twisted with compassion at the slurred cry for help. She stroked the woman's hair and prayed.

“Come on,” she finally said, “let's get you out of this cold air.” Amanda didn't even fight when the two women grabbed her clothes, helped her dress, and led her back to camp where they put her to bed. They slipped back outside the wagon and sat together on the ground against a wagon wheel.

“Should we tell anyone?” Ginger asked.

Bewildered by the whole thing, Toni shook her head. “I don't know.” If Amanda came to her senses soon, she would be humiliated. But if there was any chance she might be a danger to herself or anyone else, didn't they have a responsibility to let others know?

Blake cursed the day he'd decided to take one more wagon train of pioneers to Oregon. He should have left it at the last one like he'd intended and then he wouldn't be having all of these troubles. In the privacy of their tent, he said as much to his wife.

“You wouldn't have me either,” Fannie reminded him dryly. She lay in his arms outside of the wagon that Kip and Katie shared. Her hair tickled his cheek, but he didn't mind. As a matter of fact, he sort of liked the feeling.

“You're the only thing good about my life these days,” he grumped.

“Poor Amanda.” Fannie's voice rang with compassion. “What can we do for her?”

“I've half a mind to leave her at Fort Bridger when we get there.”

Fannie sat up, her red curls cascading down her shoulder and landing on Blake's chest. “You can't be serious.”

“I said I've half a mind.” He grinned and pulled her back
to his shoulder where she belonged. “The other half remembers that my wife would never speak to me again if I did it.”

“You best listen to that half. Because it's right.” Fannie fell silent but her breathing never shallowed, so he knew she wasn't asleep.

“Anything else on your mind?”

“No.” She took a sharp breath, and Blake held his tongue knowing she was about to speak again. “Well, more of what we're already discussing, really.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't think much of this until now, but Katie told me earlier that Amanda has been calling her Becca for a couple of days.”

Blake frowned into the darkness. “What do you reckon that means?”

“I'm not sure, but if she's losing her mind, she might be imagining that Katie is Becca. On the other hand, she might just be thinking a lot about her daughter these days, and since Katie and Becca were so close maybe she's just misspeaking by accident.”

“Could be. Never can be too careful, though.”

“You're right. I think I might want to keep a closer eye on my younger sister.”

Blake expelled a breath. “I'll set up a pallet for her on the other side of the tent. You go ahead and get her.”

Fannie sat up again and stared down at him. “Thank you, Blake. We'll have all the privacy you want as soon as we get to Oregon and you build me that fine cabin you're always talking about.”

“The one with our bedroom at one end and the twins' at the other?”

Laughter bubbled to her slender throat. “If that's what it'll take to keep you happy, then build the rooms wherever you want.” She lowered her head and kissed him. When she would have drawn back, Blake held her firm and kissed her more deeply. He pulled back and reached up, shoving her springy curls behind her delicate ears. “I love you, Mrs. Tanner.”

Her smile said it all, but still she whispered in the darkness, “And I love you.”

 

Charles Harrison watched from a distance as poor Mrs. Kane struggled to pull herself together enough to stir the pot of beans she was watching for supper. He wished he had the gumption to ask if she could use his help, but women were so sensitive about their abilities in the kitchen, he didn't want to offend.

She stumbled toward the pot and would have rocked into the fire if she hadn't caught herself just in time to jerk herself upright. The close call was enough for Charles. He strode forward, then stopped as Amanda pulled something from her apron pocket and tipped it to her lips.

Was the woman drinking? If so, that would explain her bizarre behavior of late. He'd noticed the staring, silence, and absences from camp. He understood, or thought he did, the way grief could change a person. After all, he'd left his two children to fend for themselves for the most part after his wife's death. He'd been surly and unkind in his grief.
But that hadn't lasted long. And truth be told, Mrs. Kane's sweet acceptance of Alfred made a large contribution to his return to himself. If there was anything he could do for her, he wanted to repay her kindness.

He frowned as she, once again, tipped what looked to be a bottle, to her mouth. As he neared the campsite, the acrid smell of smoke stung his nose. He glanced at the pot of beans Amanda stood over but they seemed fine. With a frown, he glanced around, searching for the source of the burning. In an instant, his heart nearly stopped beating as a flame engulfed the bottom of Amanda's skirt.

Scrambling to action, Charles barreled against her, knocking her to the ground and covering her with his own body. He barely felt the burning as the fire slowly faded away. Folks hurried over until a crowd had gathered.

“What happened?” Sam asked. He was closely followed by the little Indian woman. She went to Amanda immediately and stooped down next to her.

“Her skirt caught fire,” Charles explained.

Sam frowned and pointed to Charles's stomach. “What happened there?”

Charles looked down and saw the blood and the shard of glass protruding from him. He glanced at Amanda, but she remained oblivious. He shrugged. “I don't know.”

“Well, you best go see Grant Kelley. He's the one who seems to know how to fix everyone up.”

Charles hesitated. “It doesn't seem to be that bad. I could probably…”

“Don't worry, Mr. Harrison,” Toni said. “We'll take care
of Amanda. You go on and have Grant take a look at your wound.” Her eyes pleaded with him and Charles realized he wasn't the only one noticing Mrs. Kane's odd behavior.

“All right, Miss Toni,” he said. “I'll be back later to see how she's getting on.”

“Perhaps you should wait until in the morning. She has been exhausted lately and I fear she'll be asleep very soon.”

Although he knew he wouldn't sleep a wink for worrying about the woman, Charles knew he had no choice. “Morning, then.”

“Come for breakfast and bring the children.”

He appreciated her gesture and would have smiled, but the pain was beginning to intensify in his stomach. He placed his hand over the wound and it came away with more blood than he'd realized. “I-I better go find Mr. Kelley.”

“Wait a minute. That's a lot worse than it first appeared to be.” Sam grabbed his arm. “I'll get you to your wagon.” He turned to Kip. “Go get Grant.”

“Yes, Sir.” The lad took off, lickety split.

 

Pain sliced through Charles's abdomen as he opened his eyes and winced. Grant Kelley sat next to his pallet. “You got me all fixed up?”

“As long as you're still for a couple of days, you should be good as new. I had to stitch you up.” Grant looked at him intently. “You want to tell me how part of a glass bottle got in your belly?”

Charles shook his head. He had his suspicions but wasn't
about to voice them aloud. “I can't tell you any more than you can tell me, I'm afraid. I stood up and there it was.”

“After you put out the fire on Mrs. Kane's dress.”

“That's right.” Charles gave an uneven breath. “There must have been a bottle on the ground.”

“That would be unusual, especially in Toni's campsite, don't you think?”

Charles frowned. “Look, I told you all I know. Are you accusing me of something?”

Grant gave him a frank stare. “Have you anything to confess?”

“What for instance?”

“I don't know. But unless I miss my guess, the part of a bottle I found in you came from laudanum. You know anything about that?”

Charles shook his head. “Laudanum? Not whiskey?”

“Whiskey?” Grant shook his head. “Different shape and size. You sure there's nothing you want to tell me?”

“You sure you're not accusing me of anything?”

A grin tipped Grant's lips. “I'm sure. It's pretty obvious you didn't know what sort of bottle ended up in your gut.”

“No, I saw her drinking something just before her skirt caught fire, but I thought it was whiskey.” Charles frowned again. “She's an awfully good woman. Been through too much in too short of a time. I wouldn't want to see her looked down on because of this.”

Grant patted the man on the shoulder. “Neither would I. I'll do my best to keep it quiet. But I'll have to tell Blake
what's going on. Addiction to laudanum is pretty severe. We just have to hope she's not been taking it long and she shouldn't have too much trouble.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“You rest and stay in bed until I tell you otherwise. Then maybe you'll be useful when she really needs someone to be a friend.”

“When's that?”

“When she has to start remembering that her children and her husband are dead. Without the laudanum to dull her senses, she'll need all the friends she can get.”

Charles watched him leave. His thoughts came to rest on the pretty widow. He'd hoped perhaps, when they reached Oregon, she might consider a marriage for convenience sake. He needed a wife and the children needed a woman's touch. But how could he even consider making a proposal to a woman in such desperate need of help? Or perhaps God had sent him for just that purpose. To help her heal.

 

Toni barely slept. Why did that Indian girl have to be so handy with bear grease to slather on Amanda's burns? Where had she gotten it anyway? She'd only been traveling with them for a little over a week. As much as Toni had insisted she could take care of Amanda, the Indian girl had insisted just as much that she would be the one to care for the burns.

Who did she think she was?

Even now, when the stench of the grease nearly drove Toni from the wagon, she wasn't about to go and leave this Yellow Bird creature alone with her friend.

Ginger stuck her head through the flap at daybreak and had five words to say. “Lord have mercy, that stinks.”

“It will soothe her burns and keep the poison away,” Yellow Bird spoke up before Toni could scowl and order Ginger from the wagon. The young Indian woman had the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon. No wonder Sam Two-Feathers had completely forgotten that Toni existed. In the light of this woman, Toni definitely walked in a shadow.

Jealousy so strong it hurt gripped her. “I'm leaving for awhile,” she announced.

“Yes,” Yellow Bird said softly. “You must rest.”

“What about you?” Ginger asked. “I'll watch over Amanda while you get yourself some shut-eye.”

Yellow Bird's face clouded with confusion. “Shut-eye?”

“Sleep. You know, you shut your eyes?”

Her sensual lips curved into a smile. “Yes, I know. Shut-eye. I will have some and you will watch A-man-da.”

Ginger's face split into a grin. “You catch on fast. Blake says the men are going out hunting. They found a herd of buffalo a few miles south and figure we ought to get some food stored up.”

“Two-Feathers is going to hunt buffalo as well?”

Toni stiffened at the woman's use of Sam's Indian name. It just seemed too familiar. As though the two of them had a special connection shared with no one else. Well, of course they did with them both being Indians, but unless Toni missed her guess, Yellow Bird wanted much more than camaraderie brought about by blood. She was looking to get married and Sam was the man she had in her sights.

“Nah,” Ginger was saying. “Blake claimed rights to get in on this hunt. He's missed the last two. So it's Sam's turn to watch over the wagon train.” She chuckled. “He ain't too happy about it neither.”

The relief in Yellow Bird's face sent another wave of unease through Toni. This woman was staking her claim.

Ginger pointed to Yellow Bird's stomach. “When's that little papoose going to be born anyway?”

“Ginger!” Toni said, aghast.

But the Indian woman only smiled. Apparently Ginger had enchanted her somehow and the feeling was mutual. “It is all right. My baby is growing impatient. It will not be long.”

“You think that trader's gonna come after you?”

Oh, for mercy's sake. The woman had not even a little sense of propriety. But again Yellow Bird didn't seem to take offense.

“The trader Orlan is not a good man. He will trade the baby to the Pawnee and also me if we go back, but no, I do not believe he will come after me. He tired of me after the baby began growing in me.”

Ginger gave a bitter snort. “Just like a man. Get a woman with child and then lose interest when she gets fat with it.”

Toni groaned.

Yellow Bird frowned as though trying to make sense of the words. Then they sank in and she giggled. Toni hadn't known Indian women even laughed in merriment. “I did not mind his loss of interest.”

“I just bet.” Ginger laughed and the two seemed to share
a moment that did not include Toni. Was this woman going to steal everyone that mattered?

 

Sam swallowed hard under Toni's scrutinizing gaze. Why had she come to the Bible study if all she was going to do was glare? Her arms were folded in telltale fashion and he could practically see her seething. It wasn't easy to share about the love of God while she sat there breathing fire that definitely was not divine. Still, he had a responsibility to follow through on the scripture he'd felt the urge to share.

“
God commendeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us
. Unconditional love means we make the right choice even before we see results or gratitude. The way Christ died on the chance that one person would accept his salvation. It's a dying to self and our own wants and dreams. Especially when giving up those dreams brings us pain. Jesus struggled against the cross. We see that when he prayed in the garden the night before he died. He asked his father to let the cup of death pass from him. But it wasn't possible and he ultimately allowed his love to compel him to the cross. Love doesn't always feel good. But it always leads us toward the right course for our lives.”

Sam scanned the small group of travelers that had gathered for the Bible study. He dared to allow his gaze to fall on Toni. Pity clenched his heart, and when she looked back all traces of anger melted away by the salty tears flowing down her cheeks.