Dissidence (35 page)

“If we’
re going to do this, then we need to be sure that those of us who can’t fight will be protected. We have elderly people and kids from a colony that tried to help us, and a few injured. They’ll all need some
place safe to go, and some may require medical care.” I lay my last point out verbally, assuming he can’t possibly argue with that one.

“We’ll do what we can for those who need care. These are some good ideas, and we can discuss the implementation of some of them . . .”

“No, not some of them,” Peter interrupts, “
all
of them.”

“You can’t possibly expect . . .”
Syms
begins again.

“But
we do,” Connor insists.

Syms
’ staff plunges into the debate, and suddenly
,
everyone’s shouting again. The room erupts into chaos, and I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime.

“Enough!” I shout to be heard over the ruckus. Did I seriously just shout at the President and his staff? “No disrespect, Mr. President, but this is ridiculous. They gave everything to
Perman
because he
had something they needed
. Now,
we have what you need
, and you think you can negotiate every little point. We may not be soldiers, or businessmen, or anything like that, but we’re not as dumb as you seem to think we are
,
either. You know what we have to offer you, and you know what we want in return. You can take it or leave it, but I’m done negotiating.”

I turn on my heel and head for the door before they can dec
ide to have me arrested
. Is it even legal to talk to the
President like that? Apparently
my big mouth hasn’t completely abandoned me.

Besides the dining hall and the meeting room, the only other place I know how to find in this maze of a complex is my bedroom, so I head there. I wonder if they’ll decide to just let
Perman
deal with me after all, send me back to another work camp. In that case, I could just escape again, or maybe start another rebellion. Then again, the only other option would probably be to kill me, and put me out of
their
misery. That thought takes away some of my steam, and I slump down on my bed.

Not ten minutes later, there’s a knock at my door. I thought it would take longer than
that
to decide what to do with me. Must not have been a difficult decision. Hell, they really
are
going to kill me. But
when I open the door
,
it’s not guards waiting to t
ake me away to a firing squad. I
t’s only Peter.

“What’s happening?” I ask, anxiously twisting my fingers into a pretzel.

“I’m not sure. After your outburst back there, they decided none of us were necessary any longer if there weren’t going to be any more negotiations, so they kicked us all out. I think they’re trying to decide what to do now.”

“What to do
with me
, you mean. They probably want to shoot me.”

“Well, I’d only let that happen if they offered me the gun.”

“Hey.” I’m not really feeling the love in here.

“I’m only teasing, Leigh.” I study his sneakers, which are toe to toe with mine. “Hey, look at me.” His voice is serious, demanding my obedience. If that wasn’t enough, a finger slips under my chin and tips my head gently back, until I’m looking at him full in the face. “I will never let anyone hurt you again.” His gaze drops to my still bruised cheek for a moment before returning to mine.
“
Never
.”

I swallow hard against the lump forming in my throat. His stare is so intense that I don’t know what to say. Luckily, I don’t have to say anything
,
because after a moment
,
he releases my gaze and takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you now. I was . . . I was just afraid of losing my shot before I ever took it. But if you can hold off making any decisions, then maybe we can talk more about it when this is all over?”

I’m still at a lo
ss for words—
not a common problem fo
r me—
so I say the first thing that comes to mind. “The only decision I’m making right now is what to eat for dinner.”

My stomach has been rumbling for the past hour, and now that I’m slightly less convinced I’m going to die, my appetite is returning with a vengeance. 

“Good.” He laughs, and I can’t describe what a relief it is to see him smile.

Now that that’s settled, we just have a President to convince to agree to our terms, and an attack to plan. No sweat.

***

It takes
Syms
three whole days to reach his decision. He and his cronies must have had a lot to discuss. Either that, or the choice was simple
,
and he was just punishing me with the stress of having to wait to hear it. If it’s the second, he does an excellent job
,
because I’m on the verge of
a nervous breakdown—
another
nervous breakdown—
by the time he invites us back to the conference room. 

Connor shoots me a sly smile when I come into the room. Mostly he’s gone back to acting like nothing ever happened between us, but he always looks like there’s something he’s just dying to say. Whatever it is, he hasn’t said it yet. I know he’s trying to cut me some slack, and for that
,
I’m endlessly grateful.

We take our seats, opposite the President and his team who are already seated. Something about the looks on their faces gives me hope . . . that is, until
Syms
opens his mouth. “Don’t you
understand? The strategic unions work. There hasn’t been a single physical confrontation between the colonies in a hundred years. It works better than just the threat of greater force alone.”

“Here is what I understand, Mr. President, what I’ve learned though all of this. Life is about making decisions and taking risks. Sometimes they pay off
,
and sometimes they blow up in your face, but that’s life. Not just coasting along from one moment to the next, waiting for someone to tell you what to do, never having to think, or feel, or decide anything for yourself. If you want your power back, then you have to be willing to let ours go. Give us back the power to make our own decisions and live our lives the way we choose. That’s it, Mr. President, take it or leave it.” Holy
crow, where’d that
come from? Even Peter looks astonished. Who cares? Go me!

Except, the pause that follows is almost deafening in its silence.
I’ve just about come to the conclusion that we’re all screwed when he says . . . “We’ll take it.”

Chapter 33

War. W
e’re going to war. Like act
ual get your swords and shields
and meet out on the battlefield war. Okay, maybe we’ll be leaving the swords and shields at home, and the battlefield is more like a corporate building, but that’s beside the point.

“Hey.” I swear Connor’s like a damn bloodhound when it comes to tracking me down. I
was
in the
vacant
dining hall. It’s between meals and, I thought, a good place to hide.
Apparently
, I thought wrong.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing in here?”

Avoiding people . . . unsuccessfully.
“Thinking.”

“
Mmhmm
.”
One thing I can appreciate about Connor is that he knows how to leave me alone, even if he insists on sitting right beside me while he does it.

“How did we get here?” If he’s going to sit there, he may as well help me figure this out.

“By train.”
Ha—
ha.
Brilliant

“All I wanted to do was get Peter out of that damn camp.”

“I know, Girlie. And all I wanted to do was make sure you didn’t get yourself killed doing it.”

“I’m sorry, Connor. I feel like I dragged you into all of this.”

“Like you could drag me anywhere.”
He smiles at me
,
and it’s one of his genuine, blindingly beautiful smiles. “We’ve been over this, Girlie. You didn’t drag
anyone
into this, you didn’t
cause
all of this to happen, and
none
of this is your fault. I don’t know why you keep insisting on taking the blame. It drives me crazy to see you torturing yourself, so just knock it off already, would
ya
?”

I tap out a rhythm with my nails on the table top while Connor shifts uncomfortably beside me. He’s wrestling with whatever it is he wants to say again, and I can tell it’s getting the better of him this time. I know the moment he finally gives in because it’s accompanied by a defeated sigh as he turns to face me.

“I’m sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I just . . . You looked so sad, and I just wanted to make it better.” A sly grin creeps over his face. “I’ve
been wanting
to do that for a long time. I just
couldn’t help myself . . . But
it was stupid and selfish of me. I know you’re under a lot of pressure right now, we all are, and me just adding more? Well, I didn’t
make anything better, did I?”

“Connor . . .”

“Don’t say anything, Girlie. This is
my
apology, so you just sit there and listen. Remember when I said you’d have to forgive my mental breakdown when it came? Well, I’m cashing in on that now. I’m sorry for my crappy timing, but I’m
not
sorry I kissed you. I know it’s still not the right time, I just want you to know that there’s no pressure here. I did what I had to do to show you how I feel, and now we can just forget about it . . . for now. But, fair warning, when all of this is over and done with, I have every intention of doing it again, and often.”  His grin has always been infectious
,
and this time is no different. Just like that, the awkward tension is gone, and we settle into a comfortable silence, side by side.

The thought of Connor’s lips on mine again causes some confusing stomach hiccups. Not quite butterflies, but definitely something. I’ve never actually been kissed by a boy before, and doing it again isn’t exactly
un
appealing.

“Is there a meeting today?” I ask just to distract myself.

In one glance
,
Connor manages to clearly convey ‘just because you wish there wasn’t, doesn’t mean there isn’t.’ Of course there’s a meeting. There’s been a meeting every day for the past four days.

“I don’t know why we need to be there. All they do is
argue
with each other about which of their bazillion plans is the best. They never even ask our opinion.” Not that I’d really have one, considering most of what they say is completely lost on me.

“I guess they feel like they need to include us.”

“They really
don’t
.” Connor’s amused by
my disgruntled tone, but
seriously.

I’ve basically spent the past four days of my life staring at a map of the layout of
Permatech
hanging on the wall. It’s just about the only thing in the room that seems worth knowing.

“At least they agreed to take in everyone who won’t be of any use in the fight. That’s progress,” Connor offers with a shrug.

True, we did manage to convince them to do that much. It took forever to hash out the specifics, but
,
in the end
,
they agreed to accommodate anyone over the age of fifty, under the age of sixteen, or too physically injured to fight. The train left three days ago
to collect those that qualified
and got back late last night. We were all there to oversee the transport of everyone into the compound before finally crawling into bed sometime around four this morning.
Thus, my comatose state today.

“The meeting’s at three. That’s what I came to tell you.”

I kind of wish he hadn’t. If I didn’t know about it, then I wouldn’t have to be there listening to them idly talk about the different ways we can risk our lives in the not too
distant future.

“I’m scared.” I do
n’t mean to admit it. I didn’t even realize how true the words are until they slip out. I’m terrified.

“I know you a
re.” Connor slides closer to me
and drops a heavy arm across my shoulders. “I am too. We’d be crazy not to be. This is some scary stuff we’re talking about doing.”

“I just . . . People think . . .” I sigh, not really knowing what it is I’m trying to say. “I feel like I’m up on this pedestal, or something, and I don’t want to disappoint everyone.”