Discovery at Nerwolix (20 page)

Suddenly, the tears start flowing. I’m not
even sure who I’m crying for. Myself, Clarence, Granny Ruth… Anne?
I don’t know. I don’t know who to think about, who to feel worse
for. In my blubbering state of confusion, I don’t know who reaches
my side and, ever so gently, picks me up. Everything I see is
diluted through a watery shield, but I can’t help it. Everything is
different now; everything has shifted.

The tears are still pouring out of me, hard
sobbing heaves leaving my chest. I’m vaguely aware I’m set down on
a bed and an arm wraps around me, cradling me to a chest. I inhale
Reid.

“Sshh…” he soothes me, stroking my scalp.
“Sshh…”

I grasp the collar of his shirt in clutched
fingers and cry into his neck. We lay like this for a while until
my sobbing tires me out. At some point I stop, a deep sleep
overtaking me and I drift off in Reid’s arms, the image of a woman
in a lavender dress and red hat the last thing I see.

***

It’s still dark outside.

Reid is on top of me, asleep. One arm lays
over my chest and the other is hanging off the bed. My eyes hurt.
They’re swollen and stiff, like I spent the night with them open.
Staring up at the wooden ceiling, I try recalling why they feel
this way. And everything comes flooding back. Everything Clarence
told me—about my great-great-grandmother and everything in between.
About who I am, about my true past, something Granny Ruth never
told me. The same sharp sting returns and suddenly, it’s hard to
breathe. I don’t know why I feel like this. I’m the same as I was
yesterday…except not really. Nothing has changed and everything
has.

Reid stirs.

I peel his arm off me and carefully slide
out from under him. Crossing the small space, I move past the
curtain and head out into the crisp morning air. Peering out to the
lush green canopy, I breathe in the cold, trying to find the
equilibrium I lost since Clarence told me the truth.

You are my last connection to her…to my
Anne.

The familiar urge to cry rises but no tears
come. I must’ve cried them all out last night and now, now there’s
nothing left. I can’t cry anymore. It’s too fresh or something,
like I’ve used up too much emotion in a short period of time. I
just discovered a family history I never knew existed and the one
person I’m dying to talk to about it is no longer here.

Granny Ruth… how could you keep this from
me?

“Fallon?”

Behind me, Reid is gloriously naked from the
waist up. He’s in his jeans, his fingers working the zipper,
closing it with a lazy, halfhearted effort. Squinting, he walks
closer, running his hands through his bed-hair. “What’re you doing
out here?”

“Just woke up.”

“You okay?”

I turn back to the dark trees ahead. Only a
few of the jarred fireflies are still glowing, giving the city
minimal light. Focusing on the closest ones, I lose myself in them,
watching their golden wings flutter, trapped against the glass.

“Hey,” Reid joins my side, gently kissing my
forehead, “why don’t you come back to bed?”

“I can’t sleep.”

He leans against the edge of the bridge,
staring into the trees with me. “It’s a pretty night.”

“I think it’s morning.”

“As long as we don’t have to be up for a few
hours.”

“We
are
up.”

“With the others…” he glances briefly to me.
“I like when it’s just the two of us. Doesn’t happen too
often.”

I bite my lip, still staring off into the
distance.

“Want to talk about it?”

I shake my head.

“Come on… you got to want to talk about it.
How could you not?” He bumps my hip, offering a small smile.
“What’re you thinking?”

Letting out a deep breath, I shrug. I’m
about to tell him I’m not thinking anything—that I’m doing my best
to block it all out—but suddenly, the words pour out. “I don’t
understand. How could—how could any of this be real? I just… I
can’t believe it. Can you?” I look at him. “Everything Clarence
said?”

He takes a moment to consider. “I think this
world is full of things that seem impossible. I never thought I’d
be here, doing what I am…” he glances at me, “…with you. My life
consisted of traveling and tournaments and taking care of my
siblings. It seems like a different lifetime, like it belonged to
someone else,” he shrugs, “so yeah, I can believe it. I never know
what’s coming next.”

“Does that scare you?”

“I guess it should.”

“And it doesn’t?”

“There’s only one thing I’m really scared of
anymore,” he looks at me, his eyes burning.” And I’ve had to face
that fear over and over.”

My breath hitches, my stomach and chest
igniting with the same fiery sensation I get whenever he looks at
me like this.

“But,” he faces the trees again, “I just
take it a day at a time. What else can you do?”

“You can leave.”

His head snaps to me, his brows scrunched
low over his eyes.

“You have a choice. You can go back. Leave
all this,” I gesture around as my voice shakes. “You’d never have
to face that fear again.”

“I already told you,” he steps closer. “I’d
wake up every morning to someone else. And I couldn’t bear that.
Every day, every day I wouldn’t—”

“But you—”

“You don’t understand,” he takes my face in
his hands. “You don’t get it,” he gulps, his eyes scorching mine.
“I can’t live without you, Fallon. I won’t. I don’t know how many
times I have to say it. And if I go back, it would be half a life.
You
are the reason I’m here.
You
are the reason I’m
not scared of what’s coming next,” he moves closer, his breathing
growing heavy. “It doesn’t matter as long as I’m with you.”

I’m paralyzed under his gaze.

“I’m never leaving—you know this,
right?”

I nod in his hands.

“So don’t ask me again. It’s not a choice
for me,” he manages a deep breath, “it never was.”

“I love you so much,” I throw myself into
him, wrapping my arms around him and crushing my face into his
neck.

He’s momentarily startled by my sudden
movement. But he’s squeezing me just as tight, running his hands
down my back. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here,” he grips me
harder, holding me to him, “and I’m never leaving.”

“I’m afraid you will,” I whisper into his
neck. “You have family. You have people who miss you. How can you
give that all up?”

He’s silent, and I know he’s asking himself
the same question. How could he give it up, give
them
up…
and for me?

“You want to see them,” I whisper.

He runs his hands down my back, squeezing
me. “Of course.”

“And you can. You have the ability,” I
sniffle, dangerously close to tears. “If I could see Granny Ruth
again…”

“It’s been a long day,” he hooks an arm
under my knees and lifts me, cradling me to his chest. “You’re
tired… let’s go back to bed,” he carries me past the curtain and
although I do my best to fight it, I softly cry into his neck,
inhaling his sweet scent. It’s soothing, and probably the only
thing to comfort me right now. Laying me down, Reid pulls the
blanket up before climbing in next to me. “It’s okay,” he wraps his
arms around my body, holding me close to him.

After I’ve cried myself out, I finally slow
to a stop. A gulp. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Being such a girl,” I sniffle again. “I
didn’t mean to cry all over you.”

“As long as you don’t cry all over some
other guy,” he smirks. “I’m fine with it.”

I stare at him—this beautiful man who’s
choosing me, who will always choose me. Images of what Clarence
said fly back, of what he felt for Anne, how it all came back to
her. Reid and I gaze at each other for a little while longer until
I can’t help the next words.

“Tell me about her,” I whisper.

“Who?”

“Allison.”

He frowns. “Why?”

“I’m curious,” I run my finger over his
bottom lip. “Indulge this one girly night of mine. Please?”

Reid exhales, leaning back. He strums his
fingers down my back as he stares up at the wooden ceiling. “What
do you want to know?”

“What’d you love about her?”

His laugh rolls into a hearty scoff. “Uh…I
don’t know…” he sighs, focusing on the ceiling. “She was beautiful.
Real beautiful. Turned heads wherever she went. Everyone wanted her
but she wanted me,” he shrugs with a sigh again. “It made sense to
be together. I don’t know. Everyone said we should be together, so
we were.”

My chest burns at the thought of him paired
off with her—the perfect couple. And even though I asked for it, I
can’t help my next question either. “How did you propose?”

“I asked during Christmas. My brothers and
Amber wanted to be there. They pretty much planned the whole
thing.”

“Were you nervous?”

“Honestly?” he’s frowning at the ceiling.
“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I knew she
would say yes. Maybe…” he lets out a deep breath, “because I was
expected to. My life was already planned out. I was just following
what was expected. Marry Allison, pop out a couple of kids, and
once I retired from competing, I’d join my dad in the shop.”

“Shop?”

“Mechanic.”

The image of Reid working in a garage
catches me off guard. I don’t know what to say, so I bite my lip,
waiting for him to go on. But he remains silent, staring up at the
ceiling.

“I don’t see you as a mechanic,” I finally
whisper.

“Me neither. That’s why I was constantly
competing. Well…” he laughs, “that’s part of it.”

“And the other?”

“I was
good
. My dad started me in
karate when I was young. I loved it,” his eyes light up, “it was my
favorite thing and I was really good. So I kept advancing and
then…” he shrugs, “I wanted to learn more. Really understand the
art behind it. So I kept studying, kept practicing and then started
competing. I lived in Asia for a while.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” he smiles. “It was amazing. I loved
learning. I ended up excelling in Kung Fu since it incorporates
discipline on both a physical and spiritual level.”

“No wonder you did so well with Arizal
training.”

“They’re not entirely different,” he looks
down to me. “They’re really not.”

“I believe you,” I snuggle in close.

Reid inhales with a smirk. “Any more
questions?”

I shake my head.

“My turn?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Well let’s see…” he looks back to the
ceiling. “What was
your
plan? On Earth. What were you going
to do?”

I run my fingers over the top of his chest,
on the small black circle with three dots. It’s the Chuloo, the
mark of the Arizal. “I worked as a server in a restaurant.”

“Where?”

“A mom and pop place. You wouldn’t know
it.”

“Top waitress?”

I laugh, rolling my eyes. “Not really.”

“You get good tips?”

“I think I did once.”

He laughs. “And?”

“What?”

“What’d you want to do?”

“I don’t know…” I let out a deep sigh. “I
never really figured it out. I was good at soccer; played a lot in
high school.”

“Oh yeah?” he shifts toward me. “Is that why
you’re always running off?”

“Maybe,” I grin. “But I don’t know. I don’t
think I had a plan. Just take care of Granny Ruth.”

“What kind of cancer did she have?” he
softens his voice. “Clarence said…”

“It wasn’t cancer. It was chronic Lyme’s
disease… at least that’s what she told me. But now that I think
about it,” I bite my lip with a shrug, “who knows. It could be
anything. It could be something from…” I wave my hand, gesturing to
all around. “Anything is possible I guess.”

“And she never told you anything? Never
hinted
?”

I think about it. Did she? Were there
obvious signs I was missing the entire time? But Clarence said she
didn’t want me part of that life. She didn’t want that stress on
me, knowing the truth of what I was and where I came from. The
danger she was in. The danger
I
was in.

“No,” I shake my head. “She just… she always
told me I was special. But that’s what all parents and grandparents
tell you, right?” I look at Reid and he nods. “I don’t know… she
was just very intuitive. Like she always knew what I was thinking,
what I was planning. She was very protective,” I nod to myself,
staring up at the ceiling, “
overly
sometimes, like she was
afraid for me. I thought it was just the Lyme’s disease or
something. Paranoia maybe? She never wanted me talking to people;
said there was no way to know who meant to do you harm.”

“She thought Clarence was going to come back
for you.”

“But he wouldn’t hurt me,” I roll my head
over to Reid with a frown.

“She didn’t want to risk it. She saw what
happened to your mom during the pregnancy,” he shrugs. “She wanted
to keep you away from that.”

“I wish I could ask her. Confront her with
all this, you know? Ask her about her past.”

“You never did?”

“Of course. I know about the orphanage and
her getting pregnant with my mom so young. She just edited out
everything with Clarence… with all this,” I sigh. “I wonder what
she would make of it, of me being here,” I gulp and focus on the
wooden ceiling again. “I wonder what she would say now that I
know.”

“Ready to face the world again?” Reid
asks.

He’s in his green tee-shirt and jeans,
holding the curtain back for me. I glance from the small opening of
the outside morning to him, still unable to convince myself to move
from the bed. I snuggled in close to him all morning, hoping I
could keep him under the red blanket with me the entire day. It
worked for a while, especially when I was kissing his neck and he
kept making these deep growling noises. I thought I had him but
eventually—and with much effort—he forced himself off the bed,
getting up to stretch. He knows, like I do, that I can’t spend the
rest of forever hiding in here.