Discovering Normal (27 page)

Beth pursed her lips and reached for her water.

“And most r
ecently I’ve been the victim. I was
helpless and abused and frightened. I was lucky. I’m here today. Not all victims are.” Chris met the eyes of the Cult Victimization Taskforce’s chairman. “Something has to be done; something more than we’ve been doing.
Allow
me be the last victim. That would be my greatest honor.”

Beth glanced around to see nods and even some quiet applause.

They were free to go.

Deej led the way through the door, beaming and hugging each of his agents when they reached the hallway. “This was great! All of you, just great.” He patted George’s back when he released him. “Dinner on me…well on the Bureau
!
I have the American Express!”

Beth managed to laugh because Deej could always lighten a moment. “That’ll be really nice,” she said and George took her hand.

Whether Chris spotted it or not she wasn’t sure, but he embraced Deej once again, pulled back and gave Beth a tiny smile…the first absolute contact they’d shared. “Thanks, but count me out. I have plans
,
”
he said and
took a step toward George and patted his shoulder. “George, I want to thank you and I wish you well.”

Beth could feel her heart in the pit of her gut. Chris Stoddard was surrendering.

She wanted to scream and hit and plead and beg. She wanted to say if he’d fought just a little they wouldn’t be here, preparing to drift apart. But she stood tall and still and watched him hug Roxanne before he disappeared onto the elevator.

Chapter 28

“Man, those were the days,” Deej said with a wheezy laugh as he reached for a toothpick.

“Honestly,” Roxanne waved her hand and threw her burgundy-colored napkin to the table. “Only you could find humor in a sting.”

“Never marry a civilian, George,” Deej said with a pat to George’s back as he pulled his hefty frame from his chair.

“I don’t plan to,
”
George said and kissed Beth’s hand.

She
glanced down at her wedding band that she still wore. She’d taken it off to be Farley-Fauna, but slid it back on the second she’d arrived back in Connecticut. Why had she done that?

Deej pulled out Roxanne’s chair and she immediately linked her arm with his. She’d waited so long for this man whom she adored to commit. He adored her right back--it was common knowledge--but he’d held out for any host of reasons. He didn’t want to leave a widow
early and young
he often said, but when Roxanne explained he’d be leaving a widow regardless, Deej married her and Roxanne didn’t even seem to mind that she’d missed out on the babies she wanted
as well as t
en extra years of wedded bliss.

Deej had been worth it.

“Our flight is early tomorrow, so we probably won’t see you two.” Deej bent to kiss Beth’s cheek. “You did good, Bethie. Thank you for kicking my ass into believing Chris was alive.”

“My pleasure,” Beth said and touched his nose with hers.

“Happy Holidays, George. We’ll be in touch.”

“Goodbye,” George murmured but turned back to Beth without watching them go. He
gave her hand another gentle kiss.
“I’ve missed you so much.”

Beth gently pulled it away, folded her napkin and set it on the table. “George, I need to be completely honest with you.”

He dabbed his mouth and laid his napkin down as well. “That’s never good.”

She met his eyes, the cool smoothness of them. It was time to set him free even if it meant that she’d end up alone. “I don’t love you, George. I guess that’s not entirely true. I love you as a friend, but I’m not
in love
with you and I never will be. I’m so sorry.”

George glanced down and traced his china plate with his finger. “I’m willing to wait, Beth--”

Beth shook her head
and she reached for his hand this time
. “But I can’t ask you to do that because I’m quite certain that my feelings aren’t changing. I was being selfish and unfair. I needed to know that you were there in order to be strong enough to leave. But I can’t use you; I care too much about you for that.”

His eyes reflected off the flicker of candlelight. “I’m in love with you. I have been since you walked into headquarters.”

“I know that you truly believe you love me, George, and I’m so flattered. But you need to move on. Twelve years is too long. You need to find a woman who will love you for who you are--”

“And not be thinking of someone else every time she looks at me?”

Beth reached for her wine. “Am I that obvious?”

George reached for his own. “Why did you leave if you still loved him?”

Beth gave a tiny shrug. “I was confused. Perhaps part of me hoped he’d stop me.”

“But he didn’t, Beth. Isn’t that telling enough?”

“I don’t know, George. I’m not naïve enough to believe that there may be a future for Chris and I because too much has changed and been said for that. But I can’t lead you on. I have to start being true to myself. I’m just sorry that I hurt you.”

George motioned for the waiter. “I can’t say that I’m completely surprised. I’ve always known you’d never love me the way you loved him. I just hoped.”

Beth touched his hand. “You’re a good man and thank you so much for all you’ve done for me.”

George threw the American Express Deej had left him on the cachet the waiter set down. “What’s next for you?”

Beth shrugged and sipped. “I honestly don’t know beyond the fact that I want to write the book I’d mentioned.”

“Will you be staying in Connecticut?”

“I’m not certain of that either. The
children
miss Chris. Maybe I’d be wise to bring them back closer to where he is. I’m waiting for that moment of complete awareness to hit.” She looked up and gave a sad smile in the flicker of candlelight. “It’s late arriving.”

George stood, pocketed the card and receipt the waiter returned with and kissed Beth’s cheek. “Take care of yourself.”

“You as well.”

She watched him go as seemed to be her pattern these days, and then stood too and headed for her room with what she could only hope was mature grace.

***

“Is Dad there?”

Beth ground her cigarette and attempted to gather wispy strands back into the ponytail they’d escaped from to no avail. “No, he had plans with someone else. I had dinner with Mr. DeJohn and George.”

Noah was quiet for a moment. “Can you have him call me?”

Beth pulled the string of her flannel pants tighter. “I’m not sure I’ll see him tonight, Noah, but I can try and leave him a message. Okay? Is there something you need?”

“Just to talk to Dad.”

Touché.

“I’ll do my best, but I’m not sure I’ll see him.”

“Can’t you just go knock on his door?”

Beth rubbed her temples. “Honey, I told you he met someone else for dinner. I don’t think he’s back yet, but I’ll try and phone his room later. Now put Grandmother on.”

“Okay,” Noah said with a whine in his voice.

There was the usual clutter of a ten-year-old handing over the phone before Beth heard her mother’s regal, “Hello, Elizabeth.”

“H
ello, Mother
. I made it through.”

“As I knew you would.”

“I’m flying out tomorrow. I should be home by dinnertime. I’ll call when I have the exact flight times.”

“All right. You know we’ll send someone to retrieve you.”

Beth sucked in a breath and exhaled. “Mother, I wanted to tell you too that I spoke with George tonight. We decided that there is no future for us beyond friendship.”

Silence from Greer Williams.

“I know you like him, and I like him as well, but not in the way I need to care about a man in order to spend the rest of my life with him. It was all too soon, too sudden, too hasty.”

“Perhaps when you’ve moved a bit down the road--”

“No, Mother. Not even then.”

“For the love of God, Elizabeth, please don’t tell me that you’re considering reconciling with Christopher.”

“Is Noah in there, because I don’t want you talking--”

“He is not, and please credit me for possessing a morsel of sense, Elizabeth.”

“Why can’t you just support me?”
”Because you’ve seldom chosen wisely enough to garner support.”

“I am not considering anything, Mother. I’m just trying to be honest.”

Her mother was silent for a moment more. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Safe flight.”
             
Beth set the phone back on its cradle and swiped at her eye. That was about enough of this. She tucked her palms between her knees and glanced out at the snowy night. Christmas was coming. There were cookies to be baked and two children to play Santa for. It would be a busy month and then the year would end and a new one would begin which held a world of possibilities. There was no provocation for sadness or melancholy or regret. Things happened, and when they happened the best you could hope for was the strength to carry on.

Beth snatched the ice bucket from the table, slid her passkey into the deep pocket of her flannel pants and opened the door.

***

Chris waited for Danielle Petty to step onto the elevator and then slid in behind her. The scent of Chanel No. 5 was heavy in the air.

“I appreciate you letting me call a cab from your room.”

Chris crossed his arms over his chest that had started to fill out again after he’d nearly starved for six weeks, and looked up at the illuminated numbers above. Any asshole knew that cell phones were the way of the world, they’d passed two payphones in the lobby and the desk would’ve called a cab for her anyway. But he was just raw enough to welcome the mindless distraction of a willing woman.

A fake cough sounded behind him. The old guy in Brooks Brothers knew a coy offer as well as he did.

“No problem,” Chris said and stepped back to let the guy and his plump wife off on their floor.

The door slid closed and Danielle turned to him. She was attractive in an orchestrated sort of way. Snowflakes dotted her eyelashes and her cheeks were the healthful pink of brisk winter. “I’d love to see that photo of your children.”

Chris had stopped carrying the kids’ pictures. He wasn’t really sure why, he just knew that he didn’t want them exposed to another snap of sickness--even indirectly--for the rest of their lives. “They’re pretty great.”

“I’m sure they are.”

She smiled and it would be so easy, but was it worth it? Was the tangle of emotions and the chance that she’d want it to be more than it ever could, worth it? The elevator came to a quiet halt and the doors slid open with ease. They stepped out into the foyer done in pastel shades and lit with brass fixtures.

“Which room?” she asked as Chris reached for the passkey.

“This one.” He paused at the door, slid the credit-card size pass into the slot and pushed down when the green light flashed. He swung the door back and caught it with his palm, pausing to let Danielle pass. It was then he saw the flash of someone in the alcove across the hall and just beyond the door.

Beth reached up to smooth her hair that had escaped the ponytail she’d pulled it into. She held an ice bucket in one hand and wiped the palm of her other against the leg of her flannel pants. Her tee shirt was rumpled, her look surprised, and it was the way he’d always loved her best. Though she was beautiful one hundred percent of the time, this had always been his preference. Other guys carried on about silk teddies and seductive lingerie, but nothing got Chris’ engine going like seeing her in soft cotton and fuzzy slippers, knowing that under the innocence lurked the woman who could please him like no other.

“Hi,” he said and felt dumb and shy and like he was sixteen and had stumbled on his secret crush in the hallway when he hadn’t been prepared.

Danielle backed up and only because Chris was standing so close, he heard her suck in a breath before she muttered, “Hello.”

“Hi,” Beth said and looked back to her ice bucket, shaking the contents to settle the crystal squares, but Chris really knew it was just for something to do. She glanced up then as if she’d gained strength, realized it was an awkward situation and decided to make the best of it anyway. “I just spoke with Noah. He’d like you to call him.”